ARLENE MARIELLA's POV
"What's the title of the song I sang earlier inside your car again?" I asked him, before drinking my shot.
"I don't know." he shook his head.
"Then, search for it!" I commanded.
"What? I don't even know the lyrics!"
"I have the chorus!"
"Sing it, then."
"When you're gone... the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone... the face I came to know is missing', too. When you're gone... the words I need to hear always get me through the day. And make it okay, I miss you... Do you get it?"
"That's too long, I'll search for 'When you're gone... That's the most used word, in the lyrics after all."
"Yeah." I drank again.
"I found it! The song was 'When you're gone by Avril Lavigne'."
"Ohh, that's why it was good. Do you have a speaker?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Can you connect that to that? Then, play the song 'When you're gone?'"
"Okay, madame." he stood up.
He came back, holding an ice cream.
"I want that!"
"This isn't an ice cream, it's a speaker, Mariella."
"Oh, buy me, then!"
"What the— in the middle of the night?"
"Really! Go!" I stood up and pushed him.
"But—"
"I've never felt this way before. Everything that I do, Reminds me of you..." I sang, ignoring him.
"Mariella—"
"And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor. And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do.."
"Fine! I'll buy you, just stay here!" he rushed out of the condo
"Thank you! Walk away, I count the steps that you take... Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone .. the pieces of my heart are missing you... When you're gone, The face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, The words I need to hear, To always get me through the day, And make it okay." I breathe. "Whooo, that's my new favorite."
-
"Here, I bought this for you." Sterian came back with one liter of ice cream in the paper bag.
"Thank you!" I smiled and consciously hugged him. "Thank you for being here with me."
He was shocked. "Anything for you."
I released my arms on him. And, started eating the ice cream.
"How does it feel when you have a happy family?" I asked after a minute if we were silent. I'm starting to cry again, I can't stop it, gosh!
"Why are you asking?"
"Because I don't know what it feels like..."
"You aren't happy with your family?"
"Nah, I... I think I'll never be happy."
"You're happy, Mariella."
"I'm not! I wouldn't be crying right now if I'm happy! Can you just answer what I've asked?"
He sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. "It feels home."
"Why, home?"
"Family is our home if we feel love and care from them."
"Is that it?"
"Yesh."
"Then, I don't have a home."
"You have."
"Where? They can't even love and take care of me since I was a child! I felt like I was abandoned by my parents."
"I'm your home. We... your friends are your home. Can't you feel it?"
"I can't."
"That's the problem is you, we loved you, Mariella. We're taking care of you, but you can't feel it. And, then, you're overthinking that we aren't loving you, even though we are! You can't open your heart for the truth, cause you're scared to be hurt again. You want love right? Try to open your heart... And you'll feel how much we care about you."
That thought didn't make me sleep, so when I woke up I was dumbfounded. I have a bad headache, because of my drinking last night. Even though I was drunk the times Ian and I quarreled, I still remember everything that happened. I even cried so loud, because of the truth that I can't open my heart again. I’ve been traumatized maybe in the past.
"Good morning." Greeted Ian who was cooking in the kitchen.
"Good morning, sorry about last night, sorry for crying and those words that I've thrown at you." I sat on the stool on his countertop, watching him do the cooking.
"You don't need to say sorry, for the things you have done already. You should be thankful because I was there to take care of you."
"Still, I'm sorry."
"I know... how about we just move on, on what happened last night? And think about today?"
"That's helpful, but it can't erase in my mind. It is already marked in my heart. The pain."
"It'll be removed. Here, eat first before you go to school.'' He placed in front of me the bacon and hotdog he had cooked. He asked the rice cooker how to put rice on my plate before giving it to me.
"How about you? You won't eat?"
"Later, after taking a shower." I nodded and started eating the breakfast he made.
"What time do you go to school?" he shouted from the bathroom.
"7:00!"
"Okay, then, what time is it?"
I looked up at his wall clock.
"Nearly 6 o'clock."
"Okay, faster."
I hurried to eat as he ordered. I swear to God, how much I'm still sleepy! I think I slept like 4 hours? Hmm. I still remember ordering her to buy ice cream last night, and what I made her do before I was satisfied. I was drunk! But, he already forgave me.
I was about to jump down to the stool when my phone vibrated on the countertop. Beside the plate, I used to eat.
I picked it up. And, turned on the screen. A text from Mama.
Mom:
Son, I'm sorry. Please, go home after your class.
I don’t know what to say. I didn't think about this happening, I know how harsh I am on throwing those words on her. I'm still a bad daughter for not respecting my mother. I know God knows how guilty I am for doing it.
"I'll pick you up, again later!" Sterian said before I went out in his car.
"Sure, I'll wait for you." I smiled and waved at him.
"Take care! I love you!" he shouted. And, I was almost stunned.