Siquijor
Nasa dalampasigan kami ngayon ni Kian. Sa parehong baybayin ng Dumaguete pero mas malayo sa kung s'an kami kanina. Madilim na ang paligid at kalmado na ang hangin, kaya hindi na malakas ang paghampas ng mga alon sa isa't-isa.
Tahimik kami habang tinatanaw namin ang dagat sa harap namin. I literally have no idea how we've come here so fast. Parang kanina lang, ang bilis lang din ng mga pangyayari.
Hindi naging maganda ang impresyon ni Reign sa 'kin, hindi ko nagustuhan ang napag-usapan namin ng mga kaibigan ko, naglasing ako, at hindi ko na alam ang iba ko pang ginawa. I did everything after I got drunk blankly. Walang laman ang utak ko hanggang sa makaabot kami dito ni Kian.
Ngayon, parang medyo nahimasmasan na ako. I don't know if it's because of the calm breeze of the sea, or because of the presence of the person beside me.
Pareho kaming nakaupo ngayon sa buhangin, tahimik at tila gusto lang na ang katahimikan ang mag-usap para sa 'min.
Ilang beses ko siyang pinasadahan ng tingin, nagnanakaw ng pagkakataon na masilayan ang reaksyon ng mukha niya. He looks so peaceful. Like the scenery in front of us, calm and tranquil. Iniiwas ko lang ang tingin ko kapag nararamdaman ko na parang tama na, 'pag sinasabihan na ako ng isip ko na tumigil na sa pagtingin sa kanya dahil baka matunaw na siya.
Pero hindi. He's not like the snow that will instantly melt once the rays of my heat struck him. Instead, now he feels like a sturdy rock, only changed through time. Now that I'm not totally drunk, yet not totally sober, too, I still can't change the fact that I am still in love with him.
Lahat ng mga naisip ko kanina, about giving Evon a chance with my heart, now sounds impossible. Now I'm back to my young self, who can't seem to stop adoring such a soul that can make me feel tranquility in an effortless way.
I've been trying to hide her in the jar where I put her, trying my best not to let her know the things I'm doing to her love, that I'm treating him so casually like he didn't break her young heart. All for the reason of being afraid of her to consume me again.
My young self was so desperate for Kian's attention, always wanting to let him feel all the affection she has, trying to get to him every single time she can. Kahit na wala pa namang sinasabi, puro kilos lang ang pinapakita.
In fact, I never really had the chance to tell him how much I liked him, how I feel in peace whenever I'm with him. Even with the chaos between our families. I never really had the chance to tell to him how much he meant to me, and I just can't seem to find the reason why.
I always have the chance to talk to him about it. Especially in the time when he confessed to me. I should've cherished that moment while it lasted and responded to his confession. Kasi ngayon, sa sitwasyon namin, hindi ko na alam kung masasabi ko pa ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. I think I will need another session with alcohols and wines to say those words to him.
Now it will be a tough battle in my mind whether if I should confess to him or not. Maybe I'll think about it once I'm fully sober. Siguro ngayon, gusto ko na lang muna sulitin itong panahon na kasama ko siya.
He's always busy with his work. Kaya ang paraan ng panliligaw niya sa 'kin sa mga nagdaang buwan ay sa pamamgitan lang ng pagchi-check sa 'kin araw-araw at ang pagbibigay niya ng bulaklak. If we meet, hindi ko naman siya palaging pinapansin. He talks to me but I just so rarely respond. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Talagang hindi ako ginaganahan na magsalita kapag tinatanong niya ako. Lalo na kung puro lang tungkol sa 'kin ang mga tanong niya.
He always asks about the state of my mind, if how often do I hurt myself physically or how often I cry at night. Para nga siyang doktor na araw-araw ay hindi ako tinitigilan sa mga tanong niya. I just answer when I want to. Hindi niya naman ako pinipilit.
But then all these times I was fooling myself, stopping my stupid mouth from spitting out stupid questions about him. Naiinis talaga ako minsan kasi puro ako lang ang gusto niyang pag-usapan namin. I also want to talk about him. Pero parang palagi 'yong malabong mangyari dahil palagi kong pinipigilan ang sarili kong kausapin siya.
"So..." I trailed off so he could have time to look at me.
I smirked when he did. He just looked at me innocently. I can't help but suppress a smile.
"Don't you have work right now? I mean, you had time to hang out with that your friend of yours, right? You weren't busy?"
Ilang sandali niya munang hindi inalis ang titig niya sa 'kin bago napunta na naman sa dagat ang paningin niya.
"No. Wala akong duty ngayon."
That's what he just said. He never even looked like he still got more to say, or that he even wants to talk to me. I can sense a bit of indifference on how he's acting right now. Now he looks distant, and somehow hard to read. But heck, Cianna. He's always like that.
I took a deep breath before slowly exhaling it, readying myself for a whole night of convincing myself that may be talking and catching up with him will be just fine.
Come on, Cianna. Just breath. You can just let go of all your thoughts for now. Palayain mo muna sa isip at bibig mo ang matagal mo nang gustong sabihin sa kanya. Maybe now's the only chance. Just free your thoughts for a moment, Cianna.
"Gaano ba katagal ang duty mo? Higit 24 hours ba?" I tried to strike another conversation.
He nodded while pouting, eyes still on the beach in front of us.
"Madalas umaabot sa mahigit 48 hours pa ang duty ko. Minsan umaabot pa ng tatlong araw."
"Na walang pahinga?"
He nodded, "Gan’on na nga. Minsan nakakatulog naman ako saglit, pero ilang minuto lang, may kailangan na naman akong i-check na pasyente, gigising na naman ako."
"Saan ka ba na-assign na specialization? Psychology pa din?"
"Pediatrics ako,"
My mouth formed an O from his answer. So sa mga bata siya?
"Sa mga bata 'yan 'di ba?"
"Yup." He answered directly, still not looking at me. Ano na namang problema nito?
Nilapit ko ang ulo ko sa kanya. Then he was shocked when he noticed my face so close to his. I just smiled cutely.
"Gusto mo ba 'kong kausap?"
I can't believe myself on how I sounded. Walanghiya ka Cianna. Andito ka na naman. Ang landi na naman ng boses mo.
"Ano ba, Cianna." He put his hands on my shoulders. "Lumayo ka nga."
I really don't know what's up with me now, but I pouted cutely at him.
"Ayaw mo na sa 'kin? Akala ko ba gusto mo ako?"
Nalaglag ang panga niya sa inasal ko. His brows furrowed, pero ilang sandali lang ang humagalpak na siya sa tawa. Ngayon noo ko na naman ang nakakunot habang nakanguso pa rin.
"Ano?"
Patuloy pa rin ang pagkiliti ng kasiyahan sa mundo niya. Nakahawak siya sa tiyan niya at halos gumulong na siya sa buhangin sa kakatawa. Nang kumalma naman siya, nakita ko pang may pinawi pa siyang butil ng luha sa mata niya. Gan’on siya katuwa sa ginawa ko?
"Anong alak ba ang ininom mo?"
Kinamot ko ang ulo ko. "Ewan."
Tumawa siya ulit. My eyes lighted with excitement when he offered his had in front of me. Akala ko pinapalapit niya ulit ako sa kanya. 'Yon pala, kinurot niya lang ang ilong ko. I scrunched up my nose when he let go of me. Nakita kong nakangisi na naman siya.
"Ano?"
"Ang cute mo...." Lumapit siya sa 'kin at ang pisngi ko na naman ang pinisil. Kumunot ang noo ko pero hindi 'yon dahil naiinis ako sa kanya. Sadyang nagpapacute na naman ang malanding Cianna na nagising ko kanina.
"Kian..." malumanay na tawag ko sa pangalan niya.
He continued his stare at me, and now I really had the sudden urge to talk to him again with energy because now his attention is on me. Kanina ay parang lumilipad sa kung saan pa ang isip niya, at ayaw niya nga yata na makinig o titigan man lang ako. Now I got his full attention kaya susulitin ko na 'to.
It was a challenge, though. Kailangan ko pang halungkatin ang kasulok-sulokan ng utak ko para maghanap ng topic na hindi siya mababagot. I'm not used to conversing with people. And up until now, I'm still struggling with my communication skills despite having a dream of being a lawyer. Wala. Talagang na memental block ako kapag ganitong usapan na, kapag ibang tao na ang kausap ko.
I think I do well in class, kasi hanggang ngayon ay nasa dean's list pa rin ako. Pero sa totoong buhay, hindi talaga ako marunong sa mga ganito.
My mouth was hung open for all the duration of me thinking of a topic for us to talk about. Para na naman siguro akong baliw sa harap niya. Nakatulala sa ere habang nakaawang ang bibig.
I closed my mouth before opening them again.
"Hmmm," I put my index finger on my chin. "Ano bang ginagawa mo sa trabaho mo? Ba't umaabot ng mahigit dalawang araw ang duty? Kaya hindi mo ako masyadong nadi-date? Hmm?"
I pouted. I saw him blink twice before chuckling slightly then looked away. He returned his gaze at me only to give me a smirk, then talked while not facing me again.
"It's a busy job, Cianna. I am monitoring patients from time to time, hoping and praying deep inside me that they will be better. I'm still a newbie but, I am already attached to it. You know. The kids, my patients... you just can't seem to not take it seriously. Back when I am still studying, I know I already have something big ahead of me. This career is not just a dream for me, Cianna. It also turned out to be my passion. Kaya pasensya na kung madalas ko ngang unahin ang trabaho kesa sa 'yo."
He stopped talking and started to look down and play with his fingers. Hindi ako tumugon sa speech niya. I just stared at him, profusely blinking and waiting for him to continue the talking.
This is all I wanted all along. For him to talk about his passions in life. Palagi na lang ako ang pinag-uusapan namin. Kaya ngayong sarili niya na ang pinag-uusapan, gustong-gusto ko na tuloy na makinig sa kanya kahit buong magdamag pa 'yan. Hindi naman maaga ang klase ko bukas kaya ayos lang.
"I can't help but think of you despite my busy life, though," he chuckled. "I plan our encounters whenever I have a vacant time. Minsan, naiisip ko pa nga na dalhin ka kahit saan. Minsan ko nang naiisip na ilibot ka sa buong Negros, o bumalik tayo d'on sa 'min. Pero alam ko namang hindi pwede. That place will just bring us too much memories, that even the bad ones might resurface again. And I don't think I can risk this trust I'm gaining with you again. Kaya baka pwede sa susunod, kapag medyo maluwag-luwag na ang sched ko, baka sa ibang lugar na lang kita dalhin. Ewan pa kung saan. Basta, I'm always thinking about a great escapade with you. 'Yong tayong dalawa lang."
I chuckled. "My friends actually invited me for a trip to Siquijor. I already made up my mind na baka sumama na nga lang ako sa kanila. A vacation won't hurt, though. Pagkatapos yata ng graduation ko."
He turned his head to look at me. "Talaga?"
I carefully nodded at him.
"Kailan nga ulit ang graduation mo?" tanong niya. I smiled. I don't think I ever mentioned it to him, though.
"Isang buwan na lang,"
"Latin Honors?" he smiled while asking.
I rolled my eyes playfully, "Aiming for that."
Mahina kaming tumawa at ibinalik ulit ang tingin sa dagat sa harap namin. Nagbalik din ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin at ngayon tahimik na naman kaming nakaupo sa buhangin.
"I'm happy I met you again, Cianna..." he said out of the blue.
"I actually considered not seeing you again. Natakot ako noon na makita mo ulit ako. Baka... galit na galit ka na pala sa 'kin at itaboy mo ako."
I turned my head to face him. Gusto ko sanang may idagdag sa sinabi niya, but I stopped myself. Siguro hahayaan ko muna siyang magsalita. Mamaya na ako sisingit.
"Pagkatapos naming umalis ni Kuya, hindi kami dumiretso dito. Bumalik muna kami ng Siquijor ng ilang buwan at nag-isip sa kung ano na ang plano namin sa buhay. Wala kaming dalang pera nang tumakas kami, pero mabuti na lang at may kilala kami sa Pantalan kaya nakasakay pa kami ng barko papuntang Siquijor. Pagkatapos n'on, wala na talaga kaming kahit barya. Hindi na namin alam kung saan pa pupunta. Medyo malayo sa kabisera ng isla ang bahay namin d'on. Mabuti may nakakilala sa 'min at tinulungan kami."
I was just silent as I listen to him. Nakapilig ang ulo ko, inaabsorb lahat ng sinasabi niya. There have been lingering questions in my mind that I so badly want to ask him. But again, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.
"Nagtrabaho muna kami ng ilang buwan sa mga kamag-anak namin, habang nagtatago pa rin sa... pamilya mo. Pinaghahanap pa rin kami ng mg Esquivel kaya, kailangan talaga naming mag-ingat kahit nasa probinsya na kami."
He let out a deep sigh, "Ilang buwan nga lang, napansin naming parang wala naman ang mga Esquivel. Wala naman yatang nakamasid sa 'min at nagtaka kami ni Kuya d'on. Huli na nang nalaman naming... nagkasakit ang mga magulang mo. At magsisinungaling ako sa 'yo ngayon kapag sinabi kong hindi ako natuwa d'on, Cianna."
He looked at me for a second, but looked away again.
"Natuwa kami ni Kuya. Sa totoo lang, para kaming mga ibon na nakawala sa hawla sa sobrang tuwa. Sa wakas, malaya na kami! Wala na ang mga bangungot namin sa buhay dahil nalaos na ang mga Esquivel! Pero..."
Yumuko siya, "N’ong napag-isa ako sa kwarto ko, doon pa lang kita naisip. Masyado akong nagpadala sa saya ko na nakalimutan kong... baka ikaw na naman ang magdusa. Matagal ka nang nagdusa dahil sa mga magulang mo tapos ngayon, mauulit na naman. Mas grabe na ang sitwasyon at iniisip ko pa nga lang na mahihirapan ka, parang gusto ko na lang bawiin ang kasiyahang nadama ko. Naisip ko pa kung pa'no kita basta-bastang iniwan d'on. Cianna.... 'di mo alam kung pa'no ako nagsisi sa mga panahong 'yon. Sinisi ko ang sarili ko sa ginawa ko sa 'yo. Na sana pala sinama kita. Sana hindi kita iniwan d'on. Sana sinagip kita..."
I saw tears started to form on his eyes. Suminghot siya para pigilan ang sarili niyang humikbi.
"Sorry..." and that's when his shoulders went up and down. Not because of happiness, but because of the raging emotions inside him. Now he's crying again, using his arm to cover his face as he weeps on his own.
Unconscious of my actions, I used my hands to get his arm away from his face. And just like how I imagined how he'd look, his face is now filled with dried tears. Eyes sore and mouth gasping for air. Like a knight injured in a battle, trying his best to hold on for his dear life.
I hugged him. And that's when I noticed another series of calm emotions going on from inside me. I couldn't quite grasp them, but they indeed make me feel at peace. With my crying knight on my shoulder, murmuring apologies for the mistakes I know he did not mean, I feel like I'm now the savior I have always thought that would've been his place.
Now I'm the one silencing his cries, saying words of comfort on his ear to calm his crying soul. Parang noon lang, ako ang umiiyak sa kanya at siya naman ang tumatahan sa 'kin. Ngayon, heto na. Bumaliktad ang sitwasyon namin. I'm not complaining, though. In fact, I am loving this moment.
"I've been working hard for the past years, Cianna... studying hard... for you..." he said in between his cries.
"Alam kong naghihirap ka dahil sa mga magulang mo tapos... iniwan pa kita. Gabi-gabi akong binabangungot ng mukha mo, Cianna. Sana pala talaga, sinama kita..."
"Shhh..."
"No, Cianna. You have to know what I've been through. You're always in my mind. Hindi kita nakalimutan. Palagi kong naiisip na... mag-aaral ako nang mabuti... pagkatapos ay magtatarabaho ako nang mabuti... para kung magkita ulit tayo, kaya na kitang buhayin kung maisipan ko mang umalis ulit, isasama na kita, at kaya na kitang buhayin. Hindi na kita iiwan. Because that's the only thing that kept me from letting you escape with me... my incapability to let you live the life you deserve."
"Kian..." I whispered his name as I held his face in my palm, letting him face me and look in my eyes.
"You never have to do that..." I looked at his lips. "That incapability of yours won't matter to me. All I wanted that time was to come with you... to escape this life with you. Kahit mahirap pa rin ang kapalit, basta ikaw ang kasama ko..."
A tear then fell from my eyes. Scared that he'll see me crying again, I pressed my lips to his. I felt he was taken aback on what I suddenly did. Pero ilang sandali lang ay tumugon naman siya sa halik ko.
I closed my eyes tightly when his lips started to move on mine. Para na akong lumilipad sa ulap. I never knew I was this thirsty for his kisses. The way I responded to him showed how much I've been longing for him all this time.
Sa bawat kilos ng mga labi namin sa isa't-isa, tila mas lalo kong nararamdaman ang paghilom sa loob ko. Tila nagamot ang mga sugat na natipon ko sa ilang taon na pagdurusa sa dilim. Parang nabuhayan ang kaluluwa ko at nabigyan na naman ng panibagong rason para magpatuloy.
The kiss we shared was not wild, nor erotic on any kind. It was peaceful and simple. With our mouths pressed against each other, moving at such a simple rhythm, I found peace and... love at the same time.
And when our lips parted from each other, we immediately went back to looking at our eyes, communicating at such a silent manner, wanting peace to just do the talking.
I saw a series of sparks in his eyes as he lifted his hands to touch my face. I instantly responded to his actions. Pinilig ko ang ulo ko, niramdam ang init ng kamay niya na nasa pisngi ko na. Still not breaking our stares, the wind blew gently on my hair.
Hinawi niya ang bangs ko gamit ang isa pa niyang kamay, at bumalik sa pagtitig na lang sa 'kin. Pinasadahan niya ng tingin lahat ng bahagi ng mukha ko, at gan’on din ang ginawa ko.
From his perfect thick eyebrows, dark orbs that are now looking at me softly, his not so visible stubble that is still so hard to notice, and his soft plump lips, he is indeed perfect. Matching the way he looks at me, he looks like someone I've always described him to be. A demon disguised as an angel in front of me.
It's just now, I began to trust him without the doubts. I felt his genuineness and sincerity of his presence. Now, I am sure that the man in front of me is not showing a mere facade. He's true. He's real. And now, I began to see all his emotions within a split of a second. Now he's looking at me like he's an open book, letting me read him so I won't find another set of pages to read. So I won't find another book to let me know the answers to my heart's desire.
"I love you..."
Nagulat ang kaluluwa ko sa sinabi niya. But I never showed him what I just felt. My soul was shook by his sudden confession, but I let my eyes soften as I look at him.
And with the pounding of my heart, and the whispers of my soul, I knew this is the moment I've always waited. So I smiled, and let my emotions for him out this time. With no certain decision, but also with no regrets, I whispered what I've been wanting to tell him all this time.
"I love you, too."
Magkahawak kamay kami ngayon ni Kian habang nilalakad ang distansya ng cafe na tinatrabahuan ko galing sa school. Dahil nasira ang sasakyan niya kaninang umaga, nag-commute lang din siya papunta sa school ko. Nahihiya pa siya kanina nang sabihin sa 'kin na wala ang sasakyan niya at hindi niya ako mahahatid sa cafe gamit 'yon gaya ng palagi niyang ginagawa.
"Ano na lang sasabihin n’ong mga kaibigan mo d'on? Na nalaos na boyfriend mo?" nakanguso niyang sambit nang sinundo niya ako sa tapat ng classroom ko.
It has been a month and yes, we are now officially in a relationship. Napakabilis ng mga nangyari at ngayon, 'eto na kami.
It was heck of an adjustment, though. Hanggang ngayon naninibago pa rin ako. But I think that's fine. Besides, it's still been a month. We still have lots of time for this adjustment. Yeah. Lots of time. 'Cause this time, I don't think I'll ever be letting go of him. And he also made sure we are on that same page.
Tinawanan ko siya at mahinang sinapak ang braso niya, "Hindi 'yon. May gusto nga siguro 'yong mga 'yon sa 'yo, eh."
Hinawakan niya ang braso niya, nakanguso pa rin. "Tapos? Gusto mo n'on? May ibang nagkakagusto sa 'kin?"
I smiled. "Hawakan mo na lang ang kamay ko habang naglalakad tayo papunta d'on. Para dito pa lang, alam na ng lahat ng makakakita sa 'tin na akin ka na."
I saw him blushed after that. At ngayon, parehong nasa mga labi namin ang mga matatamis na mga ngiti sa oras na magkahawak kami ng kamay. Parang tanga naman 'tong isang 'to. Para namang hindi kami magkahawak kamay kahit nasa sasakyan niya kami.
At nang nakarating na kami ng tuluyan sa cafe, hawak niya pa rin ang kamay ko. Binitawan niya lang ako nang sinabihan ko siyang aalis na ako para makapagbihis na. Hindi nga lang siya nakontento. Hinalikan niya pa ang likod ng palad ko bago ako pinakawalan.
I can feel the stares of the people around us but I just didn't care about them. Iginiya ko na ang sarili sa locker at nagbihis na saka nagsimulang magtrabaho.
Tatlong araw na lang at graduation ko na pero sinulit ko pa rin itong araw na 'to para mag-duty sa cafe. Hindi naman ako sinaway ng mga katrabaho ko. In fact, ayaw na nga yata nila na umalis pa ako dahil kay Kian.
Everyone in my job has a crush on my boyfriend, and that's not something I tolerate. Kaya nga paminsan-minsan, hinahalikan ko pa siya sa harap nila para matigil sila sa pagpapantasya sa kanya.
Nga lang, hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin sila natitigil. Hinahayaan ko na lang. Sa susunod na linggo, hindi na naman ako pupunta dito. Magsisimula na akong mag-aral para sa board exams kaya kailangan ko na ngang tumigil muna pansamantala sa pagtatrabaho.
Kian said he will help me with my family, though, for the mean time that I will be off of my works. I declined his offer immediately, kasi may mga binebenta pa naman ako online at kakayanin pa naman siguro ng pera na makukuha ko d'on ang gastusin.
Still, he insisted. Kaya ngayon, wala na akong magagawa. Hindi naman daw masyadong malaki ang ibibigay niya sa 'kin. Just enough so I can still satisfy my parents. Hindi ko pa nga lang siya napapakilala sa kanila dahil sa takot na baka mag-wild si Mommy. She has always liked Evon for me, pero...
And speaking of Evon, I already told the news to him. I actually expected na magwawala siya. Buong gabi ko talagang inensayo ang mga sasabihin ko sa kanya. I don't want to sound harsh, or rude for rejecting him even when he's the one whose always there for me. Noon lang yata ako kinabahan ng sobra sa mga nagdaang taon na pambabasted sa kanya. I was afraid I might hurt him so much.
But then I realized that maybe that's what I've been doing all this time. Me loving someone else despite his efforts is already a betrayal from the beginning. My betrayal.
That was why I was so shocked on how he responded to the news about me and Kian. With his same manly and almost ruthless features, he looks so calm in front of me.
"It's okay, Cianna. I knew I was never meant for you."
His smile told me that he's not happy. I can somehow see disappointment in him, but he's showing that he's alright. Like he's not crumbling in pieces deep inside him.
"I knew it from the start that he's the one who have a hold of your heart. I was just so dumb to even think of getting a chance with you. Alam kong talo na ako kapag siya na ang kalaban ko. But I never regretted trying, Cianna. I never regretted all those years I spent trying to get to you. And most importantly, never did I regretted loving you. Hindi bale na kung hindi ako ang pinili mo. Basta masaya ka sa kanya, masaya na rin ako para sa 'yo."
I smiled softly at him. "Thank you, Evon. You don't know how much your words mean to me. I hope we can still be friends..."
Ngumiti din siya, "Of course, Cici."
I know Evon. He's my friend. And I know that his motives for me was all true and genuine. It's just that, I can't choose who I fall in love with. Kung pwede lang siya ang piliin ko para hindi ako makasakit ng kaibigan, matagal ko nang pinilit ang sarili ko.
But then that won't be love anymore. Because that emotion is so strong that it just can't be forced so easily on someone. Love is sacred. And now, for me, love gives me happiness.
I watched as my friends play on the whitest grains of sands I've ever been. Their feet smashing on the rough sands of the ethereal beach of Siquijor. Their laughter while playing volleyball and all sorts of each games. All this happiness I'm feeling right now is the product of all their efforts.
Nakilaro din ako sa kanila kanina. Ngayon ay nandito na lang ako sa isang sun lounger. Katabi ko si Kian at nakatanaw lang din siya sa mga kaibigan kong naglalaro sa buhanginan.
Surprisingly, they were okay with my relationship with Kian. Akala ko kasi talaga nagbibiro lang sila nang sabihin nilang ayos lang na maging kami. I thought they were just being dramatic. Pero sa nakikita ko ngayon, I can see that they are actually casually interacting with each other.
Kasama din namin ngayon si Dalaz at ang kapatid ni Ron na si Astrid. And with the way they held hands wherever we go, I think they also got back together. I haven't asked Kian about his brother's love story with my friend's sister, but I think that's something I shouldn't talk about anyway.
N’ong isang linggo lang natapos ang graduation ko. As usual, hindi pumunta ang mga magulang ko. But I was happy that I received Latin honors and that's something that can still make me tear up until today. I am now halfway through my dreams! Tuluyan kong tinanggap ang offer ni Mia na mag-paralegal muna sa kilala niyang lawyer, kaya mas napapangiti ako kapag naiiisip na malapit na rin ako makapagtrabaho ng full-time!
"Do you like it?" I turned my head at Kian when I heard him ask me something.
"Ha?"
"The view, the place. Do you like it?" he asked as he points his finger at the scenery in front of us.
I smiled at him, "Of course! Ang ganda kaya!"
"This is the place where I grew up." he acted proud.
"Stop boasting, you idiot. 'Wag mo 'kong paselosin."
He chuckled. "Ano na namang pagseselosan mo?"
"Na dito ka lumaki!"
Tumawa siya ulit at lumapit sa kung nas'an ako.
"Ano namang meron d'on?"
I crossed my arms, "Sana ganito rin kaganda ang kinalakihan ko..."
I've always been open to him about how bad my childhood was. Kaya nang sabihin ko 'yon, bahagya ding lumungkot ang mukha niya.
But he just reached for my shoulder, so he could pull me closer to him. Humilig ako sa dibdib niya, nakatanaw pa rin sa payapang dagat sa harap namin. Papalubog na ang araw pero naglalaro pa rin ang mga kaibigan ko. The smile on their faces just told me that this little escapade isn't just meant for me or Ron's proposal later. It's for us, to finally have a short vacation after a long while.
Kian told me something about my friends a few weeks after we started dating. He told me to treasure them, to start appreciating their efforts for our friendship because they're actually doing their best to be always there for me.
"Alam kong medyo hindi maganda ang ekspresyon nila sa 'kin noon, pero Cianna, I just noticed it now that your friends are actually for keeps. N’ong nagpaalam sila sa 'kin na dadalhin ka nila sa Siquijor dahil gusto ka nilang bigyan ng bakasyon, I actually felt moved by their words. I couldn't quite express it now, pero nagustuhan ko talaga kung pa'no nila hiningi ang permiso ko para dalhin ka d'on."
He said more things about them. And by the way he explained how he's grateful for my friends, the more I found myself thanking them, too. Oh, Kian's effect on me. Kaya niya talaga akong gawing ganito. Just simple words from him and I'm all ready to obey everything he says.
"Kung sakali bang tayo talaga ang magkatuluyan, gusto mo... dito tayo tumira?"
My face lighted up on what he said. "Oo naman! I'd love to live here!"
"Then we'll live here..."
My smile widened. "Pero gusto ko 'yong dito talaga malapit sa dagat ang bahay natin. Iyong sa bawat paggising ko, hangin agad mula sa dagat ang malalanghap ko. Tapos konting lakad lang, maabot ko na 'yong buhangin. Tapos kada hapon, sabay nating tatanawin ang sunset ng ganito, malapit sa isa't-isa. Pero kung aawayin mo 'ko, edi... hindi ako tatabi sa 'yo!"
He laughed at me. Nang matantong medyo nalayo ako sa posisyon namin kanina, hinila niya ulit ako papalapit sa kaniya. I scooted closer, too. Nagbalik kami sa dati naming posisyon kanina. Yakap niya ako sa likod at nakahilig ang katawan ko sa dibdib niya.
"Hindi na lang kita aawayin. Ayoko yata na panoorin ang sunset na hindi kita kayakap."
Hinampas ko siya. "Ang corny mo!"
Kumunot ang noo niya. "Ha? Anong corny d'on? Nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo!"
"Ang corny mo talaga magpakilig..."
"Kinilig ka d'on? Ang babaw mo pala,"
Nalaglag ang panga ko bago siya sinamaan ng tingin. He put his hands up as defense for himself.
"Joke lang, Ma'am!"
Nagtawanan kami pagkatapos. But after that fleeting moment, we went back to being silent.
And that's what I've always wanted about him. Hindi siya masyadong madaldal, hindi rin masyadong tahimik. It's always after a short talk that he goes silent, every single time. Pagkatapos ng konting pag-uusap, mananahimik agad. He's not a guy who's fond of long talks. Madalas ang mga dates namin, magkatabi lang kami at hindi nag-uusap. And that's something I liked about our relationship. We're not lacking communication, though. It's just that, both of us are fond of peace and silence. Which, for me, makes us a perfect match.
And as I am with him, peacefully watching the sunset, a thought I've never expected will come to me, came to my mind.
With the tranquility of the moment, and with the man I love, I realized that... this has always been the life I wanted.