The atmosphere is bright this morning. I see many good things that I feel. Every day I never miss my routine and it would feel strange if I just stay still. There is nothing interesting that moves my heart. Honestly, when I was little I dreamed of many interesting things. Disney movies always brightened my day. But it doesn't feel like all that has passed. Right now I am in a place where I spend the rest of my time. A library in the middle of the city. There is nothing that makes people interested in this but for me it feels peaceful. When I think about expressing my idea, suddenly something quite pleasant comes to mind. I feel like my world is always filled with amazing things. Of the many stories I have read, I am more interested in the drama of life which is quite fascinating. A struggle of the main character in finding the meaning of life, fighting for himself. That shows a very strong determination. Really interesting. This time I read a lot that I have wanted to read. I didn't feel that time went by so quickly. I finally moved towards my house. The atmosphere that was starting to get evening was now different from usual. People passing by were busy with their day, I felt my pulse slowly getting sharper. When I got home, now it was just me and my beloved cat Molly.
“I’m finally home,” I muttered to myself.
The longer it goes on, the more I know that everything in this world is quite complicated. The puzzles that are always a question for me, all of that often comes. I feel like I'm not important. Nothing is more important than what's interesting in this world. And honestly I'm not that thing. Just a kind of fragile existence in the middle of human life. I've tried several things, even I never know how many. Everything just passes by. Slowly everything melts without stopping. I guess that's just the law of nature in this mortal world. When I decided to see all the things I never understood, I slowly felt short of breath. There wasn't enough space to help. Once I tried to escape, it failed. That's what often happens. I also feel like there's something wrong with all of that. But I don't know what's wrong. It's strange to only compare realms that are quite unreasonable. When I was relaxing, Donna suddenly contacted me. I just heard the sound of the phone ringing and I quickly answered the call. It's not usually that girl calls me. But I also feel a little curious about it.
"Hello?"
“Amora. Are you home?”
"Yes, why?"
“Good. There’s something I want to talk about. But I’ll leave the important stuff for later.”
“Okay. I understand. If you want to come to my house, just come.”
“Okay. By the way, you’re not busy, right?”
“No. My days are still the same. Nothing has changed. How about you?”
“Ah, there are some things that are quite messy. I'll tell you later.”
“Okay. Where are you now?”
“Still on my way to your house. I just finished my dance class. I think I’ve reached my limit.”
“Impossible. Maybe you’re just tired. Don’t think too much about it.”
“Hopefully it's just because of that.”
An hour later. Donna came to my house. The girl looked exhausted. I don't know what made Donna like that. It's just that I slowly listened to all her complaints which were indeed very complex. In the midst of increasing problems, sometimes everyone is unable to overcome it. There are times when everything falls apart. I felt something like that on the other side of my world. But, everything must be temporary. Nothing is eternal in this world. Human mouths that often act as they please deserve to be punished. Strangely, no one wants to enforce the law and slowly disappears as if it never happened. In my heart, I feel uncertainty with them. The reality that is quite terrible often opens my eyes. Now I am in a dangerous zone. It is undeniable that this will end that easily. The view of reality on expectations often changes. I feel this is wrong. Keep spinning in that circle and keep abusing thoughts that often clash. At first I thought it would just be a bluff but it turned out to be hard to believe. Everything is just flying dust. Nightmares come. When I feel like that, honestly I can't stand this increasingly crazy situation. I feel tightness in my chest. As time passes by, the feeling of longing for the activities I did before often occurs. There are no regrets, only why everything passes too quickly. Questions like that keep popping up and haunting me. Honestly, I myself feel like I can't control myself about things like that. But slowly I try to apply the principle that suppresses all bad things and replaces them with things that are much better. Donna still continues to tell me everything she feels. Right now I've heard enough about everything that happened to Donna but still don't understand why things like that bother Donna's mind. It's like it never goes away.
“I honestly can’t take it all. I feel like I’m getting more and more into the dark. I don’t know how to get out of this crazy situation. Should I end it all?” Donna asked with a look that seemed filled with emotion.
“No. You don’t have to end it. You just have to think about how to deal with it instead of giving up.”
“But how? I’m sick of not knowing anymore.”
“There must be a way. It won’t be that easy. But there’s no harm in finding out. Don’t just rely on failure. You can do it the other way around, too.”
“Yeah. You're right. I guess I should give it a try.”
“Well, that’s how it is. Don’t just hand everything over to the bad side and end it. You’ve already reached this point, that’s already good.”
“Why do you think like that?”
“What? Ah, that’s because I witnessed your development myself. Isn’t that the case with everyone? No one would miss something interesting right before their eyes.”
“I see. I understand. The more I get here, the more I realize that it won’t always be like this. All I have to do is face it. Can I do it?”
“Of course you can. You just have to try. Don’t hesitate at all.”
“Yes. That’s true.”
A message that keeps coming indicates a truly meaningful life. Many things keep coming as if bombarded with doubts. It's really beyond reason. This did start from an accident that kept repeating itself. The things that are the foundation of today are never free from hallucinations. I feel like I'm in the abyss of error. There was a time when I felt emptiness, at the same time I turned my body as if nothing had happened. Instead of making a decision, I always swear by fate that everything that is seen is not really there. The cool breeze shows me starting to feel comfortable with this kind of situation. I always swear that everything is only mine. There is no past that keeps coming in waves like this. Secrets that are kept from some people certainly make my heart feel a pretty crazy beat. What has happened indicates the fact that all of this is really crazy. The message continues to fall like endless rain amidst the sorrow of human grief. As soon as I heard Donna's words, my mind immediately whipped again. The existence of something that is very difficult for me to understand seems to indicate something that is filled with mortality. This time I show myself who is not okay. This is what makes me feel that my life is really suffocating. The last time I looked in the mirror, I saw a sad face. I feel like this is never fair. Something that is hard for me to understand even for this second. I feel like my world is really destroyed. In the blink of an eye I feel that my journey is really filled with things that I never expected before. I really can't accept all of this. Because there are bad things that always come together. I learned a lot from all of that and winning is the only thing I have ever seen. There is nothing else that I really like. As if everything melted into dust. Once I was deceived by something that really didn't make sense.
“What are you thinking about?” Donna said as she took a sip of the mango juice I had served her.
“I don’t know. But it’s like it’s not just me.”
"What do you mean?"
“To be honest, I’ve been thinking about strange things for a long time. Starting from questioning myself, even for a moment I keep thinking about it.”
“Why are you questioning yourself?”
"I don't know."
“This sounds so absurd. Do you think all this will just go off without a hitch?”
“It’s not a matter of obstacles. But something I can’t quite identify. Is it real? I often ask myself that. Isn’t it strange?”
“Not really. It’s a form of curiosity.”
From here I am even more convinced. There is no problem that just comes without a solution. It's just that this is a little different. I didn't expect myself to be in a zone that is indeed very complicated. Slowly I began to be lulled by the worldly mortality that kept coming to me. I always felt not okay with this and that's what happened. Donna often expressed her opinion on it and her thoughts were indeed extraordinary. But there is nothing that I can regret even for a second from myself. I really don't know anything. That's what I feel until now is very different.