The time that has passed recently has made my head hurt. Sometimes the fantasies that arise in my imagination make me quite better. There are no words where only injustice exists. I also feel that this world is quite scary if you just face it without any support. As if a dark ocean was ready to drown me. Many things happened, as if this was the beginning which was quite annoying. Up here, it's just me alone. No one else. When trying to look around, it was true that there was nothing more fun than that kind of thing. That's enough of all the things that drive me crazy. I have no other reason to accept it. There are also many thoughts that are piling up and making me almost lose myself. Luckily that worry didn't make a difference in my life. Only, this time I saw something that I shouldn't have seen. This figure, who had apparently been the subject of public discussion for a long time, suddenly appeared right in front of me. I felt as if my world had changed. How could I not, when what I never thought of was right in front of me. Right now I really feel much better than before. There is no problem that makes me a scapegoat. Not long after that, I realized one very important thing. It turns out this is an opportunity for me. My eyes couldn't lose sight of that figure, but it made me think even more about something that was quite important. Not only that, afterward I also felt a little aware that nothing is impossible in this truly dark world. I just imagined how it wouldn't be, where there would only be me with all that emptiness. Nothing else would be completely unacceptable. The fact that it continues to make me aware of an unimaginable reality is already quite tortuous. However, this time I had to witness something that was more terrifying than the others. When I was standing looking at that person, suddenly someone I knew came up to me.
"Wow, you're here too," said the woman with a curious look at me.
"Ah, it's you. Who do I think?"
"It's strange that you don't know me, even though I saw earlier that you could see me even for a moment."
"What? Why did you suddenly say that?"
"I just said it's strange. Don't you find it a bit strange? Even though we've known each other for a long time, even from a long time ago. Have you forgotten?"
"Gosh, just because of that. Never mind, my eyes didn't see your form here before you finally came over to me."
"Okay, I hope you feel happy today. Oh yeah, why have you never taken your eyes off that person?"
"What? Oh shit."
"Are you a fan of that person?"
"No. I don't think you could say it's a fan either."
"Really? But it's very clear from your eyes. Even the way you look at that person is really annoying."
"Come on, this is none of your business."
"It's none of my business. But I didn't expect it. That's all."
"Have you ever felt that there was an urge that made you want to do something?"
"For example?"
“A kind of ambition.”
"I don't know. So far there has been nothing like that in my life. In fact, there is only boredom that I feel every day. Why are you suddenly saying something like this?"
"Because the reason I am still persistent in my ambition is one of the motivations of that person."
Immediately I thought again that something was strange. After that, I just remembered that I should never have told you something like this or whatever. This time I really couldn't stop myself. I have no more secrets to keep. It's as if this world doesn't have personal space for me. Even so, I don't know why it feels really empty. I should feel unfair or even angry about a terrible situation like this. But I didn't expect that it turned out to be the opposite. Not long after, I got up from where I was sitting and glanced at my cell phone which had just rang. It turns out that person just contacted me.
'Unlucky. At this rate, I guess there's no time left,' I muttered to myself.
Although there are some things that I should hide, unfortunately I feel that it is absolutely impossible. In the blink of an eye I think everything has spread widely. It seemed like there was no other way but to use this opportunity to do something I was looking forward to. When I got home, I saw several documents that I had prepared long ago. Suddenly I felt nervous. Honestly, I imagined that this would go well but why did it turn out like this. My thoughts and I are very strange. Apparently that person called me again. Just now my cell phone rang again. Quickly, I picked it up straight away.
“Halo?”
"Finally you answered my call. How are the preparations going?"
"It's being prepared. Why are you in such a hurry?"
"It's not like that. It's just a matter of how we will work together for a long time to come."
"Gosh. Even though I don't know whether this will last long or will just fail. Besides, this project really makes me feel depressed."
"What? Why do you say that? Don't you really want to become a famous writer? This is a good opportunity to start your career there."
“I know that, but why do you suddenly feel uneasy?”
"Gosh. You're so strange. Even though I've been waiting for your good work."
"You're really good at complimenting."
"Come on, you have to be confident."
“I don't think it's just a matter of confidence.”
"Then what is it about?"
“It's more complex than that.”
"What are you talking about? Don't beat around the bush, do you want to continue with this plan or not? The decision is yours now."
"Of course I will continue."
"Well that's already an extraordinary decision."
"It's just that I'll tell you later."
"Yes, it's up to you. You can contact me anytime and anywhere."
"Okay. That's enough talk for now."
"Too much."
'Unlucky. I should have bought more time. How is this?' I muttered to myself while biting my nails.
My head is really going to explode. This is what it's like right now. I feel the situation is conflicting. Can't get away from me. There's really nothing I can do. I imagine what if it doesn't go well or whatever. All this time I have always thought positively but I never thought that a feeling like this would come to haunt me. This time it really drove me crazy. There is no other choice but to move on. If you turn back time, maybe things will change a little, although not completely. Indeed, it is time for me to take a step further than just sitting around while continuing to hope which is indeed uncertain.
'Okay, I don't care,' I muttered to myself.
Nothing could be much better than that day. At first glance my world turned into ruins of arrogance. Without stopping, I felt like this was going to happen for a very long time. At that moment I only had myself and my work. Until the time comes, I think you should just sit back and drink coffee. Slowly I also saw from my perspective that this would be stuck in my veins forever. It seems arrogant but I feel confident about it. On the one hand, I have already done a third of my work. Now it's just a matter of getting on with the rest. The sun is getting brighter, it's been a long time since I felt warmth like this. The passing of time leaves only a sparkle that never fades. I imagined the world to be centered on myself. That sounds absurd. For a moment, I also read several pages of the book that I always carry with me. There is nothing else besides that in my bag. Indeed, I have felt for a long time that I should have done this sooner rather than just waiting for this never-ending situation. I started to feel little by little hope. I feel this is a normal thing and that I should do it well rather than just not doing anything and continuing like that for a long time. Once again someone once told me about how to make what you really want come true even though it sounds impossible. There are times when I also feel like maybe it can't be done. But when I heard what came out of that person's mouth, I immediately doubted what I had said. There is nothing wrong with believing in what has happened and throwing away shallow thoughts. My eyes started to feel a little sleepy. Since then I have read quite a lot of books. After that I checked my cell phone. Turns out someone sent me a text message. I quickly replied to the message. Apparently that person actually called me suddenly like this.
"Hey, do you have time now?" said someone on a telephone call.
"No. I have a lot of things to do. What's wrong?"
"Gosh, that's very unfortunate. Even though there has just been the latest news."
"What news?"
“You probably won't believe it if you hear it.”
"Whether you want to believe it or not is up to me. What's going on? Don't make me curious."
"This is about several people who published books at that publisher. They said they had done it according to the provisions but until now there has been no follow-up."
"What?"
"Yes. Maybe that's the problem for now. So it's best not to cooperate with them before it's too late."
"Of course not. Besides, the person I will be collaborating with is not the publisher you mentioned earlier."
"That's good. That's all the latest news. See you later, friend."
After that I stopped the phone call. It's so strange today. Many things happened. It turns out it doesn't always work well. I feel like this world is really filled with uncertainty. It's just that no one realized it sooner. Everyone who knows at least once found it to be at least somewhat disappointing. How long will it take for hope to disappear horribly? Sometimes that is the heart of many people who may be at the same point. The kind of thing that strikes in a short time and only leaves a wound.
'Gosh, this is quite tiring,' I muttered.