EMMAN didn't answered right away. Nanatili itong tahimik sa ilang segundo. Thinking that there's something wrong, I looked at my own phone.
Magsasalita na sana ako upang magtanong kung may problema ba, ngunit naunahan niya kaagad ako.
"Hey," he suddenly said, stopping me from talking. "You're not talking about Gwen, right?"
"Huh?" My eyebrows furrowed, I'm totally confused on why he's asking me that.
Oh, did he think of that because I'm with Gwen? Kung ganun, it's understandable. Pero bakit ganoon siya kung magsalita? What's wrong if I'm talking about Gwen, anyway?
"Theo, alam mo naman siguro na may kontrata iyan sa ibang kompanya?" tanong nito.
"Yeah," I answered. "I'm not dumb to forget that, Emman."
He sighed, totally relief. "Buti naman. Akala ko nakalimutan mo."
Mas lalo lang napakunot ang noo ko matapos marinig ang buntong-hininga na iyun. That doesn't sound like it was meant for the reason he said.
"May problema ba kay Gwen?" Diretsahan kong tanong rito. Alam kong may gusto siyang sabihin tungkol sa girlfriend ko. That's what they usually does. But that doesn't mean I'll let them talk bad about her in front of me.
"N-no . . . " he answered, " . . . there's nothing wrong about her. Uh, anyway. Sino ba iyung tinutukoy mo?"
Hindi ako nagsalita kaagad. I want to ask him again. I badly want to hear it. Gusto kong malaman para naman masabihan ko sila na mali ang iniisip nila. But right now . . . I need to calm down.
I heave a deep breath, "she's Gwen's sister."
Napatingin ulit ako sa litrato. I can't help but to talk about her. Well, I really want her to be my model. Ngunit hindi ko pa siya natatanong. At kung iisipin, hindi maganda ang una naming pag-uusap.
That means this is going to be hard.
"Sister?" tanong nito, halatang nalilito siya. I sighed. Looks like I'm not the only one who's surprised.
"Yeah," sagot ko rito.
"Theo, uh, sure ka bang magiging okay lang ang shoot natin?" Bigla nitong tanong na ikinatigil ko kaagad.
Napakunot-noo ako, "ba't mo natanong?"
"W-wala naman. I'm just asking. Baka kasi may mga problema--"
"If you think like that because she runs the same blood as Gwen, just try to find another one. At isa pa, hindi ko pa naman siya natatanong. Kaya hindi sigurado kung papayag siya," diretso kong sabi rito.
"Hey, man, I'm sorry--"
"I need to go now. Bye." Ibinaba ko kaagad ang cellphone at itinapon iyun sa gilid ng kamang kinauupuan ko ngayon.
Marahas akong napabuntong-hininga. Seriously, they're getting on my nerves. I don't usually talk like that but I can't help it. Kahit na ano pang pigil nila sa sarili, lalabas parin na talagang ayaw nila kay Gwen. It's not just Emman. There's a lot of them.
Napahiga kaagad ako sa kama at tinitigan ang kesame. If they're not able to stop themselves from talking crap about her, I'll snap either. Hindi lahat ng tao hahayaang makarinig ng masasamang salita tungkol sa mga mahal nila sa buhay.
Napasulyap ako sa bedside table. Nakita ko kaagad sa ibabaw nun ang librong palagi kong binabasa. I sighed heavily and reached for it. Nang makuha iyun, tinitigan ko ang book cover.
It's entitled, "Borrowed".
The story is all about the protagonist's life. She's suffering from a disease that's why she's trying to fulfill all of her wishes before she dies. Kaya ganoon ang pamagat dahil itinuturo ng libro na hiram lang daw ang buhay. It's actually good. At isang taon narin nang mabili ko ang librong 'to.
Mapili ako sa libro. Kapag nagpunta ako sa isang book store, isang oras rin ang itatagal bago ako makapili nang bibilhin. But the moment I read this, I totally got hooked that it became my favorite.
Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit ko hinanap ang iba pang libro ng manunulat. And it turns out, all of her books is really good.
Napangiti ako habang nakatitig sa librong hawak, "Jodi must have a lot of experience for her to write such masterpieces."
Tinitigan ko kaagad ang pen name ng manunulat. She's Jodi, my favorite author. I've been a fan for almost a year already. At wala akong ibang gustong mangyari kundi ang makilala siya sa personal.
But she's hiding herself behind her pen name. Kahit na ano pang gawin ng lahat, hinding-hindi nila nalalaman kung sino nga ba ang nasa likod ng pangalang "Jodi".
I sighed. That's totally a waste. Alam ko namang importante parin ang personal na buhay ng mga manunulat, pero hindi ko parin mapigilan. I badly want to see her. Maybe because I admire her work so much?
While looking at the book, totally admiring it's book cover, natigilan kaagad ako nang maramdaman ang pag-ihip ng hangin galing sa labas ng terisita. I turned my head in there, only to see the full moon in the sky, shining brightly.
Seeing such view made me stood up. Kaagad kong ibinaba ang libro sa kama at pinulot ang camera ko. Naglakad kaagad ako papalabas upang makakuha ng mga litrato sa buwan.
I started taking pictures of the moon. May maliit rin na garden sa ibaba kaya naman kinunan ko narin ng litrato.
"Damn," I turned my camera everywhere just to find another angle, "even the Mansion have it's own--" ngunit ganoon nalang ang pagkatigil ko nang maitutok ang camera sa kabilang terisita,"--beauty."
I blinked twice for me to make sure I'm not hallucinating. But it's true. Johanna's sitting outside the next-door's terrace.
I stared at her for a while. She's sitting in front of her laptop. Nakatutok ang mga mata nito sa screen dahilan para hindi niya mapansin ang taong nakatitig sa kaniya sa kabilang terisita.
Ilang saglit pa ay naibaba ko ang camera na hawak. I stayed staring at her, ni hindi ko magawang mag-iwas ng tingin. The moon above us helped me see her face clearer. And even with that serious face, like she's looking at something important, she's still fun to watch.
Lalo pa't may nakaipit na lapis sa gitna ng ilong at nguso niya. Seeing that made me laughed at her. I was having fun just by looking at her that I don't even think she'll noticed me eventually. Nang magkasalubong ang tingin naming dalawa, hindi kaagad ako nakagalaw. It surprised me enough to make my heart skipped a beat. Well, I think that's the reason why it happened.
Damn it. Is that really it?
"You're taking pictures without permission again?!" Pasigaw na tanong ni Johanna. I gulped. Is she shouting for me to hear her or because she's mad?
Heck. Kung alam ko lang na magkatabi pala ang kwarto namin, sana hindi na ako lumabas dito sa terisita.
Now, I gotta defend myself.
I cleared my throat to answer, "no! There's no way I'm gonna have your face in my camera!" I raised my voice for her to hear, but I'm totally lying of course.
Her eyebrows furrowed, "seriously?"
Tumango ako rito, "yeah. Seriously."
Ilang segundo niya akong tinitigan. Napakurap-kurap naman ako at hindi nakagalaw. Hindi ko mapigilang maisip na nasa isang test ako ngayon. I feel like she's doubting me.
But still! I'm serious right now! Kahit na nagsinungaling ako sa sinabi kong ayaw kong may litrato siya sa camera ko, totoo parin namang hindi ko siya nakuhanan ngayon. And knowing that fact, it's seriously disturbing me. Bakit ba kasi hindi kaagad ako nakakuha ng litrato?
"Okay!" Bigla nitong sabi. Hindi ko alam kung gagaan ba ang loob ko doon o ano. I still want to take a picture of her, though.
Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa laptop. Nagsimula siyang magtype doon kapagkuwan ay nagsulat sa notebook na nasa gilid niya lang. Ako naman na walang ibang magawa, nagpatuloy nalang sa pagkuha ng litrato.
Like earlier, it's quite. But the atmosphere definitely change. From tine to time, I glanced at her. Minsan napapansin kong ginagawa niya rin iyun. It's like we're both conscious of each others presence. At halos hindi ko maiwakli sa isip iyun. Sigurado akong iyun ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako mapakali. Knowing that she's just near me right now, I badly want to take a picture.
Napatiim-bagang ako. Nakailang kuha rin ako ng litrato nang nagsimula akong mag-isip ng paraan para makuha ang litrato niya ng patago.
While my camera is facing the moon, my eyes glanced at Johanna. She's still doing her thing in front of the laptop. Ilang saglit pa ay itinutok ko sa kaniya ang camera ko.
It didn't took time for her to noticed it. With her eyebrows furrowed, she looked at me. Sigurado akong pipigilan niya ako.
"H-hey! Hindi ba't bawal iyan?" Kaagad niyang sabi, "this time, I'm gonna sue--"
Napatigil siya sa pagsasalita nang sinenyasan ko siyang pumagilid ng kaunti. Nang maisip niyang hindi siya ang kinukuhanan ko, dali-dali siyang tumayo at pumunta sa gilid gaya ng isinenyas ko sa kaniya.
I bit my lower lips as I clicked the camera. Nang ibinaba ko iyun, tiningnan ko siya kaagad.
"Salamat!" I said with a successful smile on my lips.
"You're," she looked away from me, "welcome."
Mahina akong natawa habang tinititigan si Johanna ngayon. Sigurado akong inakala niyang siya ang kukuhanan ko ng litrato, ngunit nang sinenyasan ko siyang umalis, halatang ikinahiya niya iyun.
Napailing-iling ako. Ilang saglit pa ay napatingin ako sa litratong kakakuha ko lang. I stared at it and sighed contently.
Ano kayang gagawin niya kapag nalaman niyang siya ang kinuhanan ko?
I laughed at the thought. Does doing illegal things like this makes me have fun? I don't really remember myself being happy with it before.
I looked back at the real Johanna, not the one in the picture. If I think about it, ganito lang ako dahil sa kaniya. And it's totally weird. But maybe, I just really want her to be my model. Siguro iyun nga lang ang dahilan. Nothing more, but that.