There are things that are very hard to believe in this world. Some steps that I have taken feel so meaningless. Even for every second it feels very unreasonable. The rotation of emotions that should be increasingly overflowing has not changed anything about it. Right now everything feels so suffocating. The work that I do feels very incomprehensible to me. How could it not be if everything goes hand in hand without any direction and purpose. The longer I imagine it, the more unbelievable it is. This time it came to a time when everything was so taboo. I even saw something that was even hard for me to believe. It cannot be denied that it was just a coincidence. The problems that are always there every day are increasingly making me feel very down. This time I am brave enough to bet. There will be something so troublesome coming to me. I can't avoid it anymore even though it could happen. Instantly my mind was diverted to the memory of when I was on the beach. The expression on her face and the soft tone that I find it very difficult to forget. I think it was destiny. However, as the days go by I feel like I'm almost going crazy. I feel like this world is playing with me. Slowly it scratched my heart. After coming home from work, this tiredness felt stronger. I could not hold it anymore until finally I closed my eyes until I went to dreamland. Outside there the atmosphere was bustling non-stop. People were always busy with their own lives. A world that would never stop showing a real show for every human being. This time at first glance it was like a mere drama. The memories that continued to haunt me slowly began to penetrate me. The bitter reality that was so hard for me to accept was right in front of my eyes. The flat facial expression that I often showed to everyone, but this time it was really different. Not a single word came out of my mouth that showed evidence of regret. There was nothing like that. One second or two seconds passed so quickly. Again I found myself facing the girl. But I don't know why my vision felt so blurry. Like something was blocking it. Not long after that I tried to run towards the girl who was getting further and further away from me. Very strong footsteps but couldn't move properly. My thoughts were getting more and more chaotic. The emotions inside me were overflowing. I never thought the world would not be on my side. Regret and disappointment were growing stronger. My chest felt so tight. In an instant I saw a gaze filled with emptiness right in front of me. I wanted so much to hold onto whatever power that was increasingly making me powerless, even to say a word was very difficult.
“Shit. No! Don’t go! Please don’t go!” I screamed in agony.
As the shadow faded, I screamed even more in despair. However, when I heard a loud noise that turned out to be my cellphone alarm. At that moment I woke up from my sleep. It was annoying because this was just a dream. But why did it not seem like a dream. It seemed more real than reality itself. My head suddenly felt throbbing. I slowly moved my feet to get the headache medicine in the cupboard. Indeed, this is the meaning of reality. Something very real.
'Damn. My head hurts so bad,' I muttered as I took the medicine.
After that my mind started to feel lighter. Sometimes this keeps happening. It's been so long since everything has been so heavy. There's nothing more troublesome than this kind of thing. Many situations are getting crazier. Today at this very second it feels so heavy. Different from what usually happens. In fact, there's something worse than this. It's not that easy to deal with all this alone. Imagination that seems real even though it's all just an illusion. Different from usual, no matter how many times it feels terrible. When everything is out of control, at that moment I feel like I've lost a lot including myself. If I think about it again it seems like nonsense. However, in reality it's not nonsense. Without me realizing it all means so much. Every time I close my eyes, seeing the gray reality sometimes it's really annoying. Without me realizing I've just lost control. Something that's so certain, in my dream the angels seem to tell me that in the future it won't be as easy as I imagined. It's just that, I feel like at this second there's nothing that's so valuable other than myself. Memories about that girl continue to linger. Even though at first it was just a coincidence. But I don't know why it feels familiar. Sometimes unreasonable questions keep coming.
“Wait, there’s no way Kenzie came back to life,” Yarel muttered.
The glass of warm water she was holding now broke instantly as soon as she assumed that. Although her hands looked shaky, it was honestly very unusual. Desire and hope suddenly became one. There was no day that was so tiring when realizing this unacceptable reality. Yarel suddenly coughed and made herself even more depressed. Something that shouldn't have made her like this, did the opposite. The clock showed 10 am and she was still in the same condition. Not long after that Yarel finally tried to calm herself down.
“No. It can’t be like that. It shouldn’t be possible,” he muttered as he held his head.
Day after day, this very torturous continued to come to him. There was nothing he could do but hope that everything would be okay. It passed so quickly without a single obstacle. It turned out that it was not as he had imagined. In fact, it got worse. Today it was raining heavily. Several people passing by seemed to dislike today. So did Yarel. After entering the work room. He was caught passing his coworker until finally he had to listen to his constant chatter. Sometimes this was really boring. Even more boring.
“I heard they've already spread the promotion,” said his friend.
“Promotion?”
“Yes. There will be a fashion event soon. Do you know what that means?”
"There will be many benefits, right?"
“You’re right. That’s for sure. Oh my. When will we ever get a lot of benefits? If it continues like this, no one will prosper.”
"Even if you go to the end of the world, you'll complain like that, it's no use."
“Hah, what a jerk. There’s nothing human here.”
“Just think about it. The boss can’t possibly be that good.”
“That’s a fact. Totally agree. Damn it.”
“Oh yeah, by the way, do you believe in reincarnation?”
“Huh? What kind of nonsense is that?”
“I knew you would respond like that.”
There was nothing interesting anymore. At first glance it was similar to some things that were indeed very strange. Sometimes it didn't make sense either. Misfortune that kept repeating itself without stopping made humans often feel uncomfortable. It was really terrible compared to other things. It was only right that it became something that had to be freed. There was no problem that was immediately resolved in the blink of an eye. Sometimes everything was getting more complicated. Yarel realized that the further it went, the more chaotic it was. There were some very terrible things. Besides, many strange things happened. Right now he didn't know what else to do. Many things didn't make sense. Not long after that something started to feel again. Little by little this bothered my mind. But there was no way humans could be reborn in a very short time. As if this was just a trap. The more I think about it, now it feels very tight. There are many things that feel very lacking, even to the point of being inconceivable. Sometimes all of that is just a fantasy. But this is really different from usual. Seeing the reality that is approaching me, I don't think this is a good thing. My back hurts so much. I feel this kind of thing non-stop. At the same time also witnessing something that is truly terrible. I feel this world is unfair.
“Is there something on your mind?” Yarel’s coworker asked.
“Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. It’s almost driving me crazy.”
“Maybe you’re working too hard. It does come up sometimes and it’s really annoying.”
“This is different from what you imagine. Did I tell you that reincarnation exists?”
“You’re talking nonsense again. Honestly, there’s no such thing. Even if it existed, it would be impossible.”
“You think so?”
“Of course. What kind of crazy person would believe something like that?!”
“I think what you said is true. But it can’t be denied that what if there was a miracle? Does that still sound so impossible?”
“Gosh. It seems like you’re really crazy, Yarel. Listen, there’s no such thing as superstition. Reincarnation or whatever, it’s clearly unreasonable.”
“But I saw it with my own eyes.”
“What? What did you see?”
“Kenzie.”
“Huh? Don’t joke around. Isn’t that woman already…”
“I think so too. But I saw it myself. Could it be a different person? I don’t know, it’s just impossible, how could it be the same?”
“What’s the same?”
“His face. Everything.”
“Wow, you should go see a doctor. Your soul is sick,” said Yarel’s coworker while continuing to shake his head.
“If it is me who is crazy now, that is impossible. How could something like that happen.”
“Gosh. It’s you.”
Their chatter was briefly heard by other coworkers. But they didn't care about it. Confusion and impossibility continued to be in Yarel's head. As soon as he got home from work, the increasingly strange atmosphere made Yarel unable to think clearly anymore. Slowly his steps arrived at a place that was none other than a bar. Yarel entered the place and ordered a drink. Without hesitation, he took a sip of the drink as soon as it was in front of his eyes. His head was getting dizzier after everything that had happened. A very complicated life sparked continuous confusion.
'Damn. Nothing is getting better,' Yarel grumbled in his heart.