“Is this a playground to you?”
His voice was soft.
Fatal.
“Whose case was this?”
Riley looked at the housemen, they were all looking down. Aria was busy wrapping the plastic and cloths covered with blood.
Patient A came in with a gunshot wound and everyone was too immersed in Patient B. 
An axe lodged in a patient’s head. It stole every pair of eyes in the room.
“Whose case? I don't like repeating myself.”
A houseman looked up, raising his hand. Scared.
“He was alive when he came in. A quicker response could have kept him alive.”
Riley smiled, disappointed.
“Congrats.” He sighed.
“You just lost a patient.”
He patted the other. “...and that's on you.” He walked away, going to the next patient. 
Aria kept herself busy, cleaning the table, for the incoming patients. Everything needs to be done fast.
Every life matters.
The houseman stood still. He couldn't breathe. Everyone dispersed but his feet wouldn't move. He looked at the empty bed, covered with blood.
‘...that's on you.’ Riley’s voice echoed inside his head.
As much as it hurts, that is the truth.
“Dr. Ethan.”
Aria called for him, but he just froze.
“Dr.” A quick tap on his shoulder and he woke up with a jump.
“Incoming patient on table four.”
Ethan nodded, his steps were messy. He bumped into the machines, trying to pick himself up.
Aria totally understood. First day, first death.
It always stays.
.
.
The rush finally died down, Riley was on his way to lunch. He always kept a strict schedule.
He didn't do unnecessary things just because it was fun. He needed things to be finished. Once he started, he couldn't put it on hold.
He didn't like it when things went wrong. It felt like he would lose control. 
He saw the group of housemen from before. He did know that it was their first day. Death is not something you just see in your life. But it is for the doctors.
One missed step, patients died.
One missed diagnosis, patients died.
One missed second, patients died.
This was not for the weak. Sometimes, it comes home with you. The guilt. The memories. The blood.
It hurts even more when it is on you.
He frowned. He didn't see the one from earlier. If he remembered it right, the name on the tag was Ethan.
He walked to them, smiling, trying to be nice. Well, I am nice, mostly.
“I don't see Ethan.”
Everyone scattered, standing up in a hurry. One still trying to slurp the noodles.
Riley laughed. “Calm down, minions. Are you scared of me?”
None of them nodded, just looking down.
“I wouldn't be mad if there is nothing to be mad about. Ethan?”
The girl looked up. “Probably the rooftop.”
Riley’s heart thumped hard. 
“Why?”
“He went to smoke.”
A sigh of relief. He didn't want to be a reason for a junior suicide on their first day.
.
.
Here he was, on the rooftop. He climbed the stairs, because it's healthy. Maybe.
He didn't smoke. He cares for his body. He didn't like it when he didn't have control over his own body. It is not easy to maintain this kind of handsomeness, he thought.
“Rough day?”
Ethan looked back, and he put the cigarette off. Letting out a small stream of smoke. He stood hurriedly.
He smiled.
“Dr., I am just…”
“Sit.”
Riley sat next to Ethan. He put a lunchbox that he asked the cafeteria aunt to fix for him next to Ethan.
“It’s pretty nice here, huh?”
Ethan didn't answer.
“About earlier…I am sorry, if I sounded cruel. First day, huh?”
He sighed. “My first day was the same.”
Ethan looked at Riley. 
“I killed a man. I was…too proud. I only missed one simple task.”
Riley smiled, a bitter one.
“He was saved from a burning building.”
“I didn't check for his throat.”
Riley let out a sigh, he lost count by now. Remembering the time when he was too proud of his family name. It hurts.
“One second he was alive and talking to his daughter.”
“One second after, we were trying to resuscitate him.”
Riley smiled. He patted Ethan’s back.
“I don't want you to become like me. I need you to be better.”
Ethan looked down. So, he wasn't mad that I did wrong, he was mad that I reminded him of himself? 
“You need to be better. At least, than me.”
Riley laughed.
“And you need to eat. Skipping lunch wouldn’t make you a better doctor.”
Riley stood, ready to get down. He said quietly. “It’ll make you hungry.” 
He smiled, Ethan just scoffed. I mean, duh.
“Eat that. Come down when you’re ready.”
Riley left. Ethan just stared at the dosirak. 
That actually looks good.