Understanding people can be something you are struggling with. It may take you a lot of time to show empathy towards other people, especially those who you hate. And understanding others may take a lot of effort and skills that you need to master so that it will be easier for you to do this kind of deed. Here are some of the skills you need that can help you to understand others better.
1. Expect is to take time and energy
Mastering the art of understanding others doesn’t just happens overnight. You can’t expect immediate results. Picture this; You met someone for the first time, both of you are in a restaurant setting. He/she starts to talk about his/her experience, he sounds passionate about the topic that he/she is sharing to you that he/she can’t stop talking that he/she forgot to give you your time to also share what you have in mind. For some, you will assume that this person is bragging about his/her life You immediately conclude that this person is a show off and that caused you dislike him/her. You instantly formulated an idea in your head about this person’s character/personality. You hastily decided that the one small thing you observed in them, this person isn’t worth getting to know because of that idea that you have in your head. Or only for that one quick meeting, you are easily convinced that this person is too complicated for you. Let me insert this certain quote I saw in the internet and it goes this way; “ People are formed for a lifetime of experiences, and like all good things are in a need of time and energy to be understand.” The problem with us is that we are quick to make assumptions, assumptions that are turned into judgements. We easily judge a person by the way he/she portrays his/her character on the outside. When you met a person whose fashion sense is different from you, a guy having lots of tattoos, a beautiful girl showing off her skin, a guy who looks unfriendly, a person going through an experience that isn’t accepted by the society because of its bad aspects. With that we make our own judgements. Drop the assumptions. Instead of being sticking up to the idea that you don’t like this person or you don’t want to engage yourself in a situation involving them, Try to imagine this; that each person is a blank slate, you know nothing about them not until you talk with them and spend time with them.
2.Be fully present
It can be hard to understand people when your mind is wandering off somewhere. It can be about the food your craving to eat at that moment, wondering whether you did well in doing your work, or thinking about someone you fancy. “ If we are caught up in the past or future instead of being in the present with the other person, how can we understand them?” Employ mindfulness or practice some of its techniques to get your full awareness at the present moment. Take a few deep breaths, notice how the air that comes in and out of your nostrils. Pay attention into something concrete about the other person and draw yourself into the present moment. You can look at the color of their shirt/dress, the way the move their hands. Focus fully on what they are saying, repeating it to your mind as they speak. In that way you can gain an insight about the person you are talking to.
3. Use the power of perspective
Perspective is the unique way you see things around your surrounding environment. And also you may think that it is easy for others to understand your perception of certain things and situations, everyone see things from their own different perspective. “It is as if everyone in this world were standing around a giant statue of an elephant. If you are describing the trunk to someone who is looking at the tail, you are bound to have a misunderstanding.” Never assume or expect that someone else thinks like you or sees things the same way on how you perceive it. Or trying to invalidate someone else’s opinion because it is different from your own. Try to imagine life through looking at a lens of a magnifying glass and then explain how you see things as clearly as possible without blaming the other person for not having your viewpoint. Perception is something that needs development. It is something that you need to give your attention. How you perceive the world can affect on your ideas and decisions. How you act it out to people, situations, your entire life. But it is never too late to change your perception, turning it into something positive and radiant. You can learn on improving it. Taking small steps not a leap or a jump, with that small step it can make a big difference.
4. Read body language
While it would be helpful for everyone to tell what we really feel deep inside or tell someone what is bothering our minds, it is not how people of the society works. Most of us are programmed of saying the things we think others want to hear. For example, we say we are “fine”, but are shoulders are slump and our hands were trembling (that shows that we are not feeling good at all). Or we say we are okay of doing something because we think we really should do it, but are arms are crossed and looked away (it certainly means that we don’t really want to do it all). Learn the basics of body language and you are bound to be more sensitive to others. Do keep in mind though, that everyone of us has our own personal habits. If a person always slumps his/her shoulder because he/she is very tall, then it might be more of a habit than a sign that he/she weren’t okay
5. Practice reflecting back
This a part of listening skills that of itself can do wonders not only for your ability to understand others, but also making them feel that they are heard thus making them feel more comfortable around you. Reflecting back involves rephrasing and repeating what someone has said to you so that you can think that both of you are on the same page. For example, if someone tries to tell you that they feel very upset, because they just spoke to their boyfriend that their date were cancelled. You would reflect back saying “so, you feel upset because your boyfriend cancelled your date?” The other person might explain that no, they actually weren’t upset to her partner, but because his coach wouldn’t permit him to not show up to their weekend practice. By engaging yourself with what the other person is talking about, they will have the thought that you are interested on what they are talking about, the conversation between you and them will run smoothly. They can openly talk about what they’re feeling and thinking, making them feel better because someone is willing to lend an ear to them.