Athena’s P.O.V.
Nagulat ako when this time, hinawakan naman niya ‘yong kabila kong kamay. Hindi na ‘yon kasing sakit tulad nang ginawa niyang panghihila sa akin kanina. It became gentle now, na para bang nag-iingat siya na baka muli niya akong masaktan. But I guessed, mas nagulat ako sa sinabi niyang…
“H-Helena… s-samahan mo naman ako, kahit ngayon lang.”
Nakatalikod pa rin ako sa kanya. Why does it feel like the wall I built between the two of us… suddenly collapsed?
Would it be much better if he called me Athena? Would the feeling be much better if he uttered my real name?
Napapikit ako kasabay nang pagpakawala ng isang malalim na buntong-hininga.
Wait! What’s wrong with me? What was I thinking and why was I even affected? Remember, Athena… you are Helena and you are here because of her! No other things should matter. I reminded myself.
Speaking of what happened, if not for the sake of Helena’s name, I would have killed him the moment he dragged me out of the garden! I would have even crashed his skull with his bawd ex-girlfriend’s head! Ang sarap lang nilang pag-umpuging dalawa! ‘Yong isa, malandi at siya naman… tanga!
He should be thankful enough that I was still able to control my temper. If not? I didn’t know what would happen next, that he might end up… cursing me to the fullest. The moment na sinigawan niya ako ng ‘Shut up?’, gustong-gusto ko na siyang sapakin eh. Baka hindi ‘yong lalaki ng ex niya ang maging duguan ang mukha in the end.
Lumingon ako sa kanya kasabay nang pagtaas ko ng isang kilay. “And what makes you think that I’ll stay here with you, Rivera? After what you’ve done to me? For your information, no one had ever laid their fingers on me and dragged me out like the way you did! And now, you still have the guts to ask me a favor? You’ve got to be kidding me! For the second time, I’ll tell you this… you’ll never worth my time!” pagtataray ko sa kanya sabay hila ng kanan kong kamay.
I lied. How many times did my own father laid his hands on my face and drag me before? I already lost count.
Akala ko ay maaapektuhan siya sa mga sinabi ko pero lalo lamang akong nainis sa naging reaksiyon niya—bigla na lang kasi siyang tumawa.
“What’s funny?” I glared at him.
“Hmm, wala lang. Ngayon ko lang na-realize na hindi pala bagay sa personality mo ‘yong pangalan mo. Ang taray mo kasi eh! The name Helena sounds more of an affectionate and thoughtful person… but you’re the complete opposite,” tumatawang sagot niya sa akin.
I was caught off-guard. I wanted to kick him so hard to the point that he wouldn’t be able to stand up!
So you want to know a secret, huh? Yes, you’re right! Helena doesn’t suit me because that wasn’t even a part of my name! My real name is Athena! You heard me? It’s Athena Cari!
I wanted to shout those words at his face but I stopped myself. “Ang dami mong alam eh, ‘no? I’ll go now, I’m just wasting my time here!” I said as I walked towards the exit.
“Uy, teka lang… Miss Walkout Queen! Ayaw mo niyon? Hindi ka pa nga pumapayag na samahan ako, napapatawa mo na ako. Ito naman, masyadong pikon! Ganyan ka ba talaga? But kidding aside… sorry talaga kanina, Helena ha? Kung nasaktan man kita. I want you to know na hindi ko sinasadyang higpitan ‘yong pagkakahawak sa kamay mo. Hindi ko rin sinasadyang masigawan ka… I’m sorry.” He slightly bowed at me when I looked at him.
Well, it seemed like he was sincere enough in delivering his apology but I faced the door again and just heedlessly stepped away from him.
“Apology accepted but next time, you have to do these three things. First, do not let someone stab you in the back. Second, do not trust people so easily. And lastly, do not ever let love win over you. Kaya utak ang mas mataas kaysa sa puso, utak ang mas gamitin mo… utak ang mas pakinggan mo.” Those were my last words before I left him all alone in the Music Room.
I went straight to the library. I wanted to be alone and enjoy my ‘me’ time completely. That was the reason why I was in the garden, but little did I know that some disgusting people would treat the place like a motel!
Pretending to look out for books across different shelves, thoughts kept on running around my head and that made me blankly stare at something.
Why is there a lot of people who used to be blinded and miserable just because of that stupid love?
Like my Dad—he had been blinded by his love for Helena to the point that he still wanted her to live forever… as if there was actually forever? For me, forever doesn’t even exist. It already ceased even before it exists.
Even for once, even for a little bit, did he… ever try to love me?
And that Rivera—what I knew so far about him was that he was an intelligent student. A smart one… and there was no question to that. But for Christ’s sake! In terms of love, he was nothing but a fool! We always had choices in life and he undoubtedly chose to be… imprudent!
Ni hindi man lang niya nalaman na ‘yong girlfriend niya ay may boyfriend pa palang iba? At mas nauna pa pala sa kanya, so siya pa pala ang kabit kung tutuusin. And what did that his ex do to him? She treated him like a piece of crap… a rug… a slave!
Too frustrating for a smart guy, tsk!
That was the reason why I would never, ever, succumb to that stupid thing called love. Being alone would have been much better. For me, it was more than exciting and fun. You would get to know more about yourself and definitely, you had more time to love yourself. After all, it was indeed best to be alone than being with the wrong person.
After looking around for any psychological books, nothing had piqued my interest so I just sat at the corner of the library.
I wanted to become a Psychologist someday. I wanted to study each and everyone’s personality. I wanted to master how a person thinks and behaves. I wanted to understand why some people had this so-called dissociative or multiple personality disorder— how did they get that aside from their tormented past, what would trigger that and what would be the cure for that.
I set aside my thoughts. I unzipped my bag and searched for my tablet, then I opened my Famebook account. Gumawa ako last year ng bagong Helena Mari Delgado social media accounts—Famebook, Tweeter and Chinstagram. Masyado man kaming malapit sa isa’t isa ni Helena, we respected each other’s privacy so I didn’t know her passwords and it was simply, vice versa.
And certainly, I could no longer open and use my real accounts because I already died as Athena. Too sad! Baka magkaroon pa ng on-line craze at sabihin ng mga netizen na nagmumulto ako over social media. But I just realized, it could be so much fun! Ma-try nga minsan…