I am literally crying right now. I didn’t know if that scenes were true or I was just imagining things. But why would that imagination be so real? I felt like, I was on it.
Rinig na rinig ko ang mga mabibigat na hikbi ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kaya dali- dali akong pumasok sa loob ng bathroom at nilock iyon.
Nakita ko ang bathtub, pinuno ko agad iyon ng tubig at nang mapuno na nga ay nilunod ko ng tuluyan ang sarili para maibsan ang mga naiisip ko. I was just trying to stop what’s running on my head because it hurts. I am not trying to kill my own self, that’s just so ridiculous to do.
After a minute drowining myself in the bathtub, I heard a loud noise of continuous knocking. I didn’t want to recognize it at first because I was too lured to drown myself.
“Damn it! f*ck! Open this door Amara or I’m going to f*cking wreck this one!” He shouted so loud but I can’t seem to move my body to get up, I feel...numb and helpless.
“Baby please...open this goddamn door and let me in…” Malumanay at sobrang pagsusumamo niyang saad. I can’t breathe anymore, after he said that I heard the door unlocked.
“F*cking f*ck! What the hell!” He exclaimed and immediately got me out of the tub, hugging me tight like he's about to lose me. Tuloy-tuloy din ang pag-ubo ko at paghanap ng hangin, been too deprived of air.
"What are you thinking?! Are you killing yourself?" He shouted at me but still myself I looked at the large mirror of this bathroom and saw my eyes looking so red.
Napaubo ako ulit bago umiyak. I cried in front of him. “It hurts, my heart r-really hurts." My voice broked.
"Shh. I'm sorry baby. I'm here, I'm going to protect you. No one's going to hurt you anymore." Lucas keeps on patting my back and caressing my hair. He helped me get up kahit basang-basa ako.
"Mababasa ka,” Mahinang sabi ko.
"Don’t mind it, it’s okay. That's not important now.” he said. I looked at him without saying anything, marami akong gustong itanong sa kanya. Andaming bumabagabag sa isipan ko. Because that glimpse of the scene in my head may be glitched pero buong-buong tumatak sa isipan ko.
Pinaupo niya ako sa dining rea. Nag-aalala ako dahil habang naglalakd at inaakay niya ako ay madaming tubig ang nasa sahig buhat ng damit naming parehong basa.
I sighed. I feel so tired kahit wala naman akong ginawa. Mentally and emotionally tired, I guess.
"Lucas tell me....About the photo beside your table, the one inside the box. That was a picture of me and a boy...which I assumed…is you. Do we like…k-know each other even b-before?" I asked him looking so confused. But eager to know about it.
Nilingon niya ako, matapos siyang baso at binigay aalala ako dahil habang naglalakad kami magsalin ng tubig sa baso at ibinigay sa akin saka siya umupo siya sa tapat ko.
"That...that was us when we were little." He said and as if the moment he said that, a huge bomb exploded right into my face.
"Then why couldn't I remember you? If it wasn't about the picture and the memories that flashed in my mind, I wouldn't know about this?" I said with frustration and more mixed emotions that I couldn’t explain kung galit ba ako or what.
Doon ko lang narealize na kahit isa ay wala akong maalalang childhood memories, tinanong ko naman si mommy tungkol doon but she didn't say anything kaya hindi ko na pinagpatuloy pa. I need to talk to the both of them, I need to know the truth, and I know I deserved it!
"I am sorry, God knows how I wanted to I hug you when I first saw you. Damn, I am just protecting you baby, I can't explain everything to you right now because I am not in the right position to talk about it."
He explained pleasing me not to talk about it anymore. He said that it would be too much for myself if I try to know everything. That at least I have to take it on process. Tumango na lang ako sa kanya, looking defeated on his last statement.
Hinatid niya ako after that heavy conversation. I was trying to process everything. And to think that I was that girl who nearly dies and the girl who likes him before when we’re still little is like a spit to my face.
My face heated-up, then I was the one who confessed my feelings back then and asked him to marry me? What a total heck.
I finally got my feet inside my room and rest there for a while. Suddenly my phone beep. It was a message from an unknown number. Kunot noo kong binuksan ang message nito.
Unknown number: Don't overthink and just take a rest.
I wonder kung sino to? Baka wrong-send lang? I ignored it. pero sinundan pa ito ng panibagong mensahe.
Unknown number: It’s me, Lucas.
Oh? Paano niya nakuha ang number ko? Kasi sa pagkakatanda ko ay hindi ako nagbigay sa kanya.
Unknown number: Are you sleeping already? – he texted again.
I typed. “Hindi pa, and I don't overthink, I was just processing everything.” I replied.
Pagkasend ko ay agad rin siyang nagreply. Grabe, inaabangan niya yata ang reply ko dahil ang bilis niyang magtype at makapagsend. Is he bothered that much at baka may gawin na naman ako?
Unknown number: Good. Then rest after. Huwag kang mag-isip ng kung ano, leave it untouched. May mga susunod pang araw.
I saved his number and named it Lucas Agustus. Hindi na ako nakapagreply pa sa kanya dahil dinalaw na ko ng ntok at pagod, gabi na nang magising ako.
Tinanaw ko ang alarm clock and it was already 7:30. Nakaramdam na rin ako ng gutom. I decided to eat outside because I feel eating outside. Nagbihis lang ako sandali ng simpleng damit at lumabas na ng condo after.
Habang nasa loob ng elevator, I checked my phone and I was surpised to see Lucas text messages. Andaming texts galing sa kanya pero isa lang ang inopen ko.
Lucas Agustus: I’m f*cking worried right now. Please reply if you’re okay there.
Lucas Agustus: That’s it, I’m coming.
Me: Hey, don’t worry. Nakatulog lang ako.
I’m out to eat something. – I replied, but I didn’t received any reply hanggang sa nakarating na ako sa ground floor. Paglabas ko ay sakto namang natanaw ko ang kotse niya.
Naglakad ako papunta sa kung saan siya tumigil. When he saw me, I saw him sighed heavily, tapos ay napahawak pa sa dalawa niyang beywang. A sign of relief. At nang tuluyan na nga siyang makalapit sa akin ay niyakap na ako na sobrang ikinagulat ko. Hinayaan ko na lang siya dahil baka nga talaga sobrang nag-alala siya dahil hindi na ako nakapagreply.
“I thought…” pag-umpisa niya pero hindi naman na nasundan.
“Don’t worry too much. Nakatulog lang ako kaya hindi na ako nakapagreply pa.” I said. Tumango naman ito. He smacked his lips and looked at me.
“Why are you outside then?” he asked me.
“I texted you na kakain ako sa labas. Hindi mo ba nabasa?” I said.
“I left my phone dahil sa sobrang pagmamadali ko, that’s why.”
“So...uhh, did you already have a dinner?”
He tilted his head a bit, “Not yet.” He said.
“Okay, sabay na lang tayo kumain.”
“Okay…”
Bubuksan ko na sana ang kotse niya pero hinarangan niya ako. “Ako na,” sabi niya saka siya na ang nagbukas ng pinto ng kotse nito. Then umikot lang siya for a while saka pumasok sa loob. Then he started maneuvering his car hanggang sa nakaalis na nga kami.
Nagtalo pa kaming dalawa kung saang fast food chain kami kakain para madali lang iyong pagserve dahil nga gutom na ako. Pero sa huli ay mapupunta lang naman pala kami sa isang restaurant, which is first time kong mapuntahan.
It was super cosy-like, it was amazing to look at since made of wooden iyong mga materials and such, very modern pero may traditional touch, it looks pleasing in the eye I must say.
Nauna na akong maglakad sa kanya kaya nasa likod ko lang siyang nakasunod. I scanned my eyes to look for a nice area. I choose the wooden chair, medyo dim area pero sapat na para makita ang mga bagay-bagay. Umupo na rin si Lucas sa harapan ko. Agad namang lumapit ang isa sa mga crew ng resto at naglapag ng menu.
“Thank you,” I said.
Huli ko nang napagtanto na Japanese-korean restaurant pala ang napasukan namin. Hindi gaanong puno ang loob and it’s good.
“Do you want me to order for you?” tanong niya sa’kin, pero umuling ako.
“I’ll just have ramen and this one,” I pointed at the menu.
“What about your drinks?”
“Kung ano na lang sayo ganoon na lang din sa akin.” Sabi ko.
When he finished deciding for the order ay sumenyas na siya sa babaeng crew para mag-order. Habang sinasabi ni Lucas ang order namin ay inabala ko na lamang ang saili sa pagtingin sa buong loob ng resto hanggang sa napako ang tingin ko sa isang normal size na board malapit sa gilid ko.
Maraming mga post-it notes doon, may mga printed pictures din doon na nakapin and some familiar artists. Maybe this resto is really a big shot dahil may mga artistang bumibisita. It must have been good eating here.
Sumingkit ang mata ko sa isang post-note na nahagip ng mga mata ko. Para makasigurado talaga ay naghanap pa ako ng iba only to find out na maraming post-note ang naka-pin doon all about him.
Mostly sa kanya talaga patungkol, at sa sobrang dami ng nakasulat doon ay hindi ko na nga mabilang kung ilan, pero for some reason biglang luminaw na lang bigla ang mata ko at kitang-kita ko lahat ng mga nakasulat.
*LUCAS AGUSTUS I LOVE YOU! PAPAKULONG AKO PERO DAPAT IKAW IYONG LAWYER KO! DEFEND ME ATTORNEY!
*SHOUT OUT KAY LUCAS AGUSTUS NG BRENT! SULYAP KA NAMAN SAKIN 5 SECONDS LANG WALANG MALISYA!
*KISS ME, LUCAS! NO- EAT ME INSTEAD!
Ganoon ang ilan sa mga laman ng post-it note doon na naka-pin, parang ako na lang ang nahiya talaga. hindi pa ako nakuntento at nagbasa pa ako ulit.
“Lucas Agustus Zamora, baka naman pwedeng ibang verDICK ibigay mo sa’kin?” I read the disgusting one. Diniinan ko talaga iyong pagbasa ng verdict na word para dama niya. Among all the note that were pinned heto talaga iyong panalo.
“What the f*ck?” napalingon agad siya sa akin nang matapos siyang mag-order. Kinuha ko ang note na binasa ko at binigay sa kanya wth my brows on fleek.
His eyes quickly surveyed what was inside the note, then I saw him smirked. Umiling-iling akong nakatingin sa kanya. binigay niya sa akin ulit at binalik ko naman sa board. He must really so popular, or madalas siyang kumain dito with other girls kaya ganoon?!
“Look, andami pa ritong nakasulat talaga.” sabi ko sa kanya. Pinanood niya lang akong basahin ang ibang notes doon sa board, pinapakita ko sa kanya but he will just smirk on me at nagkibit-balikat na lamang, he was smiling there while watching me reading those notes about him at sobrang nandidiri na, pero hindi ko rin alam sa sarili kung bakit patuloy ko pa ring binabasa.
I wonder kung dinadala rin niya ba rito si Hanna. Well, duh of course he does already.
“Happy ka?” I said looking at him with an irritated look.
“Nope.” He said. His smile faded at umupo na lamang ng maayos. Pero alam ko namang tinatago niya lang ang kasiyahan niya ngayon. He must be so overwhelmed because a bunch of girls are into him and he was always being worship my many strong and classy women out there.