"Are you okay?" Isang mahinhin na boses ang nagpagising saakin.
I opened my eyes and was about to shout when I felt her light hand on my face. It felt so so light that I expected her not to do anything to me.
Bakit ba ang dali kong magtiwala? I saw her smiled at me gently kaya paanong pagduduhan ko siya when she is just smiling kindly at me?
Sinubukan kong umupo at naramdaman ko ang sakit sa braso, kamay, paa at hita ko. Hindi ko rin maimulat nang maayos ang mata ko dahil sa tingin ko ay namamaga na ito. Inalalayan niya akong umupo nang maayos sa kama. Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang paligid.
This is not my house but I feel safer here.
Nakaupo siya sa gilid ko at pinagmamasdan ang bawat kilos ko.
But, unlike the man earlier, it feels good to be looked at because her gentle eyes looks caring.
"Do you remember what happened to you? What's your name?" I was about to say something but there was no voice coming from my mouth kaya tumango nalang ako at naramdaman ang paghapdi ng noo ko.
Ngumiwi ako and held my forehead. There's a small gauze, I think.
"Then, how do you feel?"
I looked down at my hands. I feel good and safe. I feel okay. "I am fine." Sabi ko sa isang mahinang boses.
She looked at me with worry in her eyes. "I saw you in our front gate. You are lying down in the rain... I do not have any right to ask but... how did you get here?"
I found comfort in her voice and without her doing anything, my tears fell heavily. I held the bottom of her shirt, naghahanap ng kakapitan.
"Something happened, huh?" She wasn't asking me. She is stating her facts. She pat my back, trying to make me stop from crying.
"I...t-they didn't believe me..." Hindi ko mapigilan ang luha ko.
Until I get tired from crying, the woman beside me stayed by my side. I look at her tiredly.
"I-i'm sorry for imposing. I will g-go already..."
She looked at me with an expression I can't understand.
"And, where will you go?"
Nagdalawang isip ako kung sasabihin ko ang totoo o hindi. Suddenly, someone knocked the door.
"Ma..." Malamig ang boses ng nagsalita.
Hindi ko alam kung naghahallucinate lang ako o panaginip ito because I can see Mikee standing infront of me. May dala siyang tray na may bowl, tubig at sa tingin ko ay gamot. His expression told me that he is confused right now and another expression I can't name of.
"You are awake..." Sa kabila ng lakas ng ulan at hina ng boses niya, narinig ko pa rin siya.
"Mikee, feed her first, okay? I'll call her parents." Mabilis kong hinawakan amg kamay ng babae. She looked at me curiously.
"Ma'am... please, don't... not right now. If I am a disturbance, aalis na po ako agad. W-wag niyo lang po sila tawagan."
As much as I want to act tough infront of them, hinding-hindi ko kayang pigilan ang panginginig ng aking katawan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sunod-sunod ang pagbagsak ng luha ko.
She sighed. Marahan niyang ginulo ang buhok ko.
"Fine, eat and take a rest." She sounds defeated pero lumabas na rin agad ng kwarto matapos bilinan ang anak niya.
Sa sobrang tahimik ng kwarto, ang aircon lang ang nagsisilbing tunog sa loob. Nagulat ako ng naglagay siya ng breakfast table sa harap ko at nilagay ang isang lugaw at tubig. Hindi ko siya matignan at sa halip ay itinuon ang paningin sa pagkain.
"T-thank you." Hindi ko alam kung narinig niya ba iyon o hindi.
Naramdaman ko ang paghila niya sa upuan ng study table at umupo doon. Hindi ko na inisip kung nakatingin siya saakin o hindi. Basta ang alam ko ay kabadong-kabado ako ngayon.
I am half-way on my food when I realized that I am already full. Hindi ko na kakayanin kung kakain pa ako.
But, I can't say that to him. Nakakahiya! This is their family's money and it's a shame if I'll waste it. Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto ang inabot ng pagkain ko, maybe even an hour.
Matapos kong kumain, nilingon ko siya. Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko nang makita siyang nakatingin saakin.
"Tapos ka na?" His tone sounds so flat that I don't know if he's angry or what.
"Ah, oo." Lumapit siya saakin at kinuha ang bowl.
Nagulat ako nang hawakan niya ang aking noo. I slapped his hand and if he was shocked, I am more of it!
Sa lahat ng tao, siya ang pinagkakatiwalaan ko. Maybe, the earlier event triggered my fear. Or maybe, I am a bit scared of him because of what happened between us in school.
"S-sorry, hindi ko sinasadya."
Hindi ako makatingin sakanya dahil sa pagkahiya. How can I act shamelessly in front of him and in his house?
I heard him sigh as if he is so tired of seeing me like this. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa comforter. Umalis siya at may kinuha sa study table.
"You still have a fever. Drink this and get better." Gumaan ang pakiramdam ko nang marinig siya.
Sinunod ko ang sinabi niya at humiga sa kama pagkatapos.
"I'm very sorry... hindi ko sinasadya na mapunta rito." I want to let him know that I did not particularly chose this house to stay on. Gusto kong maintindihan niya na hindi ako nagpapaawa sakanya. Gustong-gusto kong sabihin na hindi ito isang paraan para maging malapit sakanya. I want him to understand that this is a pure incident. "I'll... just go para..."
Hindi ko alam kung nakikinig siya saakin pero napatingin ako sakanya nang marinig ko ang may galit niyang pagaayos ng pinagkainan ko.
"Hindi mo ba narinig ang sinabi ni Mama? You should rest after you eat. And... if I let you go, saan ka naman pupunta? It is raining hard. May bagyo. Dapat ay tatawagan ang magulang mo pero kakasabi mo lang na ayaw mo diba? So, where would you go if I gladly open the gate for you?" Ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit sa boses niya.
Hindi ako nakapagsalita hanggang makalabas siya.
Ipinikit ko ang mata and I wish I didn't dahil naaalala ko lang kung ano ang nangyari kanina and even the events from the past that made me lose everything. I cried until I could no longer hear the rain.
"I am so worried. What happened to you, hm?"
Nagising muli ako nang may narinig akong kulog. It is six in the morning. Oo nga pala at may pasok kami. Hindi ko inaasahan na makita si Mikee sa kwartong ito na natutulog sa study table. Inikot ko ang mata ko sa buong kwarto. It is painted black and white. Mayroon ding pictures niya. I assume that this is his room.
Nakaramdam ako ng hiya. How can someone like me snatch his room and let him sleep while sitting?
Maingat akong tumayo para hindi siya magising. Though, we might be late. Naalala kong wala akong dalang uniform. Anong gagawin ko ngayon? Kung kailan pa naman last day ng pasok sa linggong 'to eh.
Somehow, I feel better than earlier.
"Marie?" Tumingin ako sa kung sino man ang tumawag saakin. I greeted her a good morning. "Oh, your fever has gone down already. But, you should still sleep and rest. Wala namang pasok ngayon. The classes are suspended. Might as well, rest. Para hindi ka mabinat.0
I almost jump because I heard a loud voice.
"Ma!" Lumingon ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses. I saw Mikee running towards us. Hinihingal siyang lumapit saamin.
His mother looked at him weirdly. "I already told you that there are no classes, right? Hindi ba at inabangan mo pa nga iyon sa TV?"
Tinignan ko din si Mikee na hinahabol pa ang paghinga niya. Nilingon niya ako at tinignan ng masama. "Tss!" He went to their dining room. Umupo siya sa lamesa.
What? May ginawa na naman ba ako?
Narinig ko ang pagtawa ng Mama niya. "Oh, if you can walk already, you should eat breakfast with us. Malapit na ring bumaba ang mga kapatid ni Mikee. His dad is already at work kaya... you can eat comfortably?"
Nahihiya akong kumain kasama nila pero pinilit niya ako. Unti-unting napuno ang dining room.
Kaharap ko si Mikee, ang nakababatang kapatid niya at ang kuya niya. Katabi ko naman ang mama niya at ang ate niya. And suddenly, in my most wildest dream, pakiramdam ko na parte ako ng masayang pamilyang 'to.
"Ate... Ate! Anong pangalan mo?" Nakangiting tanong ni Kienth, his youngest brother.
"I'm Marie." Pagpapakilala ko sakanya.
His mouth formed an O-shape. "Oh, you look pretty, Ate Marie."
"If you want to flirt, Kienth, find someone your age. Stop having a crush on someone older and even if you like her, you can't have her." Their sister laughed beside me.
I saw their eldest brother smirked in front of me. Mapapansin talagang magkakapatid sila especially in the boys' case. Their faces looked molded by the same kind of God. Their attractiveness is nowhere beyond the world's realm. The only difference is the strength in their faces. The little brother's face is so soft, like he is the purest thing in the world. Their elder brother is the mix of Kienth's and Mikee's faces while Mikee, among them is the most preserved. He looks the deadliest of all but you'll forget it when he smiles and will eventually like him later on. "Oh, shut it, Lux Farrah. Bitter ka ba dahil ni-reject ka no'ng lalaking sinusuyo mo?"
Ate Lux turned her head angrily to his brother. "I told you, Kuya not mention anything about it! Tss!" Tinawanan lang siya ng mga kapatid niya.
Tumahimik ang lahat nang magsalita ang kanilang ina. "What is this all about, Lux Farrah Charlston? I told you to stop your crazy antics."
"Why the full name?" Ate Lux whispered beside me. "Ma, stop it."
Dumungaw ang mama niya at tinignan ang anak na babae. "What did you do this time? Who is it? I bet you annoyed that person again."
"Ma, please. Save that later. We are eating our breakfast." She said and ended the conversation.
She just silently chewed her food and seems more irritated than usual. With her mid-length black jet hair and tanned skin, with curves on right places, undoubtedly she can be considered as one of the top models.
Kanina, napansin ko talaga how she gracefully walks at lahat ng lalaki ay mapapatingin sakanya and girls probably, are envious of her.
Matapos ang pagkain, hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. I wondered if it is okay to stay here or just go upstairs.
"This is your fault, Mason." Ate Lux angrily muttered nang maupo sila sa sofa. Hinihintay ang mama nila dahil papangaralan niya ito.
"Oh, where's the kuya, Lux Farrah? Kung sasabihin ko 'to kay Mama, you lecture would probably end by lunch time." He laughed loudly and her sister muttered a cuss. Naiiling si Kuya Mason na umupo at binuksan ang kanyang laptop.
"You should still rest, Marie." Nagulat ako ng bigyan ako ng atensyon. Hindi ko inaasahan iyon dahil hindi ko naman talaga siya kinakausap. Well, I am not comfortable with guys. Especially, guys older than me.
"Mikee, you should lead her the way upstairs. Sige ka, baka mabinat 'yan." Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ako ng narinig but I found his words, teasing Mikee.
Tinignan lang ako ni Mikee at inirapan. What the hell is this guy's problem? Nanahimik naman ako ah.
He still looked angry while leading the way upstairs inside his room. Nauna siyang pumasok at umupo sa kanyang silya kanina. Nanatili akong nakatayo, weighing what should I do. To sleep selfishly or give him the bed because in the first place it is for him and I am really guilty about what happened because I'm sure that it is uncomfortable to sleep while sitting. That position is exhausting for sure.
"You should sleep in your bed," I whispered. Hindi ko alam kung narinig niya o ano but nang inangat niya ang titig, I confirmed that he heard and damn, why does he look so good when he is irritated? "Baka mahirapan ka kasi. You should rest and this is your room, right? That's why..." I heard him sighed exasperatedly.
"Just sleep and rest. Don't mind me." His words made my shoulders and hope for everything fall as if he is the king that will rule me over.
Humiga ako sa kama and dreamt the days I will have with him.
The days where we smile at each other habang tanaw ang asul na asul na dagat. The days where we stop and just hold each other's hand. Yung araw na kaming dalawa nalang. That's the day I've wished for. Yung masaya kaming dalawa at wala ng hahadlang and that's the day where we will marry each other in front of the sun set with the birds' approval and the wind singing the song of our wedding and I am sure that peaceful day will never come.
Bumalik ako ng bahay. Wala si Mommy at Dad. Hindi ko na rin sinubukang itanong dahil hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kapag narinig ko ang sagot ng mga maids dito.
Days passed... weeks passed . . . and months passed of finding the good in life. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa o malungkot. Ever since that day, my parents never came home.
Tahimik ang bahay but somehow I felt lonelier than I was. Pabagsak akong humiga sa kama. I always get tired of pretending in school. It is tiring to laugh and smile all the time. To be smart without offending anyone.
I am trying so hard and hoping that someday... happiness will come to me. I always exhaust myself because of my pretention.
Ngayon ko lang naisip na grabe ang sakripisyo ng mga tao para lang magustuhan sila.
That it is never easy to pretend because at one point, you'll find yourself guilty. You will find yourself asking if it is okay to go on. You will be on a deep thought, 'what if they found out?' and that you will have sleepless nights thinking of what you'll say for tomorrow and the day after.
"Okay, section two, lumipat kayo sa kabilang room. I will announce your project."
"Sir, bakit pa kailangang lumipat?"
"This will be a collaboration between the two section. Mahaba ito kaya kailangan ng madaming tao and the principal wants to know if you can do well if you are teamed up with other people you are not close with." And he hurried us na lumipat sa kabila.
Hindi ko mapigilang ma-conscious dahil first time kong pumasok dito. I am not used to it and find it very awkward. Komportable naman na ako sa mga kaklase ko but I never talked with my schoolmates, well, sometimes I do pero kapag tungkol lang sa schoolwork.
"Marie!" Tawag saakin ni Colette at Sam.
Kailan ko ba sila nakausap? Wait, I can't even remember our first encounter basta biglaan nalang na okay na kami at nagkakamustahan kapag nagkikita.
Well, I am trying to build walls pero unti-unti nilang winawasak 'yon. Not like I trust them so much but they are so kind that I am afraid to let them know the truth. "Mas gumaganda ah!"
I blushed, well, they are fond of teasing me. "Tss, hindi kaya. Inaasar niyo na naman ako ah." Natatawa kong sabi and in my deeper thoughts I wonder if I can laugh truly in the future.
Kinalabit ako ni Jarich. As time passesby, unti-unting nawala ang takot ko sa mga tao. Mas naging okay ako sa pakikipagusap sakanila and I am better at interactions compared from before. Better than before but not completely healed.
"Doon na muna ako." Itinuro niya ang isang upuan na bakante sa tabi ng babaeng may earphones.
Nakatingin din ang babaeng ito sakanya. I smiled and wave my hand. Telling him to go where he wants to.
Inikot ko ang mata ko at nakita ko si Mikee sa tabi ng isang magandang babae. He look so comfortable talking to the girl. The girl looks silent pero nakita ko namang tumatawa siya. I wonder if he can show me the same expression na pinapakita niya ngayon sa katabi. As far as I remember, she is Braelynn.
She's famous in the school because she is smart, kind, and wealthy.
Her life must be complicated. I've already seen a lot of people putting on and off their masks. Naging hobby ko na ang pagaanalyze sa mga tao because I am the most afraid of being known for putting a mask.
"She is pretty, right?" Inirapan ko si Shin.
Tss! This guy! Kung gusto niyang lapitan si Braelynn, then he should go there! Hindi yung dito niya pa saakin sasabihin and for sure magkukwento na naman ito. I hate it when he does that!
Nakakairita. I am not fond of giving advices pero napipilitan ako though those are half-hearted ones.
"Okay, guys. Settle down. Nandito na ang section two dahil may ipapagawa ako sainyo." Sabi ni Sir.
Some of the class reacted but I remained silent. I don't actually care what he wants us to do. As long as it will end smoothly, then fine.
Sinabi ni Sir kung ano ang mga grupo and now, we're here at the final group and I am damn sure na kasama ako dito. Though, I wish I am not.
Sa lahat ng tao na iniiwasan ko, sila pa talaga ang magiging ka-grupo ko.
"Last group and I think this is the DREAM TEAM. Braelynn, Lyra, Mikee, Marie, Joaquin, Shin, Kaia, and Jarich. Though you guys lack members, I know you can fulfill it. All of you topped the entrance examination of this school. I'm expecting that you guys can do well. Well, the remaining time is for you guys. Talk about it."
And... somehow, I feel a little sorry for my groupmates. I lack passion. I lack dedication they all have. I don't care if I got a low grade and fuck, this is the most fucking annoying group I've seen. Hindi ko gusto na maging kagrupo sila. All of them. I hate being in the same group as them.
Because... they are genuinely kind and I can't bring myself to hate them or to even fool them by using my masks.