It was raining really hard today. It seemed like it would never stop. Time kept passing until it was almost night. Every time I looked around, it felt like my mind was drowning in the storm. Especially as night approached. It was time for me to accept reality. But all of that wasn't easy. Sometimes I thought about how coincidences could exist. Or that there were other things that were really hard to understand. Not only that, often that hoarse voice haunted me. This time when I had just come home from work, the feeling of tiredness suddenly attacked me without stopping. It was true. This wasn't good. There were many glimpses of tears that might have fallen if I was really frustrated. After that I lay down on the sofa. Although there were some things that I remembered in my head, I thought it was just a momentary disturbance until something strange came. Imagination seemed to swallow reality, taking away what I had. Even though I begged not to take it, everything still melted. At that moment I remembered how Kenzie had to leave my poor self. It can't be denied that I really didn't expect it. A terrible incident how everything disappeared without direction. I was like on the verge of death. However, I can't avoid all those events always being there. This time it was the same as I saw something that didn't make sense at first glance. Several times I tried to understand and forget all that, slowly the memories kept coming. I thought that now I would feel better, but it wasn't at all. I was really in a dark zone. There was no light at all that illuminated me. I swore to myself that all that was just a dream. A fantasy that shouldn't have come to me. The seconds when my head hurt again, now I found a definite answer. Everything I feel now is just the effect of my health condition which is getting worse and worse. I don't know what else will happen later if it continues like this.
“Gosh, my head hurts so bad.”
To the point where I often complain about many things, I feel like there is a thick wall that I can't penetrate. I forgot that that's how this world works. I really can't understand it. When I remember some other things, I think that's what's often on my mind. A kind of destiny that I can't understand and it keeps coming to me. I'm tired of living a life that has no end. It's getting late. Suddenly the ringing of my cellphone disturbed my meditation. When I looked, it turned out to be my co-worker. I slowly took my cellphone and answered the call.
"Hello?"
“Hey, Yarel. Are you busy right now?”
"No problem?"
“There’s something I have to do. But can you help me?”
“What are you going to do?”
“How do I explain it? The situation is very complicated.”
“I asked, what are you doing?”
“Ah, I just accidentally bumped into something.”
“Who did you hit? A human?”
“Oh my. That’s how it is.”
'Damn it. This bastard apparently wants to drag me into trouble,' Yarel muttered in his heart.
“No. I think I have something to do right now that is much more important.”
“What did you say? Hey, wait. Don’t hang up the phone.”
“I think you should solve your own problems,” Yarel said and then ended the call with a sigh.
Everything that happened, all was so unreasonable. So different from what I saw. The longer I thought, the clearer it became that this was not something pleasant. Not only that. I saw many terrible things that always came along with the confusion. I felt a bad feeling after that. It was indeed very unreasonable with all of this, it's just that I felt that it was getting more and more terrible. My body felt heavy as if it was forged from different metals. The increasingly blurry image of my mind formed a very unfortunate me. I imagined everything was in an endless grip. Until now, everything was so incomprehensible to me. I briefly suppressed this oddity by any means, it turned out to be true. There is nothing very useful in this world except what has happened. Now I feel that it should have been thrown away. A very crazy memory should never have been seen. Although it seems blind, all of that really gives. Right now I feel like my world is destroyed. There is nothing good. I hope it won't be that jerk forever. Not long after I felt that now it was not a troublesome thing. No one believes that this world is really good, it's all just nonsense. Honestly, I see a scene that is indeed terrifying even until now. I feel my pulse getting weaker day by day. It is undeniable that this is part of the side effects that I am feeling. There is nothing greater than something like this. There are also many that are indeed felt to be very unreasonable. All of this is terrible. I feel like people are indeed insane. They are always blinded by money and make other people into money-making machines. It is considered normal even though it is clearly very immoral. For them, moral intelligence is apparently so unimportant. That's why their lives are so sad.
“Hey, you’re still daydreaming. Why?” my coworker asked.
“I have a lot on my mind. I feel like I can no longer normalize this misery.”
“This cannot be normalized. If that continues, it's best to leave. I guess it's much better than being in hell.”
“You’re right. That’s how it should be. It’s just that, for some reason, I’m too cowardly to just leave.”
“Why is that? Do you feel guilty?”
“I don’t think so. How can I explain it? Honestly, there’s something even stranger. Is it possible that I’m already on the verge of something that really doesn’t make sense? I don’t know. Reality is too terrifying to just look at.”
“Yes. You are right. Reality is indeed very scary. Honestly, there are so many things that everyone should not know.”
"What's that? Why can't it be known?"
“Still not sure why. I think there is something very wrong. Isn’t it strange that humans are involved in this mortal world without anything they did? Like some kind of mistake that they have to be punished for the rest of their lives.”
“You’re actually discussing mythology. Yes. It makes sense if you relate it clearly. But there’s still something strange. I feel like this world shouldn’t be in my grasp.”
“Huh? What are you thinking?”
“Some kind of control.”
“What would you do if you had it in your hands? Would you commit a heinous crime?”
“Not really. I don’t think there’s any point in that.”
“You’re right. That’s why you shouldn’t do things that you shouldn’t. Or there’s something wrong with you.”
“You think this is strange, right? But if you think about it, there is something strange. It’s just that I don’t see the strangeness clearly, what I can see is only temporary. It has nothing to do with me, so I don’t care.”
“Is that so. Honestly, I feel a little jealous. But I shouldn’t do that, right? Well, I shouldn’t, you probably understand that too.
This time I really can't understand all of this anymore. Nothing else makes sense. Everything is so quiet as if there was never any life. I imagine how I can live in an empty room that never ends like that. I imagine there is nothing I can see. There are many things that are indeed very unreasonable. Everything is really terrible. There are times when I do feel this kind of thing and continue to be tortured. In the end I just imagine everything is on the threshold below the limits of consciousness that I have never met. I feel like this world is really destroyed without any eternal life left. From the premonitions that continue to spread, I don't know what to do anymore. I imagine that all of it just explodes. I feel like my world is slowly starting to fall apart. There's nothing wrong with me just sitting there enjoying a cup of hot coffee. There is nothing more interesting than just watching a worldly drama. This time I was also waiting for something magical and it turned out that everything was useless. It doesn't matter if this world is really terrible when there is only me and no one else I think it's much better than having many things but it feels very empty. It's like without human morals.
“So, you're still thinking about those weird things?”
“Yes. Sometimes. But I’m getting more and more curious as the days go by. I think there’s something wrong. But strangely enough, I haven’t found anything.”
"You mean you doubt your own eyesight?"
“True. But there’s no mistake about it. I’m not hallucinating, after all.”
“Gosh. It’s weird. Actually, some people say that there are some people in this world who look alike. So I guess it’s just a coincidence. You don’t have to think anything weird.”
“Coincidence, huh? How could it be such a coincidence? It’s so illogical. Just thinking about it makes me feel so sick. When I think about it, that’s how I felt at that time.”
“Yeah. Whatever.''
Many strange things appeared. The longer it went on, the more it felt so strange. The relationship between myself was also very chaotic. Nothing could be fixed. Everything became a mess. I don't know why but this really made me miserable. How could there not be many things that happened and then disappeared without stopping. I felt like this really didn't expect it to be so torturous. For four days or even more than that my mind was always filled with that memory. I don't feel okay even until now. I don't know what to do anymore if in the end I continue to be in this endless circle. It's so scary. That's how I feel even now.