"I'm sorry, madame. Pero hindi ako aalis sa trabaho ko," Magalang niyang sagot sa akin na mas lalo ko lang ikinainis.
"How much money do you want? Half a million or more than five million? Just say it," Asik ko sa kayan.
"Hindi pera—" I cut him off.
"Don't be shy now. Pera lang naman talaga ang habol mo sa akin, hindi ba? Katulad ka lang din ng mga nauna sayo." May pang-uuyam kong pagputol sa ano man ang sasabihin niya.
Hindi siya kumibo sa narinig mula sa akin kaya mas lalong lumawak ang aking ngisi. I knew it! Wala siyang pinagka-iba sa mga nauna sa kanya, mga mukhang pera!
Babatuhin ko na sana siya ulit ng mga nakakainsultong salita ng naunahan niya akong magbukas ng bibig.
"I willingly came here to take care of you,"
His words were like a music. A music that everyone might fall for. But sadly, I'm not one of those people that can easily fool. Those words were just nothing but nonsense.
"Oh, come on. You don't have to split a lie like that. Bibigyan naman kita ng pera kahit walang mabulaklak na salita ang lalabas diyan sa sarili mong bibig." Tinaasan ko siya ng isang kilay, "Just name your price and leave."
He didn't utter a word any more, he just simply stepped forward towards my bed. I looked up at him while he was looking down at me, staring at me seriously.
"Hindi ko kailan ng pera mo para manatili sa tabi mo," And with that, he turned his back on me and walked himself outside my room.
That left me dumbfounded. What does he mean by that? Wasn't money is the reason why he applied to be my butler? Does this mean he's not like those who work for me first?
I shake my head with that idea. Of course, he is still the same to those money-fr*ak people. Their only difference is how that new butler handled my feelings with his words. As if it will work on me!
Another sleepless night has come. I don't know how many hours I was staring at my sleeping pills. But all I know is that I'm afraid to fall asleep knowing that 'that' dream might come to visit me again.
I clutched tightly the little medicine in my hand when a blurry memory came across my head faster than I ever thought. It was a new memory that I don't exactly know and I guess, I don't want to know either. Alam ko namang masamang alaala lang iyon. I'm too tired of remembering 'that' unlucky night me and my parents experienced.
Early in the morning, my new butler just barged into my room without even knocking the door, like how he did yesterday! How rude can he be?!
"Here," Maingat niyang inilapag sa bedside table ko ang isang baso ng gatas. Sandali ko lang 'yung tinaponan ng tingin bago ulit tumitig sa kawalan.
"I'm not a kid anymore," I said coldly.
He didn't even flinched an inch, instead, kinuha niya ang basong may lamang gatas at inabot ito sa akin. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. He's so hard that I want to punch him harder more than his face.
He sigh and said, "Hindi lang bata ang pwedeng uminom ng gatas, Linelle," He said, as if he was trying to explain to me the obvious.
But I was caught off guard when I heard him call me by my sobriquet name. For the nth time, I gave him a deadly glare.
"Madame. You are only allowed to call me madam and not by my name," pahayag ko sa kanya.
How dare he act like we already know each other before. How dare he act that he can do whatever he wants to do inside my own house. He is just nothing but one of those who served for me!
Hindi niya pinapansin ang sinabi ko, bagkos ay mas inilapit niya pa ang baso ng gatas sa mukha ko. Encouraging me to drink it now. Wala na rin akong nagawa kung hindi kunin ito sa kamay niya. Who knows what will be his next move if I don't accept that freaking milk from him. Baka ibuhos niya na lahat ng laman ng basong hawak sa pagmumukha ko.
Habang iniinom ang gatas na binigay niya sa akin ay wala rin akong tigil sa pag bato ng mga masamang tingin sa kanya. At ang kumag ay tinitigan lang ako na para bang hindi nakakaapekto sa kanya ang mga nakakamatay kong mga tingin. This guy and his guts!
"Now, leave!" I rudely gave him back the empty glass of milk. He accepted it gently before bowing his head and leave my room peacefully. I sighed in relief. Good thing he didn't protest back.
I was about to close my eyes to get a rest for a bit when my door opened again. I sighed in frustration before looking at the person with her usual annoying smile plastered on her face!
"What?!" Singhal ko agad sa babaeng kakapasok lang.
She raised her both hands above her head, parang sumusuko. Pero mas lalo akong nainis nang nagpakawala siya ng malakas na halakhak. I frowned.
"What do you want now, old lady?!" I shouted.
"Oh my... Am I not allowed to visit my cursed nephew anymore?" She teased.
"Cursed nephew my ass!" I rolled my eyes at her, "Seriously, why are you here? I thought you would be busy managing the company now?"
She walked gracefully to come closer to me. As she reached the side of my bed, she crossed her legs and both arms above her chest. She sighed.
"I heard you skip your meal again,"
Nag-iwas agad ako ng tingin sa kanya, feeling the guilt crept into me. It's been 2 days since I last eaten.
"I told you to take care of yourself. Ilang beses ko pa bang sasabihin 'yan sayo para matauhan ka naman?" This time, her playfulness was gone and was replaced by a serious tone.
"There is no reason for me to stay healthy," Mahina kong sagot sa kanya.
The old lady — tita Mara — frowned at me furiously, "So ano ako rito? Display lang?"
"Not really. You're my annoying aunt and your work is to annoyed me every moment you're here. So no, you're not just a display, you're more than that," I sarcastically said.
"So I'm a special display, huh? How sweet of you," The old lady fired back sarcastically.
"What do you mean? Of course..." Pambibitin ko sa aking sasabihin, "... you're an annoying display," Kibit-balikat kong pagpapatuloy.
Ilang oras din siyang nanatili sa aking silid bago nagpasyang umalis at bumalik na sa kumpanya. At sa isang iglap lang ay katahimikan na naman ang nag hari sa apat na silid ng aking kwarto. I don't know where my butler is, pero ayos na rin 'yung wala siya para naman makapag-pahinga ang inis na nararamdaman ko sa kanya.
Wala sa sariling napabaling ang atensyon ko sa maliwanag na labas ng aking kwarto. The sun was shining so bright that it can easily attract a lonely eyes. And as I was staring in its dazzling light, unti-unti ako nitong hinahatak palabas. Ilang pulgada na lang sana ang layo ng kanan kong kamay sa ring bell button ng bawiin ko ito.
Before I could make a move that I might regret after, I held my hand into a fist tightly. What the hell am I thinking?!
I was panting so hard to catch my unstable breathing to make it stable. Again, another night that my body no longer listens to the effect of my own sleeping pills!
This can't be happening! My body should still accept the effect of that thing. Before, my body isn't like this, it was willingly accepting that little useful medicine! Bakit ngayon pa? Bakit ngayon pa kung kailan madalas na akong dinadalaw ng masalimuot na gabing 'yon?!
I hardly punch my head. Thinking that it's the only way to get rid of this d*mn memory. Para na akong baliw na umiiyak ng malakas pagkatapos ay tatawa na naman at iiyak na naman bigla. Wala na akong maisip na maganda kung hindi ang paulit-ulit na saktan ang sariling ulo. The terrible memory was kept on playing in my head like a broken plaque.
Nasa ganoon akong pangyayari nang biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng aking kwarto, iniluwa nito ang nag-aalalang si Manong Raol. Dali-dali akong tinungo ng matanda at binigyan ng isang mahigpit na yakap.
Si Manong Raol ang natatanging natitirang matagal na empleyado ng pamilya namin. He was the only one who never leave my side even though I pushed him away many times. Aside from my tita — he has also a high patient with my wicked manners.
He never judges me. He never laughed at my misery. Because in the first place, we both are on the same page. His family — his wife and only daughter — are already gone. Like me, he has no family to embrace with. He has no family to laugh with. He was all alone...
Every time I push him away, instead of stepping back, he will go even further. Every time I utter a harsh words, he answers me with light ones. Every time I gave him a cold treatment, he always gave me with his usual warm smile.
At habang tumatagal ay nasasanay na ako kung paano ako itrato ni Manong Raol. He treated me not just his boss' daughter but like his own. Lagi niyang sinasabi sa akin na nakikita niya ang nag-iisa niyang anak sa akin kaya hindi niya ako kayang iwan kahit sapilitan ko pa siyang ipagtabuyan.
I calmed at Manong Raol's warm hug. Aside from my old lady, isa rin siya sa nagpapakalma sa natatakot kong kalamnan. Silang dalawa lamang ang natatanging nakakalapit sa akin ng ganitong kalapit. And I don't have any plans to let other people come closer to me aside from them.
I silently eyeing the calm outside, watching the birds freely flying at our garden. Naputol lang ang atensyon ko sa labas nang biglang bumukas ang kwarto ng aking kwarto. Hindi ko pinansin ang bagong dating at mas binigay ang lahat ng atensyon sa labas.
Levitticos, my butler, suddenly walked in front of me dahilan para mawala sandali sa paningin ko ang mga masasayang ibon na naglalaro sa himpapawid. I silently sighed in frustration but remain myself quite.
Sa gilid ng aking mga mata ay nakita kong dahan-dahan niyang nilapag ang mga agahan na dala sa isang bed tray table. Nang masigurong maayos na ang lahat ay dinala na niya ito patungo sa akin. Agad niyang inayos sa pagkakapwesto ang dalawang paa nito sa magkabila kong gilid, nasa gitna na ako nito.
Kunot-noo ko siyang tinapunan ng tingin ng kumuha siya ng pagkain at itinapat ang kutsara sa aking bibig. What's his trip now?! Feeding me like a baby?! Gosh.
"I can feed my own," Akmang aagawin ko na sa kanya ang kutsara ng mabilis niya itong inilayo sa akin. Napasimangot ako sa inis.
"Let me feed you," Seryoso niyang ani.
"I'm not sick nor a baby who can't properly use their hands because of weakness or they can't hold the utensils properly!" Asik ko sa kanya.
"Bakit? May sakit at bata lang ba ang pwedeng subuan?"
"Why are you so hard headed? Ikaw ba magpapa-sweldo sa sarili mo, ha?!"
"Just eat, madame,"
And just like the past few days him being my butler, I lost again. Sa ilang araw niyang pananatili rito sa mansion at pag-aalaga sa akin, ni minsan ay hindi man lang ako nanalo sa kanya. He's so persistent that I ended up accepting my defeat.
"Pagkatapos mong kumain ay ilalakad na kita mamaya sa ilalim ng araw," Putol niya sa tahimik na silid.
Nagugulat akong napatigil sa pagnguya ng aking kinakain, "And who the h*ll are you to decide what I should do at this moment?"
He put the utensils that he was holding above the bed tray table and gave me his whole attention. "Your body needs sunlight,"
"And? Do you really think I care?"
"You need to maintain your body system healthy,"
"What?" Natawa ako ng pagak, "What do you think is the reason for me to keep my body healthy?" but before he could give an answer to my question, I spoke again, "No one. There's no significant reason for me to be healthy and live my life long."
I almost lost my posture when his intense stare lasted for a minute. But instead of looking away, I stared back at him, giving him the same amount of intensity he gave me.
Halos mapatigagal ako sa aking kama dahil sa biglaan niyang sinabi, "Let me be your reason then,"
***