“I knew it!”
Sinenyasan ko si Bea na huwag maingay.
“Hush! Baka marinig ka ng iba.”
“Sinasabi ko na nga ba may gusto sa’yo ‘yang si Porsche.”
“He doesn’t like me, okay?”
Umupo siya sa tabi ko at umiling-iling.
“Jelcy, stop acting blind. It’s so obvious that he likes you. Otherwise, why would he kiss you?”
“Well, ‘yon ang utos ni Third sakanya.”
She slaps her face.
“So? He could’ve refused! Don’t you get the hint?”
Of course, who’s dumb enough not to speculate something’s wrong with Porsche’s action? I don’t want to assume things and I haven’t talked about this to Porsche. I don’t want to assume things moreover, ayaw kong maging totoo ang sinasabi ni Bea.
“I know, pero we don’t really talk about this so I’m confused.” Sagot ko.
“You have to talk to him.”
That’s the plan. Hindi ko lang alam kung paano ko itatanong sakanya. I’m sure it’ll be awkward for the two of us.
“You don’t like him?”
Mabilis akong umiling. She laughed.
“Of course not!” depensa ko.
“I don’t know if I will feel happy or I will feel bad.”
I have her my “what” look.
She said, “If you could just see Ken’s reaction.”
I was shocked when she said that.
“Ayan, you’re really dumb when it comes to people’s feelings towards you ‘no?”
Does it mean alam niya ang tungkol kay Ken?
“I knew it before he could even confess.” She shook her head. “Sa totoo lang, matagal ko nang napapansin. Every time may lakad tayo, I would ask you first and if you don’t agree, I won’t ask him anymore.”
“Why?”
“Dahil hindi naman siya sasama kapag nalaman niyang hindi ka kasama.”
I didn’t know that. All these times, I treated Ken’s gesture as an act of kindness towards me since we knew each other for so long.
“He always favors you unlike me. Remember those times na bumibili siya ng ice cream? He never asks you what flavor you want because he knew you love vanilla. And me, he would even forget to buy me one!” she laughed reminiscing those times. “He always checks on you. What are you doing, have you eaten, did you sleep well and even if you’ve done all your homework because he knows how much you hate not passing school works on time.”
“I have no idea.” ani ko.
“It’s actually pretty understandable. You have no time for boyfriends. And most of all, nakikita mo si Ken all those years as a friend.” Paliwanag niya.
“I told him to stop joking around when confessed.”
She turned to me with a wide eye.
“You did what?” gulat na sabi niya “You don’t know how much courage he bottled up just to confess! My God, Jelcy!”
“I didn’t know!”
She rolled her eyes.
“You must say sorry to him.” Suhestiyon niya.
“Are you mad crazy? Pagkatapos ng lahat? Porsche and I kissed two times! Sa tingin mo ba gusto niya pa akong kausapin?
I think my tongue slipped.
“Two? This isn’t the first time?”
Gladly, she didn’t shout so I still can save my dignity.
“I did that kasi mabubuking ‘yong plano natin kung makikita ni Porsche na sinusundan ni Ken si Miss Anika.”
There’s no way she will acknowledge that as an excuse.
“In front of him?”
Hindi ko sinabi sakanya ang tungkol dito dahil alam kong magiging ganito ang reaksyon niya.
“I have no choice.”
“You’re hopeless.”
I am hopeless. I have admitted that to myself long ago.
“You think we can still talk it out?” tanong ko.
“Hindi naman dapat ako ang tanungin mo. Isa pa, isipin mo nalang kung gaano kasakit ‘yong pinagdadaanan ni Ken ngayon, I’m sure he doesn’t want to talk to you for the time being.”
Ever since, hindi talaga ako magaling manuyo ng mga tao. People rarely held grudges and hatred towards me so I don’t have any experience on asking for their forgiveness. If they do hate me, I usually cut them off my life not because I want to, but because I have to. If I hurt them from time to time, then it is not healthy for them to stay with me.
“But you know what, napaisip lang ako, if you won’t do it now, kalian pa?” She said out of nowhere. Tinignan ko si Bea. “Have you heard of “There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.” Or not?”
Umiling ako.
“Look at us now, we’re not free. Who knows kung bukas wala na tayo? So, pack up your courage kagaya ng ginawa ni Ken and talk things out!” ani niya.
If things are that easy, I would’ve done it. Kaya lang, I know how much Ken hates me now. He might throw up just hearing my name.
But Bea has a point. If I won’t do it eventually, when will I?