Shanaia's POV
I carefully parked my car on the parking lot and silently walk towards the front door of our house.
When I got inside, all lights were turned off. It's so freaking dark.
Pagewang-gewang pa ang lakad ko dahil na rin siguro sa kalasingan.
"Saan ka ba galing na bata ka! Alas dos na ng madaling araw. Jusko naman." I flinched when I heard that litany. Nagkanda-hulog hulog ang laman ng bag ko. Letcheng buhay. Malas!
Akala ko may kung ano nang anino ang nagmamanman sa akin. Nang i-switch ko ang ilaw ay si Manang Kori lang pala.
The one and only person who accepts me.
I heave a sigh.
"Sorry Manang, nag-enjoy lang," I tried explaining but she's just shaking her head.
Because of that act, I felt the side of my eyes getting wet.
"Why Manang?"
"Will you forsake me too?" I asked with groggy voice. I fucking hate this feeling. I felt like she's despising my presence too.
A tear fell on my left cheek. I was about to walk upstairs ng maramdaman ko nang yakap ni Manang.
"Hindi sa gano'n 'nak. Alam mo namang ikaw lang ang nag-iisa kong anak-anakan."
Suminghot ako at itinukod ang ulo sa balikat niya saka ko siya niyakap ng mahigpit.
"Sinasabi ko lang na ngayong dalaga ka na, 'wag mo naman sana kalimutan na umuwi sa tamang oras. Alam mo naman sa panahon ngayon, maraming nagkalat na masasamang loob," she said with her worried voice.
I know she is. I just over reacted because all my life, I'm immune of being persecuted, avoided and despited by everyone. Specifically, by my own family.
I don't really know what I did for them to forsake my presence in their lives.
I tried being my normal sled whoch is jolly and friendly, yet they aks me to lessen that attitude cause I may not know who I trust.
I tried being the smart daughter, yet they're saying I'm "pabida".
I tried being the silent and cold type, yet they said I'm "papansin".
I almost tried every fucking role that I've read on hopeless romantic novels, and all of it fucking didn't end well.
Now, my current role was to be the rude one. I just fucking want their attention!
I just want them to ask me if how's my day, did I eat or did I fucking sleep well. I expect that kind of treatment pero parang 'di ako kamaganak kung itrato nila.
Parang iisa lang ang anak.
Edi sana di na nila ko dinagdag sa pamilya nila para di na sila mahirapan sa pagtaboy sa'kin.
All my life I've pretended na ampon ako.
I trained myself to control my actions.
Sa ganoong pag-iisip nababawasan yung sakit na nararamdaman ko.
Sa tuwing sasaktan o pagsasalitaan nila ako ng kung ano-ano, I am basing my actions on the idea that I'm adopted. That's my way of tricking my mind.
"Thank you manang. Please don't leave me. Ikaw nalang meron ako. Sarili kong pamilya sinusuka ako," I said sobbing.
She just hug me tightly before we parted our hug.
"Kumain ka na ba?"
"Yeah, kumain po ako bago uminom," nakangising saad ko.
"Oh siya, umakyat ka na't matulog bago kapa maabutan ng tigre mong ina," she whispered to me.
Natawa naman ako pero sumunod din sa gusto niya.
"Good night Manang, Love you."
"Good night nak."
I quietly walk upstairs. When I was about to enter my room, I saw my old sister, Shakira, slowly shaking her head with a glint of disappointment in her eyes.
"Ba't ka pa umuwi?"
I didn't bulge answering cause I don't want to start a fight. Medyo ramdam ko na rin kasi ang tama ng alak.
"I don't want a fight ate. Please. Let me slip from this," I said with close eyes and massaging my forehead.
"Huwag ka ngang mag-inarte d'yan at huwag na huwag mo 'kong matawag-tawag na ate. Isa pa, sumasagot sagot ka na! Bakit? 'Yan ba natututunan mo kaka-bar mo ha? Wala palang kwenta pagpapa-aral sayo ni Dad. Sino ka ba sa akala mo ha? Anak ka lang naman ni Dad sa i---"
She didn't finished her speech when Dad came out from their room.
"What's that fucking noise?" an authoritative voice filled the aisle on the second floor of our house.
"Sorry Dad. 'Yan kasing si Shanaia, sabi ko pumasok na pero nakikipag-away at sumasagot sagot pa sa'kin." Ate acted like I'm the one picking a fight in here.
"Go on your room Shakira," dad said. Now, I'm fucking doomed again.
I lazily stood their and close my eyes silently waiting for my dad's slap.
In just a few seconds, I felt a hard slap on my left cheek.
Pinipigil kong tumulo ang luha ko kasi ayoko magmukhang mahina sa harap niya.
"Learn where to stand you li'l bitch," he said before leaving me.
I heave a deep sigh before entering my room. The only place that witness all the tears and pain I'm suffering from this so-called family.
I didn't budge on fixing myself. I directly throw myself on the bed and cried my heart out.
This is my life. I have biased and one sided parents, a good actress sister and me, the black sheep. Yung patapon. Walang dulot sa pamilya. Walang ambag.
Oo patapon ang buhay ko pero, pinaghirapan ko naman ang mga perang ginagasta ko. I'm working on a fastfood restaurant. It is because they don't want to accept me even in our family owned company.
Eh ano pa palang silbe ng pagpapa-aral nila sakin kung di nila ako pagta-trabahuhin sa kompanya nila?
Ganito nalang palagi ang ikot ng buhay ko, palaging sa akin ang sisi. Kahit wala akong malay sa mga ginagawa nila, ako lagi ang may kasalanan dahil malas daw ako. Mula daw ng pinanganak ako, nagkanada letche-letche daw ang pamilya nila.
Malay ko bang professional swimmer ako nung sperm cell palang ako. Edi sana nung dugo palang ako pinalaglag nalang nila ako. Hindi yung ganitong sobra sila makasisi sa akin na akala mo ako yung may choice na mabuhay.
I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit life.
Ayoko na... Tanginang buhay. Pagod na pagod na ko sa kung paano ko sila pakikisamahan sa araw araw na pamamalagi ko dito.
Gusto ko naman lumaya. Gusto ko naman maramdaman yung pinalilibutan ka ng taong mahal ka at pinahahalagahan ka.
Yung tipong ikamamatay nila pag nawala ka. Feeling ko kasi, kahit mamatay na ako't lahat lahat, okay lang sa kanila.
That night, I slept with a plan on my mind. Tatakas ako. Hindi ko alam kung kelan at paano, pero tatakas ako...