I'M NOT going to replicate the past and let pass on love and compassion. Backgrounding history when you feel connected to everything and you cannot turn away.
I WAS in Europe last year and I see how beatific the black umbrella they used in rainy season. Conversely, darkness can't save you, umbrella cannot cover your rain in your eyes.
"Salut!" For the wondrous evening. I smiled back to Mr. Augustine Aquinas who joined me in the bench. He gave me a box of chocolates without saying anything.
"What was this?" I gazed at him and he gazed upon the sky.
"A sweet things that every ladies love to have."
"My apologies, but I never eat chocolate. My mother doesn't allowed me as it will affect to my teeth." Reminiscing how strick my mother was made me feel so lonely. I never feel how special it was.
"Maybe when you were younger but you have a freedom now."
Freedom? Maybe, the courage of holding the pen to write my tribulations is not enough to ease excruciating days and nights. Wondering how's everything comes to an end and I need to go far away from them.
"Are you sad or feeling uncertain? It's okay if you feel lost sometimes, to the point that you don't know how to fight for your own life." Mr. Augustine intertwined our hands. I was shocked when he kissed it without any reason. Should I slap his face?
I gulped, "What are you doing?"
"If you’re thinking about giving up, please keep going." I understand but I can't figure out what he is doing to me. Naitulak ko siya when he was about to hug me.
"I don't need your comfort. Just stay away from me..." I warned him. He was trying to explain but I refused. I don't believed at him.
My long dress swaying because of the wind. Breeze calming my heart. I am not probably fine with that. It scares me so bad. There comes a time that I don’t understand myself. I don’t even know where I got that feeling to think bad to people. Their intention feels like not pure. There are days that I can’t contain my trust.
Amidst all the joyful occurrences in our lives, I have no idea how hopeless I've become. Perhaps, it's my way of reminding myself that every beautiful thing has its own consequences. I proceed to the class of Mr. Sigmund who's wearing a rounded eye glasses. No one inside of his class. He is the only one who are standing straight in the podium and flipping the pages of the book.
"Why so early than anyone? That's how prepared yourself, Mademoiselle?" His smooth voice giving me comfort after what Augustine frightened me.
Tumingin ako sa orasan na nakasabit. Maaga pa nga ako ng isang oras sa klase. Ngunit mas maaga pa ata ang ginoo kaysa sa akin.
A realization hit me. "I just remembered that we don't have a class for today. And tomorrow each members will present their research," I chuckled because of being out of my mind.
Mr. Sigmund Enrique smirked at me. "Well then, I can discuss something for you. Perhaps, boredom release emptiness."
"I just felt nothing at all. I can't explain how everything end and how to initiate again." I want to rant all the things that I kept.
Mr. Sigmund loosen the his tie like it's choking him. "You shouldn't be afraid of being nothing. Feeling that you don't know what to do is a sign that you need to rest. Feeling thay you don't even know what to eat, you should eat some sweets to make your dopamine works."
I laughing at him. "Just like a doctor, you giving me what I need to do to cure my day."
As the last rays of sunlight fade, clouds catch fire as scarlet flares. I stayed with Mr. Sigmund and he let me to be with him all day long. I just want the day to come where I no longer have to spell everything out because I've had enough trying to explain myself when I can't even figured it out.
Sabay kaming lumabas sa pribadong classroom na iyon na bukod tanging meron sa Symphony of the Seas. Merong tatlong classroom nandito kung saan ay naka-kandado ang dalawa.
"Ikaw lamang ang professor o guro dito. Nasaan na ang iba?" banggit ko sa kaniya.
"Nasa bakasyon pa sila."
I suddenly stopped. Why I following his direction if I have my own decision to amuse myself. I am getting closer to him! I need to go somewhere to be alone and own my time.
Liliko na sana ako when he hold me. "Where are you going? Pagabi na at nakuha ko ang buong araw mo. Forgive me, I don't usually invite people to come with me kaya nakalimutan ko na mag-aya." Masyadong pormal ang kilos niya ngunit hindi maginoo na nais manligaw sa isang babae.
"Oh! Where we gonna go?" I blinking my eyes like this is my first time to come with a man. I never thought that he is a bit gentleman this time.
"In the place that I can refill the receptacles of emptiness with something that you needed. Let me take you in my place," inilahad niya ang kaniyang malinis na palad na aking tinaggap ng kusa.
He opened the exquisite door that shining in diamonds around it. I can't imagine how expensive it was. The floor of his room glistening in tidiness. Nakahanda na sa hapag ang hapunan na mukhang sinadya para sa aming dalawa. Two chicken soup and mashed potatoes with donut and coffee.
Kakaiba pala kumain ang lalaking ito. There's also mango and pineapple fruits display at the center of the rounded table. "I appreciate your invitation," I uttered.
"Just for tonight."
"This is your room?" I asked and drink my coffee. We have eaten our dinner together.
"Definitely yes. Feel at home. It's quite boring that you are with me all day. Hey! Come with me here." Bigla niya kong hinala at ako naman ay nagpatianod sa kaniya. Pinaupo niya ko sa tapat ng piano.
"I will play you the arts of Beethoven, Mozart, and Chopin." He is more than excited than me. Hindi mam siya gaanong ngumingiti ngunit nadama ko masaya siya ngayon.
"Nocturne, Moonlight Sonata, and Serenade in G major. I just remembered those works."
As shooting stars loosen the depths of space, whirling galaxies adorn the sky above like golden filigree that has been affixed to the night. The classical music giving a random emotions inside of me. Something odd that returns but I can't identify.
There's unexplainable flashing in my mind that inflicts a tremulous pain in my head. "Ahhhhh!" Napasabunot na lamang ako sa aking sariling bagaman hindi ko ito matiis.
"What happened? Hey! I will call Immanuel to help you."
"No, I am okay."
"I think you're not. Nabigla ka siguro sa hapunan natin."
I can't say how I remember his face when the mere fact, we never met before. I remember how his smiles forming but this is the first time that I see how he smile. I remember everything about thus guy but I never knew him.
"I just have this feelings that I can't say... like I already met you but it only exist in my mind..." Tumalikod ako sa kaniya sapagkat hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ba siya.
"There's only one to proven that," he hissed in my ear. He cupping my face, I feel his warmth through his palm. I feel his breath that tempting him to touch my lips. He was about to flee from temptation when I wrapped my arms around his nape. Our lips moving like how he played classical music in the piano smoothly that we don't wanna end the rhythm.
Yet, he choose to end the love. Resting in my shoulder. "You shouldn't do that," he opposed.
"Are you regretting?"
"Yes..."
I didn't listen to him. I kissed his forehead when I felt that he looks like drained and exhauted remaining close his eyes. Until I reached his lips that still functioning and moving again. It feels like recharging us from uncertainties that vexing us.

I pushed him. "Goodnight, I need to go."