It's been three days since Ms. Chua said those words. And tatlong araw na din magulo ang utak ko dahil dun.
Worst is, I asked about it but she didn't gave me any response.
At sa loob ng tatlong araw, ngisi lang palagi ang natatanggap ko sa tuwing makikita o makakasalubong ko siya.
Parang pinapakita niya na may alam siya na hindi ko alam.
What if alam niya yung mga naging kabaliwan ko noon kay Ianne Faye?
Is she planning to blackmail me?
Pero pano kung alam din ni Ianne Faye?
Pero mukhang hindi nga niya ako maalala eh.
Maybe pinagti-tripan lang talaga 'ko ng babaeng yun.
At kelan ka pa ba naging affected nang ganito, Gwen Michelle?
Bakit ba pagdating sakanya lagi mong nakakalimutan ang mga sinet mong boundaries sa sarili mo??
Out of all people, bakit sakanya ka pa nagkaroon ng biggest crush---
"Ay crush!"
Hindi ko sinasadyang mapasigaw dahil sa gulat.
Ikaw ba naman sipain ang inuupuan mo?
Sinong hindi maiinis---
"W-why?" I asked. Natigil ako sa pag-iisip ng kung ano-ano nang lingunin ko ang taong nasa likod ko.
Her arms are crossed while giving me her usual expression.
"Don't tell me you're fantasizing someone while working?" Seryosong tanong nito.
I was about to say something nang magsalita ulit siya.
"I can't believe I heard the word 'crush' from your mouth. Ano ka, high school student?"
Nang bumalik ako sa ulirat at nag sink in na yung sinabi niya ay hindi ko mapigilan na mapangisi. Kaya mas lalo na namang kumunot ang noo nito.
"Will you stop giving me that expression? It's unexplainably annoying." sabi niya na may halong pagpipigil ng inis.
"Now you're curious about what I'm thinking, huh?" I asked, still with a grin.
For the past days, I decided na baguhin ang pakikitungo sakanya. Ayoko ng masyadong seryoso dahil siguradong pag iinitan lang ako ng ulo nito. That's why ako ang nagpapainit ng ulo niya ngayon.
I know what to do with the likes of her. Kaya nga napilitan nalang din ang CEO na ako muna mag-asikaso dito eh.
Medyo ibang way nga lang ang ginagawa kong pag-handle sa ugali ng isang 'to.
"You know, you're exactly the same as Patricia. Para kayong mga tanga." sabi niya na halata na masyado ang pagkairita.
Ngayon ko lang nalaman na close pala talaga sila nung Patricia. Nakikita ko na sila dati na madalas magkasama. I thought nangungulit lang yung isa. Pero nakikita kong tinuturing pa din niyang kaibigan si Ms. Chua. Mainitin lang ulo nito palagi.
Tumalikod na siya sakin at akmang babalik na sa pwesto nito pero bigla siyang tumigil at humarap ulit sakin. Her blank expression came back.
"I'm asking you awhile ago about the files I asked for you to sort out. Already finished or not?" she asked.
"I already did. Even your email messages were already categorized." I answered.
Mga three seconds siguro siyang nakatitig lang.
"K." maikling sagot niya pagkatapos ay tinalikuran na ulit ako.
Medyo nakaawang ang bibig ko habang pinagmamasdan siya pabalik sa pwesto niya.
First time kong ma-'K' ha.
Ako ang madalas na sumasagot ng ganun sa ibang tao. And ngayon ko lang narealize na nakakabastos pala.
Tss. Whatever.
Maya-maya pa ay nag vibrate ang phone ko. It's a message from Matt.
"Are you free tonight? Mom and Dad will be home and they want to see you. Dinner would be 8. Mauna ka na sa bahay. I'm at the airport to pick them up. Take care."
--- CEO
I was about to send my reply which is 'okay', when I suddenly heard the door closed.
Agad kong tiningnan si Ms. Perez sa pwesto niya pero wala na siya dun.
Did she just left me here???
Mabilis kong kinuha ang bag and coat ko at sumunod agad sakanya.
Pagkatapos ko siyang hintayin at sabayang magtrabaho hanggang 7pm??
Tss.
Hindi man lang magsabi na aalis na. Porket ako ang nagpumilit kanina na hintayin nalang siya.
Wala talaga 'tong utang na loob.
Para akong nanlumo nang makita ko ang dahan-dahang pagsara ng elevator kung saan siya pumasok.
Seriously?!
Dali dali akong naglakad papunta sa executive elevator. Mabuti nalang at may access ako dito. Akala mo ha.
Naabutan ko siyang naglalakad sa may parking area at kita ko pang medyo nagulat siya sa pagsulpot ko.
I raised both my eyebrows and made a grin.
She just rolled her eyes and continue walking.
"Bye Ms. Perez. Take care." I said when I reached my car. Sa kabila pa kasi naka park yung kanya.
"K."
As usual. Yun lang sagot niya. At wala man lang kaemo-emosyon.
Napa-iling iling nalang ako.
Nawala naman yung ngisi ko nang hindi ko makita ang car key ko.
Ginalugad ko na ang bag ko pati yung coat ko pero wala.
What the heck. Where was it??
Inalala ko yung mga lugar kung san ko ba pwedeng maiwan yun.
Pero wala akong maisip. Nasa bag ko lang naman yun. At whole day akong nasa office. We just ordered food because we're too busy this day.
Hindi naman ako nagdadala ng car key sa restroom. Like duh?
*beep*
Napalingon ako sa kotseng nasa may likuran ko.
"You look stupid again. What's your problem this time?" Ms. Perez asked.
She's now in her car and damn. Hindi ko maiwasang i-compliment siya sa likod ng utak ko. She's so pretty just by holding a steering wheel.
"Ah. I think I lost my key." I answered habang naghahanap pa rin.
"Tss. Stupid nga." Bulong nito na narinig ko naman.
Pero hinayaan ko na muna dahil nakaka-frustrate 'tong nangyayari sakin.
This is the first time na makawala ako ng importanteng gamit.
Damn it.
"You can---"
"I'll go back to the office. I'm sure nandun lang yun. You should go first. Bye again, ma'am." I hurriedly say then fasten my walking pace towards the elevator again.
--------
Mga fifteen minutes din siguro akong naghanap pero wala akong nahagilap. Kaya in the end ay sumuko na rin ako.
Kinalma ko muna ang sarili ko for about ten seconds bago lumabas ng office ni Ms. Perez.
Habang naglalakad ay may nadaanan naman akong isang cubicle na may nagkalat na pile of papers kaya nilapitan ko yun para ayusin.
Kanino bang working space 'to. Very unorganized. Tsk.
I was about to pick the last piece of paper when the lights suddenly came off and I can't see even a single ray of light anywhere.
In a snap, my calm mind and heart became in discomfort. An unwanted memory suddenly flashed.
Naramdaman ko ang panginginig ng tuhod ko kaya kusa akong napaupo sa sulok. I pushed myself in the corner while hugging my knees.
.
.
.
.
.
"Bakit ba hindi ka nakikinig sakin Gwen Michelle?! Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sayo na hindi ka pwedeng lumabas mag-isa sa school niyo!! Pano kung may mangyari na naman sayong masama?! Lagi mo nalang ginagamit 'yang katalinuhan mo sa baluktot na paraan!"
My mom is now shouting at me and I know she's really mad.
"I-I'm sorry Mom. I just... I just missed Daddy so much." I said while sobbing.
"For pete's sake Gwen Michelle! You're just five years old at naisipan mo nang takasan ang teacher and guard sa school niyo! Do you know you're disrespecting them?! And of course ako na naman ang masisisi ng ama mo pag may nangyari sayo!! Hindi ka ba makapaghintay na makauwi ang Dad mo?? Ha?!" She said while beating my bottom.
"Waaaahhh! Daddyyy! Huhuhuhu!"
"Stop crying, you brat!!!" she shouted again while still beating me.
I can't do anything but to cry.
"Are you going to do it again?! Huh?! Dahil dyan sa kapasawayan mo maraming nadadamay! Nang dahil diyan sa katigasan ng ulo mo namatay ang kapatid mo!!!"
She's still beating me but I saw her tears too.
Mas humigpit ang hawak niya sa braso ko habang pinapalo ako kaya buong lakas ko siyang itinulak.
Sinubukan kong tumakbo pero naabutan at nahigit pa rin niya ang braso ko.
"Hindi ka talaga napagsasabihang bata ka! Halika dito!"
She suddenly dragged me at the back of our house. We entered a room and she opened a big cabinet located at the corner.
"Dito ka para magtanda ka!" She said then grabbed me inside.
Napaupo nalang ako doon dahil masakit na din ang mga tuhod ko. I was also tripped while I was in school awhile ago.
"Hindi ka lalabas hangga't hindi mo nare-realize lahat ng kasalanan mo! Make sure na sa paglabas mo ay susunod ka na sakin at hindi lang lagi sa Dad mo!!!" She shouted then shut the cabinet door with a bang.
And right at that moment, I can't see anything but darkness.
"Mommy!!! Don't leave me here!! Mom!!!"
I cried and cried.
I shouted and shouted. Until my lungs worn out.
But I hear no one.
Mom didn't came back.
So as Dad.
Because of mixed emotions of great fear, dismay, sadness, together with the physical pain I'm feeling, I lost consciousness.
And in that moment, I felt something unknown grew inside me.
I can't name it but it's surely a negative one.
"MS. GWEN!"
My upper body suddenly straightened up. Pero nakayuko pa rin ako.
Natulala lang akong nakatingin sa mga tuhod ko.
There's. . . light.
I can see.
"What the hell are you doing there??"
I can hear someone but I still have a cloudy mind.
"Hey, are you listeni---"
I felt someone's touch and the gesture made me look up. I can't see the face clearly because of the light at the back of her head.
"W-why are you c-crying?"
Again, I heard a voice but it's still vague.
I don't know but I suddenly felt comfort.
"A-Are you okay?"
I thought I heard Mom's voice.
And it gave me more tears.
Sa tingin ko ay kasalukuyan pa 'kong nakakulong sa alaalang yun hanggang ngayon.
I quickly hugged the woman in front of me.
Hindi matigil ang pagbuhos ng luha ko habang nakapulupot ang mga braso ko sa leeg niya.
"P-please don't leave me again h-here, Mom. Hmm?" wala sa sariling sambit ko.
It sounded like I'm pleading.
And the hug made me at ease.
"T-Thank you for coming b-back..."