As I was trying to declutter the things that I think must be put into the trash bin, my gaze turned into the direction of that medium-sized turquoise journal that is been piled together with all those different colored notepads that are scattered inside my cabinet.
“What is with that thing?” I said to myself expecting for an answer but I got none. Just by looking at that thing, there is a certain level of curiosity gushing within me that wants to fulfill the desire to find out the answer to my own question. And I don’t want to ignore this feeling. What my own self wants must be fulfilled by me. Only me. I stop putting the stuffs inside the plastic bag and walked towards the location of that eye-catching journal. I gently opened the cabinet and carefully reach to hold that journal in my hands because that is what my mind is telling me to do. From the very moment I held it, I felt the sudden urge to open it immediately and see what’s inside. I started to open it and scanned through its pages. Experiences and moments were well written in this journal. My lips formed a smile and it’s an involuntary action because I like what I am seeing. I started flipping the pages when a photo slipped and fell into the floor. I pick it up and whirl it around quickly to see the photo and when I saw it memories of the past came back inside my mind wanting to be remembered again. That’s when I thought about the old adage my grandmother loves to say when she’s still alive in this world, “At certain point of your life someone that was long forgotten will emerge from the grave to stir some memory from the past which will make you reminisce and retrospect the occurrences.”
“Caecius.” I muttered heavily. I looked at his photo and tried to examine his presence. He looks so happy with his eyes gleaming with joy paired with his smile full of innocence and I took notice of the details of his visible visual. He looks young in here. His carefree and child-like nature are perceptible to someone like me. Of course, facts like these are known by me because I was there. I was there when this photo was taken because I was the one who took it. I inhaled some air because the heaviness of my chest is hard to endure and my pulse is running wild as I recall distant memories that I tried to forget but are trying to catch up with me right now.
“Caecius Wyn Radiomoda, it’s been a long time since I got a glimpse of your face.”
7 years ago
“I am completely drained by our exams, Carys. I need a break. I NEED SOME FRESH AIR!” I emphasized my words and looked at my best friend who is standing beside me busy checking her phone and I am not even sure whether she heard me or not. Because Carys can be quite detached sometimes and that makes her unique. I sometimes feel that “strange” would be the right adjective but I prefer not to say it because that is a disrespectful remark and it will cause some derogation to the foundations of our connection as best friends.
“Carys? Are you having an out of the body experience right now? Is your soul still with your physical body, Carys?” I stated another comment trying to get her attention.
“Is Honey pregnant? This is too early for her to birth a child inside her womb, Adaline. Take a look at this.” She handed me her phone and I carefully grab it and proceeded to look which I assumed a photo posted by our previous classmate on social media. And yes, I was right. Honey is indeed pregnant. On the contrary, am I oblige to give a damn about this not so shocking news about her? Because I believe
that this is not my concern. I just don’t care, alright? Well, good for her. That she finally decided to have her own baby. But I do agree with Carys’ comment that she is too young to have a baby but it’s not totally my business. Her body, her rules. As long as she is not dragging my name in the mud and not trying to push me down then were good. I don’t have a problem with Honey. We get along pretty well but we don’t consider each other as friends. We are more like acquaintances. But why I am giving too much response to this news? This is not right! I need to master the subtle art of not giving a fuck. Familiar? For folks who love to indulge themselves on self-development books in the hopes to upgrade their character, then they will recognize this phrase. “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck” by Mark Manson. I recently read this book and I can say that just by reading the title you can know that this will be worth the read. And I was right because the first few pages of this book got me hooked up and left me wanting more. I was supposed to recommend this book to Carys for her to give this a try. But I remembered she’s not someone who has the fascination to read a book and finish it till the very end. She’s not just it. Carys gets bored easily. One day she’ll do yoga and the other day she is sitting comfortably on her sofa eating a bag of chips, with a can of cola in her hand deeply immerse to watching romantic movies, and hoping to have her own chance to feel and embody the main character energy with her own prince charming. But it will never happen. Because Carys Elane is someone who likes to push anyone who tries to offer her the cup of affection. Her reason? She maybe someone who is a hopeless romantic wanting to experience the kind of life shown in romantic films but she’s not up for committing and staying in a long- term relationship. It is a headache for her. And it’s a headache for me too. Finding love during this distinct period is such a “nah-ah”. Boys are playing games too much during these days. Girls do love to do it too. So basically, there is an equality between the two genders. I am not bitter, okay? I just love to look at life in general formulating a judgment based on what my two eyes have seen. You are probably wondering why I talk about my bestie too much that I forget to depict my character. Well, it’s because. We are here to give Carys an appreciation chapter for being the best bestie that I have. There’s no other one, the bestie is only Carys. She’s the only one who is genuine enough to join me in my expedition to discovering what’s more in my journey. The others? They decided to jump off my boat and swim away. Their reason? They lose their interest and they wake up one day and thought themselves, “I don’t wanna be with this girl anymore? Shes’s not it. Imma head the other way because we don’t have the delight to continue being friends with her.” I don’t want to sound dramatic but my life is full of drama anyway, so why sugar-coat it? I am not up for the pretense and trying to hide the truth about my life-situation because I deserve to blurt it all out. Afterall, we shouldn’t keep the hurt up all inside us, right? Sooner or later there come a time where we are all tired to held it in and we wanted to exploit it because that’s one of the ways to help ourselves heal from our heartaches. My name is Adaline Faria Celestial and here I am sharing you the whirls and turns of my life…