NO PERSON IS TOO OLD OR TOO LATE IN ACHIEVING THEIR DREAMS.
I was a college drop out. Fourth year college ako noong nagdecide ako na huminto; I was nineteen then. To be honest, it was not a hard decision at that time.
During those five years, I’ve had work that was, honestly, not related to my course. But I was earning well at my last job. Still, nagdecide pa rin ako na ipagpatuloy at tapusin ang aking pag-aaral. It has always been my dream to graduate in college, to wear that black toga and get my diploma. Most importantly, it was my parents' dream for me. They were the one who's broken-hearted when I told them five years ago that I’m going to stop going to school.
I was already doing well in my life that I never thought about going back to school, not even a passing thought. But one day, I had come to the point of my life where I felt like I deserve more than this. Naisip ko na, hindi ito yung future na navivisualize ko nung bata ako o nung 4th year High School ako when I was taking consideration of what course I'm going to take. That's when I decided that I need to move on with my life.
I always thought that at twenty-five, I should be doing what I love for a living. For such a long time, I was imprisoned with the thought that at a certain age, I should be this idealized version of me I’ve had in my head. And obviously, I am nowhere near that kind of person right now.
When I realized that, anxiety, fear and self-pity started brewing in my heart until all of me was completely taken over.
But now, I’ve come in terms of all those feelings and decided it’s time to move forward. Oh sure, I am taking, maybe, ten steps back, but I believe it’ll be worth it.
Plus pa kapag iniisip ko na magkakaroon ng Class Reunions. Sabi ko sa sarili ko noon, never akong aattend ng any Class Reunions or Get-Togethers.
Why?
Kasi nahihiya ako. Kasi sila nakatapos ng college. Magaganda na ang trabaho, mga professionals na at stable na ang career, at bumubuo na ng sarili nilang pamilya. Samantalang ako, wala akong maipagmamalaki sa kanila. I don't want to bring myself down further than I already intend to.
But tomorrow, it will all be over. My self-pity will now eventually come to an end. I will start putting my life back on its right track. And this time, I'll make sure I'll finish. I'll make sure I will do my best.
Bukas ang first day of classes. Isang taon na lang naman ang kailangan, then tapos na. Graduation na. Tapos board exam. Kapag nakapasa, which is I'll have to make sure, magiging isa na akong Licensed Engineer. I'll have my own PRC ID. Magiging Engineer Yoanna Santiago na ang pangalan ko.
Ohhh, how wonderful does that sound?
So here I am, a day before my first day of school, namimili ng gamit para sa new school year. I feel young browsing for a cute binder, picking some nice pens and stationery.
My friends from college were accompanying me today – Isha and Madam. A week ago, I gave them a call telling them na nag-enroll ulit ako for my last year in college. They were genuinely happy and insisted that we meet up.
"Kinakabahan ako..." I mumbled, which made them turn to look at me at the same time.
"Bakit naman?" Tanong ni Isha bago sumipsip sa iniinom niyang Choco Java Chips Frappuccino.
Umiling ako. "Iniisip ko lang kung anong mangyayari bukas. Wala na akong kakilala sa school tapos puro bata pa mga makakasama ko."
Tumawa si Madam. Actually, her name is Shiela. We just got used to calling her madam since our first year. Siya kasi ang class president namin nung first year college and she did a really good job for our class.
"Alam mo, may mga kilala ka doon…” She paused, giving me a teasing smile before continuing. “Sila Jamie, Harold, Aldrin..."
Sabay-sabay kaming tumawa because we knew very well who she's talking about. Mga professors namin sa Engineering Department. Kilalang-kilala ko nga sila at kilalang-kilala rin nila ako.
"Tama si Madam, Yoanna!"
"Alam kong alam n’yo na hindi ‘yon ang ibig kong sabihin. See, five years na ang nakalipas. Wala na 'kong kilala doon kahit juniores natin.” I shook my head, “Baka mabully ako ng bago kong classmates. Paano kung kagaya nila JM yung mga yun?"
Si JM, isa sa classmate namin noong college. Isa sa mga bully o mahilig mang-asar sa classroom. Pero di naman nila ako na bubully before kasi si Isha yung trip ng grupo nila.
"Ano ka ba?! Papabully ka sa mga bata?!" Tumawa pa ulit si madam bago kumain ng piraso ng cake. "Pero malay mo naman, may mala-Sakari sa bago mong classmates."
That huge smile on madam’s face disappeared and turned into a smirk.
Sakari was our senior. Same course, just one year ahead. He, for some reason, became my close friend and someone I loved. Pero one-sided lang yung love na yun dahil…
Enough with that. There's no use remembering a person I will never see again. Besides, Past is past.
"Oo nga Yoanna..." Naputol ang pag-iisip ko ng magsalita si Isha. "O kaya, makita mo ulit si Sakari sa school."
"Ha? Paano naman mapapadpad si Sakari sa school?"
"Nuh ka ba, 'te? Syempre kapag may events o kaya kapag napabisita lang. Maliit ang mundo, no!" Patuloy ni Isha.
Wag naman... ‘Di ko alam gagawin ko kung makikita ko ulit s’ya. Tsaka, baka bumalik lang yung sakit kapag nagkita kami at iiwasan n’ya ako kagaya ng ginawa niya noon.
I shrugged trying to be nonchalant. "Hindi naman si Sakari o isang Sakari-wanna-be ang pinunta ko sa school, no...Tsaka ano naman kung pumunta siya sa school? For sure, nakalimutan na niya ako. Tsaka, ‘di ko rin naman siya papansinin pagkatapos niya ako isnob-in noon."
"Oy... defensive Yoanna ha?" Asar sabay tawa ni Madam. "Ako, wala akong say d’yan. ‘Di naman kami close ni Sakari. Kayo ni Isha ang close sa kanya."
"Wag mo na isipin ‘yon Yoanna. Busy na sa trabaho ‘yon. Di na nya maiisip pumunta pa sa school kapag may event. Kami, pupunta kami ni madam. Sabihan mo lang kami."
"Kayo ‘tong nag-open ng topic tungkol kay Sakari." Sinimangutan ko sila. Ayos ayos ng mood ko kanina, tapos ioopen nila si Sakari? Alam naman nilang sensitive topic si Sakari pagdating sakin.
Tumawa sila. "Sorry na!"
***
THIS IS IT. FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
My heart started beating triple time since I entered the school gate. Kagabi pa ako kinakabahan pero ngayon may kakaibang kaba akong nararamdaman. Funny thing is, it's the good kind of nervousness, more like being excited. I feel like something heavenly good is about to happen to me.
Nilagpasan ko yung mga first year sa corridor at dumiretso na ako sa ECE Department located sa Italian Building. This building is in the farthest part of the university and I literally have to walk past the open court and long hallway where the new students were waiting for their class announcement.
Italian Building has two floors. The first floor belongs to the Electrical Department and the second floor is where the ECE Department is.
When I entered the building, my steps were starting to slow down in contrast to the beating of my heart, which gets faster and faster with every step I take. Sumasakit yung tyan ko sa kaba. Until my steps stopped right below the staircase and I could clearly hear noises from upstairs.
Suddenly, memories from the past started coming back to me – how every class used to wait outside the classrooms and would sit on the floor on the corridor, chatting and laughing and, sometimes, playing. I could only smile to myself as I listened to the chatters upstairs.
"Pwede bang wag ka humarang sa daanan?"
Agad akong napalingon sa pinanggalingan ng boses kung saan apat na lalaki ang nakatayo sa likuran ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero sigurado akong itong matangkad na lalaki sa harap ng tatlo ang nagsalita kanina.
My eyes travelled from his face down to his feet.
Malaki ang tangkad sa’kin ng lalaking to, 5'2" ang height ko at sa tingin ko nasa 5'8 to 5'10" yung lalaki. Hindi ako magkakaila pero may itsura siya…
Okay, hindi lang ‘may itsura’ pero sobrang may itsura! Makakapal na kilay, matangos na ilong, mga matang tutunawin ka sa tingin, jawline na nakakasugat at mapulang labi.
Ang talagang nakakuha ng pansin ko sa lalaking ito ay ang nakasilip na tribal-patterned tattoo sa right biceps niya. Hindi natakpan ng sleeves ng t-shirt niya ang kabilang dulo ng kanyang tattoo. What terrifies me is that I find it cool and sexy.
Not gonna lie, this dude looks cool.
"What?! Tutulala ka na lang ba dyan, Miss?!" He said in a stern tone, as he raised a brow.
Confirmed. Siya nga yung unang nagsalita.
Then he continued, "Hindi iyo ang daan kaya kung pwede lang tumabi ka."
Abaaaaaa! Hindi maganda ang tabas ng dila ng lalaking ‘to ah. Kung estudyante ito dito siguradong mas matanda ako sa kanya. Walang modo!
Pero dahil first day ko ngayon, ayokong mabadtrip kahit bad vibes itong lalaking ‘to. Kinalma ko ang sarili ko at huminga ng malalim tsaka ako humakbang para tumabi. Nakatingin pa rin sa’kin yung lalaking ‘yon hanggang sa nakalagpas na sila at umakyat ng hagdan papunta sa 2nd floor.
If that guy is an ECE student, sana lang hindi ko siya kaklase sa kahit anong subject. I don’t want to have anything to do with that guy.