// 01 January 2018 - Boracay Island, Philippines //
I watched the moon lit up the night, the sky sprinkled with a million stars I could almost make a wish.
The crowd was cheering, and the new year countdown ticking. I did some counting too, and counted myself the only one. Love has abandoned me in this Pacific island getaway.
I faked a smile and watched myself in silence, wishing sarcasm would be more soothing than the salty whiff of corals nearby. The new year countdown has now ceased, and the grand fireworks glowed to their glory but the aching of my heart grew stubbornly wilder, so were the dragons in the dungeons of my shattered mind.
What is she like? Who is she? It was only last week when we sat by the Christmas tree.
I can’t imagine now my life without him. Breakfasts won’t be the same anymore. And those late night cocktails and bedtime cuddles are nothing now but achy memories, I cry.
***
// Three Days Later - Manila, Philippines //
I was prepared to give it all up and disappear. The papers that piled on my desk included my resignation. What good would it give me when even the pen and the coffee mug in the office reminded me of him, of our career, and the rest of our history?
I never thought I could be weak like this. I was always made to believe I was sharp as blade and strong as iron. I was my own fortress. But that was only yesterday.
Today, I kissed my good friends goodbye as I exited the Marketing Head’s office of Park Food Corp, founded by Aqil Park, my father, which has been operating across Southeast Asia for almost three and a half decades.
No one knew I was aching inside. And all I could think of is the devastatingly handsome ghost of the past.
Ethan.
His almond eyes, I could see. Those looks and beguiling lips as he crossed the hallway of the 50-story building, where we used to work together, just drove the lunatic out of me.
Every detail of his face, his masculine body—all carelessly played in my sight. But I realized later on they were only images in the mind, a reckless hallucination. Because Ethan was already out of the company before I had the courage to do the same.
***
// 05 January 2018 - Changi Airport, Singapore //
I looked over my passport and slid it in my shoulder bag, as ethnically diverse people pass by me in and out of the carpeted airport.
The Japanese stamp in my passport carelessly hurled me back to a trip in Tokyo with Ethan. In the Sumida Park in a month of April—where we shared our thousand little kisses beneath the cherry blossoms. And those evening walks and river boat cruise under the sights of the Tokyo Skytree.

But today, I journey alone, in a place where Ethan and I never went together, a place I hope to find solace in forgetting him and understand why he managed to spend the last Christmas with me and disappear all of a sudden.
For once, I wanted to liberate myself from the riots of his memory. A fragile woman, like me, who just came from an awful heartbreak deserves some loving, too. And so tonight, I’ll be splashing myself with vodka, in the company of an old song and warmest friend, Jeffrey.
***
// 06 January 2018 - Marina Bay Sands, Singapore //
I downed a glass of vodka martini on the round glass table, with Jeffrey on my side. He was smiling, with a low-volume 80s music in the background. Beside us was a couple of women laughing, sounding as though the world has always been gentle to them.
Jeffrey is the same as I remember from my growing years. That witty iron lady trapped in a body of a bubbly lad. Jeffrey and I grew up as neighbors in the Philippines. He’s my childhood buddy and the best one for life.
We laughed because Jeffrey told a bathroom joke about his partner, Max, a charming Irish guy he met in a Maokong Gondola ride in Taipei, in one of his business trips.
Jeffrey owns an antique shop in the heart of Singapura, a business venture he decided on pursuing after quitting college in the Philippines. His father is a Singaporean and his mother a Filipina.
Jeffrey and I are self-confessed old souls. We used to believe we were born in the wrong era and were obsessed with the older times. Many times did we gawk at The Starry Night and wondered if the seductive swirls make others dream, too. Just like us.
Here, with the cold breeze of Singaporean bay at night and the sight of bright lights of the skyscrapers, Jeffrey and I tossed for the good times. I could still cry, though. The heartache stung more than the burn of alcohol that passed through my throat.
Then I finally had the courage to tell Jeffrey about Ethan leaving me. I told him Ethan was my everything. My cosmos. My energy. The very bond that linked every particle in my body altogether in one piece. And that I missed him terribly.
I wanted to speak and gush more to Jeffrey, but the pain too strong I was weak to open my mouth. And Jeffrey could only sit still and watch me. He was quiet as I was. Motionless as I was. Now that Ethan is out my life, everything in me has to start again. Because the ship that Ethan and I once shared already lost in the fading sun.