I’ve been allowing myself to receive all those punches and kicks dahil kapag lumaban ako, mauubos lang lalo ang lakas ko. It is more than enough to know na hindi ko sila kayang lahat.
I was losing hope not until someone shouted my name from the door.
“Jelcy!”
Hindi ko alam pero nasasanay na yata akong marinig ang boses ni Bea sa tuwing nasa kapahamakan ako pakiramdam ko, nabibigyan ulit ako ng panibagong pag-asa.
Someone hugged me from behind. I just know it was Bea based from her scent. I turn to the door again and there I saw everyone trying to catch their breath.
“Tulungan niyo si Ken.”
‘Yan lang ang kanina ko pa iniisip.
“I didn’t know na malalagpasan niyo ‘yong mga taong kalaban niyo kanina.” Ani Dean.
“Hah, malamang, nasa amin ang swerte eh.” Sagot naman ni Thana.
“Talaga ba?”
Bumalik ako sa ulirat noong biglang sumenyas si Dean sa mga tauhan niya. Alam kong malakas si Thana at Third pero sa lagay na ‘to, kahit gaano pa sila kalakas, sa tingin ko walang-wala ang skills nila sa skills ng mga tauhan ni Dean.
And just like that, the room became a battlefield. There was blood and bodies on the floor. Bigla nalang may isang lalaking humarang saakin. Masyado siyang malapit na halos marinig ko na pati ang paghingal niya.
My hands reach down and grab him by the collar. I watch as I take this man down to the ground and beat him until I'm satisfied.
My fists clog his eyes and pierce his guts, causing him to bleed profusely.
He cries and begs for help. His voice trembles as he speaks. "Please don't kill me..."
Then I put my fist on his nose to block any vision he may have had, and I see his eyes and make sure not to meet them. I keep going despite the fact that he is hurt. Until I'm finished with him, I need to make sure he can't move.
His fear is palpable in my nose.
From him it flows. When it gets to my nose, it stuffs itself into my mouth and spits.
I thought I was lucky enough that I can still move and fight for myself pagkatapos kong mapatumba ang isa kong nakalaban.
I didn't feel it until a few seconds later after a razor-sharp knife was stabbed on my stomach. Then the hormones and agony kick in, and I panic, and Adrenalin sends me a cold sweat and a burning, searing ache. I now feel like I've been punched by a dull, jagged, or blunt knife. There's a force that pulls me back. There is a tearing sensation and a noise. I then feel something both hot and chilly at the same time as it is taken away. When it's taken away, it pulls my skin with it.
Hindi ko alam ang magiging reaksyon ko. Do I have to shout for help? But my knees did the job. It fell on its own.
I looked at the sky then the guy who stabbed me. He’s one of the guys with Dean. He looks like he’s in his 50’s. He panicked like he didn’t kill before. Pero siguro, ito ang unang beses na pumatay siya ng isang estudyante. May anak kaya siya? I wonder what will his children feel when they found out their father stabbed a teenager. Pero wala na dapat akong panahon para isipin pa ‘yon, I have to think of myself.
“Jelcy!!!!” It was Porsche’s shout.
Suddenly, the room fell silent.
Punches, kicks and shouting at each other that had before been audible abruptly became silence. He might have been too loud in his scream, and that's what happened when Porsche screamed too loudly and he caught everyone's attention - or should I say, I caught everyone's attention. Ken, whom I didn't know when he awoke, was likewise one of the first people I noticed. I just watched him until he arrived by my side, like if he was trying his hardest to come for me. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a hug. I want to sleep because it's so soothing.
“Jelcy?” Bea’s voice rang on my ear.
Suddenly, Dean ordered his men to get out of here as soon as possible at kinaladkad niya ang anak niya. I didn’t care, really. It’s good that they were leaving.
“Jelcy? Please, stay with us.” Ken’s voice cracked.
While holding my palm to the slash, blood still streamed between my fingers and oozed out from under it no matter how hard I tried. The bright red had swiftly darkened into a brownish tone, spreading through Ken's rain-soaked t-shirt. I didn't feel anything in those seconds I spent pleading with him to look at me, to stop crying, to stop letting his life's very fluid drain away from my frigid palms. The concept of time had become meaningless; seconds could have been hours, while hours could have been just seconds. I was in the midst of my own tempest in that suspended moment, but I paid the price in the years to come for that moment of complete quiet and mental clarity.
I have accepted my fate that I’m going to die. Siguro, ito na ang kabayaran ko sa mga bagay na napagdaanan ng mga kaibigan ko dahil saakin.
“Umalis na tayo, dalhin na natin siya sa hospital.” I can sense the trembling on Thana’s voice.
I want to hug her. She’s been of a great help to me.
Then I looked at Third. I feel like he’s holding his tears. I couldn’t help but to laugh but my wound ached because of that.
“Let’s go.” Mahinang sabi ni Ken.
Bago pa siya makatayo ay bigla naming naaninag ng dalawang taong pumasok sa loob ng silid. Si Knight at Miss Alvarado.
“We won’t be able to save her kahit umalis na tayo ngayon.” Tila baa yaw pang sabihin ‘yon ni Miss Alvarado.
“Anong sinasabi mo? Kung ayaw mong sumama, we’ll do it ourselves.”
This was my second time seeing Bea get angry. Ang nakakainis lang ay sa dalawang beses na ‘yon ay lahat may kinalaman saakin.
“But Miss Alvarado is right.” Ani Knight.
“Pati ba naman ikaw, Knight?” nanghihina na ang boses ni Third.
“Maybe we can still save her.” Ani Daniel.
“It’s too late.” Bakas sa boses ni Gueyo ang pagkadismaya.
“How can you say that?”
Naramdaman ko nalang ang pagtulo ng luha ni Ken. He shook his head and refuse to look at me no matter how many times I tried to hold his face.
“We have no cars. We need to travel for five hours to get to the hospital. Tignan mo naman ‘yong kalagayan ni Jelcy, she already lost so much blood. We’re just making things hard for her kung magsisimula tayong maglakad ngayon.”
I also wanted to convince them that it’s okay, that I already accepted this but I’m too weak and my mouth doesn’t want to open.
“Ryu.” Mahinang sabi ko noong makita ko siyang papalapit saamin. He smiled at me.
Lahat ng hitsura nila’y gulat at dismayado. Thana and Bea fell on her knees.
“I can’t accept this.” Garalgal na ang boses niya dahil sa mga paghikbi.
Isang mahigpit na yakap ang natanggap ko mula kay Bea. It feels like a hug that doesn’t want to let go.
Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Ryu pero nawala siya.
Where did he go?
“He’s dead.” Anunsyo ni Third.
Pinilit kong igalaw ang ulo ko at tignan si Third.
“Ryu is dead.”
He’s dead? But how did I –
I sighed. I’m only getting weaker every passing seconds. I want to close my eyes. I want to sleep.
“Thank you.” I mouthed.
I didn’t know why but my eyes just closed by itself. I heard their shouts and their cries. I have no idea kung sino ang nangingibabaw.
I am Jelcy, and this was my story. All this while I’ve witnessed all those silent screams and I think, it’s time for me to burry it deep within my heart.