“Are you sure that’s your baby?” my brother yells a few hours later.
I nod, feeling angry towards him. “Yes! You think I would lie about that?” I scowl.
“But how could he have gotten you pregnant if he used protection?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I just am.”
“Maybe you should go on birth control so this won’t happen again. What the hell was he thinking? He must have been drunk.” He looks at me, his eyes softening. “We’ll get through this together, okay?”
I nod, looking down. “Okay.”
My brother sighs, running a hand through his hair. “This is a mess.”
I nod. “I know.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” I sniffle. “Do I have an option besides keeping the baby?”
My brother frowns, but nods. “Yeah.”
I look at him, shocked. “Really?”
My brother nods again. “Yes.”
“Really? I thought...” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I thought you’d hate me if I did that.”
My brother shakes his head, taking a step forward. “No. I love you, Caitlin. That’s what I said, and I meant it.” His eyes are full of sadness as he looks at me. “I won’t abandon you. That’s the last thing on my mind.”
“I don’t want to deny my baby,” I cry. “But what else can I do?”
My brother walks over to me and hugs me. “Let’s not think about that right now,” he whispers against my hair. “Let’s take everything one step at a time.”
I nod, holding onto him. “Okay.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll figure this out,” he whispers.
“Okay,” I sob.
* * *
My brother and I go to a clinic a few days later, and they confirm my pregnancy. I’m given a few options: an abortion, giving the baby up for adoption, or raising the baby myself. My brother is silent as I process all the options. I look at him a few times, but he’s still quiet. I don’t know if he wants to talk about it or not, so I remain quiet.
As we drive home, I think about what I need to do. I know I don’t have enough money to raise the baby by myself. My tips from waitressing won’t be enough to feed a baby, and I also need to pay my student loans. I can’t live with my brother forever. I want to live in my own apartment and get a job after I graduate.
“Have you thought about what you want to do?” my brother asks a few minutes later, breaking the silence.
I nod. “Yeah.” I take a deep breath, feeling tears prick at the back of my eyes. “I think I should get an abortion.”
I see my brother flinch from the corner of my eye. “Why do you think that?”
I sniffle, looking down. “Because I just graduated high school. I have college to finish and then a career I need to start. And this baby...the father...he doesn’t even know about the baby. What would happen if I told him? He wouldn’t want me.” I cry harder. “And...and I can’t do this on my own. I can’t raise a baby by myself and take care of it.” I sob uncontrollably now. I wish things had turned out differently, but they haven’t. “I just want my life back to normal.”
My brother is silent for a long time. “If this is what you think you want to do, then I’ll support you,” he finally says.
I turn towards him, my eyes wide in disbelief. “What?”
My brother shrugs, his eyes soft. “I love you, and you’re my sister. I’ll always support you, no matter what you decide.”
“Why?” I ask. “I thought...I thought you would hate me.”
My brother takes his eyes off the road and looks at me. “Hate you?” He looks back at the road. “Why would I hate you?”
“Because I’m being irresponsible,” I whisper.
“No, you’re not,” he argues. “I know how much you wanted to have fun with my friend that night, but you got pregnant. That was a mistake on his part, not yours. You shouldn’t regret having fun. It’s normal to want to have fun in your life.”
I frown. “But...” I stop talking. “So, you think I should keep the baby?”
My brother sighs. “I want to support you with whatever choice you make, but I think you should keep the baby.”
“Why?” I repeat.
My brother shrugs again. “Because he or she is your baby, and you should try to keep them. You don’t know how it would feel to hold your baby in your arms.”
I nod. “Okay.” I think about it for a long time before talking. “Can I keep the baby with you?”
My brother looks at me again, his eyes widening in surprise. “What?”
“I just...I don’t want to be alone,” I whisper, tears pricking at the back of my eyes again.
My brother nods, his face softening. “Of course.”
We go to a store that sells baby things and buy everything we need for the baby: diapers, formula, clothes, blankets, crib mattress, changing pad, high chair, and car seat. My brother insists on buying everything for me, so I let him.
As I lie down in my bed with a hand on my stomach, I think about my decision. I think I did the right thing. I want to raise this baby on my own and give them the best life I can. I won’t regret having this baby because they are mine. My baby.
I wake up to the sound of my brother yelling. I get out of my bed quickly and rush to the kitchen. “What is it?” I ask as I see him holding his phone in his hand.