“So, how are you going to find that much money in a span of seven days, Alwin?” Paulo asks me.
Our shift just finished and we are now currently walking back to our individual home. Just like the other days, the road is still dark and empty like my soul and heart.
I had decided not to go back to school after we went to the hospital. Instead, I went straight to the restaurant and literally begged Paulo, our head manager, to let me work the whole day until closing time. Before he let me, he asked me first the reason why I need to work whole day and I told him the truth. I can see the pity and worry in his eyes after I told him everything.
Meanwhile Sean, he wanted to come with me to work but I refused because I don’t want him to skip class just because of me. I had accepted his offer of helping me but that doesn’t mean I would let him work twenty four seven.
“I don’t know... But I’ll find a way. I have to...” I answer and at that very moment, we pass the mini bar again.
I stop in my tracks and stare at it for a while. What if I go there right now and try to seduce anyone that would interest me? How much would I earn in a span of seven days if I attract some potential customers like a businessman? Oh my gosh, Alwin! What the fuck are you thinking?! That’s very disgusting! You’ll lose your dignity as a human if you do that! But... I need to have an immediate money and money won’t suddenly fall out from the tree or can’t be pooped out if I don’t find another way.
I come back from my senses when Paulo touches my shoulder gently in a comforting manner. “Hey, what are you thinking? Do you want to drink there or something?”
“Paulo... What if I work there? Will it be worth it?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
Paulo looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. “Alwin, I don’t know if it’s worth it or not. All I know is that if you sold your body and soul, your dignity would crumple and perish. Everyone would treat you like a dirt afterwards and you would look like a pathetic dirt then. Is that what you want?”
I didn’t notice that my tears has been streaming down my face until I feel a wet liquid on my chin. I quickly wipe it with the back of my hand and nod my head.
“Yeah, you’re right... You know what? You should go home first. I’ll just drink for a bit before going home. I feel like I need to calm down my mind or else I’ll explode any time sooner,” I say and is about to cross the road when Paulo suddenly holds my hand.
“What are you doing, Alwin? You’re not going to sold your body, are you?” He asks me suspiciously so I chuckle at him weakly.
“No, silly. I’ll just go for a drink, that’s it.” I pull my hand away from his hold and finally cross the road.
Paulo didn’t follow after me and just stare at my retreating back until I finally get inside the mini bar. I sit at the corner for a while and wait for him to finally go his way because I definitely know that he can see me through the glass window.
I hope I’m doing this right.
~
I never thought that I would come to this point of being so desperate for money that I feel like I have no choice anymore but to sell my body and soul. I know that my decision is very sudden but working my ass off day and night, twenty four seven, and everyday for a whole week won’t be enough for my mom’s operation even if I add up Sean’s help. I need to find another way and the only job I can think of that can pay me a lot is attracting potential customers in bed. I know it’s disgusting. I know it’s immoral. But I am so desperate right now that I can’t think of it as it is. I need money, and that’s it. I don’t care anymore if my dignity would crumple as long as my mom would survive. Selling my body is wrong but if it means redeeming my mom’s life from the cancer, then so be it! My family is so precious to me. I don’t know what to do without them. I love them so much!
I’ve been sitting here in the corner for almost half an hour without any liquor to accompany me because if I buy, the money would be gone to waste. I will just keep this for my mom’s operation instead. However, drinking is really not my thing as I don’t like the taste of it— bitter— just like my life.
I don’t know what takes me so long to do the hunt. Is it because there’s no potential customer that got attracted to me? Or is it because I know that this immoral plan is inimical to my will?
I heave a sigh and wander my eyes around the place. I am a bit startled when I see a guy staring lewdly at me from afar but I immediately fix myself and smile at the guy shyly. I’ve seen this from a movie before. Instead of looking at them with seducing eyes, you have to smile at them shyly like a virgin so they would approach you and that’s how you will start your act. But to be honest, my shy expression is really my true feelings right now.
I prepare myself for what has yet to come when I see the guy standing up from his seat and starting to walk towards my direction with a bottle of beer in his hand. Then, he sits beside me.
“Hi...” He greets me with a grin on his lips, “Are you with someone?” He asks.
I shake my head with a shy smile. “N-No... Why?” I innocently ask him and his smile widens even more.
“Great! Then... what are you here for?”
My heart is beating so fast and I feel like I wanna abort this stupid mission.
“A-Ahm... Money..?” I trail off questioningly. Honestly, I don’t know how to say the exact words for that.
The man chuckles at my answer. Suddenly, I can feel his hands crawling to my knees up to my thigh. Oh my gosh! I feel every hairs on my body rise up.
The guy looks at me like a maniac. “Maybe I can help you with that,” he states suggestively and I look away.