PROLOGUE
Winter Elizabeth Hart
My young heart knows that it cannot forget the one who made you happy. To stay in the past is like abandoning yourself. Nowhere to go but to go back in the history of us that hurt me so bad. You made me happy after the tragedy occurred. Yet, you made me ill when you are gone.
"Mukhang pagod kana?" sabi ni Dayes Summer habang nasa nagmamaneho. This white old car of Dayes is came from his lolo Fyodor who always tapped my head since I was a kid.
"I'm definitely exhausted but what should I do? Instead to think about suicide, I prefer to stay gloomy and lifeless. Ikakasal na pala siya sa iba. Ang daya." Ang paningin ko ay nasa bintana lamang. I just felt that I lose my purpose in my life.
Pinapanood ang pag-usad ng mga kasabayang sasakyan. Madilim sapagkat wala nang araw. Ang buwan ay tila' nasunod ngunit alam kong nantili lamang siyang nakabantay sa gabing kay dilim. Just like a stars, they are not staying in their place, so we can be replace easily.
"Hayaan mo, mawawala din ang sakit." Pagpapagaan ni Dayes ngunit hindi ako naniniwala na basta na lamang huhupa ang bigat na aking dinadala. "Pain gives us reason to live."
"How, Dayes? Like it's easy to carry the invisible burdens at my back."
"It's hard then you know that you are still living your life." As ge smirked, I know that he is telling the fact that I should realize before he laughed.
The next following days...
I feel this sadness all the time and there is no cause called hyphrenia. That's why I play guitar instead of submerging myself in a sea of ​​loneliness. There are 31,536,000 seconds in a year and I'm still in the darkness of my life.
Not suicidal thoughts, but I want to sleep and never open my eyes just to see this lazy world. The connection drops... Sometimes, I like to cut the connection, because I've been looking forward to happy photo fades.
But if someone leaves you for no reason... just let them disappear from your life. Don't chase, don't run, don't ask why? , without recollection. Escaping grief...but we're back to the sleepless nights we chose to meditate in the lonely dawn. I want to die but choose to live. Miss yourself like the stars, you see the constellations but there are so many stars around. You have failed thousands of times, and chances are many.
Pero hindi pala ganon kadali ang lahat dahil kahit paulit-ulit niya akong iwan ay handa kong buksan ang pinto para sa kaniya. Ngunit natatakot ako na baka hindi na siya kakatok pa sa buhay ko. Nasasaktan ako dahil alam kong hindi na siya babalik pa.
Handa kong ilaban ang sarili ko makasama lamang siya muli.
[Let's be toxic again, Kon.] I sent this message last month. Begging for his love.
What I received. [We can't. My apologies, our relationship is just a temporary happiness.]
I surrender but, still fighting. Between the end and the beginning. Learn to end...so you can start without any connection. Start with trust, recognition and appreciation. Let me save our pictures while I breathe.
Nilagay ko ang aking earphones sa tainga upang makinig sa kaniyang musika. Mga voicemail na palagi niyang sini-send sa tuwing nalulungkot ako. Ngunit alam kong hindi niya na gagawin ulit iyon sapagkat pansamantalang saya lamang ako ngunit pangmatagalan ang sakit ang inalay niya.
By the way, you are the musician in my life. Your guitar, you serenade me with it. Your voice makes my heart feel like I'm safe. But the music becomes our untold story, full of strangers... and you are dangerous!
I have a lot of questions. Why do we need to say goodbye?
Sorry if I wasn't ready to find you...
My eyes might cry overnight...you don't know me because you set me free after you taught me how to be happy. Just don't ask me why I need to let you go.
Here...I just saved it in my memory card. Because after we had stories, we weren't together at all.
Reading old conversation.
We have no connection.
But this song of us lead to our true destination...
I remember the last chat I was looking forward to.
No need to cross our paths again with one last call. I know - that's all. Thank you for this pain
I just can't find another music to heal my heart. There's a lot of music that makes me so miserable at night because I'm going to bed. But I can't deny the lyrics...I can't sleep because that's a pain but a truth.
A thousand milliseconds; at a glance I saw our end. Does she have everything?
I spent 60 seconds thinking what's wrong? When it's all done with you, cancel loving yourself.
One fortnight, working on myself to avoid replaying all we have. Because I can't find the halcyon days.
I couldn't stop the tears, the vicious glance in your eyes... made me not afraid, but melancholy.
"Hi, my name is Winter Elizabeth Hart!"
"I'm Krysler Oliver Nile. Just call me Kon."
Ang araw na nagpakilala ka ang pinakamasayang tagpo nating dalawa ngunit sa una lang pala iyon. Sa dami ng ating binuong alaala, paano kaya makakalaya sayo?
"You can start leaving your life," my mother said.
Naabutan niya akong nakahiga parin kahit anong yaya nito sa akin ay tila' nawalan na'ko ng gana sa mundo.
"Yeah, will do," I replied.
"Masyado ka pang bata para sa pag-ibig na 'yan. Madami ka pang makikilala," when she said na madami pang iba... Ayoko parin sa iba.
Niyakap ko ang aking unan ng sobrang higpit. Masyado pa nga akong bata pero hindi nila nararamdaman ang nadadama kong lungkot. May nawala at hindi ko na maibabalik si Kon sa akin.
Ikakasal na siya sa iba. Kung dahil lamang sa agwat ng edad namin, alam kong hadlang ang lahat.
"Kalimutan mo na, six years ang age gap niyo o," pahayag pa ni Hanny.
Tinapik pa nito ang likod ko dahil sinusundan ko ng tingin si Kon kasama ang fiancee. Magkahawak ang kanilang mga kamay na sa isang iglap lamang ay dati ako iyon. Ayokong magpaubaya ngunit alam kong hindi na ako.
I know that, I'm just 16-year-old and he is 22-year-old.
"It just a number..."
"No, numbers do matter!" Hindi pag-sang-ayon nito.
"Why?"
"Just like our grades, we need to obtain it."
"Can't complain," I uttered.
Hanny Azalea gave me a hug.
Pero kakaiba ang pakiramdam ko. Tila' ang sakit ay nagiging pisikal ito. Parang may karayom na tumutusok sa loob. Tila' gripo ang pag-agos ng aking luha sa gabi. Napapagod na'ko pero ayaw humupa nito. Gusto ko ding matulog ng mapayapa ngunit sa tuwina ay nais kong marinig ang boses niya sa telepono.
If this is a game, I lose!
If this is a game, she won against me.
If this is a game, I would like to be a lawbreaker just to win.
"Shénme~" while I deleting all his voicemail. Nasanay ako masyado kay Kon, I'll never be the same again.
"Anak, ilagay mo na sa maleta ang mga damit mo," sabi ni mama at isinara muli ang pinto. Nais kong tanungin ang dahilan ngunit alam kong hindi niya sasabihin.
Aking pinikit ang aking mata tila' nahulog ang pakiramdam ko upang makapagpahinga. Ngunit namalayan ko na lamang na mat tumutingin sa'kin. Natatakot akong buksan ang aking mata at nagpanggap na tulog.
Tanging lampshade na lamang ang bukas at iyon ang mas lalong ikinatakot ko dahil alam kong nasa madilim lamang na parte ang taong iyon.
Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa aking kumot. Kinakabahan ako dahil akyat bahay ang taong iyon. Madali lamang naakyat patungo sa aking kwarto at baka naiwan na naman ni papa ang ladder.
"Winter Elizabeth Hart? Really, ikaw 'yon? Tsk~" mukha nadismaya ko pa ata ang taong iyon at binaggit pa ang buong pangalan ko.
‘Shénme~’ tanging nasabi ko na lamang sa aking isipan.
"Kunyari tulog tsk..." asik nito. Masyadong malalim ang kaniyang boses na ikinatakot ko dahil unang beses ko iyon madinig. Naramdaman ko na lamang na umalis na ito at dumaan sa bintana.
Nang buksan ko ang aking mga mata ay tanging itim na cap na lamang ang nakita ko.
"Shénme?" I winced while staring at the window.
Napatayo ako upang sumilip sa bintana. Napamaang na lamang ako dahil sa sasakyan niya na kulay dilaw.
"Lotus Evija. Si Mr. Bumblebee..." I pouted as I remember Transformers. Ang pinagkaiba lang ay mas astig ang sa kaniya.
Therefore, I was wondering why he came in my room like a criminal? I know to myself that I can't pretend any longer as I feel drowsy. I let him stay like he is a safe person who trying to secure my night. But I definitely wanna move to see his face.
Who are you? I'm so devastated tonight but you making me petrified with curiosity. I feel you as a hazard but the feelings is quite good yet bizarre.