"Didn't I tell you to just stay where you are? What happen? You didn't follow my instruction. And then what? Mag-iinarte ka?"
"I'm not mad at you just because of my moodswing or what, No. My point here is, you should have atleast hear me. Hindi kung ano-ano ang iniisip mo."
"Bree, you still don't get the point. Ang problema sayo, ikaw parati yung tama. F*ck that girl is always right because you're not."
Naiiyak na ako and I know one painful word, I'll definitely burst into tears pero pinipigilan ko because I need to clarify myself.
"Love, hindi ko sinasabing tama ako this time pero you have to atleast hear me out para magkaintindihan tayo. Huwag ganto. You know how I easily feel about you being cold kasi kilala kita. Please, just please stop---"
"No. You stop. Shut the f*cked up unless you want me to get mad at you."
Tuluyan na akong napahagulhol at napaupo sa sofa sa isiping hindi nanaman kami magkaintindihan. Nabigla na lamang ako sa lakas ng pagkakasarado sa pinto ng aking condo unit.
Umalis siya. Iniwan niya na naman ako with my heavy thoughts and heavy heart.
Kailan pa ba ako masasanay?
He's always like that. He's always like that.
And I always like this, cryin' out the pain all alone but kept on loving him all along.
The worst thing of being in love is being controlled by the one we love.
"Ano ba Briana, minsan ka na nga lang mag-off sa work, hindi ka pa lumalabas. What's the point?" Ani Amanda na buryong-buryo na sa kapipilit sa akin para sumama sa kaniya for a night time with our friends.
"I'm off because I wanted to just sleep, eat and sleep. Rest. This is the point Manda. Don't you see it?" Banas ko namang sagot dahil sa kakulitan niya.
Papasok na sana ako sa kwarto to have some sleep after eating when she suddenly close the door and push me to sit where the sofa is.
"This is not a normal off Bree. You know what I mean. We miss you. Wala ka nang panahon sa amin. Nakakapagselos na." Hindi ko napigilang humagalpak knowing na naglalambing siya just to get what she wants. Asar kong niyakap siya after her speech.
"Manda, I miss you too but still no." Natatawa akong tinalikuran siya subalit mabilis na napalitan ito ng pait because I miss them also, big time. It's just that.. .
"Why do you kept on following his order? Buhay mo 'yan Bree. You have the power to choose what will make you happy. Bakit hinayaan mong kontrolin ka niya?" Mapait niyang pakla habang palabas ng aking unit.
As much as I wanted to say sorry, hinayaan ko nalang siyang lisanin ang aking condo.
I understand her. Hundred percent. Pero anong magagawa ko? Umiiwas lang ako sa posibleng maging rason para mag-away nanaman kami ni Leandro. I am perfectly aware na kinokontrol niya ang bawat galaw ko and I don't care. Mahal ko 'yung tao. Bagay na di nila mauunawaan because they are not in my shoe.
After Amanda left, I decided to read instead of going back to bed. Reading makes me forget everything. I easily imagine myself being the protagonist of every story that I am reading because I am a writer.
I only get off from work when I badly need a rest due to simultaneuos book signing, meet up and sometimes guesting from different tv network. And this day is not an exemption.
I was busy reading the whole hour when my phone suddenly vibrated.
Love 💕
Hey! Prepare yourself. We'll have our dinner out. Be there in a minute. I love you.
Hindi ko na napigilang mapangiti at ma-excite. But immediately vanish when I remember Amanda. This is the reason why they kept on nagging me breaking up with Leandro. Kapag kay Leandro, I always say yes. I love my friends but the love I am feeling with Leandro is far different. Ito yung pagmamahal na hinahayaang paikutin ang mundo ko ng taong mahal ko. Dangerous but still, I'm living with it.
Love💕
Yay! Gettin' ready. Take care. I love you too.
Reply sent. Hays. I don't know where this feeling would end pero sana it'll be worth until then. Six years. I'm six years being inlove with the man I love and still hoping for more.
Agad na akong naligo't nagbihis because I know him. Madali siyang mabagot sa paghihintay.
I wore a simple floral dress with long sleeve, see through back na umabot hanggang tuhod just to avoid having an issue.
After ko mag-ayos ay lumabas na ako knowing he's already here. He knows my password here that's why I don't need to open the door everytime he's coming.
Siya na mismo ang nag-set nun actually.
"Hey, love. How's your day?---"
I was about to kiss him when he suddenly turn his head to the left. What now?
"Change your dress. It somewhat revealing. I don't like it." Hindi na lamang ako umimik at dahan-dahang pumanhik sa kwarto to look for another and change.
"Love, sana naman okay na 'to. I don't think it's uhm somewhat revealing as you thought from the last one." I should be happy kasi he's just protecting me but I seem so disappointed. There is nothing wrong actually with the dress I wore a while ago. I kinda like it and I thought he'll atleast appreciate it but no.
"Bree, let's just cook here if you're going to insist it. Wala ka na bang ibang damit?"
"Love, marami pero iilan lang yung pangganito ko. I'm sorry. Bihira lang naman kasi tayo lumabas tapos... ."
"So you're telling me na it's my fault kung bakit wala kang matinong damit? You know what Bree, I'm just going home. Just cook here and eat with yourself. I'm tired. I wanna rest."
"Love, that's not it. Ano ba! You listen first. Galit ka nanaman. And please, stop. I thought we're going on a date. You just leave me here?"
"No. Maybe, some other time. Kapag hindi ka na panay reklamo." And just like that, leaving me behind, just like our usual scenario, naiwan nanaman ako.
Kailan pa ba ako masasanay?
Imbes na magmukmok, I chose to eat outside alone since iniwan na rin lang naman ako. I don't mind going out with the clothes I wore kasi wala naman siya. I don't get his point actually kasi nagpalit na ako ng sa tingin ko ay sakto lang sa plan pero issue pa rin when it comes to him. Lagi naman.
Binilisan ko nalang ang paglalakad para maabot ang papasarang elevator when someone suddenly push me inside. Hindi naman gaanong masakit pero nakakawala ng poise. My god.
Pagtingin ko sa kung sino mang nanulak sa akin ay nagulat ako.
I knew him. Kilala ko 'to pero hindi ko maalala kung saan o paano ko siya nakilala. O well, I don't give a damn care. He has to say sorry for his bad action.
"Hey, Mr. Para saan yun?" Gusto ko siyang sigawan pero I tried to calm myself to talk to him. Nagulat nga lang ako nung tiningnan ko siya at parang tangang nakanganga sa harap ko. What the?
"Ow. Sorry Miss. I did'nt mean to. Hinabol ko lang rin ang papasarang elevator just what you did, nagkataon lang na mabagal ka kaya naitulak kita ng kaunti. Please accept my apology." I accepted his apology and move a little because I am not comfortable with our distance. He is something. I felt an awkardness while waiting to get down but then I don't know what to say when He muttered something that caught my attention.
"He didn't remember you self. Just stop." He said while his eyes are close.
"Excuse me. Do I know you? Have we met before?" Hindi ko na napigilang mapatanong.
"Ah. Yes, we've met before. But not in a good scenario. Let's just have a fresh start, I'm Andrew. And you are?"
I don't have plans on getting to know him. It's just my curiosity that makes me question him somewhat. Kaya agad na akong lumabas nang bumukas ito. Nakakawala ng respeto but it's my way of saying back off. Hindi gugustuhin ni Leandro na may kilala akong taong hindi niya kilala. I just love him and I am willing to do any that would please him.
Binuksan ko na ang sasakyan ko to drive nearby but this Andrew popped out of nowhere. Ano bang problema nito?
"Kakain ka? Pwede pasabay? Naiwan ko kasi yung key ko sa unit eh."
Tatanggi na sana ako when I heard his tummy growl as if hindi pinakain ng sampung taon kaya I left no choice.
"Come inside. Just please, lubayan mo ko kapag kakain na. Look for another table if possible."
Agaran niya naman binuksan ang door katabi ng driver seat.
Naawa ako. Yun lang.
Shit Briana. Kailan ka pa may pakialam sa iba? Kaibigan mo nga natitiis mo. This is not good. Lalo na kapag nalaman ni Leandro na may pinasakay akong hindi ko naman kilala at lalong hindi niya kilala. Now I'm dead.
I drove safely hanggang makarating sa isang fancy restaurant. I don't know if he's okay here and I don't care. I should have at least not.
"May pera ka naman sigurong dala diba? O baka magpapalibre ka pa. Tss." Dumiretso na ako sa isang table na bakante and I don't like the idea of here being full. Alas 8 na ng gabi pero bakit it still has a lot of people?
"Ms. Baka naman pwedeng share na rin tayo sa table since wala ng bakante. Nagugutom na kasi talaga ako eh. Please?"
Hindi ko alam kung sincere ba siya sa pakiusap niya o may halong pang-aasar dahil alam naman niyang ayoko siyang kasama. But again, I left with no choice. Kakain lang naman. Walang problema. Sakin wala, ewan ko nalang kapag nalaman ni Leandro ito.
Tahimik kaming pareho while choosing our food to order nang may biglang tumawag sa pangalan ko.
"Briana. Himala may kasama ka yatang iba. Niloloko mo ba si Leandro?" ani Scarlet nasa kabilang table.
Hindi dapat ako matakot pero dahil kilala ko si Scarlet, bigla akong kinabahan. This is not good. And it's not really good. Takte. Bakit ba kasi lumabas pa ako when I can cook something there.
"She's innocent. Mali ang paratang mo and I can sue you for that. You don't judge the book by its cover. Nakitable lang ako. Nakikita mo naman siguro na wala ng bakante diba? If you want, umalis ka dyan at ako ang papalit sayo."
Nagulat ako sa litanya ni Andrew para kay Scarlet. Hindi ko inaaasahan ang ugaling ipinakita niya. We just knew each other just an hour pero ibang ugali ang ipinakita niya sa harap ni Scarlet. Napaka-cold and at the same time nakakatakot. Bipolar ba 'to? Pero kahit ano paman. Salamat pa rin sa kaniya for saving me.
Nakita kong galit na lumabas si Scarlet with her friends kaya medyo nawala na yung kaba ko.
"Thank you. Thank you for saving me. I just don't know what to say a while ago."
"Welcome. But I think I have the right to ask why suddenly being afraid? Iba yung takot na ipinakita mo kanina. Parang may nagawa kang mali where in fact, kumain ka lang naman." May panunuya na sabi niya.
"You don't know me. And even when you knew me, you'll never understand me." Saka ako nagdesisyong ipagpatuloy ang pagkain but I was caught off guard when he said
"Why? Dahil ba isusumbong ka ng babaeng yun sa boyfriend mo na may kasamang iba kahit wala namang masamang gimagawa. O natakot ka kasi alam mong mas paniniwalaan niya ang sumbong ng ibang tao kaysa sayo?"
Titig na titig siya saakin at para bang naghihintay ng sagot when I decided to stand up and come out para umuwi na.
Bahala siya sa buhay niya. May pera siya. He can take a cab para makauwi.
"Bakit hindi mo sagutin? Why leaving so early? Dahil ba tama ako for the latter? Wala nga ba siyang tiwala sayo? Then, why staying so long?"
Hindi na ako nakatiis dahil sa pagsunod niya.
"First and foremost, hindi mo ko kilala. Hindi mo siya kilala. Pangalawa, wala kang pakialam ag pangatlo, wala akong pakialam sa opinyon mo." I became mean out of those words at pinatotohanan lamang ito ng makita ako ang sakit sa ekspresyon niya. Nakakapagtaka ang care na isinisigaw ng mga mata niya.
Pagkatapos ay diretso kong tinahak pauwi ang daan.
Hindi ko alam kung tama bang pagsalitaan ko siya ng ganun pero wala siyang karapatang tanungin ako na para bang kilalang-kilala niya ako.
At kung makikilala niya man ako, katulad ng mga kaibigan ko, hindi niya rin mauunawaan kung bakit pinipili kong manatili kahit alam ng lahat ang pagtrato sa akin ni Leandro.