Helena slept alone in one room and I shared the other with Samantha. Helena was privileged to have one of the rooms for her privacy with Daniel. Me and Samantha took turns when we needed the room, so the other slept in the room. Obviously I slept more in the living room than in the bedroom, as Samantha had company often. I was already 22 years old, I was a determined woman, sure of myself, with a good profession in which I fulfilled myself. But she was a little conservative about sex. For me it had to have feelings. It didn't have to be love, because at the height of my age I still didn't know this feeling. And he wasn't in a hurry either. Seeing that it wasn't always a bed of roses, he preferred to be on the defensive, happy without suffering for anyone. For this reason, he had made love a few times.
I went to take a cold shower because I was sweaty and then I lay down on my bed. The room I shared with Samantha was small , as it had two double beds. A small closet that we shared and the rest of our things we left in Helena's room, which was more spacious. Still I liked the way we lived. I turned off the light and kept thinking that the day after tomorrow would be Sunday, my favorite day of the week. We would all gather by the pool to eat roast beef. That was my favorite Dreamworld show, even more than the parties. We had fun , talked about our week and made plans.
I thought of Jonathan. She was a little distressed by what Helena had said. I never noticed his looks at me, much less any kind of intention other than friendship. I couldn't deny that I thought he was beautiful. Who didn't? I sometimes admired his tattoos, which caught my eye: dragons, Egyptian pyramids, and sphinxes. Who tattooed that? Of course I was also looking at his body. Who wouldn't? He was strong and not like Therry, who lived at the gym. It felt like his body was naturally perfect that way. Since I've known him, he's never let his hair grow long, always cutting it very short, almost shaved. Sometimes he wore a beard and sometimes he didn't. He was currently sporting a short, well-trimmed beard, which gave him a more mature look. We never talked alone or about anything that involved very personal matters. I knew almost everything about him from Samantha and Helena, who was engaged to his best friend. Still, I was never very interested in knowing more about that man, except now that he was making my friend suffer. Somehow I was shaken by what Helena had told me about him possibly being interested in me. She had made it very clear that it was a distrust of hers, but it left me with a strange feeling inside... And it wasn't good.
I turned off the light and tried to sleep, but I couldn't. It was past midnight when Samantha arrived. She turned on the light and even if she didn't I would smell her strong perfume in the room. I watched her taking off her high heels trying not to make any noise. She wore a short, low-cut, tight red dress. It looked beautiful on her perfect body, but I would never wear something like it.
- Ari, did I wake you up?
- Everything is fine. I wasn't sleeping yet.
- I tried not to make any noise, I swear.
She took off her dress and put on her pajamas. Her makeup was a little smudged, but I couldn't tell if she'd cried.
- All right? I asked sitting on the bed.
- As always. - She said sighing and lying down.
I looked at her, so beautiful, even with smudged makeup and pajamas. I thought how could any man refuse her? What was left for me, an absolutely normal woman?
- How was the bar? I asked, bringing up the subject again.
- The same people as always... Nothing changes there. You should one of these days with me.
- I went once with Therry. I didn't like it very much.
She laughed:
- You have class, Ari. I don't know if it's the same for a bar. You're one of those women who deserves to be taken to an expensive restaurant, with a car tinkling again, served with exquisite dishes. And all this with a handsome, perfect man wearing a suit and maybe a tie.
I couldn't help but laugh out loud:
- Is that what you think of me? How I wanted to be fine and refined... Soon I, who eat yesterday's sandwich for lunch at the bakery and canned soda, with a bunch of men who talk all the time and never even notice my presence or offer me a chair to sit down, just so you don't eat standing at the counter.
- You do it because you want to. You know you can have much more, including in your lunch. You just need a more... attractive outfit. I bet every place in the bakery would be offered to you.
- Do you want me to do psychological tests on people who will be admitted to a company wearing an attractive dress? I don't think it would work.
We both laughed. I understood what she meant, but she was making a fool of me.
- I just wanted to say that we are so different... Yet so friendly. I'm an impulsive woman, I admit it. I don't care what people think of me or my reputation, you know? I'm insecure, a crybaby and I live for the moment... I don't care what happens tomorrow, because tomorrow may not come.
- I know how you are, Samantha. And I think you're perfect this way, even though we're different. That's what's cool about people, that we can be different from each other and still meet and share our lives.
- I'm not even good with men...
- Are you talking about Jonathan? How was it with him today?
- As always. Jonathan is getting further and further away from me and I can't seem to stop it, Ari. I feel it slipping through my fingers.
- Don't you think it's enough to run after him, Samantha?
- I've thought about giving up, but I can't. I love that man.
- He doesn't deserve your love.
- I know that too, Ari. He's selfish, he cheated on me and yet I love him just the same. He's smart, he's traveled many places, he speaks many languages, he's been to places I'll never set foot on my feet someday and he's never even invited me to accompany him.
- He goes to the same bar as you. So he's not that different. You live in the same condo as well. - I watched so she wouldn't feel so inferior to him.
- The way you talk sounds like I'm going to some bar. - She said laughing and pretending to be offended.
- I did not mean that.
- I know, Ari... I know. But he doesn't go there much. I'm a more frequent visitor, so to speak. Today it was horrible to see him with Mari.
- With Mari? Our neighbor? I asked in surprise.
- They were n't together like making out, you know? They just had a drink and talked. But she can't hide her interest in him. It was there, all melted... Didn't even notice my presence I think.
- Mari doesn't beat you in a contest for beauty. I tried to cheer her up a bit.
- As if for Jonathan that mattered. He was never one to care about people's appearance. He can capture what people have inside... He's so perfect. And I couldn't impress him with what I have inside or out.
- Samantha, if you feel all this for him, why did you end the relationship? – I asked confused.
- I ask myself this question every day.
- I can not understand.
- He cheated on me with another woman. I saw. Nobody told me, so there was no chance it was a lie. I was crazy with jealousy. And afraid that everyone would know that I had been made a fool of by him. My pride spoke louder.
- I do not agree with his betrayal, at all, Samantha. But at the same time if you wanted to forgive, you would have had to. You can't care what others would think.
- I know it. I tried to fix things, but it was too late. Jonathan didn't want anything to do with me anymore... I don't even know if he ever really did. she confessed.
- I think in the end everything turned out as it should be...
- No... I was supposed to have accepted the betrayal. I prefer a little of it to nothing. Seeing him without being mine drives me crazy.
- And your self-love? I asked perplexed.
- And since when did I have it, Ari? I do not care about it. When I want a man I get it, I go all the way. But it was never as difficult to conquer someone as it was with Jonathan. At first he resisted my charm. So I got even more excited. She looked like a teenager. Then being with him was magnificent. He is a man who attracts attention wherever he goes... And he was mine. Or at least I thought he was... Because I think he was for all the women who wanted to. Over time I really fell in love with him, even though I knew he didn't want to get seriously involved.
- Samantha, are you not more obsessed than in love? I asked seriously.
- It is not love. You don't know what those arms are around you, the mouth kissing you... I'll conquer you again, whatever the cost.
- I hope you get it. - I said to end the conversation.
- Thank you for listening to me, Ari. Good night.
- Good night, Samantha.
I closed my eyes and kept thinking about her words about his arms around her and her mouth kissing. I thought of his lips. No, I didn't know what his arms or mouth were... And I didn't even want to. I didn't even know why I was thinking about it. I couldn't even think about that man. I think I was like this because I was shaken by what he was doing to my friend. I would never have the courage to get involved with a man like Jonathan. Much less accept the betrayal and then run after it, as if nothing had happened. But who was I to criticize Samantha or her relationship with Jonathan? I used to date a man and I didn't feel anything for him and yet I was a little afraid of breaking up and leaving him hurt. Me, the counselor friend who didn't know how to solve her own life.