“How's the deal with the property?” I stretched my arms before I turned my gaze to Allister. He was sitting on the sofa habang nandito ako sa veranda.
“Still a no. She's so persistent, Cire.” wika nito dahilan para mapapikit ako.
“One week na tayong nandito, Al. You know I have tons to do in Manila!” I groaned before I glared at him.
“You can go now if you want to, bro. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ka nandito.” he said that made me scoff. He surrendered his arms in the air and shook his head.
He's an idiot.
Muli na lang akong bumalik sa veranda upang tumingin sa paligid. I went here to let myself free from yesterday's pain. Gusto ko nang pakawalan si Val sa puso ko. I know it's not healthy to keep on hoping na baka nasa ilalim pa rin siya ng dagat at iniintay akong sagipin siya. Alam kong ayaw niya akong nakikitang ganito that's why I need to move on.
At dito ko pa napiling mag-move on sa lugar kung saan siya namatay.
Batangas.
Some says that going back to the place where you earned your wound will never help you heal from the pain. It will just keep on spreading if you keep on finding the medicine in that site.
But, not for me.
If I want to let go her, I need to do it here. Because even if I go and find Val whether in heaven or hell, I will still blame myself for not saving her in the first place. Kung sana, hindi ko siya iniwan at nanatili ako sa tabi niya, kung sana isinama ko na lang siya sa condo ko, sana kasama ko pa siya.
I tightened my fist and let out a deep sigh.
I need to let go the feelings, the pain, the agonizing memory. If I won't... I might jump into the water and kill myself.
“Cire, gotta go to her. Naghahanap siya ng trabaho and she might need a ride.” Napatingin ako kay Allister na ngayon ay hawak-hawak na ang kaniyang telepono at susi ng kotse. He nodded at me and I didn't even budge to answer his signal.
I turned my back to him and stared at the sceneries in front of me.
Hindi ko pa rin maisip kung bakit sobrang gusto niyang pumunta sa babaeng 'yon. I told him we can forget the property here in Batangas but he's too persistent in making the girl say yes to him. Does he like that girl? Damn, why here in Batangas? He has so many bitches back there in Manila and he wants to get a probinsyana girl?
It's not that I judge his standards or type. Hindi ko pa rin kasi nakikita ang babaeng 'yon at wala akong kaalam-alam kung ano ang ugali noon. He's my friend and it may sound cringy but I care for him. I treat him as my brother and I still consider him as one.
After I finally got tired looking at the sea, I grabbed my car keys and got out from our suite.
I went in a coffee shop and took my laptop out of its bag. Madalas akong mag-stay rito at dito ko na rin ginagawa ang mga trabaho kong naiwan sa Manila. Alam kong kailangan na ako ng kumpanya ko pero para bang may pumipigil sa aking bumalik doon. Maybe I found peace in this place that's why I keep on staying here for a while.
After my work, I ate bulalo on a karinderya and peacefully watched the people around. I can feel their stares towards my direction pero hindi ko na pinansin. Kahit pala puting t-shirt at short lang ang suot ko mapapansin ako. Maybe I should try to remove my watch and my necklace. Better to put a darker tone of foundation in my face para matakpan ang maputi kong balat.
I was on my way back to our suite nang marinig kong tumunog ang telepono ko. I tapped my bluetooth earphones.
“What is it?” I questioned.
“Nay! 'Di man lang nag-hi 'to. Parang 'di ako na-miss.” I sighed deeply.
“Shut up,” I coldly replied. “What do you want?”
I heard Tyler laugh on the phone. “Ang sungit mo. Akala ko ba magbabagong buhay ka kapag pumunta ka na diyan? Ba't gano'n pa rin?”
“I never wanted to have a phone conversation right now so I'm just gonna hang up—”
“No, no! Wait lang! May sasabihin akong importante.” he quickly said. “Your Nana's home.”
Muntik na akong mapa-preno dahil sa sinabi niya. Inayos ko ang pagkaka-plug ng earphone sa tainga ko para marinig nang maayos ang sinabi ng lalaki. Did I hear him right?
“What did you say?” I let him repeat himself.
“I said, your lola is home! Kasama niya na si Ucyll sa bahay niyo.” May diing wika nito dahilan para masapo ko ang aking noo.
“Why the hell did she went back here in the Philippines?!” Nahampas ko ang aking manibela at napapikit nang mariin. “She should've just stayed in U.S.”
“It's not my fault, Cire! Messenger lang ako.” wika nito. “Sabi rin ni Ucyll pinapauwi ka na ni Lola. She wants to see you.”
“Oh, unfortunately, I don't want to see her.” I uttered coldly on the phone.
Natahimik si Tyler ngunit rinig ko ang buntonghininga nito. “You still can't forget what they did? Alam mo namang gusto lang nilang mapalagay ka sa mabuti. They want the best for you—”
“But Valarie is the best for me, Tyler.” I tightened my jaw.
Walang paalam kong ibinaba ang tawag at tinanggal ang earphones sa tainga ko. I can feel this anger growing up on me kaya't binilisan ko na ang pagpapatakbo ng sasakyan. Baka mamaya hindi ko na naman makayanan at dito sa loob magdabog.
Everytime I hear their insults to Valarie, naiinis ako. Kahit na wala na siya ngayon, I still love her with all my heart. I just can't... forget her. Para bang nakatatak na siya sa kaluluwa ko. Kaya't hirap na hirap din akong tanggalin siya sa sistema ko.
It's been two years but my heart still belongs to her. I know hindi na 'to healthy kaya't kailangan ko na talagang mag-move on.
It was past six o'clock when I got back on our suite. Hindi na rin masyadong mainit ang ulo ko kaya't hindi na ako nagdabog o ano pa man. Allister was sitting on the sofa while browsing on his laptop. Ako naman ay pumunta sa sarili kong kuwarto to do a quick shower. Matapos 'yon ay nagpalit ako ng maaliwalas na damit at umupo sa tabi ng aking kaibigan.
“Where have you been?” he asked but never bothered looking at me.
“Somewhere,” I answered. I accidentally saw what he's browsing on his laptop. He's searching for cafes and restaurants here in Batangas. I confusely asked, “Why are you searching for restos?”
I saw a glimpse of excitement in his eyes when he gave me a quick glance. “We're going on a breakfast date tomorrow.”
“With who?” I asked.
He smirked and gave me a boastful look. “Esther,”
Napakunot ang aking noo at inalala kung sino ang tinutukoy niya. Saglit naman akong napatango nang maalala. It was the girl who owns the property here in Batangas.
I sighed. He obviously wants to win the girl, not the property.
“What do you like about her? Is she better than Valarie?” nakangisi kong tanong sa kaniya bago tumayo. Lalakad na sana ako paalis nang marinig ko siyang magsalita.
“She might be. She's a great person and... she looks like her.” he whispered the last words.
Natigilan ako at muntik nang mapalingon sa kaniya kung hindi ko lang napigilan ang aking sarili. I shook my head and just grabbed a bottle of wine to go to the beach.
What the hell is wrong with Allister? Alam naman niyang wala nang mas gaganda at mas bubuti kay Valarie. He even liked her back then tapos sasabihin niyang may kamukha si Valarie rito? What a stupid guy.
Nang makalabas ako ay gabi na. What I like about province is that when the moon takes place at the sky, the surrounding is already quite and peaceful. Wala na akong marinig na ingay at wala na rin akong makitang tao na lumalabas ng bahay. Siguro ay dahil na rin ang beach resort and hotel na tinutuluyan namin ay tahimik na talaga.
I opened the wine and drank on the bottle. The wind was freezing but the heat of the alcohol lingers in my system. It made me feel warm at least.
The sky is abnormally cloudly but the moon still shines above. There wasn't any stars at all but the moon itself gave enough light to let me see how the waves dance on the sea.
Ilang minuto pa at naramdaman ko na ang pagkabagot dala na rin siguro ng pagod at pagkatahimik ng paligid. I stood up but immediately stopped on my track nang may marinig akong putok ng... baril?
Napatingin ako sa tuktok ng bangin ngunit wala naman akong nakita. There was none kaya't napailing na lang ako.
Am I drunk?
“Akala mo mapapatay mo ako? Mas gugustuhin ko pang mamatay sa ilalim ng tubig kay sa mamatay sa bala mo. Gago!”
My eyes widened when I heard a scream from above. Tila ba tumigil ang aking mundo nang makita ang isang babaeng nahuhulog mula sa itaas ng bangin.
I heard a splash from the water and heaven knows how all the blood from my body got drain when I saw her fell on that black sea.
And before I knew it, I was running into the water, diving into its depth and finding that woman with the help of the moon.
I looked at every direction but still, I can't find her. Lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kaba. What's with that girl? Bakit para akong nababaliw ngayon kakahanap sa taong hindi ko naman kilala? Why does she made my heart beats faster?
But then, when I looked below, I saw her eyes, looking directly into me. Her flowy hair was dancing with the water, and her naked body... she looked like a goddess waiting for an undeserving mortal to save her.
I dived into the water to get that girl. Without breaking our eye contact, I managed to reach her. I held her waist to support her pero muli akong kinabahan nang bigla niya na lang ipikit ang kaniyang mata. She's losing air!
I looked at her reddish lips. The only way to save her is to give her air.
Without thinking, I pressed my lips to her and gave her air. Lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. I felt millions of electricity ran into my body nang maramdaman ko kung gaano kalambot ang mga labi niya.
She doesn't taste like Valarie but damn, bakit parang ayaw ko nang alisin ang labi ko sa kaniya?
That's when I realized na hindi ko na siya nabibigyan ng hangin. Doon ako natauhan at dali-daling niyakap ang bewang niya upang suportahan siya paitaas. I swam while holding her waist.
Nang tuluyan kaming makaalis sa ilalim ng tubig ay agad akong naghabol ng hininga. I held her hanggang sa makarating kami sa may
tabing-dagat. Agad ko siyang binuhat at inihiga sa buhangin. I took off my shirt and covered her bare chest at hinawakan ang kaniyang buhok.
Dahil nakaharang ito ay hindi ko masyadong makita ang mukha niya. Kanina rin sa ilalim ng dagat, I didn't had the chance to look closely to her because the light didn't gave me a way to see her face.
Inalis ko ang buhok na nakaharang sa kaniyang mukha bago ilang beses na pumikit upang luminaw ang aking paningin.
I looked closely at her and held her face.
That's when my eyes opened wide.
My breathing became heavier, so as the beat of my heart.
And for the first time again in two years, I saw the love of my life.
Valarie.