Everything started to look up after I spent a lot of time in this place. There is nothing I can do other than continuing to make plans to start my life goals. Once I did it, it didn't feel like a dream. Strangely, up until this moment I felt that some strange things were starting to come to me. Don't know what else to do after this is all over. It's just that in my imagination this won't last for long. I started to realize another important thing. At the same time, I felt like this just came to me without permission. There was nothing I could do, that's why I just kept quiet. Honestly I feel really bad doing this kind of thing. Somehow it feels like it's not just me. I slowly opened several messages that came to my cell phone. It turned out that the message contained several things that concerned me. I no longer hold on to hope after finding out about this. I just feel bad about everything. Without realizing it, I shed tears. It's so strange that the longer I get, the more tears I have in my eyes. It cannot be denied that this will take a long time. It can't be allowed to continue like this. The more I remember it, the more frustrated I feel. I imagined that my world was slowly becoming colorful but in reality it wasn't at all. I once read one of those books that explained how the world works which turned out to be so deceptive. At first I just thought maybe it was just bullshit. Turns out I was wrong all along. The reality before our eyes actually shows something that is almost the same as what is written in the book. It's hard to believe, but that's the reality. I can just imagine it being very difficult, let alone going through all that. Sometimes I am full of guilt compared to others who are not. I think I should only care about myself without having to get involved with anyone else.
"Unlucky. Why do you suddenly think like this?" said myself.
It doesn't feel like an hour has passed. Right now I feel like I should just go home instead of just being in this room. Besides, I also have another appointment today. Instantly I immediately left this place. Not long after that I came back quickly. But this time on my way I accidentally met someone. There's no mistaking that person if he ever had an exhibition with me. Without further ado, we chatted for a while in the park nearby. I haven't come here for a long time and this is like the first time.
"How are you?"
“I think it's fine. How about you?"
“Yeah, it seems the same too. By the way, the last time we met was at the exhibition, right?”
"Yes. You are right. It's been a long time, huh?”
“It turns out that time flies so fast huh. Even though it feels like just yesterday."
"Yes. That's the reality. So, what are your activities now? Anything new?”
"Still the same. I think all my works can only make money if they participate in exhibitions. This is very difficult.”
“I see. I really understand about that. Spirit. You can do it, I'm sure of that."
“Wow, thank you very much. It turns out there is still hope too.”
“Hope or whatever, it's best to put it to good use.”
"I know it."
Right now I can't explain how everything just flowed like that. As if no obstacles had occurred. Even though I've felt a little strange about this for a long time. I can't keep making myself an experiment like this. I don't think I can just accept it. I imagine how all this has made me feel frustrated. And now it has already become a reality. I saw myself who was no longer like myself. At the same time, I also can't explain why this happened. I'm the only one imagining everything by myself. There are various things that make my head hurt a lot. How it all just came to me. Not with any other in this world. I always feel helpless about this. But I didn't expect that I would continue to do things like this. This time I just focused on what was in front of my eyes. I just felt injustice once again. Slowly, things got really bad. My days don't feel as peaceful as usual. Besides that, I also felt something that only existed within me, not with anything else. One thing is certain, I think everything will go in a direction that is quite sensitive. I can't believe it's true. One thing that is very certain right now, I can no longer avoid that it will forever be a complicated thing. Sometimes I can't control myself from waking up in the morning until closing my eyes again. As if there was something strange in my mind. It comes and goes as if it were normal. I just imagine that I feel fed up. This time I'm still where I am. Apparently the person in front of me was still asking interesting questions. I guess I should just tell you everything today. There's no other reason to stop. That's what I've wanted to do for a long time.
"So, what are your plans for the future?"
"I don't know, so far I'm still confused about what I'm going to do after this."
"Why are you so confused?"
“There are so many things that make me dizzy. So I don't know which one to take. "Actually, I also feel a little frustrated, it's just that I can't show things like that carelessly."
“Wow. Why do you think that? There's nothing wrong with showing what you're experiencing. You're human too."
“But the reality is that not everyone will understand. They can only judge without wanting to know the real thing."
"Yes. If so, it's a little annoying. I understand how it feels to be in the position you just said.”
"Well, you also understand that it's not just a headache but maybe a lot more than that."
"You are right. By the way, what about the ideas you will create for your work? Have you created the concept yet?”
“Ah, that matter is still in the working stage. There is still a lot that needs to change too.”
"Why? You're not sure about that?"
"Yes. But it can't be helped, if it doesn't fit, I think I should do that."
"Yes. Making a masterpiece is not as easy as you imagine. You can definitely do it, I know how capable you are."
“You praise me too much. Looks like I will be very busy in the near future.”
"Yes. It's a good thing you should do it.”
“But there's a little more that makes me feel lacking.”
“Lacking in what?”
"Like I'm not that sure about the theme I'm going to choose."
"Then why don't you try looking for appropriate references."
"Correct. I will do it later.”
"Yes. That is sometimes the initial problem that you have to do. But believe me it won't be as bad as you think right now. You just need to focus on what you want to make."
“I understand that too. We really have to be more careful."
"Yes. Speaking of your masterpiece, I think I'll look forward to it.”
"Wow, are you really looking forward to my work?"
"Of course."
One more thing is certain, I feel a little different from my usual self. To think that I would think of going so far as to do something like this. Without thinking further, I felt this really made my heart flutter. I will never regret the outcome later. I just need to feel what it's like to be an artist even if I only write fiction books. I don't know how people will respond, honestly I don't care at all about that. All I need to do is continue to be me who always does whatever I want to do. There is no need to worry about something that has never happened. Now I also feel a little bit of the euphoria that comes when someone wants beautiful things. I also apparently felt something like that. But don't know why this is really strange. Why I feel a little surprised just by realizing this kind of thing is truly incomprehensible to me. Everything was going in the direction I wanted. Once again I imagined what it would be like to be on that street. I just want one thing that is certain. Don't want to just depend on uncertainty. That will only make me feel more frustrated. Because I've been wanting something that will come true for a long time. It's not some kind of mere illusion. 
"To be honest, I'm grateful that you want to be on my side."
“Come on, it doesn't have to be like that. You've done what you were supposed to do. And I also did what I had to do. This isn't a form of retribution, okay?"
"I know it. That's why I feel very happy."
“Then I'm happy to hear that too.”
“But what about the next exhibition? Have you prepared for that?”
“Ah, apparently it's about the exhibition. Actually, I still have to evaluate many things myself. So it's impossible for me to immediately move on to the next event. I still have a lot to improve. That's why it requires quite a long preparation."
“So it won't be this time?”
"That's right."
Once again I ended up doing something that was quite uncomfortable. However, I didn't mean to want to know more. I just want to find a topic. There's nothing else I really want. When I saw the look on this person's face, I really shouldn't have said that later. I just felt myself full of curiosity regardless of what other people felt. 
"I think our conversation is enough for now, I have to go home immediately," I said in a very convincing tone.
“Okay, I agree with that too. It's almost evening too."
"See you later."
"Yes."