The closest I've ever come to meeting anyone from my life during the day was when Willow and Inés — my two girlfriends from work — were entering the club I played at just as I was leaving.
I quickly tied my hair up and made a probably-world-record speedy exit.
That was last year and I had never cross paths with anyone from my day life ever since. Until yesterday.
Of all the people that had appeared in nightmares where my secret was uncovered Carson Miller was never featured, simply because even my nightmares knew that if he ever found out about his assistant's double life I'd be unemployed in a matter of seconds. A part-time DJ who played in sleazy clubs and bars for extra cash wasn't exactly the type of person Miller Inc. would hire let alone allow to work directly with its top dog.
There was a grey area where my boss was concerned. In the office I could handle his broodiness and aloof stares but outside the four walls of the office I found that he scared me more than I was ready to admit.
Which explained why I was so awkward last night.
Usually when set free from the constraints of work, I was bubbly and carefree but seeing him outside of work was jarring and I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I mean he was my boss for Christ sake.
Last night was wack. It was like he was struggling to make conversation with me so I could stay. I had to admit that I found it amusing especially when I knew that Carson Miller didn't struggle. With anything.
I was still in a daze about the events of last night which was why I was super grateful that Carson had called to say he'd work from home. It would give me some time to get back into my regular self as well as beat some sense into me.
I selected my ‘Stuck in Work’ playlist and started typing up a letter, in other words, distracting myself.
My door opened as I was halfway through a screaming Adele, biting my fingernails and concentrating hard at the screen of my laptop. I didn't know someone had walked in until my ear buds were yanked out of my ear.
Startled, I looked up and met the half-irritated, half-amused grey eyes of my friend and coworker, Willow.
“Hi Willie! Didn't see you there.”
The amusement vanished from her eyes at the sound of the variant of her name she greatly despised. Her delicate face wore a frown. “I've told you not to call me that. I sound like a middle-aged plumber about to face retirement,” she pouted.
I had to laugh.
“What are you still doing here? Come on, it's gossip hour. I hear some drama went on this morning in marketing with Queen Itch, I need details from Inés. Let's go.”
I rolled my eyes. Gossip hour was what we called our lunch break. It was the only time we were able to take a break from our demanding jobs. As we worked directly with broody, unforgiving Carson Miller — I as his EA and Willow as his secretary — it was easy to imagine why our lunch break was sacred.
Queen Itch's real name was Christine Margot, the marketing director and Inés' boss. She was a nightmare and since cursing at work was forbidden we dropped the ‘B’. She was also famous for providing us with topics of conversation while we scarfed down sandwiches and burgers. From dreadful ex-husbands to a mani-pedi gone wrong, we talked about it all.
Don't blame us, that's what she got for oversharing during her frequent bouts of anger.
“I think I'm going to skip lunch. I've got a lot to type and Carson's not in today so that means more work than usual.”
“I've got loads of emails to reply to too but I'm going to lunch. What's your point?” she folded her arms and tapped her long red artificial nails on the crook of her elbow. “It's juicy, I promise.”
Before I knew what was happening I was out of my seat and on my way to the cafeteria. I hugged my laptop to my chest and blew out my cheeks. Willow could be very pushy.
The cafeteria was a huge, glass-walled room sprinkled with comfortable furniture and a snack bar run by a middle aged couple.
Willow dragged me to the counter and I plastered a fake smile on my face. Working the bar was none other than George, one half of the couple. He was really sweet and was good company after a particularly stressful morning but I'd kind of put a wide berth between him and me because there was just something about him that made my skin crawl. It could've been the sparkle in his blue eyes, his thinning blonde hair or the fact that he had the same name as my father — a man I hated to the core of my being.
“Hiya George!” Willow greeted.
“Afternoon ladies,” he nodded at me.
It also didn't help that he was such a nice person.
“How's work been?” he asked as he made our usual fare. A sub for Willow, a grilled cheese and tomato soup for me and a salad for Inés.
“Good, the boss isn't in today. I'd say it's weird but I don't want to jinx a perfectly good morning.”
“Yeah, says the person who doesn't have to go to the depressing hellhole he calls a house.” I whispered under my breath but apparently Willow heard because she replied.
“Can't say I envy you, Lex, that place is where happiness goes to die,” she shuddered.
“Don't listen to Willow, you'll be fine, Alex. How's your sister?” George asked as he produced our food.
The question threw me and I just stood there blinking.
If George had a superpower it would be his niceness. It was so effective that people ended up opening up to him with just the simple question ‘what's wrong?’. And one of those people turned out to be my coworker Willow.
My little sister was a heavy burden that I bore without question and it was hard to talk about her to just anyone. The only two people I'd told were Willow and Inés and when I found out Willow told George I flipped. Long story short, I remained friends but guess who's not getting a birthday present, ever?
“Good,” I answered coldly and shot a hateful glance at Willow. She averted her eyes.
“I'm afraid I need to get going. Thanks.” I tucked my laptop under my armpit and took my food.
I walked to our usual table in front of the glass wall and dropped all I was holding. Sinking into a tan chair, I closed my eyes and massaged my temples. Soon I heard Willow seating in front of me.
“You shouldn't have told him!” I snapped, opening my eyes.
“And I've apologized, Lex. I get why you're mad, it wasn't my secret to tell. I'm sorry, really, Lex.”
“It doesn't matter anymore. He can't unknow, right?”
“That's not a word.”
“Shut up.”
Pretty soon Inés walked through the doors of the cafeteria and from the looks of things she was in a bad mood.
She was Spanish and talked with a heavy accent but everyone loved her because she was so down-to-earth and said what she meant and meant what she said. I loved her for a completely different reason.
At twenty-six she already had six children and her last, Jack, was the cutest little boy I'd ever set my eyes on. Everyone thought I was kidding when I told them to back off that he was mine but Inés was the only one that took me seriously.
“I wish I could swear right now!” She exclaimed as she occupied the last seat at the table. “Dios!”
“You and me both sister,” said Willow as she unwrapped the tin foil around her lunch.
I was still crabby so I just went about setting up my laptop.
“Hey, what wrong with you?” Inés asked me with her concerned motherly look.
“I'm fine,” my tone said I was anything but.
“George asked about her sister,” Willow didn't have the decency to swallow before replying.
Inés smacked Willow at the back of her head. “Why you tell him about her sister, Willie?”
“Ow! I said I was sorry. Jesus!”
All of a sudden I realized that I wasn't in the mood for meaningless chatter.
I closed my laptop back and stood up. “Actually, I've got a lot of things to do so I think I'll just go.”
Willow looked up at me with wide eyes.
“You don't want to hear about Queen Itch? It's good this time, trust me.”
I shook my head. “Maybe next time, Inés, say hi to Jackie for me.”
I abandoned my lunch, picked up my laptop and made my way to my office where I grabbed my phone and bag before leaving the building.
I stood on the curb in front of Miller Inc. pondering my options. I needed to get out of here to someplace far enough that I could think in peace yet close enough to get to Carson's house early.
As if on autopilot I hailed a taxi and spat the first address that came to mind.
It was only when the taxi stopped that I realized what was in the address I'd given.
Looming in front of me was the main building of Saint Theresa Memorial Hospital.
You'd think that after visting this place consistently for five years I'd get used to the huge blue-and-white painted building but honestly every time I saw it my heart rate tripled and it felt like my mouth was stuffed with cotton wool. Prefect description of how I was feeling now.
“Hey lassie, mind gettin' out of mer cab? I ain't gotten all day,” the cab driver said to me from his place in front.
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” I repeated as I dug out some money from my purse.
I handed it to him and throughout the short walk to the hospital I felt horrible that I couldn't afford to tip the guy despite his two-star service at best.
I walked into the immaculate yet busy lobby and walked up to the nurses station. A redheaded nurse sat behind the desk, her blue scrubs stark against her pale, freckled skin.
“Hey, Karen!” I greeted.
Karen looked up from her computer and her eyebrows immediately furrowed. “Alex! What a surprise! I wasn't expecting you till next week, are you ok? Is your mom ok?”
“Karen,” I stopped her. “I'm fine. And what happened to my mom?”
My eyebrows furrowed and I braced myself.
“She called in sick this morning, didn't you know?”
“Of course not,” I shook my head and felt my hair whip around my cheeks.
My mind immediately filled with different scenarios and dread filled me to the point of almost choking me. I felt my fingers squeeze the edge of the desk tightly.
Karen saw my facial expression and her gaze softened. Her hand covered mine.
“Hey, I'm sure she's ok, sport. Even nurses get sick too. Luci is literally a rock.”
I nodded and pushed back the tears. I resolved to go check on her right after this.
“Thank you, Karen.”
She nodded. “Well, you know the drill,” she tilted her head in the direction of the clipboard on the desk.
I signed in and after shooting Karen a salute I entered a waiting elevator.
The elevator stopped at a floor and was quickly filled with doctors in white coats and the smell of disinfectant. I pressed myself deeper into the corner and tried to disappear.
I was thankful when the elevator stopped and half of them got off.
Getting to the floor my sister resided in was a soul-destroying experience each and every time I came here. Hospitals were supposed to be a place of healing but I didn't remember a single time that I felt better walking in here.
I walked briskly to the brown door at the end of the hall.
628, was all that was etched on the tired door. I hated it. The number was so distant, so impersonal, as if she wasn't already a prisoner here, they had to go and strip her of her identity too.
I resisted the urge to scratch the number out — like I did every Tuesday — and went in.
The tiny hospital room never failed to bring tears to my eyes.
Right in the middle, in a white hospital gown and a tube down her throat was the form of my little sister.
A whimper escaped my throat as I walked over and occupied the seat beside her. The bedside table was scattered with vases of iris — the flower she was partly named after — that I'd brought in to help brighten up the place but did very little for the cloud of gloom that always seemed to reside in this room and the birthday cards with heartfelt messages from me and mom that I hoped she'd get to read someday.
Her dark hair was splayed behind her and contrasted sharply with her pale skin. Even though the skin of her face looked so pale, her freckles stood out like they were alive.
While on her way back from an after-school reading session, the Uber she was in was flattened like a pancake by a drunk truck driver. The Uber driver died immediately and it left her in a coma. That was five years ago, she was fifteen.
The doctors had advised us to turn the life support off years ago but I refused it completely. My sister was still in there, fighting, I just knew it.
It cost a lot just to keep her here, alive but I would get a million jobs if it meant that my sister had even a slim chance of coming back to me. Her and my mom were all I had left.
“Hi Iridia,” I said and clutched her cold hand. I shivered a little. “It's me, Alexandra, your sister.”
I took to starting all my visits with her name and mine so she'd never forget who she or I was. I read somewhere that coma patients could still hear and I held unto that.
“I know you aren't expecting me today but I just needed to see you.”
The only sound in the room was the beeping of the machines. I was glad the perfume of the iris masked the usual hospital smell.
“I'm fine, no one has figured out I'm Butterfly yet so that's good. Mom misses you and so do I.”
I knew I was just blabbering but anything was better than silence.
“Dad's still a drunk bastard but at least he's not a drunk bastard in our house. Didn't I tell you? He got his own apartment six months ago and honestly I don't know what's worse. Taking his abuse in person or in my nightmares at night.”
I cleaned the tear that'd found its way down my face. My father was a touchy subject but I didn't want her to forget she still had one.
“I wish I could stay, Didi, but I have to go check on mom. I'll be back soon, 'kay?”
And just like I end all my visits I planted a kiss on her forehead and took in her face. She was so peaceful and I half expected her eyelids to open and her bright blue eyes to stare at me as her cheery voice chided me for watching her sleep.
But that never happened and I left the hospital more dejected.
Despite that I was even more resolved to pull my sister out of that coma. I didn't know how but I was going to do it.
Because of my depleting cash I walked half of the way home and took a bus the rest of the way.
Baby was parked outside as I walked up to the door.
I dug around in my bag for the keys and immediately I opened the door I was attacked by an enthusiastic brown ball of fur.
I knelt to Morgan's level and accepted his kisses.
“Hi Morg. How are you? Did you miss me?” I ruffled his stomach and planted a kiss on his head.
“Sandy?” Came my mom's voice. “Is that you?”
I moved to the living room and found my mom on the couch in pajamas and covered with balls of used tissue paper. Her black hair was tired up in a messy ponytail.
“Mom, why didn't you tell me you were sick?”
I gingerly picked up one of the tissues with two fingers and tossed it aside. Sitting beside my mom it was apparent how sick she really was.
Her nose was bright red and the crystal blue eyes I'd inherited were red-rimmed. I'd gotten my dark brown hair from my grandmother and nothing from my father, a fact I was too pleased about.
She sneezed into a tissue and I recoiled from the force it came out with.
“Sandy, why are you home? What happened at work?”
I was grateful that my mom cared so much.
“Work is fine, Carson's not in so I went to see Iridia where Karen told me you called in sick. Why didn't you tell me you were sick?”
She smiled. “Sandy baby I'm fine. It's just a little cold. Nothing a little lemon tea and Morning News won't fix, Morgan's been looking after me.”
As if on cue Morgan waltzed in with mom's favorite blanket trailing between his teeth.
“See,” mom's voice was very guttural as she bent to retrieve the blanket and pat Morgan's head. “He's an even better nurse than I am.”
Morgan barked and jumped on the couch.
“Promise me you're ok?” I shot her a pleading look and thrust my pinkie.
“I'm fine, Sandy baby. Promise,” she locked hers with me and we both smiled.
She sneezed and I quickly removed my hand from hers.
I rested my head on her shoulder and watched the blonde reporter giving a report despite the tornado she was in. I felt my mom place a kiss on my head.
“I can't believes she can even report in that kind of weather,” mom said with something close to awe in her voice.
“I can't believe you named me after her.”
“No we didn't.”
I raised my head and shot her a disbeliving look.
“There was just something old-fashioned about Alexandra. Besides, she might be Alexandra but you'll always be my Sandy baby.”
She tried to kiss my face but I backed up.
“Jesus Christ mom! Don't give me your germs, I still need to stop by Carson's and I don't want him or me to get sick.”
Her chuckling was stopped by another violent sneeze.
It was time for me to get going but I felt bad leaving her on her own.
“I need to go to Carson's but if you want me to stay I will,” I told her.
It was then I realized that I called my boss by his first name. I shrugged it off. He stopped being Mr. Miller five clingy girlfriends and an unfortunate incident involving a helicopter, one bitey Siamese named Gallagher and ten pounds of roast beef ago.
She waved me away. “Go, Sandy, I'll be fine.”
I mustn't have looked convinced because she added, “I'm a grown ass woman, I can take care of myself.”
I chuckled. “Ok, grown ass woman. I'll leave you alone.”
“Thank you,” she adjusted the blanket around her.
I kissed her on the cheek and after giving my dog a kiss too I was out and on my way to do my job.