They say all you need to have is courage so that you can let the person you care about know how much you want to be with them or how you really feel about them.
Chris couldn't do anything but watch Adeline open her apartment door. He had to get her attention to say what he had wanted to say earlier on the way home.
"Good night, Chris. I'll see you tomorrow," Adeline told him as she opened the door.
"Good night," Chris said.
Adeline slowly entered her apartment as soon as she slightly pushed the door open. When she was about to close the door, Chris suddenly held it and stopped it from closing.
It surprised Adeline to see his action. "Chris, what's wrong?"
"I want to say something for 10 minutes," he said.
They both remained in their stances, looking at each other right before Chris started talking.
"I hated you during junior high school because my friends were teasing me about you and I got embarrassed about it," Chris explained.
Adeline has no idea why Chris suddenly comes up to say things that happened, even though it's been a while and they're okay now.
"But, the truth is that I have been in love with you during those times and I couldn't lie to myself anymore," he continued.
Adeline gulped in confusion. "Was that a confession?"
"Yes."
"Well, thank you for clearing everything about the junior high school thing with me and also the way you seriously felt about me. But, why are you suddenly telling me this?" Adeline asked him.
"I want to let you know that I'm here, Quinn. I may have bought you a diary, but I'm here for you. You can tell me what's doubting or worrying you." Chris's voice went a little emotional. "I can be your human diary. So, please stop hiding and keeping your sadness all to yourself because I can't keep on watching your smiles fade away."
She was speechless. It seemed to her like she was listening to a very artistic narration. It may not be a masterpiece, but it was a sincere one, especially coming from someone who likes to talk bullshit before.
Chris slowly opened up the door in between him and Adeline as they looked at each other closely.
"I am not sure about the truth. I may not see or hear it from you, but I can feel it," he continued.
"What truth?" Adeline asked him.
"Your feelings for me. Your view of me as a friend. Will it still change?"
The truth was Chris happens to be Adeline's first love too, but she wasn't sure anymore if until now that's what she still feels for him.
"I'm sorry, Chris… but-"
"You can't love me more than just a friend, right? I was right," he concluded.
They got to stare at each other, but Chris shook his head and walked away from her. Adeline tried to hold his hand and stop him from walking away.
Chris stopped, but he couldn't look at her face.
"I tried to respond to your affection and treatment of me but... I really can't find the love that can reciprocate the love you're giving me," she said.
"So, does it mean you just agreed to date me because I'm your friend?" Chris asked her.
Adeline doesn't know what to give him as an answer. She doesn't want to hurt him more than he's being hurt right now.
Chris scoffed. "Or is it because you just felt pity for me?"
Adeline stared at Chris's back as she let go of his hand. She didn't think that her decision to agree to date Chris would ruin their friendship.
She thought, 'It's my fault'.
"Tomorrow, I am leaving for France. I don’t know when I’ll be back."
"You're leaving?" Adeline asked him.
"Take care of yourself while I’m gone," Chris said before finally walking away, entering his apartment.
Adeline was upset with what happened, but she can't fool herself for the happiness of other people, even if it's for her friend's sake.
She sat down on her bed and tried to contact her mother, hoping she would answer her call. But it already took her 5 attempts, still no one picking up. There are so many problems going on in her life that she hardly even knows which of them she will solve first.
Adeline went straight to the kitchen after changing to her sleeping clothes to cook dinner. She wanted to be distracted from the conversation she had with Chris earlier so she thought of cooking and eating, primary ways of people who avoid being stressed.
But, while she was in the middle of cooking, she thought of putting ketchup on her fried rice. Until she realized it wasn't ketchup that she had put in, but mustard.
It stunned her as she looked back and forth between the bottle of mustard she held that looked the same as the bottle of ketchup left on the counter. She turned off the stove and closed her eyes. She did not know what was happening to her.
Will she die? That’s what she thought.
She tried to open her eyes again, and it went completely black and white. She couldn’t see any more colors aside from the two. What was happening to her?
Adeline could not restrain to feel the need to cry because of the lack she was experiencing. She never thought that a person like her whose life had been almost perfect since the beginning would experience gradual shortcomings.
She continued sobbing in front of the stove before coming towards the sink to wash her face. She kept telling herself that everything wasn’t real. Everything is temporary and that everything will eventually go back to normal.
After a few splashes of water on her face, she opened up her eyes again. Still black and white. She remained calm, both hands propped up on the sink ledge. She breathed heavily and slowly until she couldn’t help herself from breaking down and crying.
She just sat on the floor because she felt weakness on her knees. It feels like no one can help her. No one can understand her. Everyone who tells her that they will do anything to understand Adeline is untrue.
Adeline woke up the next day and noticed her sight went back to normal. It was like an immediate miracle. She decided that she should have someone to tell about her eye condition so that she could get an opinion. But who can she talk to about that?
Her friend Chris wasn’t an exemption from her options, so she had the courage to go to his apartment before she went straight to work. She tried to knock on his door… but no one seemed to answer.
Her thoughts went crazy, ‘Has he left already? Did he really leave without even letting me know? What happened last night was already a goodbye from him? Why?’
Soon she heard footsteps going up the stairs. When she looked at who was approaching, she saw Chris, who had just finished jogging. Chris didn’t expect to see her right in front of his door early in the morning.
In the end, Chris invited her inside his apartment to have some coffee. It seemed normal to them to ignore what just happened before and easily move on.
“What were you doing at the door of my apartment earlier?” Chris asked before setting down a cup of coffee on the coffee table in front of Adeline.
“I need to talk to you about something," she said.
Chris just looked at her and silently sat down on the opposite sofa of Adeline’s. He took a sip of his own coffee while staring at her, making her uncomfortable.
Adeline panicked with what Chris did that’s why she took her cup of coffee and sipped on it. Chris breaks his silence as soon as he places the cup back on the table in front of them.
“What is it?” he asked her.
Adeline put down the cup. “It’s about what happened yesterday at the hospital.”
“So, now you’ve decided to make me your human diary in a sudden, huh?” Chris questioned her.
She was left surprised by his statement. She thought, ‘Is he mad at me?’
“You should start our conversation with the question if I still would want to hear any of your stories after what happened to us last night. You should be considerate of other people’s feelings and avoid being selfish, Maynez," Chris told her straightforwardly.
Adeline knew he was angry. Because that was the first time Chris called her by her last name. She felt embarrassed and couldn’t look him in the eyes. She bit her lips before deciding to get up from her seat and placed down the cup she was holding back to the table.
Chris remained to stare at her, watching her every movement.
Adeline sighed. "I will not prolong our conversation and I will tell it to you directly.”
They stared at each other for a few moments, trying to figure out each other’s minds. What were they thinking about?
“I have an eyesight problem where sometimes I would only see black and white as the colors of my surroundings.”
Chris suddenly frowned at what he just heard.
“I consulted an optometrist, but he found nothing wrong with me," Adeline explained.
She waited for him to say something… but he had nothing. He remained silent. She didn’t even know if he listened to every word that lingered on her lips.
She thought their friendship would just end with such treatment. A bitter one. Adeline couldn’t avoid shedding even a single tear because of how cold Chris has become towards her. It was her fault, after all.
She sniffled. “That’s all I wanted to tell you.”
“Oh,” Chris responded.
“I will leave now. Good luck with France.”
Adeline walked towards the door, but she stopped before even touching the knob. She caught Chris’s attention as she turned her head down. The resentment and sadness she felt could no longer be restrained.
“You never changed, Chris…” Her voice fainted as she sobbed.
Even though Chris was upset, he still couldn’t help but worry every time Adeline cries and gets hurt. His affection for her really formed as a friendship from the beginning until it developed as love.
Adeline was surprised by Chris's suddenly hugging her from behind. His arms wrapped around her shoulders, his right cheek near the upper left of her head, and his chest resting on her back.
His embrace is warm as the sun. She even felt his breath near her left ear and it gave her a crawl on the spine. Even though her body temperature got warm, her heart was beating fast and her butterflies were present again.
Chris breathes out. "Give me another chance to change so I can be deserving of you, Adeline.”