"Ouch," I groaned in pain when my back hit the doorknob. I glared at my cousin, Franzine.
"What? Gonna fight back? Go ahead. Hit me. Just make sure I will never get to stand up to fight you too." She laughed as if she knew that I really can't do that.
Yeah, I don't dare to do that. I never have.
"What are you thinking? Thinking of complaining to your brother like what you used to? How? He's already dead-"
My hand flew in her face, slapping her. "You can insult and bully me but don't you ever involve my brother here."
Her face was getting red when she looked at me. "Did you just slap me?" She began breathing heavily and stepped closer to me making my heart beat faster and step back as if I still have enough space to do so.
"W-What are you going to do?"
She smiled evilly and grabbed me by my wrist. She was too strong that I could not even pull myself back.
She dragged me out of the library room into... the basement where no one could enter without her fingerprint.
"Franzine... Don't do this. Please..."
But she pushed me inside and locked me there. I was too weak to even waste my energy to try opening the door.
"You said I can insult and bully you. And now that I'm doing so, you're pleading to me to stop doing this?" I heard her say and chuckled. When her footsteps started to disappear, I knew I'm hopeless now and no one could save me from this torture and abuse she's doing to me right now.
Why did I do wrong? Nothing. Right? So how could she...
"Beverly, are you listening?" Mom suddenly asked when she noticed me, spacing out.
"Y-Yes..."
I don't know what happened next after Franzine locked me up in the basement but when I woke up, I was already here in the hospital.
"And what punishment should I give you for troubling your cousin? You did not even have a right to roam around in this house because this is not ours. Can you hear me? You, have not, a right!" She pointed her finger and glared at me before walking away.
Yeah, I was always who to blame even though I was the victim. Always.
She went outside and I was left alone in the room, still wondering what did I do to deserve these treatments.
Why me? Of all people? Why does it have to be me? Why should I be their daughter? I just wanna leave in peace! I don't want this. I never wished for this...
If only I could pass this kind of lifestyle to someone more willing to accept all of this, I would.
My eyes were pierced on my food. It's been months since that happened but it was as if something that never happened at all. They acted normally as if I wasn't... But I knew I had to act normally, too.
I carefully put down my fork and knife. I rest my trembling hands on my thighs and silently muttered, "Mom..."
But instead of paying attention to me, she cleared her throat, calling the mayordama. "Get me a wine upstairs. I'm already done eating." She then stood up and marched to her office.
I looked down and bit my lower lip, avoiding the eyes of Miss Sena, our mayordama. My grip on the hem of my shorts tightened, feeling embarrassed, and heavily sighed. I closed my eyes tightly and the moment I opened them, tears escaped from them.
No doubt. She already knew it. And I know that that was the reason for her silence.
I quickly wiped my tears off, stood up, and followed my mother upstairs to her office. Before I entered inside, I breathe in and out to ease my nervousness at least.
"M-Mom, I... I-"
"What?!"
"Ah!" I screamed when she grabbed a flower vase and threw it out to me. My body reacted fast but the small pieces of glass didn't fail to create a wound on my thighs.
"Why did you accept that project? Huh?! You knew how it could taint the image of the Triore family but you still accepted it?! You're a disgrace to this family! I never wanted to have a daughter like you! A brat who was spoiled by-" she stopped yelling at me and looked away when she was about to mention my late brother.
I looked down. My face was damped because of the tears, keep on falling uncontrollably. "Get out. I don't want to see your face who was the reason why my son died," she spat and darted her eyes at me as if I was a prey she's been waiting for to kill.
I opened my mouth but can't say a word. I almost stumble when I stood up and whispered, "Okay." I felt too tired and weak to explain my side from her accusations.
I wasn't shocked enough to see Miss Sena when I went out but I just ignored her and walked straight to my room.
My eyes immediately darted at the notebook containing my scripts for the play I just accepted and got my mother angry. I slowly walked into the edge of my bed and took it. I will be playing a mature role and I knew it will somehow ruin our family, her family, and my image but I accepted it 'cause I thought that refusing a big project will also make other people gossip about it. No matter what you do, people will forever gossip about you, whether it is good or bad. So what's the point of not accepting this? I even thought that it'd make her happy and proud of me for trying something new.
I scoffed. "But it turned out opposite..." I stood up and leaned on my window.
I sighed in disappointment... In sorrow... In loneliness.
I stared at the moon, shamelessly shining through the window even without the stars beside it. Tears started to build up again as I remember how shameless he is like the moon, to always protest to every argument I had with our mother. But now... It's all on me.
It's all on me. They all blamed me. For his death that... I also blamed myself. I know... I was the reason. I was the reason for the fallen death of her beloved son. But do they know how shameful I am every time I remember that? No. Do they know how I also suffered and even now from all of that happened? No. They don't know anything. And they won't spare their precious time for knowing that for it wasn't worthy of their time, making me feel that I'm not worthy at all.
They don't care about my feelings, my opinion, my thoughts. They don't care about me at all. They don't care about me to the point that I feel like I'm the real villain here. I'm just a mere villain who is trying to destroy their perfect family.
I'm sorry. It's my fault to be born into this family. I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for not being perfect. I'm sorry if I always ruin the things you are building for your son. I'm sorry... if I killed him.
But even how I tried to divert, distract, or make myself happy-at least-the fact that he's not coming back anymore... That he's not going to protect me anymore...
I covered my mouth to stop from crying out loud as my knees fell to the ground for being weak.
The night was silent without my cries but still, no one asked if I'm fine.
"Attention! Attention! Everyone listen to me!" We all looked at our mentor, Professor Lincoln. "You can do this, everyone! You should do your best for your family to be proud of you. You should do your best to be on top. And always remember this, I will always be on your side!"
Some of the actresses teared up and they quickly wiped them off when we all heard the cue from the production team.
As the play progresses, every word that my mother threw to me that stabbed me countless times, rang on my mind. That I teared up without an effort in the crying scene.
We were all emotional at the end of the play and bowed our gratitude when we heard how the crowd cheered for us and gave us a round of applause.
They are right. There's always an island at the end of the wild wavering sea.
But I didn't know that the wild wavering sea would come back to destroy my quiet and peaceful island.