My parents died to protect me. They lost their own lives to let mine live. They shielded my said future even though it caused them to lose theirs.
I should feel happy. I should feel glad that I'm still breathing and kickin'. I should be grateful that I am still able to see the light behind those windows.
But I don't feel happy at all. I don't feel living. I don't feel alive. I can't see the light.
All I could feel was sadness. All I could feel was guilt. All I could see was darkness. I may still be breathing. I may still open my eyes but I'm already dead.
They shouldn't have done that. They shouldn't have left me all alone. They should have let me d*e together with them.
Pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko nang aking mga mata ay kadilaman ng buong kwarto ang agad na bumungad sa akin. The only thing that was glowing inside my room was the glowing ballerina sticker at the wall above my head board. The glowing ballerina sticker was surrounded by a glowing butterflies also.
It's the only thing that gives light in my silent-dark room. I hate light pero hindi ko kayang itapon ang mga sticker na 'to dahil regalo pa ito ng mga magulang ko. It was their last gift before they left me. A congratulatory gift for my successful performance, and the last performance I ever had.
After their d*ath, I don't know how to dance anymore. I don't know how to move my body together with the music. I already forgot how to tiptoe my feet and turned my body around gracefully.
Every night, my parents' bodies that were bathed in their own blo*d are still hunting me. They rarely show up in my dreams but every time they'll visit me in my sleep, it's always their de*d body. It's always the accident that happened three years ago.
I always heard from the people outside of this room that I should have moved on. That I should continue my life like how my parents want me to. Easy to say than done. Because everytime I stepped my foot forward, I always found myself at the four corners of this room.
I groaned as the sunlight outside my room's window replaced the dark light. I covered my eyes using my two arms as the dazzling light hit it. I silently whimpered in frustration when an annoying voice echoed every corner of my room.
"Wake up, brat! I'm going to dress you up," She shouted.
"What is it this time, old lady?!" I shouted back, still covering my eyes.
"I told you to stop calling me old lady, I'm still in my 30's!"
"You're already 36 years old. It was already enough reason to call you old, old lady!"
I heard her groan and frustratedly march her way to my direction. She rudely grabbed my both arms away from my sight.
"Get ready. Your new butler will arrive any time now,"
"What?" Gulat akong napaupo sa kama, "I told you to stop hiring a butler, I don't need one!" galit na asik ko sa kanya.
She sighed and sat beside my bed, "I will be busy these year, I can't keep my eyes on you anymore,"
"Why? Where are you going?"
"Aww... My sweet nephew. Do you miss me already? I'm so touched,"
"Eww... Leave me alone now, old lady!"
Tumawa siya na parang mangkukulam na ikinasimangot ko, "They did it again," She seriously said.
Natahimik ako sa narinig. They... God knows how much I hate that word. How much I hate them.
She dresses me up as if we have some kind of an elite visitor. I was complaining the whole time, telling her I don't need to dress like we're going to a formal party. And she always responded, "Siguro naman hindi mo gustong mag mukhang hindi maganda sa bago mong butler." like the h*ll I care about my looks. I don't need to impress that butler she was talking about. But this old lady doesn't even know how to listen!
Hindi nagtagal ang paghihintay namin ay narinig na namin ang limang katok mula sa pinto ng aking kwarto. Nang mabuksan, agad na bumungad sa akin ang nakangiting si Manong Raol, personal driver ng pamilya namin. Agad lumipat ang aking paningin sa isang lalaking nakasunod sa kanya.
And he was there, a tall man with a serious face. His onyx eyes were looking at me professionally, it was as if he was digging to my soul using those eyes of his. His body build is not too muscular — and I hate to admit it, but — his body build is what I much prefer for a guy. Tanned skin and curly hair that makes him more attractive. But wearing a plain white shirt and black ripped jeans, he looks so breathtakingly handsome that is too much to handle — well, at least for me.
My eyes narrowed again to his. Those eyes... Those eyes were somehow familiar but I can't remember where or when I saw them.
"Good morning, Madame Malia Zynelle Falvetti. I am Levitticos Arquilla, and I will be your new personal butler starting from now on."
***