I was gasping for some air to breathe when I arrived in the veneer of the door of the first subject's room. "hoo, after a stride walk, finally" I sough in relief. Sobrang haba ng nilakad ko fron where I bumped into that guy earlier, andami ko din na nadaanan at napagkamalang room ko for the first class hahaha. I took a deep breath before I held onto the door knob and twisted it to let it open, and when it did, I entered the room pretending like I am not that nervous. The moment I stepped one foot inside the room, I felt like I have surpassed one fear, and I am proud of this achievement. Alam kong magiging routine ko na ito sa susunod na mga araw pero alam ko sa sarili kong maninibago ako sa bawta yabag ng paang aapak sa loob ng silid na ito. Eh yes, alam kong umpisa pa lamang ito. Sorry for being over reacting about things, but as we go along I hope you'll understand me.
A bunch of students were already chitchatting. Sa isip ko'y parang hindi ako bagay sa grupo ng mga extrovert students na ito because I am opposite to them. Kung sa bagay, transferee pala ako, kompronta ko sa aking isip. Sana lang hindi magaya ang naranasan ko sa former school ko dito, sana mababait sila.
Umabot ako ng fourth year college na walang nabuong circle o kahit isang kaibigan manlang.
Anyway, the sole reason why Papa decided to send me to another school kahit alanganin na dahil nasa fourth year na ako ngayon ay dahil sa mga bullies kong classmates na hindi namin alam ni Papa kung bakit hindi sila makaintindi ng ibang konteksto na wala sa sapatos nila. I understand that being quiet, reserved, and shy is not always a good thing, it will surely take time to develop this into something more elevated (kapag gusto lang baguhin ang character na ganito) but people like I am also need understanding and respect.
My first three years of being a college student, I spent almost the entire night of those years hollering and crying bakit ginaganito ako ng ibang tao dahil lang nagpapakatotoo ako. I was called weird for not having all the social media accounts like they have, twitter, instagram, viber at kung ano pa. I only have facebook and messenger app na necessary for communication purposes, sa tuwing nais o kailangan ko lang makausap si Papa kaya ako gumagamit ng mga ito. I do not even post updates or photos of me.
I was also accused of many things by my own classmates back then, I was once called a thief because they said I stole my seatmate's money. At ano pa ba ang aasahan ko, hindi ko maidefend ang sarili ko dahil natatakot ako magspeak up, that is why I stayed quiet and I just endured the agony of being on that gloomy page, mabuti na lang at may cctv sa loob ng classroom namin kaya nalaman na hindi ko kinuha o ni ginalaw ang gamit ng seatmate ko na iyon. Minsan din akong tinawag na liar at sipsip dahil sinuplong ko daw ang isa kong classmate na nagcut ng class habang torno niya sa reporting sa mismong class subject na iyon. Sa isip ko'y "malay ko ba at hindi ko naman kilala iyang si Jason, ni hindi ko manlang makausap ang teachers pero bakit ako ang pagbibintangan?" Pero again, I stayed silent.
I grew up carrying many things I have learned from Papa, like this one. Kahit anong lugmok ang naranasan mo sa kamay ng ibang tao, never think of getting mad at them, never think of have some revenge to make them suffer. Also, kapag may taong kakaiba sa paligid mo, may it be in the physical appearance, behavior, religion or other matter never make that person feek like they are different, that they have to isolate themselves because you are an open book, you know how to accept and assess differences.
Amidst all those catastrophe, kahit pakiramdam ko minsan ay napaka unfair ng mundo, Papa still managed to teach me to look at the brighter side of things, to look look after the bigger picture. I became so brave because of Papa. Kaya mahal na mahal ko iyon eh, he is all that I need. I only have Papa, that's it.
Siya ang maituturing kong the best of the best na naibigay sa akin ni Lord.
He is not just a father to me, he plays many many more roles that helped me become a better person. He is the reason why I always strive hard to survive life. He is also stands as my mother, my best friend, a food buddy, and music bug partner. He is my number one fan in writing songs too and I feel like nothing is in comparison to millions if followers kapag ang nag-iisang sumusuporta sa iyo ay solid at hindi pumapalya para hilahin ka pataas kapag sa tingin mo ay dinodown ka ng lahat at mas nagpapalakas ng loob mo o nagpupush sa'yo na ipagpatuloy ang ginagawa mong kabutihan kapag pakirwari mo naman ay nagsucceed ka sa isang bagay. of course lastly, my Papa is my angel, para siyang pinadala ni Lord para masubaybayan at magabayan ang bawat hakbang na tinatahak ki sa kahit na anong journery ng buhay. Sa kaniya ko hinuhugot lahat ng lakas at ang katiting na confidence ko upang magpatuloy sa buhay. I cannot afford to lose a sight of him.
I have been living half of my life with him since Mama passed away when I was 11. He's all that I got and that thought is what matters to me lang. Siya ang human diary ko na nandiyan lang lagi para gumabay at umalalay sa akin. I am a one lucky princess who is contented and beyond grateful of the gift of a father who occupies the biggest place in my heart.
My ultimate goal now is to finish this Bachelor of Arts in English course and make some money so he could rest and relax. Para maenjoy naming dalawa ang kagandahan ng buhay nang hindi na nagwoworry pa sa ibang bagay.
Going back to reality---

Sobra ang kaba ko habang nakatitig ako sa silid na bubuo ng last chapter ng college journey ko. I looked around pretending to look calm and unbothered and when I saw an empty perch at the back part of the room, I rushed to take it. I put down my things and had another "deep inhale and exhale" session several times. I also rattled my hands for a few times. These are my habits whenever I am feeling anxious or when I am surrounded by a crowd. Yes I am an introvert and I totally suck at talking or even looking at people's physique. Ito na yata ang biggest fear ko aside from losing Papa.
Kahit abot hanggang langit ang aking kaba ay inayos ko na lamang ng mabilis ang mukha ko dahil napakagulo na ng buhok ko sa pagmamadali kanina sa paghahanap ng silid na ito at saka ako umupo na para mag antay ng professor for the first class.
"Sana talaga kayanin ko ang first of many days haha, keri 'yan Salve, para kay Papa Sol. Crossed-fingers."