Yula
"He's out of the country," bungad ni Kuya Xian when I opened the door.
"What?"
"Oh, hi there pretty little miss. I missed you. Hindi mo ba na-miss si Kuya? You haven't seen me for two days bunso," he pouted. Tch. Miss my ass.
He looks eeeww.
"No. When I was in Cali, I didn't miss you.  Three years Kuya but never kitang na-miss. Ngayon pa kayang two days lang?" I smirked.
"Know what? You really should go back to Cali. Your really hurting my feelings. Zion! Ipagtanggol mo'ko!" he shouted and pushed me a little to enter Kuya Zion's condo.
"Who is he Yula? You know him?" Kuya Zion asked.
"Dude what the fuck? Just what the fuck? You two! I hate you."
"You can't hate me Kuya," I tsked.
"Bully! Manang-mana ka talaga kay Zion. Inaapi niyo ako! I will tell mom about this. I need justice for my ego!" he shouted.
"Your so loud Xian Tussana. Sa office tayo mag-usap," turo ni Kuya Zion.
Umupo ulit ako sa couch at binuksan ang tv.
For the past two days, all I've been doing was lying on the bed, cooking, eating, watching tv and such. Kuya won't let me go outside. I miss my little bean so much!
To: Courtney
B!tch! I need my vitamin K. I need my Knoxx Gideon. :'( send me a pic of my little bean please.
Humiga ako sa sofa habang hinihintay ang reply ni Courtney.
Minutes later courtney sent me a picture of Gideon. He's asleep while holding my favorite pen.
That pen was a gift for me by Deus when we were celebrating our first year as bestfriends. Ewan ko ba kung bakit ballpen.
When I asked him, he answered ... 'For you to right your love story. Don't worry, next time I'll buy you bunch of notebooks.'
To: Courtney
Why is he holding that pen? I hid that under my bed's drawer.
Lahat ng gifts ni Deus sa'kin, tinago ko sa may drawer sa ilalim ng kama ko. I know I should throw it away but I can't. I kept those for memories. Memories nga ba, Yula?
From: Courtney
I don't know bitch. He was holding that the whole morning. I think he found it somewhere. I tried snatching it away from him but he cries. Bitch I kennot!!
To: Courtney
B!tch your not a good snatcher. Btw thanks.
I heaved a sigh before standing up and went to kuya Zion's office.
"Kuya Z, Kuya X."
"What is it?"
I opened the door and step inside.
"May I go outside? It's so freakin' boring you know that?" nayayamot na tanong ko.
Kuya Xian shooked his head.
"You can't. It's still unsafe for you to go out."
"But you said Deus was out of the country. Please! May bibilhin lang ako sa labas. Promise I'll be back," I promised.
Kuya Zion nodded.
"Be back before thirty minutes." he ordered.
I nodded happily and went down. Lumabas ako ng condo ni Kuya at pumasok sa may malapit na supermarket.
Binili ko ang lahat ng kailangan ko for one week.
After paying, I hurriedly went outside.
Madilim. It will rain.
It will rain?
I remembered those lines. From Deus. He used to sing that for me before. It will Rain from Bruno Mars.
"Hi Yula. We met again." I stiffened.
"D-deus," I whispered.
"Yeah, it's me," he flashed a smirk.
"What now? Wala ka bang balak na tigilan ako?" I asked . . . emotionless.
I don't want to show him my real emotions, he might take advantage of that. My heart's thumping. It's beating fast.
"Not until you forgive me," his voice weakened.
"Fuck you. Tingin mo ganon lang 'yon kadali? Three years Deus. At kahit tatlong taon na ang lumipas, hindi ko parin makalimutan yung ginawa mo. I don't even know if I moved on already or what," mapait na ani ko.
"Pinagsisihan ko na 'yon. Please forgive me Yula. Trust me I already did."
"Trust? HAHAHA do you really think I will trust you after what happened? God Deus! Hanggang ngayon hindi parin ako makapaniwalang nagawa mo yun sakin! You raped me! You fucking raped me. Bakit mo ginawa 'yon? We were bestfriends since grade school. You were with me the whole time. Through up's and down's Deus, I was with you. So why? Huh? Why?" impit na iyak ko.
"I-im sorry," he tried touching me but I refuse to.
"Please, don't. Leave me alone. Don't act as if you're the victim here," malamig na sabi ko bago umalis sa tabi niya bitbit ang plastic kung saan nakalagay ang mga pinamilo ko.
"I fucked you once and that means I own you, Yula. Always keep that in mind." my eyes widened and my chest tightened as he said those words coldly.
I hurriedly walked away from him with my tears rolling down my cheeks.
Holy fuck. It hurts. Oh my god why?
"Yula? What the fuck happened?! Hey! Tell me what happened. Why the fuck are you crying!?" salubong ni Kuya Xian sakin.
Walang imik na pumasok ako at binagsak sa sahig lahat ng pinamili.
Fist close, tears rolling on my cheeks and heart aching.
I heard hard footsteps. Kuya Zion's cold serious face welcomed my face.
"What happened Yula?" just because of Kuya Zion's voice, I failed on stoping my emotions.
Agad nila akong dinaluhan ng mapaupo ako.
"He said he fucked me once so he owns me. Kuya, what should I do?" I asked helplessly.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" napasabunot si Kuya Zion sa sariling buhok.
"Xian, pack Yula's things. Your going home. I'll call Logan to ready the plane. I'll explain to Mama and Papa if they asks," he gaved Kuya Xian a nod.
Kuya Xian nodded like he understands what Kuya Zion mean and went up to his room to get my things.
"Everythings gonna be okay. After this, you'll live again quietly. Be brave hun. You understand me, Yula?" I nodded even if I didn't really hear him clearly.
Naiwan ako sa sala mag-isa. Kuya Zion's outside while Kuya Xian's packing my things.
How dare he say those words to me!? Akala ko ba nagsisisi siya? I thought he was sorry but fuck! He's not. This is si fucked up! I am so fucked up!
Ayos na ako eh. I'm living so fine and contented. Now I'm back into mess again. I'm back to being messed up again. My life's fucked up again by the same person for the second fucking time.
"Let's go. The plane's ready," yaya ni Kuya Zion.
Kuya Xian nodded.
Inalalayan ako ni Kuya Zion palabas ng condo. We went straight to his company where his plane is located.
"Top floor." tango nito sa nagbabantay sa elevator.
It means we're heading to the rooftop.
I remained silent. Not minding anything sorrounds me.
When the elevator opened, Deus with his serious expression welcomed us.
"K-kuya," I started sobbing again.
"What the fuck is going on?" Kuya Xian whispered.
"Where are you taking her?" madilim ang mukha na tanong ni Deus.
"Home. Now get the fuck out of our way or I'll fucking punch you Nuez," Kuya Xian menace.
He raised his hands.
Nagsilabasan ang mga bodyguards niya sa kung saan-saang parte ng rooftop.
Ang dami nila.
"What do you really want from her Amadeus?" mariing tanong ni kuya Zion.
"I just want to talk to her. That's all. Why don't you just give us some time to talk?" he asked.
Talk? Talk!? Mukha mo talk. Talk-talkin kita ng martilyo eh.
"Wow. Talk. After telling her and I qoute, 'I fucked you once and that means you own her'. Well bud, fuck you. Ayaw nang kapatid kong makipag-usap sayo hindi mo ba 'yon naiintindihan o sadyang bobo ka lang?" sarkastikong tanong ni Kuya Zion.
"Yula. Please hear me out."
"Gago ka ba? Ayaw ka nga kausap," singit ni Kuya Xian.
"I don't want to talk with you. Can you just stop pestering me and fucking move on Deus? Ako 'yong biktima rito pero parang ikaw pa 'yong hindi nakaka-move on."
"Hindi ganon kadali ang magpatawad Deus. Even after a decade, I still don't know if I can forgive you. But I know one day Deus, I can and will forgive you. Hindi pa sa ngayon. Huwag mo ng dagdagan pa ang kasalanan mo sakin. The more you attempt to come near me, the more you give pain to me. So please, leave me alone and distance yourself from me," litanya ko.
I don't know how I did manage to say those words without stuttering but I did.
"Hindi ako matatahimik Yula, knowing you still hate me," he pleaded.
"Then so be it. I'm not yet fully healed Deus. Mawawala lang ang galit ko sayo kapag ayos na ako at tuluyan na talagang tanggap ng sistema ko yung nagawa mo."
"I-i can't."
"Tumigil ka na Deus. Mas lalo mo lang pinapasama yung sitwasyon. Leave me alone. That's all I want from you. Bakit parang hirap ka pang gawin?" nanginginig na tanong ko.
" 'Cause without you Yula, my life is a nothing but a mess."
"We used to be bestfriends Deus. USED to," diin ko.
"Please leave me alone," this time, it was me who pleaded.
"If that's what you want then . . . I'll gladly do it for you. I'm sorry for those things I've said to you. I don't mean it, really. Please believe me for once. I'll try my best to avoid you Yula. Sorry. Sorry for what happened three years ago. Sorry for what I did. Sorry for being an asshole. Sorry for being stupid. Sorry for ruining our friendship. Sorry for making your life miserable. Sorry for everything Yula." he wiped his tears yet it's still flowing down his cheeks.
"Sorry for ruining your life," he, once again, wiped his tears and stepped aside. Giving us a way to Kuya's plane.
"I'll forgive you. Not now . . . but soon," taas akong naglakad ako.
I'll forgive but hindi ganoon kadali ang makalimot. Forgive is a VERY BIG word for me. Pumapangalawa ang salitang TRUST.
For my whole stay here, it is the first time I smiled with full of sincerity.
He smiled sadly before nodding.
Nanatiling tahimik si Kuya Xian at Zion. They helped me enter the plane.
Before the plane takes off, Deus waved and smiled sadly before mouthing 'I'm sorry' to me.
I guess this is the perfect time to start moving on.
All I did when I was in Cali was escaping from the reality, being happy-go-lucky, just chilling like a chill hooman of the earth, living my life to the fullest and such, tumatakas rin naman ako ngayon, for the second time but this time, I won't escape from the reality and face it.
Face your fears and conquer those to be able to move on.
The first thing I'll do, is to accept what happened three years ago.
*****