ISADORA
My father always said it was wrong to question the will of God. Questioning was a grave sin. When I once asked why women were forbidden from being educated, he made me kneel on salt for three hours.
But is 'God' really the right word for the deity we worship? I can't read, but is this truly what is written in the Bible that men read to us women?
This body of mine is now tainted with sin.
This body no longer belongs to me; it belongs to the creature I know killed Victoria.
I refused to believe my sister was gone, so I sought her out. But I never expected to find myself in this situation. After so long, I was close to giving up on finding her, but I wandered into a forest where that creature resided.
And now...
I touched the bruises on my thighs. After he drank my blood, it felt like I was being lulled into heaven, and I was out of my mind. I clung tightly to his broad shoulders while he claimed what should have been mine alone between my legs.
Should I say I was violated? Would anyone believe me if I said that when my body enjoyed his violent use of it?
I only enjoyed it after he drank my blood. It felt like I had tasted a drug. My body willingly gave in, allowing him to shower me with kisses I never thought my system would crave.
Am I now a sinner too?
Should I be burned in this world and again in the afterlife in hell?
I silently washed my clothes. The river's water flowed gently, and I was alone here. Ever since my mother and father passed away, it had been just me and Victoria. Our family was wealthy, so we never lacked anything. And our family's wealth still remains.
That's why I have no friends in this place. The other women envy the wealth I possess. Moreover, they envy my skin color and the shape and features of my face.
"What do you want, Andres?" I asked while scrubbing my white dress stained with blood. "I have no time for you."
"I haven't seen you for days," he said softly. I paused my scrubbing and stared at the gentle flow of the water. It was clear, and I could see the small fish swimming freely beneath the surface.
If only I had been born an animal. But then again, I am treated like one--or we are, by people.
"I wasn't feeling well," I replied, continuing my task. I heard no further response from Andres, only that he took a seat beside me and picked up another dress from my side, quietly joining me.
People will talk if they see us here.
"Rosa's daughter is missing--the young one, I forgot her name."
I didn't respond.
"People say she ran away with a lover."
I squeezed the dress tightly. "Maybe. Or she could be dead."
"Isadora."
"Isn't it true?" I turned to him, and our eyes met. "She's been missing for a week, and none of her belongings are gone."
That girl is dead. I saw it with my own eyes and disposed of her body myself. Except for the blood that was drained by a demon.
Andres smiled faintly at me. "You know you can be punished if someone hears you."
"Is there anything I can do if that's your father's decision?" His father, the leader of our place, seems to want all women to burn in hell.
"Hah. Let him try," Andres said as he continued scrubbing my dress. "If he only knew that I'm willing to do women's work just to win your favor."
I shook my head.
But I paused and looked across the river into the forest. Tall trees and lush plants stood there. I couldn't quite explain it, but it felt as though eyes were watching me--or us.
I continued scrubbing my remaining clothes in silence while Andres helped me--something men in our place never do. I looked at Andres again, and though he seemed to struggle with the scrubbing, he appeared to be enjoying it.
He looked at me and smiled shyly. "Am I doing it right?"
I pointed at his hands, where he held the dress fabric. "You're scrubbing too hard; you'll tear the fabric."
Honestly...
Choosing someone like Andres wouldn't be a bad idea. If I were to marry anyone, he would be the first to come to mind.
Maybe I'm angry at the idea of someone controlling my life--even though that's already happening since I follow tradition, I still don't want to give up the remaining freedom I have as a woman.
As a small being that men can easily destroy.
I am weak. That's the truth. No matter how much I struggle, I can't win. I am weak. Emotionally and physically--I am weak, my mind is weak because I never had the chance to be educated like Andres.
"Hey, why are you washing clothes there!" I heard men's voices laughing. I froze in my spot and swallowed hard. Even if I didn't pay attention, I still felt that odd sensation as if someone was watching my every move.
"Oh, it's Isadora," said another voice I recognized. "When will you give in, Isadora? All we want is a taste--we won't tell anyone."
Then they laughed.
I couldn't move.
"Leave her alone, Rodolfo. She's minding her own business," Andres said, and I felt him stand and walk away from my side.
"Business? More like a whore," said another voice. I only breathed a sigh of relief when I heard their footsteps fading away.
I hurried with my washing. When I finished, I quickly went home. I hastily hung the clothes to dry in the yard because I noticed the sun was setting.
I locked myself in my room.
Outside, the wind was strong, and it occasionally rained.
I didn't even bring in the clothes I was drying.
He hasn't returned. Days have passed, and I haven't seen him. I don't know if it was all a dream or if... Ah! I don't know anymore!
I stared at the window. I could see outside from where I stood.
As far as I remember from my mother's stories, demons can't enter a home unless we invite them.
"Victoria..." I whispered, then closed my eyes.
Forgive me, my dear sister.
I WOKE UP EARLY and took down my wet clothes outside. The sky was still overcast, threatening heavy rain. No children or neighbors were outside, probably because it was rainy season.
So I brought my clothes inside and hung them in front of the closed windows.
It's dark inside.
I don't like the light; it blinds me.
I didn't sleep last night. In fact, I haven't slept for four days.
Honestly... I should be exhausted by now... but...
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My pale skin seemed even whiter.
...I should be tired. I should feel dizzy from not sleeping for several days.
But I feel nothing.
All I know is that I'm thirsty. A thirst that water can't quench.