FLIP - 3
What happened that night made Amara go insane and it cause her traumatised at that moment when he sees her.
And from that moment, she didn't let herself go out again like something bad happened to her when she goes out in the middle of the night. Even though it was Ean and she knew him these few months ago.
Dali-dali niyang pinatay ay TV nang marinig ang pinto sa kwarto niya na nakalock at parang pilit na binubuksan sa labas.
"Sino yan?"
Ngunit hindi pa sya sinasagot kung sino iyon, bumukas na ang pinto at patakbo naman papunta sa kama niya saka nagbalot ng kumot at tanging uli lang ang makikita.
"Amara, hija... pasensya na at pinabuksan ko itong kwarto mo ha, alam ko kasing hindi ka makikinig sa akin kapag nagpaalam ako sayong buksan saglit itong pinto mo." wika ni sister Fely sa kanya. Ito ang pumasok.
"Anong hong kailangan nyo?"
The nun's gaze went outside of her door so she did the same.
"May bisita tayo." iminuwestra nito ang kamay sa may pintuan saka naman pumasok ang isang babae at lalaki na mukhang mayaman. "Mag asawa sila na gusto mag ampon ng bata kaya inirekomenda kita. Malay mo, magustuhan ka nila at maging maayos ang buhay mo." nakangiting pagpapaliwanag nito sa kanya.
Pasimple niyang pinasadahan ng tingin ang mag asawa. Nakangiti ang babae pero halatang pilit. Ang lalaki naman ay walang emosyong nakatingin sa kanya.
Nagbaba pa sya ng tingin dahil mukhang nanliliit ang mga ito sa itsura niya. Pano pa kaya kung makita ng mga ito ang katawan nya?
Siguradong mandidiri sila at tatakbo papalayo.
"Hija, halika at lumabas ka muna dyan."
Sister Fely approach her and try to remove the comforter that covers her pig-like-body but she refuse and hold the edge of it tightly.
But that's when she thought that it was over and no one can be able to see her when the woman just grab the comforter forcely making her gasped in fear.
The woman scorched her gaze upon her body and minutes later, her mouth wide opened made a disgusting look.
"Wha-- what i-is this, sister Fely?!" dinuro siya ng ginang. "siya na ba ang pinagmamalaki mo?!" muli siyang sinulyapan nito. "No offense ha, but you're totally disgusting. And that's a fact. Ugh, I hate the smell here. Looks like a pig live in this room."
The woman flick her hair and say, "I'm outta here." so as the man and just followed his wife.
Nilingon siya ng madre na may lungkot at awa sa mga mata nito. Ibinalik niya ang kumot sa pagkakatakip sa kanyang katawan at pinigilang huwag maiyak sa mga pinagsasasabi ng ginang.
"Pasensya ka na talaga, hija ha, hindi ko naman alam na ganon ang mangyayari." lumapit ito sa kanya at hinagod ang kanyang likuran na agad naman niyang pinigilan.
"Pwede po bang hayaan nyo na akong mag isa?" she requested.
Sister Fely had nothing to do but to left the room with so much pity in her eyes. She can't do anything about her, locking herself behind door so she think a way to give Amara a better way of living. But looks like the nun had failed this time. The situation got even worst when she introduced her to the couple.
AMARA just cried the whole day under her comforter. Belittling herself non-stop until she lost unconsciousness and fell into a deep sleep.
The next thing she knew, she was on the same position she were yesterday. Nakakailang kantok na rin si Ean sa pinto niya pero nagbingi-bingihan lang sya at nakatulala lang sa hangin na parang wala sa sarili.
"Hoy! Ara okay ka lang ba? Kung may bumabagabag man sayo, please, wag kang gagawa ng kung ano na ikakasama mo."
"Ulol. Hindi ako magpapakamatay." bulong niya na parang walang lakas.
Tumayo siya para uminom ng tubig nang matabig niya ang ang bangkuan na nakahara sa kanyang dinaraanan kaya ito natumba.
"Fuck! Hoy Ara! Anong ginagawa mo! Buksan mo to, hoy! Fuck!"
Naririndi na sya sa mga sigaw ni Ean kaya sumigaw sya pabalik. "Tumahimik ka! Hindi ako mag bibigti kaya itikom mo yang bunganga mo! Panay ang putak mo, umagang umaga. Manok ka ba?!"
Natigilan naman sa kanilang pinto si Ean at nakahinga ng maluwag ng marinig na ayos lang si Ara. Hindi na siya nagsalita at napadausdos na lang ng upo sa tapat ng pinto.
"Ayos ka na ba?" he spoke after a minute o two. "I heard what happened yesterday."
"Sa tingin mo? Kung ikaw kaya ang nasa posisyon ko? Magiging ok ka rin ba?"
"Look, I'm seriously asking here." he grab a yakult inside his pocket and placed it in front of her door. "Eto yakult. Para naman umayos ang mood mo. Alam kong ayaw mong kumain." tumayo siya. "I'll be back later. May klase pa kami. Bye."
THREE years had passed and Amara was still the same. Within those two years, she bear to stay and locked up in her room like she said to herself. Yes, hindi sya lumalabas ng kwarto niya kahit isang beses sa loob ng tatlong taon na yon.
Trese anyos na sya at ni isa, hindi nya nagawang makapag celebrate ng kanyang kaarawan simula ng manirahan sya dito sa bahay ampunan.
She didn't get bored or tired whenever she stays in her room. In fact, she's enjoying it. She felt free when no one sees her even if she actually lose 13 kg of her weight.
Amara was proud to herself that she made her weight like that but it wasn't enough. Before, her weight was 71 kg and now she is 58 kg. Her goal is 50 kg and below. But she's indeed improving through the process that she's making. She got thinner than before.
"Congrats!" Ean spoke outside of her door.
"Thank you! Finally nakagraduate din ako ng grade six!"
He chuckled. "Yeah, at dahil jan, may isang balot ka ng yakult sakin!"
"Talaga?!"
"Yup! Sabit ko na lang dito sa pinto mo."
"Salamat ng marami!"
"Don't mention it."
Amara congratulate him too for being their valedictorian in Hope Orphanage. Ean is good at speaking English so they awarded him of best in English.
Nag paalam ito na aalis saglit ng tawagin silang lahat ni sister Nelia para kumain ng hinanda nila para sa kanilang graduation. Babalik na lang daw sya para bigyan siya ng pagkain lalo na ang cake na paborito niya.
But minutes later of waiting, he didn't come back like he said to. Until hours had passed and no sign of Ean outside of her door.
Inisip na lang niya na nakatulog ito o nakalimutan siyang balikan kaya ipinagpaliban na lang niya iyon at nanuod na lang ng TV para gumaya sa mga napapanuod na nagsasayaw.
AMARA
Brick said that my audition starts by tomorrow 7:30 AM in the morning. He gave me a one day to practice for the audition for AU dance troupe. He's nice to me though. Brick also motivate me to do my best for tomorrow.
But before I went straight to my apartment, nagpunta muna ako sa Bakery na may hindi kalayuan dito sa AU compound. Nakita ko kasi sa social media na naghahanap sila ng part timer kaya napagdesisyunan kong kunin ang pwestong yon.
"May alam ka bang gawin?" tanong nung aleng nagbabantay ng Bakery.
"Oo naman ate, maalam akong maglinis, magbantay nitong Bakery o kaya pagsilbihan ang mga customers."
"Mmm, anong grade mo na?"
"First year college po."
Pinasadahan niya ako ng tingin at napipilitang ngumiti. "Hala sige, pwede na. Lunes, Miyerkules at Biyernes ng alas kwatro hanggang ala sais ang shift mo."
I grinned widely. "Salamat 'te!"
Saka lang ako bumalik ng apartment matapos ang pakikipag usap ko dun sa ale na nagbabantay nga nung Bakery. Mabuti na lang at bukas pa rin ang training namin sa gymnast nang sa gayon ay nakapunta pa ako rito.
Starting tomorrow and the following days, weeks and months will be the hell of me. Sabay sabay ang mga gawin ko. But I have no complains though. This is better than to stay at that Hell Orphanage-- este Hope Orphanage pala.
I was humming while I'm walking towards to my apartment when I found out that the door was open.
Nilock ko naman yun pag alis ko kaninang umaga ah.
Sa isiping may magnanakaw na nakapasok, agad akong naghanap ng pwedeng panlaban at may nakita akong malaki at makapal na stick kaya pinulot ko iyon at inihanda sa pagpasok ko sa loob.
I was silently tip toed my feet and did a spy thing. And there he is. His back on my direction so he didn't see me and I took that chance to slap his butt with this huge stick.
"Ouch! What the--"
Humarap ang lalaki at matalas akong tinignan.
"Anong ginagawa mo dito?! Magnanakaw ka no!" itinutok ko sa kanya ang stick kung sakali dakmain nya ako.
"What?! No! I'm a resident of this freaking apartment!" he madly said while caressing his butt cheek in pain.
Parang nabingi ako sa sinabi nya nang mag sink in sa utak ko kung anong ibig niyang sabihin.
No way,
"I think you got the wrong apartment."
He frowned. "Of course not." the stranger put out something in his pocket.
At ako namang si tanga ay inakalang baril yon at papuputukan nya ako kaya inihanda ko ang pamalo ko.
"Look. It says here that apartment number 303." itinago uli nya ang susi na may nakalagay na number ng apartment ko. "This is apartment 303 right? That means I'm in the right place. By the way, nice to meet you, my roommate."
Roommate?!
"You're my roommate?" pagak akong natawa. "Di ba bawal magsama ang lalaki at babae sa iisang apartment?"
He shrugged like he didn't care at all. "Well, there's no apartment space left for me so the Dean had nothing to do but to share the same apartment with you." tumalikod ito pero agad ding humarap sa akin nang may sasabihin pa. "Don't worry. I'm not a pervert or anything else you've been thinking bad or nasty about me. And I'm not eating a person so feel comfortable around." idinipa niya ang braso sa buong apartment.
Nang hindi ako sumagot, naglakad sya papuntang kusina at binuksan ang refrigerator. "Wala man lang bang pagkain dito?" komento nya ng makita ang loob ng ref habang hinihimas himas ang sariling tyan.
"Ano bang ineexpect mo sakin kung kakarating ko pa lang dito kahapon? Malamang hindi pa ako nakakapag grocery noh. At for your information ha, hati tayo sa mga pagkain hindi puro ako!"
But looks like the man didn't hear anything from her and just keep looking for something to eat in the small kitchen. And in the end, he couldn't find anything.
I waited for him to speak but he actually walk pass through me like I wasn't there standing in front of him.
Ang snob naman nitong lalaking to. Kala mo kung sino.
Aaminin kong may itsura sya at mukhang mayaman kaso kakaiba nga lang ang ugali. Minabuti kong pumasok na lang sa kwarto ko para mag ayos at mag practice ng isasayaw bukas para sa audition.
TUMIGIL ako sa pagsasayaw nang maramdamang kumukulo na ang tyan ko kaya naisipan kong bumaba muna para sa labas kumain. Tiyak na wala namang pagkain dito sa apartment.
Ngunit napatigil ako sa paglalakad palabas ng pinto nang masilip kong nasa salas yung lalaki habang may nginunguyang pagkain. Natakam ako bigla nang nanuot ang amoy ng honey garlic chicken na nasa harapan niya habang nanunuod ng TV.
Mukhang naramdaman nya ang presensya ko kaya napalingon sya sa gawi ko.
"What?" taas kilay niyang tanong.
Bumaba ang tingin nya sa kanina ko pang tinitignan. "You want?"
Mabilis akong tumango na may paglabas pa ng dila dahil takam na takam na talaga ako na parang aso saka lumapit sa kanya at akmang dadampot ng chicken nang inilayo niya ang lalagyan.
"Bayad muna."
"Ano?!"
Ngumisi sya. "Bayad muna. You said hati tayo sa mga pagkain di ba?"
Nalaglag ang panga ko. "Ang damot mo!"
Nag mamarchang lumabas ako ng apartment dala-dala ang cap ko para itago ang mukha ko saka maghahanap ng makakainan.
Until I saw some food street. I went there to taste every food they sell. It's indeed delicious. Nakakailang stick na ako ng isaw, fish ball, kikiam at kung ano pa pero hindi pa ako nakakaramdam ng kabusugan.
Pero bago pa ako magastusan ng bongga, umalis na ako at bumalik sa apartment at ganun na lang ang gulat ko ng makitang may nakatakip sa ibabaw ng lamesa sa kusina.
I went there to check what's inside. My mouth turned 'o' when I saw a plate with three chicken and one cup of rice. Napatingin ako sa may hagdanan.
Hmm, I guess he left some for me.
So without any shame, I eat all the food to satisfy my hunger. And it went well. I was so full to the point I can't eat anymore in two days.
I stood up to wash all the dishes. After that, I went upstairs to my room but my gaze went to his room beside mine.
Hindi ko pa pala alam ang pangalan nya. Bukas na lang ako magpapasalamat.
Dinalaw kaagad ako ng antok kaya nakatulog na ako ng mahimbing kahit hindi pa ako nakakapag toothbrush.
"ALA-syete na?!"
I hurriedly get out of my bed to wash and eat afterwards. Malelate ako tuloy sa audition nyan.
Halos madapa ako habang patakbong bumaba at nagsusuot ng sapatos nang may tumikhim sa may kusina.
I almost forgot that I had a roommate.
"Maaga pa. Di ba eight thirty ang start ng klase ninyong mga freshmen?" takang tanong nito habang sumisimsim ng kape.
"Can't talk right now. I'm late." tanging sinabi ko saka nagmadaling lumabas ng apartment.
Siguro naman siya na ang bahala sa apartment kapag umalis na sya. Pero hindi muna dapat yon ang unahin ko kundi ang pagkakataon ko sa audition.
"Brick! Abot pa ba a-ako?" hinihingal kong tanong nang makarating sa ika third gym ng AU.
He glance at me and gave me a flat face. "Of course! The judges are not here yet so let's just say you're lucky today."
"Phew." I sighed in relieved.
"Oh, hey sisters!"
Umalis siya para batiin ang iba pang nagsidatingan. Ganun na lang ang gulat ko nang makipagbeso sya sa mga grupo ng kababaihan at pumilantik pa ang kanyang mga kamay.
Bakla sya?!
"Woah. Hindi halata ha. Ang manly pa naman nya kahapon."
I placed a smile on my face when they walk towards to my direction. "Girls, this is Amara Jacinto. She's new here and will be joining in the audition today so be nice to her, okay?"
Pinasadahan ako ng tingin nung mga apat na kababaihan. Tingin pa lang nila, mukha nang masusuka.
"Ahm, marunong ka bang sumayaw?" tanong nung isa habang nakataas ang isang kilay.
"Haha, I bet she'll dance like a zombie."
"Agree. With that voluptuous body, oh I don't think so."
"I think you should back out. We all know that you're not gonna be able to be part of our Dance Group."
Even though they keep stabbing me from their hurtful words, they couldn't stop me from doing what I like.
"Bakit naman? Hindi pa ako nakakapag audition at hindi nyo pa nalalaman ang resulta. You'll never know the consequences kaya huwag nyo akong pangunahan."
Natameme naman ang apat kasama na si Brick nang dahil sa sinabi ko. Akmang babatos pa yung isa nang magsidatingan na ang mga judges kaya pumwesto na ako para magpakitang gilas.
Dance like a zombie, huh? Well, let's see.
"Amara Jacinto." the judge read my name on the paper in front of them. "Let's give it a shot. Goodluck."
I smiled and nodded to them. Then the music that I picked filled the whole gym. And I picked was Maria by Hwa Sa. It's a kpop song that actually got my interest and it's trending nowadays so I picked it and practice the whole steps.
Nang magsimula ang tugtog, sinabayan ko iyon ng steps na inaral ko. I was focusing on my dance and looking to the judges straight in their eyes. Napanuod ko sa TV na may points daw ang eye looking at facial expressions habang nagsasayaw kaya naman nag inarte na ako sa dance floor habang nasa akin ang korona.
After all, Maria dance is kinda flirtatious in the way of dancing so I really gave my best. It's an opportunity to be part of the AU Dance Troupe.
I bow down to the judges when I finally finished the dance. I hope it went well though.
"Good job, Miss Jacinto. The results will be posting later. 10 o'clock in the morning."
Tumango ako. "Thank you po!"
Lumapit sa akin si Brick at nakipag high five. "Girl ang galing mo! I didn't know may ibubuga ka pala ha," pabiro nyang hinampas ang balikat ko. "Vaklang 'toh."
I sighed. He's indeed gay.
Tinawag sya ng judges kaya agad syang pumunta sa table ng mga ito. Si Brick kasi ang leader ng AU Dance Troupe.
Kita kong nasa dinaraanan ko yung apat na babae. Hmm, gawin ko kaya yung ginawa sakin nung roommate ko?
I chin up and walk straight to pass through them like they're didn't exist or I didn't see them. Piling ko tuloy ang famous famous ko sa ginawa ko.
BREAK time na kaya dali-dali akong pumunta sa lobby kung saan nakapaskil yung result ng audition.
Mabilis na hinanap ng mata ko ang pangalan ko. Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ng makitang...
"Kasama ang pangalan ko!" I jump many times as I celebrated my victory.
Other students who's passing behind me was literally stop and whisper to their friends because what I've been doing. I bet they think I'm such a weirdo or acting childish when I saw the results but I don't care. I'm just really proud to myself.
Yes! I'm going to be a member of Dance Troupe!
~amph1trite~