It has been weeks since all of those stuffs happened. Mula sa pagtakas ko sa bahay‚ hanggang sa pagtatagpo namin ni RJ sa may park. Pag-iyak ko sa bench‚ pagkawala ng malay‚ at ang isang bangungot na nagpaalala sa akin ng aking nakaraan. Gayoon na rin ang pagtulog ko sa kwarto ng kapatid niya. Buti na lamang at mabait ang kanilang ina at hinayaan akong manatili sa kanilang bahay sa pandaliang oras. Pagdating din naman ng hapon sa araw na yaon ay umuwi na rin ako sa bahay‚ I expected‚ wala silang pake sa pagkawala ko. Sinalubong pa nga ako ng malalamig nilang titig. Hindi ko na lamang pinansin iyon at dumiretso na lang sa aking kwarto.
Isa pa ring palaisipan sa akin ang biglang pagkabalik ng aking nakaraan. Naririto pa rin yung sakit. Well‚ honestly‚ hindi naman siya nawala eh. Medyo nakalilimutan lang due to busy sched but once my trauma knocks on my windor or door or kung saan siya pwedeng pumasok‚ ayun‚ sumasakit na naman loob ko. It has been 2 years since that incident happened but the pain is still fresh on my heart like it was just yesterday. As soon as I arrived in my room‚ I soaked myself in my bed till I fell into deep slumber again.
“Abboooooo!!! ” mahabang sigaw sa akin ni French fries.
“Ano? Ingay mo‚ ” irita kong sabi sa kaniya.
“Kumusta ka na? ”
“Buhay pa. ” walang gana kong sabi at muling idinukmo ang aking mukha sa mesa.
“Oh? Akala ko ba wala kang buhay? ”
“Depende‚ ” sagot ko na lamang.
“Magkwento ka naman. Parang ang close ni’yo na ni RJ ahh. Anong nangyari no'ng mga araw na absent ka sa klase? Nag-da-date ba kayo? ”
“U-ma-attend siya ng klase‚ right? Pinagsasabi mo ba? ”
“Ohh. Eh sabi ni tita wala ka raw sa kanila. Saan ka pala tumutuloy? ”
“Ahmm am renting a space? ” sagot ko na lamang sa kaniya para tapos na ang issue.
“I see. Eh bakit ka ba kasi naglayas? At bakit hindi sa bahay ko ikaw tumuloy? ” intriga niya pa.
“The same reasons. I don’t wanna ruin your peace so yeah‚ I decided to just rent a space. ”
“Tanga. Alam mo namang welcome ka sa bahay. Nag-iipon ka ‘di ba? Kung tumuloy ka sa amin edi sana nakatipid ka pa. Nako‚ naman‚ Arielle. ”
“You used a lot of nicknames for me today. ” I said trying to sway the topic.
“Maganda naman ahh‚ ”
“Yeah. Cheska. ”
“Hoy! Ang sagwa pakinggan! ” reklamo niya sa akin.
“Pero ikaw pwede akong tawagin kahit ano lang? Ha? ” pang-aasar ko pa sa kaniya.
“Hindi naman cat calling iyon saka name mo naman iyon ahh. ”
“Eh name mo rin naman ang Ches—”
“Stop. Ansakit sa tainga. ”
“Ano bang mayroon sa Chesk—” she glared at me. Sabi ko nga stop na hahaha. “Anong oras ka natulog kagabi? ” tanong ko na lang.
“Hmm? Natutulog ba ako? ”
“Insomnia? ”
“Hindi. Katamad lang talaga. Kidding‚ busy eh‚ ” paliwanag niya naman.
“Sleep deprivation. ”
“Alam mo namang nakatatamad gumawa ng school shits sa umaga kaya sa gabi ko na lamang ginagawa. ”
“But it's not good for your health. ”
“Convince me to sleep early‚ please. ” nakangisi niyang sabi sa akin. Siraulo talaga.
“Sleep deprivations may result to serious medical conditions such as heart disease and hypertension‚ ” I explained.
“Should I sleep then? ”
“Malamang‚ ” asar kong sabi sa kaniya.
“More please‚ ” dagdag niya pa.
“Anong more? ”
“More trivia. ”
“It will also negatively affect your mental health. Diyan nag-s-start yung mood swings at yung madali nating pagkalimot sa mga bagay-bagay. Ever been sleepless due to a lot of thoughts bursting in your mind? Lack of sleep may lead your brain to overthinking. Kapag hindi mo na-fix sleeping sched mo‚ ma-mi-mess up talaga body clock mo till mahirapan ka na maka-adjust pa. ” mahaba kong paliwanag.
“Marami kasi akong isipin‚ ” sagot niya lamang.
“Tulad ng? ”
“Problema‚ ”
“The more you think about the problem‚ the more it grows. ”
“Nah-ah. That’s not the case here. ”
“Huh? Eh ano pala? ” ang gulo talaga ng babaeng ito. Swear.
“Namomomroblema ako cause wala akong problema. Ang unsettling kasi. ” Kumakamot sa ulo niyang sabi.
“Ewan ko sa iyo. ”
“Kasi isipin mo haha. Bakit wala akonh problema? Baka may na-miss akong something? ”
“At that point‚ you were overthinking. Ma-s-stress ka lang. ”
“It’s normal naman for me to feel stress but hoy legit tho‚ I sometimes stressing out over stress. ”
“B’wisit. Huwag mo akong kausapin. ”
“Hoy. Akala mo ba ha. I also wanna be that someone who’ll treat worries nothing. But I am that kind of peep who worry a lot about being nothing at all. Like gago‚ bakit wala? Bakit nothing lang. ” sabi niya at malakas na tumawa. Maybe I should try posting banners indicating “bestfriend for sale”. This girl is getting into my nerves.
“Ang gulo ng mundo. Please lang‚ huwag ka nang dumagdag sa problema ng bansa. ” sagot ko na lamang sa kaniya.
“I worry because I have nothing to worryyy. ”
“Haaa??? ”
“Like I’ll start asking myself why I have nothing to worry. There should be something behind this‚ I should have worrying a lot. But then why the hell am not worrying at all? ”
“Raijhen! ” sigaw ko kay RJ pagpasok niya pa lamang ng room. Lunch break pala namin ngayon. Agad naman siyang naglakad papunta sa amin nitong baliw na katabi ko.
“Why? ” nakangiti niyang tanong.
“Pakikausap nga ito‚ ” nguso ko kay French.
“Oh bakit? ” tanong niya at humarap kay French.
“Andami kong problema. ” sabi ni French at nagsimulang magkwento.
Kung titigan mo silang dalawa‚ masisiraan ka talaga ng bait. Nagkukwento si French with actions and here’s RJ laughing at her. Ang saya nilang pagmasdan. This is one of those times na tumitingin ako sa mga masasayang tao na hindi nakararamdam ng selos or alinlangan haha. I stared at them silently. I smiled‚ they look genuinely happy. While looking at them‚ I remembered the smiles I used to stare before. Those kind of smiles na abot hanggang mata. I missed him‚ so much.
“You should smile more often. ” I came back to reality as RJ said those words to me. Nakatingin silang dalawa sa akin ni French. May dumi ba sa mukha ko?
“Ha? ” I asked them.
“Light up the world with your smile. You look gorgeous that way. ” RJ said while smiling.
“I’m not beautiful. ”
“I don’t think so. The standard of beauty always start within ourselves. ”
“Hmm. Ewan. So ano nang pinaguusapan ni’yo? ” tanong ko na lamang sa kanila.
“Yung nothing na sinasabi ni French.
“I don’t believe in nothingness actually‚ ” I said to them.
“Hmm? ” they both stared at me. Waiting for my back up statements.
“Anong meaning ng nothing? ”
“Zero. As in wala. ” sagot ni French.
“And Zero doesn’t exist. ”
“Sa Philosophy‚ oo. Pero sa math‚ it does exist. ” sagot sa akin ni RJ.
“Tanda mo pa yung topic natin sa math dati? Sa circumference and diameter‚ a circle is formed by the numbers zero and one therefore zero has a value. By that‚ mathematics can only be half correct by their statement that O exist because it is an answer to numbers a. Zero is something. ”
“So? ” nalilitong tanong ni French.
“Absolute nothing and zero does not exist. ”
“Ang guloooo. ” magkasabay nilang sabi.
“Everything is something. Nothing pops up something. Nothing is a thing. ” I just said nonchalantly.
“Explain futher‚ please. ”
“Hindi naman siya mahirap intindihin. Kailangan mo lang unawain na walang absolute nothing at zero. That’s all. ”
“Can you explain it scientifically? ” asked RJ
“For what? Mahirap ba talaga unawain? ”
“Testable and Falsifiable. ”
“Alam mo yung Bootes void? ” I asked.
“Great Nothing? ” sagot naman ni French.
“Yesyes. Great nothing but this space contains few galaxies. ”
“So ibig sabihin may laman pala iyon? ” tanong nila ulit.
“Try to have some browse on science books. Bukas ang library ng 12 hrs. Another illustration is our dark matter. Most of the matter in the universe is said to be invisible. Tho inspite of it’s nonexistent appearance‚ scientist can still measure its gravitational force. Therefore‚ the dark matter that supposed to be an empty space or a vacuum compose of something. For that reason‚ there’s no such thing as nothingness‚ only a concept for I don’t know what uses. ”
“Owwkay. Getsue. Kaya pala minsan ano‚ ” sagot ni French.
“Ano? ” RJ and I asked in chorus.
“When I feel so empty‚ there’s still heaviness inside of me. ” sagot niya naman.
“See? Even our feelings explain the same‚ ” sagot ko na lamang.
“Ibig sabihin when I have nothing to worry‚ there’s really something I am worrying of? ” here she goes again.
“Yeah? ” sagot naman sa kaniya ni RJ.
“You know what‚ nakababaliw talaga kapag marami kang nalalaman. You’ll start to doubt everything. Ewan‚ masisiraan yata ako ng bait kapag kasama ko lagi itong si Ash. ”
“The human brain is a massively complex organ with billions of neurons linked together by trillions of synapses in vast networks. ” RJ said.
“So? ” she asked.
“It is as intricate as Gordian knot. ” he answered.
“Ahh alam ko iyan. Yung kay Alexander. ” French said. “Hoy pero legit‚ andami ni’yong alam sa buhay. Samantalang ako tao lang‚ ‘di pa sure. Malay mo rati pala akong dinosaur‚ ror. "
“Siraulo‚ ” natatawa kong sabi.
“Human Evolution by Charles Darwin lang ang na-record ng history na hayop na nanggaling sa tao. ”
“Baliktad yata Rai‚ ” natatawang sabi ni French.
“I mean‚ tao na galing sa hayop haha. Pardon me. ”
Ilang sandali pa kaming nagkuwentuhan sa kaniya-kaniya naming buhay. Nagtanong ng mga nakalilitong bagay na minsan ang hirap na rin talagang unawain since we used different languages to explain it. By languages‚ what I mean is different subjects or concepts such as Science language‚ Math‚ and the likes. French keeps throwing questions then sub-questions kapag hindi niya naunawaan. Look how innocent she is. Tho not bad at all. It’s better to be an average type of person than the know-it-all one. Trust me‚ masakit sa ulo. I am not a pseudo-intellectual ‘cause I really know something‚ and I am very willing to know a lot of things. Yet sometimes‚ it gives me headache so medyo nililimitahan ko siya as of now. It is said that the average brain can contain informations equivalent to 2.5 million gigabytes. Baka mapuno agad sa akin ang bata ko pa naman haha. While there was this myth before na sinasabi‚ we only used 10% of our brain which I honestly don’t believe because even Science debunked it. If it was only 10% then does it mean na the remaining 90% is useless filler? That’s ewan.
Anyway‚ all I can say is human brain is intricate‚ it is inscrutable that no human could fully understand it.