"The best bully best friend in the world", was written at the side of our picture. He was smiling like an idiot while pinching my nose and I was trying to grab his hair.
A tear suddenly fell on my left eye, remembering how close we were in the past. How happy are we years ago.
"I miss him, how long will you come back whim?" I whispered while sobbing
Niyakap ko ang mga binti ko habang nakayuko. My phone kept on vibrating but I had no urge to answer it. Mas masakit yung dibdib ko ngayon kaysa nung nang iwan sya nang walang paalam.
I was a coward…I already knew to myself that day, but I was also hesitant that I love him. I was so confused about what I felt for him at that time.
Nakatulala lang ako sa malayo habang nagsasalita at inaalala ang ginawang pinagsisihan ko nang husto, I still pushed him away.

I always think that we aren't suited for each other, pinapairal ko ang isipang masisira ang pagkakaibigan namin.

It's for the sake of our friendship naman so that it won't be ruined what we had. But I didn't think that denying what I felt towards him would make it worse.

But if by loving him I have to get hurt I'll wipe away my tears for him, I'll be smiling behind the pain
Tumingala ako para mapigilan ang mga luhang nagbabadyang tumulo sa mga mata ko
It was too late until I realize na mahal ko na talaga siya and he already left before I realized that
Bakit tayo ang pinaglaruan ng tadhana
Bumuntong hininga ako at yumuko
nakaka lungkot isipin, nasasaktan ako sa ginawang desisyon ko na di ko rin aakalaing pagsisisihan ko.
"Does he have a family already?" I asked in the air as if someone would answer me
if the price to pay for Loving him is to watch him love someone else, I hope he stays happy paubayang sabi ko sa hangin at tumingala muli sa itaas


Reminiscing the memories we made and we once have while flipping the photo album with the letters I write every pic of ours.
I used to write letters before cause sometimes it's better to just write what you feel than tell it to someone who doesn't care but it was me who doesn't care about him how so nice
" Our memories, it's haunting me always"
I miss him and day by day of thinking bout him makes me lose my mind
I hope he misses me too I hope he misses our kulitan days the similar vibe we gave off and the nights we spent talking even on nonsense picayune things do he miss those days also?
Kakasabi mo pa lang na mahal mo ako pero bakit? Bakit Umalis ka bigla?
We have the best friendship that turns into strangers and broke the two of us.
" A victim of love is it right?" I ask stuttering because tears were still falling. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako matatapos umiyak, iyong akala ko tapos na pero kapag naalala ko na naman siya biglang tutulo nalang sila
"Bestfriends forever huh? Then, why did you leave without me knowing!?, sabi mo pa walang sekreto dapat!, I should hate you now but still, here I am expecting your presence. Pwede naman bigyan mo ako ng oras makapag isip bat ka umalis bigla bigla ng hindi ko alam
I know I was too harsh on you, but does leaving me make you happy?" Makes you feel well? I can't accept that what we had has been an achingly beautiful experience

I shouted in the air thinking of possibilities na maririnig nya ako umaasang pupunta sya sa lugar na kailan man naging pahinga naming dalawa.
"I missed you so much alam mo ba yan!?" I shouted at the top of my lungs it hurts so bad. Sunod sunod ang pagpatak ng luha ko at wala ng paki sa naging itsura ko ngayon
"Did you already move on!?" I shouted again expecting him to answer my goddam questions and appear in front of me.
I cover my face at pinunasan ang mga luhang tumutulo galing sa aking mga mata at parang batang nakayuko sa ilalim ng puno
"uhh okay, I know you won't answer me. And I know you won't come back anymore." I sobbed while catching my breath naubusan na ng boses kakasigaw
"siguro may mahal ka nang iba dyan yung kayang suklian ang pagmamahal mo I know it's impossible" I whispered as tears escaped from my eyes at sunod sunod uli itong pumapatak.
I hate it,

I hate how I denied my feelings for him…..
I hate for hesitating at that time….
I hate how coward I was…..
I was so confused I keep on denying but the more I denies it the more I fall for him and I was a victim by my own decisions
I know hindi na sya babalik bat pa ba ako umaasa? I don't even know where he is right now.
" If we ever meet again in the future, can we just treat each other the same like we never broke each other's heart?"
"I'm sorry", I whispered and wipe my tears I looked at the photo album and the bracelet he gave with his initial G carved on it.

"Does throwing the only memories we had can make me move on from you?"…. I asked in the air as my sight begin to blurry again.
"If loving you means to feel burned by every picture of ours then so be it. Let hell burn me by each sight
I turned my back and heave a deep breath while I was still crying inconsolably
A place that was once our pahinga but I can't call it a pahinga anymore because this is the place where I broke him and I broke myself with my own decisions
And I left that place with pain, the place that was full of memories from the two of us.
~~~~~~~~~~2 years later~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Seia!"
I just parked my car in the parking lot and was headed towards the hospital when I heard someone yelling my name

I turned around to see that it was Alkie She came jogging towards me
"Hey!" I called back
"What's the chicka?" I asked
"no it's not chika" she chuckled she's always happy
She always have her wide smile plastered on her face no wonder why boys came drooling over her
" I just want to inform you about the barkada's date this Saturday don't forget it" she inform and smiled at me
and narrowed her eyes that makes her even cuter she's like a kid
"psshh Okay" I replied making a face
"Maldita as always huh?" she said laughing at me and copying my facial expression

" Ba't ka pala nandito?" I asked her to change the topic nakakapagtaka lang galing sya sa loob ng hospital
"ahh, wala may binisita lang, tsaka nakita kasi kita para ipaalala narin haha" she replied hesitating that changed her expression
weird
"diba g--"
Ringg! ringg!

I was about to ask her about the barkada date thingy when my phone rang siguro later nalang.

"sagutin mo muna", she said and gave me a sweet smile
I nod at her and picked up the phone from my pocket and answer it
"Hello, doc emergency on patient 29! " The other line hysterically said.
"start with the preparations right away make sure to get the preparations done on time" I replied calmly
"Sorry alkie may emergency sunod nlang tayo mag usap", I said and give her an apologetic look
" basta wag mo kalimutan ha bye" she turned her back and waved at me
she acts so weirdly
Uhh nevermind I need to hurry
"Good morning doc" the nurses greeted me
I don't have the urge to look back nor greet them back I'm in a hurry.
"Doc the patient is been prepared we're waiting for you" one of the nurses approached me
This was my first time operating a person kinakabahan ako baka mag fail
after being an official doctor
I make my way up to the operating room, scrub up, and we do the surgery.
When I'm finishing up I immediately leave after I secure the patient

I was happy the operation was successful thanks, God, it went well

The patient was stable now it doesn't take long, for me anyway, after the operation I changed my outfit and cleaned myself.
I'm done with my duty just now and was leaving toward the parking lot
When I was about to head to my car
Rosei a voice called from afar
At isang bwiset ang lumapit sa akin si Leonard kakalabas lang din nya sa hospital he's also a doctor
Rosie are you free today? He called me and smiled
No! I immediately answer and gave him a rugged face
You're so mean to me he said scratching her head and crinkling his nose
Because a long time ago you're also mean to me I replied copying his answers
Why of a sudden approach me? I ask him still giving a rugged face and arching my brows
I just want to ask you for a date He said scratching his back now and creasing his forehead
A date? Why of a sudden he never ask me for a date just by now only
And why of a sudden asking me for a date? I asked again that makes him irritated I rolled my eyes at him I was also irritated by his face
Okay fine! Pwede ihatid nalang kita He asks that there's no other choice for him that can make me say yes
I have my own car I said that makes him more irritated
Edi hindi na nga he said surrendering
Okay this night I'm free I said that made his expression change and smiled widely
Thanks, rosei!! Susunduin nalang kita mamaya wait for me he excitedly said at kinindatan ako ng mokong
Okay I'm off bye take care I said and waved at him and immediately get inside the car baka kung ano na naman ang gagawin nya
I look at my side mirror and look at him he was still standing parang tangang nakangiti
And I went home so that I can rest
when I arrived at my apartment I went up directly because it was so tiring I didn't sleep for days I removed my shoes
and I jump on my bed and turned my radio on

It's funny 'cause
I've always dreamed of me and you
Now here we are
Staring at the stars
You just broke my heart even though you promised
You'd never do that from the start

But I guess we can only make it so far

'Cause time wasn't in our favor

This isn't goodbye, this is simply see you later

I was stunned at the song I felt like it hit me so hard yeah right, time wasn't in our favor I laugh sadly at how we ended from bestfriends that became strangers
why am I thinking of him again I said I have to forget him but I can't help it I hug on the teddy bear he gave me I kept this in purpose I didn't burn this together with those photo albums because this is my favorite and there's a big reason I can't throw this it's very important to me
Let me know when it's time to come back
Maybe when your life is on track
And you don't have to hesitate
Hopefully, it isn't too late
Luckily for you, I'm patient
I'm okay with your making me wait
And as long as you're near, I'll be here
Even if it takes ten years
Hopefully, it's not too late for me and I hope he'll come back. I waited for so many fucking years and still patiently waiting for you throwing those memories doesn't work huh?
it's been a long time and if I would be brutally honest I hate myself for hating him for a while
Can't fall in love, when I found the one
How am I supposed to move on
When you're never really too far gone
The memories won't go away
I feel pain every time I hear your name
But I always think of you the same
'
Cause time wasn't in our favor
This isn't goodbye, this is simply see you later
Let me know when it's time to come back
Maybe when your life is on track
And you don't have to hesitate
Hopefully, it isn't too late
Luckily for you, I'm patient
I'm okay with your making me wait
And as long as you're near, I'll be here
Even if it takes ten years
"
How am I supposed to move on, if I'm still into you? If I'm still in love with you? I found my happiness in you I found myself crazy in love with you" I asked in the air and closed my eyes cause my tears threatened to fall.
"There's no us but I can't move on from you Why do I have to realize those feeling late" I can't stop myself from the urged of thinking about you coming back
I woke up and it was already 3 pm I slept overthinking bout the song huh? Nag inat ako at
pumasok sa banyo para mag shower
Under the pouring water, I close my eyes and look up
I miss someone that make me lose my mind I miss him
I turn off the shower and dried myself using the towel. Dumiretso ako sa walk-in closet and put on my clothes and get my key car
I decided to visit my mom to inform the good news.
I stopped first at the supermarket to buy groceries for mom then headed to my mom's house.
I was about to surprise her and report the good news when I opened the door a guy was standing facing my mom I didn't recognize him cause nakatalikod sya mula sa kinaroroonan ko and my mom didn't notice me also.
"Mom?" I called my mom
Honey, you're here bakit napabisita ka? She excitedly said and came running towards and hug me
Just wanna visit you and inform My first operation was successful mom ayaw mo ba akong bumisita mom I ask her
Sinabi ko bang ayaw ko ikaw talaga omooo congrats anakkk mana talaga sa talino ko ikaw talaga kumain Kana anak? She asked sound worried wala ka nang tulog ano ang laki na ng eyebags mo
Ganyan naman talaga mom doctor kasi
Sorry galit ka naman agad pahinga ka muna dito halatang pagod ka na
Tapos na mom I just want to visit you kumusta ka na mom? I ask her
Okay lang naman ako anak
Si papa asan?
May nilakad sila ng kuya mo
He never let me feel the love of a father and kuya also they hated me
I look at her with sad eyes
Are you okay daughter? She asked again
No Mom I just think of something
I won't stay long mom I'll be going somewhere
kakarating mo pa lang aalis ka agad nagtatampong sabi nya
May pupuntahan lang ma ehh bukas mag wo work na naman ako ngayon lang free time ko
Sige anak malungkot na sabi nya Basta ingat ka anak ingat din sa pagmaneho then she hugged me I hugged her back
Sorry mom I loveyouuuuu bye mom ingat ka rin dyan pakisabi nalang kila kuya at papa
Sige anak she replied and waved her hand at me
I get inside my car and heave a deep breath my relationship between my father and brother is still not fine I wanna ask them why are they mad at me
I just drive anywhere until I noticed the place I'm going
its the way to a place I tend to forget a long time ago but it's still haunting me
I'm hesitating if I'd go or not but my hands and feet have their own spirit Gumalaw pa rin ito kahit labag sa loob ko
Nag expect na naman akong makita sya dito kahit hindi I walked towards and
When I arrived I saw a guy standing straight near at the tree and I remember someone my heartbeats seemingly fast as I realized and expecting who it was the guy is familiar it is someone who close to my heart
I was stunned looking at his back A tear is threatening to fall even though I'm not sure if he was the guy I'm longing for but there's part of me saying it's the man I'm longing for so many fucking years
Nag expect ka na naman baka it was someone lang masaktan ka na naman kahit labag sa loob ko at kinakabahan ako humakbang ako papalapit ng dahan dahan but he hears the sound of leaves and
I was stunned when the guy turn around and face me.
it's him I wasn't wrong now
Almost 20 years had passed I didn't see his face and feel his presence and now he's in front of me standing.

Looking at me like he's okay like there's nothing happened that broke between us.
"Should I be happy?" Did I really move on after I got to that place?
I want to hug him,
I want to feel his embrace, not as his best friend
I want to take the opportunity now to confess to him

I want to be his lover not as best friend anymore
"Is it too late na?" I ask in my mind and ate Shin came out nowhere having a wide smile on her face looking at me I didn't look where she came from cause I'm intently looking at the man I'm longing for
"It's been a long time Thorn" I whispered
I can't say anything I had so many questions in my mind na gusto itanong sa kanya but my tongue was strangled I stumbled upon so many thoughts inside my head and I can't say any words about what's in my mind or I'm afraid sa mga isasagot nya.
"Rosiea," He said my full name with his casual husky voice but now it's deeper than before walang bahid ng lungkot ang mga boses nya.
Maraming nag bago sa kanya.
He's not the same guy I've been with before
He is not the best friend I had anymore his face is more mature now his voice is deeper than before his now taller. And I can't recognize him.
But his eyes didn't change his eyes telling na sya yan the same eyes that look at me how he confessed that he love me, how much he wanted me to be his lover. But the way he looks at me now it's not the same as how he looked at me before.

I was still not fine after all.