"Mavis!"
I feel stiff and not in the mood to walk over this hell and endure socialization. Students blabbering about their activities that starting to pile up this week. Paano ba naman kasi, the middle of the semester just started. Maraming estudyante ang nagagalak para sa mga panibagong aktibidad, ngunit lalo naman akong nakaramdam ng inis at pagka-inip. I have other plans this semester, and I want to avoid school-stress as possible as I can.
But as I try to avoid school-stress, presence-of-human-stress began to emerge. My school started accepting more students this year, after our school dean joined an interview from a famous foreign journalist. Nagkaroon kasi ng sponsors and shareholders ang aming school from Canada and United States which became the talk of the town for 6 months already. Of course, parents wants their children to enter in a school premises where they can imagine them in a bright and fantastic future. Hindi ko naman maipagkakait na maganda ang eskwelahang napasukan ko.
It's just, I'm awkward and not really into socializing.
"How was your writing?"
Natigil ako sa paglalakad at nilingon si Clover. I glare at her and move my eyes around us to see if someone heard what she just said. Mabuti at mukhang wala namang nakarinig. Everyone's busy doing their things.
Her eyes kept blinking as she wait for my respond. "Bakit mukhang may nagawa kang krimen?" She laughed. "How was it? Kailan ko p'wedeng mabasa?" I snapped my eyes off and open it back. We walk at the bench near the gate where the school park is and sat there facing each other.
"Baka may makarinig sa'yo!" I mumbled to her anxiously. I don't want anybody to figure out that I am writing. Not yet.
They say when you reach 18, you'll figure out what you like. I did. Ang problema— well, it's kind of an out-of-the-society's figure--- to some people I know. Most of them thinks that writing is boring and very introvert, except Clover, of course. She thinks it's awesome. Maybe, because she was overwhelmed that I finally found what I like to do? I don't know. Kapag nalaman ng iba na nagsusulat na ako ng mga sarili kong istorya, baka pagtawanan ako. I rather keep it to myself, and with a friend I trust.
I badly want to go back home and pursue my passion that I just recently found. But I can't do that, or else my absence in this school will determine the numbers on my card.
Tinapunan ako nito ng nagtatakang tingin. Nantaas ang kaliwa nitong kilay tapos ay bumuntong-hininga. "Kaya pala ayaw mong ipaalam ko sa mga online friends ko ang patungkol sa pagsusulat mo," she said in realization. She asked me last night if she could post my story on her social media to share it to her online friends, I told her not to. Not yet.
Pinag-krus niya ang kaniyang mga braso at sumandal sa upuan. "How will you gain support if you'll just keep it to yourself? Paano malalaman ng iba ang talent mo sa pag-susulat?"
"Alam mo naman," magkasalubong ang kilay na sambit ko agad. Well, one of the reason might be the humiliation, but I don't think it's the right time to tell everybody neither. "I'm not yet that expert on the field. I am still a novice. For now, gusto ko munang matuto," mahinahong dagdag ko, ipinauunawa sa kaniya ang aking rason. At least, if they figure out what I am doing, I already know the basic things I need to know as a writer.
I look at her long enough for her to please me. Napangiti naman ako nang tumango siya.
"Basta! Ipaalam mo sa akin kung may nasulat ka na, gusto kong mabasa." Tinanguan ko lang ito. "Kukuha lang ako ng refreshment, hintayin mo ako rito," paalam niya at tumayo. I watch her as she walks away. Kumurba ang aking labi sa pagkakangiti sapagkat nanlambot ang puso ko sa pag-intindi nito sa akin.
I've known Clover for so long and I know she understands me more than anyone else. Alam ko at kabisado na ang mga ugaling mayro'n siya. Gano'n din ito sa akin. We know the sound of our sleep and even the sound of our footsteps. We have memorize our expressions and word of wisdom. We've been friends for a long time, and our friendship is unparalleled. But, of course, there are some things I keep out of her.
I want to share her only good memories.
Sumandal ako sa upuan at napatingin sa paligid. Dumarami na ang mga estudyanteng pumapasok. Gaya ng mga kapwa kong estudyante na nakasalubong namin ni Clover kanina, walang pinagka-iba ang mga bagong dating. Okupado ang mga ito sa pagrereklamo at pag-aalala sa kanilang mga gawain. I finished some of my school activities, but I have four more task left on my to do list.
I sat with my bored face on the bench. Kung magsulat kaya muna ako? Tanong ko sa aking sarili. Habang mahaba-haba pa ang oras bago ang una naming klase.
Inilabas ko ang aking phone at nagtungo sa notes kung saan ko pansamantalang inilalagay ang mga sinusulat ko sa tuwing hindi ko magamit ang laptop; where few of my stories are kept. Pangalawang pahina na ako at kailangan ko nang magandang simula gaya sa pagkakasulat ko sa unang pahina. May alam na akong publishing company na mapapasahan ko once I finished my novel. Alam kong malayo-layo pa, but I am looking forward to that day.
Ah! Just thinking about it, parang gusto ko na maging successful nang walang ginagawa. P'wede ba 'yon?
Sinilip ko ang kalangitan at nag-isip nang magandang panimula. Katamtaman lamang ang temperatura, hindi gaya nitong nagdaang araw na sobrang init ng panahon. The weather is nice and the sky is bluer than usual. Habang nag-iisip ng panimula, may mga estudyanteng lumapit sa aking kinauupuan at nagtanong kung maari ba silang makaupo sa tabi ko. Tumango ako. Ilan sa mga ito ay kaklase ko.
I sat quietly, feeling uncomfortable. The more I see students, the more I panic deep down. Nasaan na ba kasi si Clover? What's taking her so long?
"Natapos mo na activity mo sa philosophy?" Julianna asked, kaklase ko. She's one of the extrovert and super friendly in our class. She's close even with our professors. My heart pounded fast, hindi dahil sa gulat. It often happens when someone I barely know talks to me.
Julianna sat next to me. Ramdam ko ang pagka-init ng mukha ko nang lingunin ako ng iba pang mga estudyante na naki-upo sa p'westo ko.
"Hindi pa. Matagal pa naman submission no'n eh," I said, almost whispering.
We both laughed. "Inuna ko muna ang accounting. Congrats pala, ang taas ng score mo ro'n. Kainggit!" Walang inggit sa mukha nito, to me it seems like disappointment but most likely reflecting to her. Siguro mas mataas pa sa nakuha niyang score ang inaasahan niya. 
I shrugged my shoulder, not really proud of my accomplishment, rather full of doubts.
"T'yamba ang tawag do'n."
"Juli!" A guy called as he approach our seats. Umupo ito sa tabi ni Juliana dahilan upang pagitnaan namin ito. I immediately assume that he is a friend of hers.
Even though I am surrounded with people I barely knew, sitting here now still allows me to feel the very lightest of breeze that carries with it the scent of a nice day. A sudden windchill pass by me. I cling to the wind as I cling to thinking of what my story will be like if it was written by someone. I bet it'll be boring, 'tapos ay maiiwan lamang sa drawer kung nasa'n ang iba pang boring plot na hindi natapos.
Hindi na ako tumugon kay Juliana at binalik ang paningin ko sa aking phone gayon na may kausap na rin ito. I started picking up letters on my phone's keyboard forming an intense sentence for the villain character I created to finally kill his first victim.
"Was this a common start for a writing?" tanong ko sa sarili ko. I started to erase the words and bit my nails, thinking for a unique idea than what I have in mind just now. Panay rin ang lingon ko sa paligid ko lalo na sa mga katabi ko at baka sinisilip ng mga ito ang ginagawa ko.
"Report ko, wala naman akong idea kung pa'no 'to ipaliwanag," rinig kong usal ng katabi ni Juliana. Just like any other students, he sounds anxious. "Tulungan mo 'ko!"
Pansin ko sa aking peripheral ang pagturo ni Juliana sa akin, pinahihiwatig nito sa kaniyang kaibigan o kung sino man ang kaniyang katabi na sa akin sumubok magpatulong. I immediately close the screen of my phone and acted as if I did not notice anything.
"Matalino ka?"
I can feel the stares of the two people beside me. I turn my head to check and— my inner sense is right— they are both looking at me. My brows almost crease but I tried to look more friendly than naturally intimidating. Juliana was grinning as if teasing, and the guy stare at me blankly, but if you look at him longer, you can see that he is being playful.
"Matalino ka?" He had a thick voice, detached and clinical. However, to me, he sounded like he's trying to mock me. The thin brows makes his chubby face a bit serious. Although I felt awkward and confused, my eyes adjusted to him. Inayos ko ang aking upo upang hindi magmukhang epic ang itsura ko sa kanilang dalawa. They might think I don't know how to properly sit down in public bench. "Bored ka, 'no?" Again, my eyes averted to him, trying to convey through my dull and sticky eyes that I don't have any intention to answer his mischievous questions. "Hmm, matalino ka siguro?" he wondered. I was surprised when he smiled, nasigurado kong trip nga niya ako.
I smiled, too. I don't know what was those questions for, but the least I could do— not to offend him with my dull expression because I feel dodgy— is to smile.
He became silent for a while and talk with Juliana again, worrying about his school report that looks like will happen when the class starts this afternoon. Later on, a minute have passed, I felt his stolen glance.
"Aakyat na ako." Our eyes met again. Hindi ito agad na nag-iwas ng tingin, his eyes glued to me as if studying my whole face for about a minute. He's like a scanning machine, scanning me like an open book steadily wondering how I was, who I was; he looked overwhelmed.
Iniwas ko ang tingin ko. Anong problema niya?
"What day is today?" Juliana asked, nabaling sa kaniya ang aking tingin. Her friend— that tall, pale guy with buzz haircut— finally walk away.
"It's September 30," I respond to her. She nodded and we both fell into silence. I glance from the distance, and have realize I was following Julianna's friend figure until it disappears to the crowd.