"Pero may doktor na pumasok dito. What does this suppose to mean?" I drew my questions out.
Dr. Rodriguez shifted his gaze to my sister and her husband. The couple did the same to him. Perplexity within me grew greater the moment I have realized they weren't aware that I have been already checked and that Dr. Rodriguez was the only one in-charge for my check up today.
"May sumuri sa'yo, doc? Who?" Tanong ni Dr. Rodriguez na hindi ko naman masasagot dahil hindi ko rin alam ang pangalan ng lalaking 'yon.
Who was that man?
"I d-don't Know him. I never saw him before," ani ko.
I have been working at this hospital for six years. I am sure I know everyone here. I cannot be mistaken. But except for that guy.
"Doc, may bago po ba tayong recruit?"
Dr. Rodriguez paused for a while with his pair of eyes above the ceiling, analyzing something.
"Oh, yes. We do. How could I forget?" Tumawa si Dr. Rodriguez at napahawak sa tiyan.
Ibinalik niya ang stethoscope sa leeg niya. Natawa rin bahagya sina Turstin at ate na parang nakunan ng nakagapos na kadena sa leeg dahil halata ang kaba nila kanina. Tumawa na rin ako bahagya. The guy earlier must have transferred here.
"I'm sorry. Marami na rin akong nakasalamuhang doktor. Kaya siguro hindi mo kilala ay dahil bago lang 'yon dito at bukas pa ang shift mo,doc," patuloy na pagpapaliwanag nito na halatang natatawa.
Ang tibay din ni Dr. Rodriguez, hindi pa retired. Nakakabilib. Siguro kapag ganyan ako katanda ay hindi na ako makalakad.
Kulubot ang mukha ni Dr. Rodriguez at pumuputi na ang mga buhok sa harapan. May pagkakalbo rin siya dahil sabi niya ay nagsisimula na daw malagas ang mga buhok niya. Siya ang pinakamatagal na doktor dito kaya sa kaniya kami tumitingala at kumukuha ng inspirasyon.
"Okay. The test results will come out later. I will just notify you. Dr. Huevista, you can file a sick leave if you want," the words emanated from Dr. Rodriguez.
Ngumiti naman ako. Hindi na ako umusal pa ng anumang salita. Gumanti rin siya ng ngiti at tumingin kina ate. Nagpasalamat silang dalawa kay doc. Nilisan na ni Dr. Rodriguez ang silid at isinara ang pinto.
"Camari, mahal," pagkuha ni Turstin sa atensyon ni ate.
Lumingon naman sa kaniya si ate na naghihintay ng sagot niya.
"May writer na nag-approach sa'kin. At pinapasabi sa'kin kung gusto niyo ba raw dalawa ni Adeline na i-feature sa magazine nila. They find you both an impressive siblings," anunsyo nito at ipinulupot ang isang braso sa baywang ni ate.
Hindi pa rin talaga nagbabago ang gestures ng lalaking 'to. Noong kami pa ang magkarelasyon, ganyan din ang galawan niya. Nakipaghiwalay ako sa kaniya dahil ayokong magkaanak. Wala sa plano ko. Hindi ko rin ramdam na mahal ko siya. Siguro dahil hindi ko rin siya ganoon kamahal dati.
"You both will be on the front page!" With pride, he raised his voice and hands.
He pointed at me saying, " Dr. Adeline Mariamonte Huevista!"
I rolled my eyes out of cringe. Complete name talaga.
Then he pointed my sister with pride and love in his eyes, " And my one and only Camari Mariamonte-Huevista Balenciaga."
Natawa kami ni ate sa pinagsasabi ni Turstin. Pati ang 'Mariamonte' na middle name namin ni ate na ginagamit ni ate noong dalaga pa siya ay sinama pa talaga.
"I, Turstin Alphonse Armani Balenciaga is proud to be part of this family," hinatak niya si ate papalapit sa kaniya,nawala ang espasyo sa pagitan nilang dalawa.
Kinilig naman si ate at nagsimulang magharutan ang dalawa.
FAMILY. Biglang nawala ang ngiti ko nang bigkasin iyan ni Turstin Alphonse.
My heart began to ache as I again reminisce the memories of chaos and abhorrence. The memories keep rewinding themselves in the wonderful moments when laughter infringes itself in the room.
Am I not meant to get over the controversy I have with my parents? That the memories of mine with them alchemize as a sweet phobia with no other purpose but to break me in every second I spend on breathing.
I am shackled by despondency as the vile and diabolical past ran through my mind just because of the word 'FAMILY'. The feeling it brings was something I have forgotten to encounter, to behold and to keep; To feel and to live with.
"Adeline, okay ka lang?" With a genuine concern, my sister asked.
I looked at them both staring at me.
I shook my head paired with noting but a fake smile.
"I just want to sleep now. I stayed awake for too long," I lied, emotionless.
"Sure. You need to rest. Take your time,"
She is like mom when I was still a child. She had mom's way of caring for a child. I do not understand why she was destined to suffer from Vaginal agenesis, a rare disorder in which the vagina doesn't develop, and the womb may only develop partially or not at all. This deprives her the ability to conceive a child of her own. She deserves the taste of motherhood although I may not like the concept of it, but she does.
Humiga na ako sa kama at nagtaklob ng kumot. The word 'family' keeps smooching my synapses and neurons. Like, why do I need to be reminded of it?!
Biglang may kumalabit sa akin habang natutulog ako. Hindi ko ito pinansin at pinagpatuloy ang pagtaklob sa sarili ko ng kumot. Muling may kumalabit sa akin.
This got me agitated. I am trying to sleep here to regain the strength I have lost and squandered. Yet an act of disturbance mercilessly interrupts my sleeping pattern!
Mabilis akong tumayo at napabalikwas mula sa kumot.
"Ano ba---" Galit kong bulalas na hindi ko natuloy at natigilan ako sa nakita ko.
"Y-you?" Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at hindi makapaniwala sa nakaharap sa akin ngayon.
The man with a set of brown eyes, with a long greek nose and diamond-shaped jawline with both of his hands behind his back smiled at me, showing off his charm again.
My eyes widened. I froze.
"Sorry to wake you up. I just want to hand you some flowers," he said and showed the bouquet of red roses.
Napatingin ako sa mga rosas na halatang kakapitas lang. Bumalik ang tingin ko sa kaniya. I just noticed that he is wearing a cocktail attire: a white long-sleeved polo that he paired with blue pants accentuated with a brown belt. He even had a Pompadour hair cut on his black hair!
Noong pumasok siya dito ay hindi ko masyadong napansin ang Pompadour hair cut niya dahil sa mga mata niya ako nakatitig.
"Doc Huevista?" He called.
Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Hindi ko namalayang masyado na palang mahaba ang oras na inaksaya ko upang titigan siya.
Patuloy niyang inabot ang bouquet sa akin na agad ko namang tinanggap pagkatapos ng mahabang oras na ginamit ko sa pagtingala sa kaniya.
I cannot ascertain why I am feeling such a thing. I do not know this feeling. But when he arrived, a part of me wants to be with him; a part of me is happy. This emotion is inexplicable but very familiar.
"T-thank you for these flowers. Nag-abala ka pa. Hindi mo naman ako kilala," saad ko na nagpapakipot.
"I do know you. And everyone in the hospital was so worried about you, doc," his husky voice is making me melt like a desperate ice under the exposure of the heat.
Somebody call 911 already!
"Shouldn't you be on your coat right now?" My eyebrow raised.
It is irresponsible for a doctor to not meet his responsibilities and duties.
"I'm already out. So, I am l-like a v-visitor n-now," nauutal nitong saad pero nakakamandag pa rin dahil sa boses nito.
Sasabog na ako!
Biglang yumanig ang paligid. Napakapit ako sa bawat dulo ng hospital bed. Tumingin ako sa kaniya na nakatayo habang nahihirapang bumalanse.
"D-doc," natatakot kong sambit.
Masyadong malakas ang lindol. Ang mesa ay gumalaw dahil sa pagyanig at para itong naglalakad dahil sa unti-unting paglipat ng posisyon nito. Unti-unting nahulog ang mga gamit na nakalagay sa itaas nito. Kumikirap-kirap ang mga ilaw kaya napatingala ako sa itaas.
The surrounding began to shake intensely. This brought fear and anxiety I lost control over. I laid my vision on him like my life depends on him. The lights were lifeless the moment the earthquake grew stronger, the light bulbs died.
"I got you, doc," lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ako sa bawat balikat.
Naibsan ang takot ko sa assurance niya.
"Adeline! Adeline!"
Nagising ako sa malakas na boses ni Embry at sa walang-tigil niyang pagyugyog sa akin.
Iniahon ko ang sarili ko mula sa pagkakahiga. Napagtanto kong nandito na pala siya sa ospital.
Hindi ako nakapagsalita habang pumapasok sa isip ko na panaginip lang ang lahat ng 'yon.
"Okay ka lang ba? Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib mo!" Natatarantang saad nito na kunot na kunot ang noo.
Nakahawak ang bawat kamay niya sa dalawang balikat ko.
"K-kaya pala lumilindol," I murmured.
"Look," tinuro niya ang multi-parameter sa bandang gilid ko na nagsasaad ng bpm ko,  lumagpas ang heartbeat ko sa 115.
"143 bpm!" Gulat akong napasigaw nang makita ang heart rate ko.
143!
Is this a coincidence or not?
Shock was drawn in my face while confusion partook Embry's countenance.
Numbers will not mean anything. I want to think of this as a coincidence. Yet is it really one? Or is it meant to happen?
143? I love you?
"May high blood ka ba? O hindi kaya may napanaginipan ka?"
Hindi ko pinansin ang tanong niya. Bumalik ako sa pagtingin sa multi-parameter na ngayon ay sinasaad na 95 ang heart rate ko.
"Sasabihin ko'to sa ate Camari mo pagdating niya dito," kinuha niya ang mga kamay niya mula sa pagkakahawak sa akin.
"No! It's not necessary!" Hinila ko siya na natataranta.
I don't want my sister to get worried. Especially that they have chosen me as the egg cell donor.
Sayang ang milyon.
"But she---"
"No buts," pagputol ko.
Napairap naman ito kasabay ng pagbuntonghininga niya.
Tumayo ito mula sa pagkakaupo sa gilid ng hospital bed at lumipat sa watcher's bed.
"You know, she's not so bad," she remarked.
Sumandal ako sa head board at napahalukipkip.
"I know," I sighed.
"E, alam mo pala. Why do you hate her? Hindi rin naman si Turstin Alphonse Armani Balenciaga kasi hindi mo 'yon sineryoso. So what's the source of your hatred?" Embry looked at me craving for an answer.
"I lost two special people because mom and dad has to protect their reputation and hers," napatitig ako sa bubong habang ramdam ko ang pagtingin niya sa'kin, kahit 'di ko tinitingnan.
"Wait, are you referring to----Oh, God. You're traumatized---oh. The p-past...it was tragic," she reacted.
I looked at her without affording a smile to engrave. We are both aware of what happened yet we kept it in furtive. Furtive enough for my sister, Camari, not to know.
Narinig naming may pumihit sa pinto kaya mabilis naming ibinaling ang mga tingin namin sa pintuan. Isang babaeng nurse ang nilamon ng pinto na nakasuot ng asul na scrub (sinusuot ng mga nurses at ibang healthcare workers).
"Good afternoon, doc and ma'am, Pinapapunta ka ni Dr. Rodriguez sa laboratory," magalang na bungad niya sa amin.
Agad nitong kinuha ang nakakumpol na wheelchair sa likuran ng pinto na ngayon ko lang napansin. Inayos niya ito at inilapit sa akin. Tumayo naman ako at inilalayan niya hanggang sa maupo ako sa wheel chair. Kinuha ni Embry ang dextrose at ibinigay sa nurse.
Si Embry na sana ang magtutulak sa akin papalabas pero mapilit ang nurse dahil trabaho raw niya ito. Walang nagawa si Embry. Sumunod ito sa amin.
Nang makarating kami sa laboratory ay nakita ko sina ate at Turstin na kasama si Dr. Rodriguez. Nilibot ko ang mga mata sa pasilyo na lahat ng sulok ay maputi.
"Good news, doctor Adeline! The tests results say that you're fine!" Masayang usal ni Dr. Rodriguez.
Kita ko ang saya sa mga mata nina Turstin at ate Camari. Even Embry is happy for them. She even attached both of her palms to one another.
Alam ko naman kung bakit masaya sila.
"So I can be an egg cell donor now?" Walang-gana kong tanong.
Tumango naman si Dr. Rodriguez na may ngiti sa labi. Ako lang ang hindi nasisiyahan dito. Gagawin ko lang naman 'to dahil sa 2 million na one-peso short.
"We also found a surrogate mother since you hate---uhm... getting pregnant," nahihiyang saad ni ate habang hinahawakan ni Turstin ang bawat balikat niya na nagpakawala ng mahinang tawa dulot ng saya.
I can see the sparkles in their eyes caused by this infinitesimal felicity they have stored within their hearts. Their smiles lighten up the room yet caused me so much indignation. But I have agreed upon this. So, I must be accountable of my decision to proffer a partaking role of this process.
My eyebrow raised itself, "Who's the surrogate mother?"
They all looked at Embry with her hands below her but excitement can be perceived in her smile and in the sparkles of her pulchritudinous eyes.
"E-embry? You'll be the surrogate?" My jaw literally dropped as I lay my eyes on her out of surprise.
Mabilis itong ngumiti at nag-thumbs up sa dalawa niyang kamay.
Tinuro ko siya mula sa kawalan.
"Y-you? Just when did you guys have a negotiation regarding this?" I asked further.
"Before we asked you to be the egg cell donor," I diverted my vision to my sister who had spoken.
I shifted my gaze to Embry again faster than any light.
"And you didn't tell me?!"
"Para ma-surprise ka! Ako ang magbubuntis sa anak niyo ng ate Camari mo," tumitili niyang saad na halos mapatalon.
Anak 'namin'?
The thought brought extreme disgust to my nerves.
"You mean 'their' child," I pointed my finger at Camari and Turstin as an emphasis.
Embry sighed, giving up on the conversation. "Yeah, fine, 'theirs," she pointed them as well to satisfy my mental aspect.
Aba, mabuti naman!
"Dr. Huevista, do you want me to explain what will happen to this process or it'll be you who'll explain?" Dr. Rodriguez handed me the alternatives.
"Alright."
"So, we'll have an In Vitro Fertilization or IVF. They'll get my egg cells out of me and put it in a petri dish to fertilize with Turstin's sperm cells. Then...." I paused, rolled my eyes and leaned on the back of the wheel chair.
"Then, after fertilization, there will be around five embryos. I will be the one who'll choose the healthiest embryo." Humina ang boses ko.
This feels like choosing which of my children will be given a chance to develop and live.
"It is supposed to be retrieved inside me after but since I don't like that part, Embry will conceive the embryo. After 9 to 12 days, we'll conduct a pregnancy test to know if it survived. If it didn't, we still have four more embryos. That's what the extras are for," I stopped and facepalm on the edge of the wheel chair.
"What will happen to the rest of the embryos?" Kinakabahang tanong ni ate.
I looked at her compassionate eyes. She's not going to like what I'll say. Since Dr. Rodriguez seems to want me to tell her, then I'll do it.
Nakita ko rin ang pananabik ni Embry na marinig ang sagot ko.
"They will be discarded."