Hindi ko pa nga pala nasasabi kung anong naging tagpo namin ni Santino kahapon sa Senior area kaya mild lang ang pang aasar ni Aiah sa’kin ngayon. Pero okay lang. Mas okay ‘to kaysa mauna siya sa’kin ipag ngalandakan na nag usap kami ni Santino kahapon!  
Tsaka ko na lang siguro sasabihin, hindi naman kasi gaanong ka importante ‘yong nangyari. 
“Bro, just admit you tanked the quiz,” Vien said, nudging Santino’s shoulder. “You looked like you were decoding ancient runes in there. Grabe na talaga.” 
“I didn’t tank it,” Santino said, calm and even. “I just... misjudged the weight of the essay section.” 
"Boy, tanga ka ba? Walang essay sa quiz ng PreCal ni Ma'am JC unless pina define niya kung ano ‘yong solution mo pero imposible eh, hindi naman gano’n si Ma’am! Distracted ka 'no?" 
I almost palm my face ng ayaw talaga magpa hila ni Aiah sa tabi ko. 
Anak nang bwisit talaga oh! 
His voice was lower than I expected. Smooth, thoughtful. He could’ve been reading weather reports and I would’ve still memorized every word. 
Sa lambing ng boses niya parang kahit galit ako ay mapapa amo niya dahil doon eh. Para kasing anghel ang nagsasalita! ‘Di pa nakatulong na talagang mukha siyang anghel sa hitsura niya kahit na minsan ay may tinatagong kakulitan sa katawan! 
Pero hindi ko pa siya kayang kausapin ngayon! 
Aiah elbowed me, "Bading ang pogi ni Kuya Vien. Pero feel ko chance mo na 'to na kausapin si Santino." 
I rolled my eyes and pull her on stall four para mgbili-bilihan ng pag-kain. 
"Chance for what? To have a heart attack in front of him? Yeah, no thanks. 
She opened her mouth to respond, but I was already looking for food and clutching my money like a lifeline as it is. My pulse pounded. 
Gusto ko ng lumpia. 
"Ate, lumpia and water po...thank you." inabot ko ang bayad ko at dahil buo ang pera ko inintay ko pa ang sukli ko. 
Please, sana hindi niya ako kausapin ngayon. My mind is not on the right state. 
If regarding naman sa pagpapa dala sa office and me being the witness of what happened, p’wede namang sa chat na lang. 
Naalala ko kasi kung paano niya ako titigan habang kinakausap ako kahapon and how he placed his hand on the top of my head. Baka hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko at mapatili dahil sa kilig kapag kinausap niya pa ko ngayon! 
Ano ‘yon streak? 
Tsaka ‘wag sana sa harap ni Aiah dahil paniguradong mangungulit at aasarin niya ako ng aasarin kapag nalam niyang um-oo ako sa favor ni Santino. 
I turned away just as they passed. I didn’t look at him. I never looked directly. But I swear, in the smallest corner of my vision, Santino glanced my way—just for a second. Like he noticed me noticing him. 
And then he was gone. 
After school, tumambay ulit ako panandalian sa may garden area. Wala lang. Mabukid kasi ang view doon at nakaka relax. 
Hindi ko pa kasi dama na umuwi agad sa bahay kapag hindi pa alas cuatro. Hanggang five thirty naman ang school hours sa school dahil may mga half day. Kaya lang ‘wag ka magpapa huli sa guards na parang tumatamay ka talaga. 
Kaya lagi akong may dalang libro at pen eh. Para hindi mapa uwi agad at mapansin. 
Then I saw him. 
I was about to thank him for the reviewer he sent me, but he was busy talking with Samantha...kasamahan nila sa council. So, I just didn't bother them and just go home. 
Madalas kong marinig sa mga kaklase ko na kinikilig daw sila kapag magkasama ng dalawa dahil perfect match daw. Samantha is also ahead to us, kasabayan ni Vien. Parehas maatalino at nasa council. 
Matalino rin naman ako ah? Talented pa nga eh. 
Pero masisisi ko ba naman sila? I took a glance to them before pumara ng jeep, and they are not wrong though. They look good together, nagtatawanan pa nga eh. I guess they are dating. 
I don’t know how to feel every time I see them together. Para akong nagseselos kahit wala namang namamagitan sa’min ni Santino. 
Nakatitig siya a'kin nu'ng naksakay na 'ko sa jeep pero hindi ko naman siya matitigan kaya nagpanggap na lang ako na hindi ko siya napansin. 
I mean we're not even close... 
Kaya lang naman kami nagka usap kahapon dahil a favor at suhol niya. Hindi naman siguro dapat na mag assume ako na close na kami just because of that, right? 
It's normal for me being ignored by him. Normal lang sa'kin na hindi ko siya kausapin g sang buong araw. 
Later that night, nakatapos na ko sa pagbabasa at pagno notes ng lessons namin. Maaga ako natapos kaya naman ngayong alas otso ay hindi pa ako makatulog. Hindi kasi ako sanay na maaga natutulog. 
Parang hindi ako normal na tao kapag 'di napupuyat. 
I sigh and sit on my bed with my journal open across my lap, pen in hand, music humming low from my headphones. 
Writing was the only place I let myself feel everything without shame. 
I saw him during lunch time and after school. He said thirteen words in the hallway today. Binilang ko lang ulit. I think it would be really okay listening to his voice forever. 
I sigh and cringe with what I wrote, so I scratched the line out. Grabe. To mush, Savanah. Too much and too honest. 
Pero lagi naming ganito ang pinatutunguhan ko. Wanting someone who doesn't know me aside from my name. Writing about someone who I couldn't speak to. Loving the idea of someone more than the person themselves. 
But I couldn’t help it. Not this time. 
Marami akong nagdaang nagustohan pa pero... siya ang pinaka matagal. Daig ko pa ang nasa isang relationship na ako lang ang nakaka alam. 
Because this time, it felt different. 
That terrified me.