"My condolences, Pat." pag-simpatiya ni Jessa.
Ngumiti lang ako sa kaniya at muling pinilig ang ulo upang mas mataman kong makita ang mukha ni Papa na naka-higa na sa kaniyang kabaong.
Papa Lorenzo was diagnosed with Congenital Heart Disease or CHD. Hindi niya kinaya ang operasiyon pero hindi ko talaga ma-intindihan kung bakit.
Sa edad nitong forty-nine ay malakas pa naman ito. Nakakaya niya pang mag-saka ng aming sakahan. Mag-hapon pa itong maga-araro para lang matapos ang trabaho at may pang-kain kami.
Siya nalang ang pamilyang meron ako. Wala na ang kaniyang asawa. Hindi ito sumakabilang buhay ngunit nasa kabilanng bahay.
Birthday noon ni Jessa nang maka-tanggap ako ng tawag mula sa hospital na sinabing inatake raw ang papa ko. At that time, I also found out na may sakit ito. And the worse part is, Nanay Eve did not really care about papa.
Time flies so fast. I was just about to graduate on college. Matatapos ko na ang Bus. Ad. na kursong kinuha ko.
I study at Bridgington University. Isa ito sa pribadong paaralan na pinatayo dito sa lugar namin. So much for a private school na naka-tayo sa probinsiya.
Pero masaya ako. BU was actually in the middle of the city and province. Yes, nasa probinsya kami but you won't necessarily notice it.
Sa harapan ng school ay parang normal na paaralan. And yes, may mga buildings rin na pinatayo. Kaya para talagang nasa city.
I'm already on my last semester and last academic year in the university. Ready na akong i-abot sa tatay ko ang medalya ko pero ngayon, hindi ko na siya ma-abutan. Hindi niya rin ako masa-sabitan ng medalya at hindi ko na muli maririnig na sabihin niyang 'Proud ako sayo, Anak.'
Masakit. Wala namang hindi masakit sa mawalan ng mahal sa buhay. Luckily I found comfort with the presence of my friends, Pakkers.
I met Jessa, Keena, and Stell way back junior high. Bansag sa akin noon, 'patapon' 'walang kwantang probinsiyana' at kung ano-ano pang panlalait.
Stell found me because I was being bullied by her ex best-friend, Shane. Hindi ko alam kung anong k'wento nila pero masaya ako kasi nandito sila.
Keena and Jessa we're known in their corps. Masasabi mong anak sila ng mafia. The difference is how they fight and guard.
Noong nag-aaral pa ako sa HH or Hudston High sa kabilang bayan. Sa may centro. Lalakarin ko pa ito muka sa amin pero worth it naman.
Turns out that these three gorgeous friends of mine are stock holders at gusto nilang mag-panggap na scholars sila. Gusto raw nilang maka-tipid.
That's exactly what I like about them. They do not brag about how rich they are. They don't even wear designers that much! Well, except for Stell.
Stell is the only daughter of the famous director in NYC. Kaya kilala rin siya ng iba but she always choose to keep ot lowkey.
Kaya lang, hindi siya makaka-uwi dito sa pilipinas dahil kasalukuyan ang kanilang mid-terms sa Paris.
Pero okay lang sa akin 'yon. Narito naman si Jessa at Keena. Magv-video call rin kami mamaya.
"Hey, hush now, Love. Magiging okay ka rin." Keena comforted while caressing my shoulders.
I sighed and nodded. "A-ayos lang ako. Ka-kaya ko naman." I said, trying to let them make me handle my problem on my own.
Jessa sat down beside me, "Hey. Alam naming kaya mo. You're one of the most strong woman I know. But please, we don't want to let you suffer all by yourself."
Keena nodded as an agreement, "Tama si Esang. We won't let you suffer alone."
"Asus. Nire-phrase mo lang naman yung sinabi ni Jem." Hannah joked making Keena glare at her. I smiled.
Hannah was Stell's former classmate. They eventually became friends and that's why she's one of us now.
Despite the dry tears, I manage to smile because of these people. I'm glad I met them.
"Alam niyo, minsan, kailangan nating mag-patawa. Kawawa naman mata natin kung puro lang tayo luha, mapapagod 'yan." Hannah nonchantly advised.
"Kung hindi ka ba naman isa't kalahating gaga." Keena tsk-ed. "Kung hindi mata, panga naman papagurin namin, ganon?" she spatted back making us all laugh.
"Oh ayan! Dapat nag-tatawanan tayo!" Hannah jested earning another batch of laughter.
They really ease the pain.
---
"Pat, wake up. We need to take your father to the cemetery." I heard a soft voice trying to wake me up.
P'wedeng huwag muna? Gusto ko munang malaman kung hindi 'to bangungot.
"Patricia, wake up, hmm." As I slowly opened my eyes, I catched up pair of glicining eyes, in the verge of tearing up.
"I-Im sorry. I-its just that...." I sighed, "I really can't move on. Nami-miss ko na talaga si papa. Siya nalang meron ako eh. Siya lang nakaka-intindi sa akin. Siya lang nag-mamahal—"
Nakarinig kami ng dabog bago ko pa man matapos ang sasabihin ko. I looked up seeing how pain crossed Keena's eyes. "D'yan ka mali, Laine. Anong tawag mo sa akin? Sa amin? Ha?" her voice broke, "Alam naman naming lahat na nawalan ka, pero wagmo namang sabihing nag-iisa ka! Andito kami, oh? Kaya ka naman naming intindihin! Mahal ka naman namin?! Tapos sasabihin mong nag-iisa ka? Ha? Did we make you feel that you're alone? Hmm?"
She ran near me and hugged me. I can feel her heavy breathing, "Enlighten me, please? K-kasi Laine, makikinig kami. Ako. Si Loui. Si Esang. Si Hannah. Sila Yuan? Leo? Please, 'wag na 'wag mong iisiping nag-iisa ka. I love you. We love you." she sobbed.
I enveloped her in my arms. Seconds later, I felt embraces and palms caressing us. Sobs and cries.
"You know what babe? Mahal ka namin. We are your family now. Don't continually grieve, feel free to live your life. Continue living baby, we love you." Jessa softly said.
I nodded. We let go of the hug and got dressed.
I stared at myself infront of the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot and puffy. My nose is reddish red and I look very pale.
"Umayos ka nga, Elaine! Narinig mo naman sinabi nila, diba?" paki-usap ko sa sarili ko dahil alam kong anytime, uulan na naman ng luha ang mga mata.
Ang pinaka-ayaw ko sa lahat ang makitang nasasaktan ang mga pinaka-mamahal ko. And I love my friends, I would do anything just to prevent them from crying and hurting.
But here I am, making my babies cry.
---
"In the name of Jesus Christ we pray...."
"Amen." we said in chorus.
May kumalabit sa akin, ng tinignan ko iyon ay si Isaac lang pala. "Oh, paniyo. Pangit mong umiyak." sabi niya ng naka-ngiwi.
Tinanggap ko iyon at tinanguan siya. I know that he just wantsto ease the pain I'm feeling. But please, let me just cry, one last time?
Unti-unting binaba nila ang kabaong. At unti-unti ring lumabo ang paningin ko and that was the day when I let my eyes pool of tears.
I felt hands caressing my shoulders. I felt embraces. But this will be the last time I'll see you.
Good bye, Papa Lorenzo.