𝗔𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻, 𝗜 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲.
It happened so fast that I still cannot believe how I became his girlfriend. At first, he was trying to ask someone else to be his girlfriend. Thinking about it again, I have NO IDEA how we became a couple.
"𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱?"
"𝗬𝗲𝘀."
Just like that, we are now in a relationship. Wait. I forgot to introduce his name.
Freddie Franklin, he was an athlete. A troublemaker. That description fits him well. He was my first love, indeed. I had never had a boyfriend before, and he was my first. It was very awkward at first. I never imagined that we needed to call each other every day. And also, cute names or pet names like
OH MY GOODNESS?!
"𝗕𝗮𝗯𝘆."
I still cannot believe that I got so excited when he called me that. so embarrassing. Oh god. And being with him, I never imagined that I myself would get jealous. Well, I did say that he had a crush on someone else when we became a couple. And not to mention, that girl is weirdly close to him when he already has a girlfriend.
"𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲, 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲."
He said that every time he noticed my "jealousy". Well, who wouldn't be? She's prettier and cuter. I do not stand a chance standing next to her.
"𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂."
Those words. The only words that I never said back to him I still do not know why I cannot say those words back to him. I did love him. I think? He was the first boy who made me feel what it was like to be loved. He cared so much for me. It reminds me of that day— My eye got infected, and everyone was afraid to look me in the eyes, saying that I looked scary. They were terrified that it might be contagious. To be honest, I was sad. I feel neglected and hurt by them. Those words hurt me deeply. I still remember their gazes to this day. But he was different. He stayed by my side until my condition got better. He never even complained about it.
"𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘂𝗹."
He was so sweet. so precious. I cannot believe how this guy made me fall for him more. Loving him sometimes scares me. I am afraid that I cannot bring myself to be apart from him. I am terrified of getting attached to him.
What if he gets bored of me?
What if he found someone else? Who is prettier...?
What if he leaves...?
I cannot do this. It is scary just thinking about it. Late night calls were our favourite routine. He told me so much about his family. I was happy to know that he wanted to share his life with me. It was beyond imagination. Because at first, I thought he was just joking about this whole relationship thing. And I never really thought about our future. Listening to him talking about the US terrifies me sometimes...
"𝗜 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵."
I cannot believe how much I miss him too, even though we just met at school earlier. He was so cute. so precious.
I miss him too.
So much.
My relationship with him was not all sunshine and rainbows. We had our fights. Almost breaking up and not talking to each other for days. The reason? He had some serious anger issues. It is only sometimes when he loses his mind. His jealousy is BEYOND control. Sometimes he scares me. Just the thought of him raising his hand to my face scares me. But he will be good the next day, whispering sweet words. Asking for apologies and showering me with gifts. I still like him. I cannot bring myself to hate him.
"𝗛𝗲'𝘀 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂."
That was the biggest cause of our fights during our relationship. I was mad. disappointed in him. Hearing that from someone else hurts me so much. Why? Why did he lie to me?
"𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲? 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁. 𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁."
I am weak. Seeing him apologizing, begging, I cannot bring myself to be mad at him. I wondered why. Why is it so easy for me to believe what others say about him? Why is it so easy for me to lose my trust in him?
Why am I so weak?
Since that day, I've started doubting myself. I started to think, what exactly do I feel for him? It was weird. Why am I feeling this way?
"𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂."
It was our fifth month of being together. I still cannot believe how fast the days are passing. That day, he gave me more gifts. Somehow, I feel surprised by this. After all, I have never given him anything since we have been together. I feel bad. He gave me a teddy bear that could speak. It was really surprising when the teddy said, "I love you." He also gave me a bracelet, a matching one to his. It has both our initials. I was really moved by what he did. This is a first for me.
I can't believe he really loved me...