ARLENE MARIELLA's POV
A few more minutes passed before Sterian could return with the food he had bought. He bought so many sweets, my teeth will become worse after eating all of them.
He put all the food on the table in front of the TV. I went to the clothes I was fixing earlier to sit down and start watching. Sterian and Stewart also followed me so we chose to watch.
"Are you watching horror movies?" Sterian asked me.
"Yep."
"Great! So, let's watch this?"
"Sure, I wish this movie would scare me to death." I joked.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA." We both laughed.
Clarita is the movie we chose. At first, I was terrified. I took the pillow that rested on Sterian‘s thigh and covered my face. He ignored that because he was just so focused on watching.
My joke came true. I'm scared too much, I'm scared but I'm still watching horror movies. Oh right? I'm so strong right, I want to kill myself.
I can already feel what Riana felt when I threatened her. It makes me feel so nervous! I'm so guilty right now because what I did to Riana is happening to me but in a different way.
"Oh, shit!" I cried to see what he was doing to himself when he joined.
I didn't realize that I had hugged the person next to me because I was so scared. I lost my grip as the nervousness mixed with fear flowed down my chest.
I was overwhelmed by the fact that it probably wasn’t Sterian I hugged, it was Stewart!
'Oh fuck! Embarrassing! '
Annoyed, I said in my mind. I pinched my thigh because of the embarrassment. I ignored what I was doing and just focused on what I was watching.
Sterian chuckled, silently. I pouted my lips and crossed my arms. That wasn't good, and there's no joke! Why the hell is he laughing? Is it because of my face? Or reaction? Hell you, Sterian!
This is his fault! No! It was the movie's fault! Right!
"You okay?" Sterian leaned just to whisper in my ear.
"Hate you." I poked my snout even harder. Psh.
"That's okay," he laughed and lightly tapped my shoulder.
"Don't touch me, I hate it."
"Aww, you're being sensitive huh?"
"Can you please, leave me alone?" I glared at him.
"Well, Mariella, haven't you noticed that you're in my room? My room, Mariella."
"Who cares if this is your room?"
"You cared because you waited and listened to what I'm saying here."
"Blah, blah."
After the movie, I was getting up so I invited him to the veranda. I just want someone to talk to, even if he's not sober.
"Hey, can we go there? And, talk about something?" I asked him, softly.
"Wow, aren't you rude anymore?" he smiled sarcastically.
"Nah, I'm not rude anymore. So, can we go there now?" Like a child, I pointed to the love seat on her veranda.
"Still cute." I heard his whisper. "Sure, you can go there now. I'll just get some food for us." he stood up and supported me before I went there.
After a few minutes, he placed the tray on the table in the middle of us and sat in front of me. Stewart is still on the sofa, eating food too.
"So? What are we gonna talk about?" He said and picked a cookie on the tray.
"Well, I just want to ask what will happen to me after 5 years? I thought about that last night."
"You'll be a successful woman. Don't think too much about your future, it might.. get worse if you expect too much."
"I know... when I'm alone, thoughts are flying in my mind. They're like a bird, who's chirping, and I can't understand what they're saying. That's why my mind was like a crumpled paper every day."
"Depressed people are like that. Are you depressed? Stress? Or your anxiety always attacks?"
"I'm not depressed. But, I am stressed. I am stressed, thinking about my past." I looked outside.
"Why are you thinking about your past, if you can think about your present? You're stressing yourself, Mariella."
"I can't stop. I want to be happy."
"If you want to be happy, then, stop thinking about the things or memories that'll just hurt you. Let your mind think about happy thoughts. No one can make you happy. You, yourself can. Make yourself happy first, before letting everyone do it for you. "
"But, how? I can't even love myself,"
That is true. How can I be happy, if I can't even love myself? Things are so complicated. I feel like everything is like a puzzle. They're hard to read and hard to fix.
"If you don't love yourself, then, why are you still here? And alive?"
First Blood.
"You're still alive because you love yourself. If you're not loving yourself, then why are you eating right now? Why are you wearing clothes? Why are you wearing makeup? Why did you comb your hair?"
Double kill.
"Those people who were living inside the hospital, are suffering from a disease, Mariella. They're not living free, and can't do whatever they want to do. They are the ones who don't have a happy life. "
Triple Kill.
"Homeless people don't have a house like you have. They don't have branded clothes like what you're wearing right now, they don't even have a meal that is as delicious as what you ate every day. Some kids out there are parentless. "
Maniac!
"You should be thankful for the things you have right now. Stop saying that you don't love yourself, cause you are loving yourself. The things we have right now are worth it because we used and ate the important things in life from God, who gave us life and hope. "
Savage.