A hard slap was the first thing that welcomed me when I got home. My mother is standing there in the doorway with her murderous looks. I only knew one thing, she already heard the news and it was my fault, to begin with. The blame is on me again. That's all she believe when I made an unintentional offense.
I felt my face gaze at the other side cause of the huge impact. It was hard, full of hatred and madness. My cheek became numb because of my mother's strong slap. Her eyes became ruthless, but it didn't affect a single scratch on her beautiful face.
I lowered down my head to avoid my mother's dead stares piercing at me. She was fuming with rage because of my recklessness. My fault, over and over again. What's new about that matter? She likes pointing her finger at me to blame.
Kailan ba ako naging tama? When did I do the right thing if my mistakes is the only thing she sees?
"I'm sorry, mama," I whispered, half shaking.
"Your sorry wouldn't make things right! Go to your room." her hands were on her waist while yelling at me.
I ascended upstairs without uttering a word.
I badly wanted to shed tears in front of her, and ask her why is she treating me like this, like I'm a bad seed and not her own! I can't blurt out those words so I shut myself out. I always think what did I do in my past life that my life right now sucks more than what I feel.
I thought my mother would inquire me if I was feeling better after the terrible encounter in school, hoping for questions with the care that somehow softened my heart a bit. That kind of feeling that they will worry about my safety, but what should I expect? I'm just their daughter that they don't throw sole attention and affection. They don't care about me.
I'm already used to it, but the pain is still lurking around.
My parents didn't give a necessary concern about me. Where should I put myself to its rightful place, then?
Furthermore, my nanny greeted me with a smile. I did the same thing, but mine was different, my smile didn't reach my eyes. She was my nanny since I open my eyes and see the real world without the fantasies I've been looking up to. I'm still thankful that I've got a loving nanny that grants me the love I wanted so bad from my parents. She became my second mother. She always take good care of me and treated me as her daughter. She's so good to be true. Through her, I felt the care of a mother I've been longing for such a long time.
A bitter smile spread throughout my lips.
Sometimes, you find great comfort in someone else arms. Kasi 'yong taong hinihiling mo na bigyan ka ng katiting na alaga, siya rin pala 'yong taong magbibigay sa 'yo ng sakit.
Truthfully, I haven't felt the warmth of my family. Instead, I've got a cold call.
"Ayos ka lang ba, hija? Mabuti at walang nangyaring masama sa 'yo." I saw the concern in her eyes. I give her an assuring smile to ease her worries.
"Ayos lang, po. Always better po, Nanay." nakangiting biro ko sa kanya.
"O'siya sige, umakyat ka na sa itaas at nang makapagbihis. Bumaba ka pagkatapos para kumain."
After our conversation, I strolled upstairs. I can still feel the trembling of my nerves because of what happened earlier. It's my first time to experience those horrifying scenes and if not because of him, it would be my tragic death, I assumed.
That scary feeling. The urgency to need some help when no one to call? When your hands are quivering and couldn't move your feet that no one to seize of. That no one would care if I die out there.
But that stranger, he saved me not knowing who I was. Odd that I felt nostalgic about that matter. It's my first time confronting a stranger. First time to encounter someone that will save me wholeheartedly. This feeling is foreign, I must say.
And my heart. The loud thud was beating in my heart. Weird, but I'm liking this feeling. Probably because it's my first time to feel this? I don't know how to deal with this one.
Isang malalim na buntong-hininga ang pinakawalan ko. I realized that I'm now in front of my door. My thoughts, it's getting heavy day by day. My intellect is driving me into a bumpy ride, drowning me in the mud-filled with peculiar effects.
The harsh scraping of my opening door was heard when I closed it. The strawberry scent lingered on my nose when I got inside. I love strawberries. My room reflects it all.
I head towards the bathroom to take a quick shower. I don't want my mother to scold me if I'll arrive late. She doesn't like waiting. Natasha Marie Awsman is scary when she's mad. Her beautiful face did not suit her temperament. She's always composed and held her head high like a Queen when she's facing everyone, especially the media. But people are fooled by her mouthwatering looks because her attitude says otherwise.
Above all, since I was born, I have always looked up to her. She's that Natasha Marie Awsman, an almighty in my eyes. But when time passes by, I took myself as a fool and was blinded by my admiration for her. I think too highly of my mother. I admit it was a mistake adoring her when I found out her true identity. I was once fooled by her innocent face that speaks a facade.
I was, once.
I was stunned by the deep thoughts. I'm still in the bathroom, scrutinizing the things that bring chaos to my mind. I stared at my reflection and touched my face.
I'm standing there, looking at myself weirdly.
Even my face looks distant to me. It's evoking a keen of senses, a poignant reminder of a regal portrait. At some point, I resemble my mother's face, but the softer type. A mirror that cogitates herself. Some contours were identical to hers but not wholly.
But not the eyes.
My downturned eye shape coated with blue orbs, were ocean-strong, swimming with warm sun-lit currents. These eyes were a golden caramel radiated from each pupil as if it were a bright new sun. To push further, my pointed nose's ridge flickers when the sun thumps and whiffs when darkness came. These ruddy cheeks that usually erubescent when I cackle. Moreover, my best asset is my pouty lips. It was red as roses, soft as pillows, and a heart shape that was enthralling and seductive at the same time.
I pouted. Somehow, I got some of her features.
I shook my head and blinked for my nonsense thoughts. I hurriedly quit showering and went out to dry myself up. I simply wore a t-shirt paired with comfortable cotton shorts, after that, I'm good to stride outside.