I impatiently tapped my fingers on my table.
I am getting tired of listening to my teachers already or maybe I just wanted to go out of this room immediately because of my goal for today.
"Stop doing that or you'll catch her attention," Shin said, referring to the woman in front of us who is too busy to talk to blackboard instead of her students.
"Oo nga, Marie. You look so bored and impatient. Are you looking forward to our break so much?" Tanong ng isa ko pang katabi na si Jarich.
"Ha, uhm..." I didn't know what to respond. "M-medyo. May kailangan kasi akong puntahan eh."
"Hmm..." Shin reacted while eyeing me suspiciously.
As time passed by, maingay na tumunog ang bell na nagsasabing break na namin. I stood up and went to the girls who were with me yesterday. 
"Ah, pwede ba akong sumabay sa inyo?"
Nagkatinginan sila sa isa't-isa nang marinig ang tanong ko.
The truth is I can't remember their names well but the main point here is I want them to be by my side because of the guy, earlier in the morning, might bother me.
I am really the worst person. I would only do something for my own sake.
"Huh? Ah, okay." The girl with a mid-range curly hair said.
Hm? I can sense something in this atmosphere. I sighed in my head.
Jealous girls, huh?
I am not the most intelligent person that people may meet but I am not an idiot to not notice that something is off.
I am especially good at these things. I am the master of my own.
You cannot fool me, stupid girls.
You are jealous because I am close to those two boys? Ha! I don't get why they treat someone badly just because of lousy boys.
"Let's go?" Nagaalangang sabi niya.
While we were eating, hindi tumigil ang mga mata ko na hanapin ang isang taong naging malapit na saakin.
The girls are talking loud as usual but I didn't care to butt in to their conversations. It makes me sick. I'm grossed out that they are talking how they should fix their faces in order to make the boys like them.
On the second thought, I am like them too. When we ended our lunch, I couldn't see him in the cafeteria. Naubos ko na ang pagkain ko, wala akong nasilayang Mikee sa cafeteria.
Bakit ganoon? Kahit nasa iisang lugar lang naman kami... bakit parang ang hirap niyang hagilapin at abutin?
Sometimes, I wish that time would stop where we were strolling together. When it was just the two of us.
Okay na ako sa ganoong buhay. It was enough... it was everything I could wish for.
The only time I can remember getting close to him was when we had our physical education class.
Hinihintay naming matapos ang time ng section one. We were seated on the bench.
"Do you like that one particular guy?" Hindi ko pinansin ang tanong saakin ni Shin.
Sa loob ng ilang linggo, naging komportable ako sakanya. Pati na rin kay Jarich dahil pakiramdam ko ay hindi nila ako dadalhin sa kapahamakan at panatag naman ang loob ko tuwing kinakausap ko sila but we were not that sort of thing. BFF things?  It's not like that but it is a better relationship than what I have with the girls in the class.
"I like the girl na kasama ng lalaki mong tinitignan." He said while looking at the girl with rougette hair.
"Hm?" I reacted. Hindi ko alam kung anong silbi ng pag-uusap na ito. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because we're friends?" I want to laugh at what he said. It never crossed my mind.
"Well, I like that girl pero ayaw niya saakin. She hates me, probably. She is close to the guy... you're probably eyeing for the longesr time? Actually, I am jealous of that guy dahil palagi nalang silang magkasama."
Bakit, may karapatan ka bang magselos? I want to say that loudly pero I keep it in myself.
"You don't get jealous?"
"No, of course not!" He smirked at me.
Inayos kong mabuti ang buhok ko. For the past few weeks, I blend well with these people better than what I expected.
The teacher clapped, gathering us dahil magsisimula na ang klase namin. "Okay, section one, go back to your rooms! Section two, we'll start our class. Please find a pair. Boys and girls. No girls to girls and boys to boys, okay?"
Hindi pumasok sa isip ko pero ngayon ko lang napagtanto na may limang sobrang babae saamin at sigurado akong kasama ako doon.
"Sir, wala kaming next class. Baka pwedeng dito muna kami." The boy that I talked with before said.
As far as I can remember, his name is Joaquin?
"Hm, sige, basta walang manggugulo."
"Sir, kulang kami ng lalaki! Wala kaming ka-partner." Jeah, my classmate, said.
"Section one, boys! Dahil nandito na rin naman kayo, tumulong nalang kayo. Joaquin, Mikee, Nelson, Clay, and Homer. Sumali muna kayo rito." They groaned pero sumunod pa rin.
Nakita ko ang pagtutulakan ni Nelson, Clay, at Homer papunta saakin.
If I wasn't trying to act my hell out here, baka inirapan ko na sila but I shyly smiled at them.
"Partner tayo, Marie?" Tanong saakin ni Clay.
"Wag ka na dyan kay Clay, saakin nalang gusto mo?" Nelson said while scratching his head.
"Mas mabait ako sa dalawang yan. Tayo nalang?" Nagulat ako sa biglang paghawak ni Homer saakin.
And... suddenly, I remembered that night.
The touch that lingers . . . I unconsciously slapped his hand.
Mukha namang nagulat siya at sa tingin  ko ay kalahati ng mga kaklase ko ay nakatingin saakin.
Fuck! If they found me acting strange... paniguradong malalaman nila ang sikreto ko! Everything that I have builded will be ruined.
"Ah, I'm sorry..." Homer was definitely shocked. As well as the other dahil narinig ko ang nakabibinging katahimikan mula sakanila.
Nagulat ako ng may humila sa braso ko.
"Sir, okay na magsimula na tayo."
The touch that I was yearning for. The only touch that says 'you will be okay'. The only touch that warms my heart. The only touch that makes me forget everything I experienced that miserable night.
We didn't talk that time. We followed what our teacher says but we never talked. At hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam kung bakit umiiwas  siya saakin. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin siya makausap nang matagalan. Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin niya ako tinitignan like he was trying so hard to avoid me.
I sighed as I close my sketchpad and took a nap.
I wonder why he acts like that. He looks like he is having fun kaya hindi na ako nagsasalita pa. When I tried to approach him earlier this school year, agad siyang lumayo. If he wants to avoid me that much, then fine. As long as that will make him happy then it is good for me. I will try to understand.
Nagulat ako nang may yumugyog sa upuan ko and was shocked when I saw Jarich doing it. "What do you want?"
He is one of the people I don't try hard to act with so much.
"Tawag ka nina Lalice."  Tumango ako at lumapit kila Lalice na nasa labas ng classroom.
"Jarich said that you called me. Bakit?"
"Oh, we just want to talk but not here. Punta tayong comfort room?" Tumango ako at hindi mapigilan ang pagtaas ng kilay sa utak.
Nasa tapat kami ng banyo ng itinulak nila ako sa loob. This is crazy. Off all places that they want to take their revenge for, bakit pa sa CR? I would've like it better if it is a storage room or another place. This a poor planned revenge. Tss!
Nagulat ako ng may nagbuhos saakin ng tubig. Damn, mayroon ba akong dalang extra shirt? Or my PE shirt? Tsk! Wala pala. Ang malas naman.
Naramdaman ko nalang ang sakit ng ulo ko matapos kong magising sa loob ng banyo.
This is ridiculous!
I'm so drenched right now. Naramdaman ko ang paghapdi ng aking labi. Inangat ko ang sarili ko nang nakahawak sa pader. Tinignan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin. This is bullshit. This is the same scenerio I've always seen back then. I'm used to this. I'm so used to this pathetic act of revenge that my tears dried up.
Pinunasan ko ang mukha ko and began to think what I am supposed to do with this get-up.
Fuck, those stupid girls should have gone to hell.
Lumabas ako at nagulat nang makita si Mikee sa tapat ng comfort room. Nakita ko sa mga mata niya ang gulat.
I think he is not expecting to see me here. I think that he is just passing by and by chance saw me. He eyed me from head to toe.
"Hintayin mo lang ako rito."
Kahit hindi naman sigurado kung babalik siya, naghintay pa rin ako kahit walang kasiguraduhan. Even without promises, I trusted him. I trusted that he will surely come back for me. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung tama bang magtiwala ako sakanya dahil naguguluhan ako sa kinikilos niya but even with the short time I spent with him, I can feel his warmth. I can feel his worry or I am just assuming.
"Here," Nakita ko ang isang set ng PE uniform sa harap ko at pilit na iniabot saakin. "Use this. You can shower in the girls' bathroom, right?" Dahil sa pagkagulat sa mabilisang pagdating niya, I couldn't respond.
He immediately stormed off after giving me his uniform. He stopped midway. "You can just keep that uniform. Meron pa akong extra, don't waste your time giving that back."
I used the shower in the bathroom. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi siya isipin. Why is he avoiding me? What the hell happened?! Kung ayaw niya saakin, sabihin niya nalang sana agad. If I did something wrong, he should have told me right on my face para hindi na ako maguluhan.
"Mikee," I called him out while he was washing his face in the faucet after his practice for soccer. I didn't know that he is a part of this club actually.
Ngayon ko lang natanong ang sarili ko kung gaano ko ba kakilala si Mikee para isiping magkaibigan kami. Maybe, he's just being kind to me because of my behavior when we first met. Baka ako lang yung naghuhumiyaw na magkaibigan kami. When I thought that I have already found a good and trustworthy friend, the world made everything crumble apart and slap me the truth in life.
He looked at me intensely. "Sabi ko diba, hindi mo na kailangang isauli 'yan? Just keep it. I won't wear it anymore kahit ibalik mo pa saakin 'yan." I can hear my own heart shattering into pieces.
"I'm just... I just want to talk to you again kasi simula nang pumasok tayo sa eskwelahan... pakiramdam ko ay iniiwasan mo ako and that... you are trying your best to not be involved with me." Sinubukan kong abutin ang braso niya but he forcefully slapped my hand. Sa sobrang lakas no'n, halos mapaupo ako sa damuhan.
I heard him gasped. Nanlalaki ang mga mata niya nang tinignan ko muli ang mukha niyam
"It's not just your feeling. I am avoiding you at all cost! Hindi mo ba naiintindihan 'yon? You have a high intellect, Marie. I am damn sure that you have the slightest idea in your head that I am freaking avoiding you with all my fortunes. Kaya pwede bang itigil mo na 'to? You are trying so hard to mess up with my life. Why can't you just go and fucking leave my sight, now?!"
Ramdam ko ang galit at inis niya roon. For the longest time, I got scared. The bad thing is... I got scared of the person whom I felt the safest with. I stood up and held his uniform with me.
"Here. I am sorry if I caused you a trouble... I will surely stop bothering you. I am very sorry if I overstepped my boundary. I am very sorry if I entered your world without asking if it is okay to stay. I am sorry that I made you angry. I am very sorry if I thought of you as my friend. Hindi ko inalam kung anong nararamdaman mo. Hindi kita inintindi. I am sorry and I hope you'll forgive me."
Itinulak ko sa kamay niya ang damit niya para ibalik ito sakanya. If I will forget all those days that we had spent with each other, sisiguraduhin kong wala akong matitirang alaala sakanya.
Hindi ako pumasok sa sumunod na klase. I lied to my teacher and said that I felt sick so he willingly said that I should stay in the clinic. Humiga ako at kahit papaano ay humupa ang nararamdaman. I hurriedly opened my eyes when I felt a cold drink in my face.
"Are you okay?" Tanong ni Jarich saakin. Bakit siya nandito? Did the class already ended?
"I am fine. I am not really sick." I said at saka kinuha ang inuming hawak niya.
"I mean about what happened earlier... I didn't mean to listen with your conversation with Mikee pero kasi nadaanan ko kayo doon kanina. I heard a lot and I just want to say sorry."
I smiled at him.
Thanks for your concern.
Gusto ko sanang sabihin iyon pero naramdaman ko na ang pagbigat ng talukap ng mga mata ko.