I don't know where it started. I wasn't given any warning or foreshadowing of the events that lead me to what is happening now.
All I know was that everything felt like they were normal-too normal. Until, I found myself walking down the aisle, watching my Dad smile all teary eyed by the altar, waiting for the woman behind me to join him. It was too sudden. I didn't even have time to react.
The things after that were blurry. At first, they figured it was too early to be living together even after the marriage. Because I was there. But as soon as the baby came along, they just had no choice but to move in.
I lived with them for most of my middle school, sophomore and junior years, putting up with their game of house. I was there with them, every day and every freaking dinner, but I never felt anything except for the realization that I'm only watching them behind what seems to be a tv screen.
I had enough thinking and remembering things about them. But my head never wanted to cooperate.
When I got home after an hour of sitting there by my spot and gazing at the empty road, I couldn't sleep. I drank a lot of milk and tired myself out with binge reading a lot of novellas. But every time I would lie down and close my eyes, all I could see was them-happy, cuddly and complete.
Maybe with how I almost encountered Melissa before work yesterday, it triggered the effect of seeing stuff in my head, which I didn't want to and I shouldn't have.
So when I got to my work on this other shop, a café that sells better than Brain Freeze, I looked like a zombie fresh out of the grave.
"What was it like in the underworld? Did you perhaps meet Satan last night, Freak?" Fiona asked, snickering.
The people enjoying their morning coffee acted like they didn't hear anything, but I think I heard a snort out there on the back.
"I think I did meet him. Wanna see for yourself?" I asked, taunting her with a smile.
Fiona only rolled her eyes, whispering witch beneath her breath, and got back to serving a cake and a macchiato for a boy, blonde and shining, obviously checking her out. With that girl's curves and skinny frame, topped with her unusual yet cute curled black hair, who wouldn't?
I sighed, wiping the empty table and trying to lighten myself up with the tip left on top of it.
Apart from the ice cream shop in the afternoon, I had to put up with another job to keep up with my personal expenses. I wasn't living with my dad anymore and I didn't want to bug him with how I'm trying to live my life, so the money is all on me. Besides, asking for his help doesn't really sound nice when I reasoned out I wanted to experience a life alone just for the summer. He might drag me back with them, which is the worse of the worse. It was my whole intention to leave their house for good.
It wasn't really the serving or the brewing of coffee that bugged me as I worked here. I got this job even before highschool, since I was friends with the owner, so that's not a big deal. What really brings the hell out of me was more on the existence of a fellow witch who never thought she could be way more evil than this freak.
"Don't mind her Ree," a voice said. I looked over by the counter and saw Boss, preparing a cup. His real name is George, but he hates to be called by that name mumbling about college and kindergarten every time someone does. So everyone in the cafe, including him, decided to call him 'Boss', cause technically, he is the boss. "And don't think about pushing it further either," he warned.
"I'm not," I said. "I just wanted to to bring up a conversation."
I smirked and looked at the glaring Fiona at the corner of my eyes. She was almost spilling over the coffee at the poor guy's white shirt.
Boss only shook his head, and yet with a grin, noting my archenemies glances.
I rummaged back to what I was doing, wiping the counter and taking notes on the small notebook meant for taking down orders, when boss spoke again. His voice turned a little squeaky, like a mouse staring at cheese in a trap. He knew what trouble awaited but he was more focused on what the cheese would taste like.
"By the way, how's the ice cream shop?" he asked.
It was my turn to grin.
"Oh, it's fine. Zebby's still on the usual band I guess. She went on a gig yesterday, quick to run and maybe try out her new pick. Although I wonder who bought it for her. I don't think she's really the type to know about this kinds of things till recently. Who do you think it is?"
"Huh, what?" He cleared his throat. "I thought I asked you about the shop?"
I giggled at how his face suddenly turn red and his fingers fidgeted with the handle of the medium sized cup. "Oh come on! Clearly, that wasn't the one you really wanted to know."
He got quiet and turned even redder. I had to contain myself before I laughed out loud in front of complete strangers.
When I got to work in Brain Freeze, I more like accidentally told Boss about this warm looking lady who liked to talk about cats and cuddles. At first, he visited the shop just to make sure that I'm telling the truth and this lady wasn't some kind of serial killer. Brain Freeze didn't have quite a good reputation back then.
But when he got into his second visit, it was entirely for a different intention. The cuddly lady sure did her thing with him. With all the sweet stuff Zebby could make up despite acting up with the goth theme, I'm not really surprised. There's a reason why she ended up still working in a dessert shop.
Since Boss obviously caught up with that and practically stood on her trap, teasing him has been a habit I couldn't drop.
Now, for the final touch. "Don't worry Boss, I don't think you'd have to think much about who it is. She actually didn't have a new pick."
I turned my back on him and walked to the staff room for my break. As I closed the door behind me, I heard him shout my full name in max volume. It was a bit of a late reaction, but a reaction nonetheless.
Now that's a close call. And embarrassing too. Good thing I was in before he could get to me.
I checked for the clock and figured I could take a sweet time with my break. Aside for Boss having the tendency to forget things after a while, which I have to sit through to get passed his 'anger' (if you can really call it that), I have no intention to have even a few more minutes spent on having Fiona glare at me as if she was skinning me alive.
I sat on the stool placed by the side of my locker after fishing out a cheese sandwich from my bag. The radio was turned on so it was nice to gobble up my snack as random music came on play.
After a few songs though, a woman cut in and went on with some news. Her voice was giddy with excitement. That fact annoyed me so much and grated my ears that I accidentally bit the side of my lip.
"A meteor shower would be seen in the skies tonight! Many astrologers said this is a great sign for new beginnings. The continues dance of falling stars would be clearly seen if weather permits-"
"Sounds like a hoax," I blurted out, tasting the metallic blood as I spoke. It was kind of a reflex and me thinking out loud.
New beginnings? That's certainly a joke. I wanted to laugh and I could have if not for the pain seething through my open wound.
Nothing's going to start when things on my end haven't even ended yet.
What's with the superstitious belief anyway? I don't see the point of including a bunch of fantasies into reality just to make yourself feel better. Everything's just messed up as it is and I don't see the use of fooling myself when it won't change the fact that reality is still a fucked up mess. It'll always be a fucked up mess.
But I guess a meteor shower is nice. I haven't really seen one since...
"Hey freak, aren't you taking your sweet time longer than what you're supposed to?" Knowing who it was, I didn't bother looking up by the door and instead checked my watch for the time.
It is a bit late.
"I'm coming." I got up and ignored the usual eye roll Fiona gave me.
"You are such a troublemaker," Fiona whispered but enough for me to hear. She tossed her hair back and took the seat I was at awhile ago.
As far as I remember, she's definitely worse than me. Doesn't she know that?
But turning back to the way I unconsciously lost track of time, it's bothering me now. Yesterday, it was still fine. But today, twice the error, I don't think it's a good sign anymore.
I never lose track of time. It's my inner compass, telling me that I should get everything finished and never left out just because of a clumsy mistake.
"I think I need some sleep," I said in a mumble. The person I was taking my other from pretended that she didn't hear me, but I knew that inside, she was definitely agreeing with me. The bags showed evidently from my eyes and she could see it.
"Did you say something?" Boss asked, taking the position next to mine. He grabbed a clean towel and began wiping the white cups on the display rack.
I shook my head, forceful than what I meant to. "Oh, it's nothing."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," I said. "I'm totally fine."
He stared at me for awhile. I could see the lingering thoughts of doubt in his face, but it vanished immediately which made me a bit relieved.
"Anyway, as I was saying, we definitely need a new set of hands," he said while his left hand was placed at his hips. He was looking at the piling up costumers by the counter while I looked at him, my mouth hanging.
"Say, what?" I didn't hear it like a new part timer, right?
"A new waiter, or a coffee brewer perhaps, one who really knows his beans!" He said, proud of the unexpected (and non-humorous) pun. "We definitely need a guy like that."
"But aren't we enough for the job?" I asked stubbornly. There's no way I'm going to get stuck with another pair of eyes and a talking mouth. Fiona is more than enough of a bother and being surrounded by customers is just overwhelming.
Adding a number, even if just one, to the mix? Definitely no.
"You guys are a great help, but you really need to check your eyes Ree. Look around and see how much we really need it." He motioned with his hands. I didn't need to follow it with my gaze. I already know. "Or maybe you should check your confidence," he added.
I played with my fingers, cracking and curling them up as I spoke. "Maybe?"
"Oh Ree," he mused.
I sighed. "Okay, I know. We need help," I said. "And if it doesn't make you feel better that I am honestly agreeing with this, I promise I would talk to this new guy myself and not the other way around."
Boss smiled at me. I smiled back. "Now that's a good girl. But we don't have the new guy yet so you can rest your nerves for awhile."
Boss went back to brewing coffee and I looked down at the floor, thinking stuff again.
Sometimes, it seems like he's my father, more than my dad has ever been. Thinking about that sometimes sucks.
I mean, your father is supposed to be the only one right? Yet when he's not really doing the right job, it feels like you have no one.
---
When my shift ended in the cafe, I went straight to Brain Freeze with my lunch in tow. After I ate and finished changing clothes, I was back at the spot that I was in yesterday afternoon.
It was all normal. Not much work. Not much people. Pure silence with a hint of disturbing thoughts.
It was really boring
I thought about talking about Boss with Zebby to clear out any trace of boredom even just a little bit, but she spent more time in the storage so I never got the chance to tell her anything. We never had a talk since-last summer.
Still only a handful of customers wanted ice cream. I guess some random convenience store sold some desserts we never offered. I kept on convincing myself that that was the case and not something else.
"Rebecca," Zebby called out, "closing time?"
I jolted to wake like I was asleep while standing like a statue. I groaned at my lack of awareness. Not again.
I quickly got up at on my feet towards my locker. "Uh, yes. I'm just going to change in a bit."
When I got outside, I was surprised to see her waiting for me.
"Aren't you going on gig today?" I asked. I swear I saw her on the usual leather jacket and booths before my shift. Now she was on a lighter outfit. More frilly.
"Oh, no. Yesterday was kind of a fluke actually. The vocalist never thought we'd ever get any offers. But today is like the usual. We're just on stand by," she explained to me with her quirky energy.
I nodded like I was in to the story. But I was already thinking about being on my own again. That wasn't going to be easy with how Zebby stood close though.
"I think I should be going now."
She looked at me and I felt like I needed to justify what I said.
"Errands," I said. It was the only excuse that came to mind. "I still need to do some errands and the laundry. It's been piling up. You know how it is, living alone and all that."
"Oh," she exclaimed. "I thought we could have some drinks first before home... But I guess you're busy."
Her energy dropped and so did her gaze. She fidgeted with her hands and backed away in an unseen distance. All of those small actions didn't get to escape my eyes.
Is she making me feel guilty? Because if she is, it's working.
"I'm really sorry," was my only response.
"It's okay," she assured, though I doubt she's telling the truth. "I think you should be on your way. I'm going to clean things up inside on my own."
That was an ultra guilt trip move, but I'm not going to fall for it. My longing for isolation is stronger than being nice. It's telling me that I should be rude, which is not a good thing, but unfortunately is my thing.
"Bye."
I backed away and walked briskly, wanting to lose her before she could keep up with me. I don't want her to know that I was lying.
I wasn't going to do any errands and the laundry was already done the other day. My night is free. I just wanted to spend it on my own.
So I came by the same rock again, waiting. There's going to be a meteor shower, right? I guess I was waiting for that. I even made a stupid countdown and see how much my timing was accurate.
But like how and when I was going to escape the claws of this place that held me back, I wasn't really sure if that what I was truly waiting for.
There's a part of me saying that that's not exactly it. But that part didn't actually tell me what.
"Three," I said. It's been a minute, almost. I continued counting, a part of me telling that I was right on the starting point, and the bigger part yelling how much I'm wrong. "Two... And one."
When I breathed after a second, I thought for sure that it wouldn't come. But when I breathed out in a sigh, a small flicker of light, just one, showed itself in the sky. It was a big and glowing like the sun and I squinted my eyes with its blinding light.
When I opened my eyes, it was already raining stars, seemingly endless and without a doubt breathtakingly beautiful.
"New beginnings, huh..." I muttered, yawning. That count down sure was tiring.
As the meteor shower moved along its show, I slowly drifted into sleep, never knowing that I'd be caught up with a nightmare.
And, it was not any other nightmare. It turned out to be like an endless roll of bad dreams for when I bolted into wake as a vision of scary darkness took over my slumber, I was surprised to see a large crater behind the rock I was laying at.
It wasn't there before. But what seriously got me in a panic was the presence of a boy about my age, lying by the side of the smoking hole, unconscious and disturbingly half dead.