As we continued walking, mas lumalakas ang pagaspas ng mga dahon dulot ng hangin. Naramdaman ko ang mas lalong paglamig at agad na nagsisi sa sinuot na dress. Sana pala ay nag-pantalon na lamang ako kaysa sa damit na ganito.
I thought it was comfortable dahil maluwag ang baba nito. It does not reach my knee, so does that it mean this is too short? It is yellow off shoulder dress kaya hindi ko na kailangan pang tanungin ang sarili ko kung bakit ako nilalamig ngayon. The trees are already dancing, almost waving at me. Hinawakan ko ang mahaba kong buhok dahil kasabay ng pagsayaw ng mga puno ay ang pagalon ng kulay brown na buhok ko. It also blocked my view. Hindi nga rin pala ako nakapagdala ng panali.
The sun set already.
Masyado ng madilim at dala ng hangin na 'yon ay mas natakot ako dahil nagbabalik ang mga alalaalang pilit kong kinakalimutan.
"Oh my God!" I didn't notice the thick and large trunk below, the reason why I tripped and Mikee instinctly able to grab my arm as a result he fell first while I fell above him.
Napatitig ako sakanya mga mata. I was being absorbed by his ash gray eyes. "Ugh."
I stood up immediately dahil sa pagdaing niya. Tinignan ko siya habang tumatayo kahit alam kong namumula ang pisngi ko, I don't care because my concern right now is him. Luckily, he's not looking in my direction instead he's looking at the tree at nakasandal din doon ang isang kamay niya while covering his mouth with his other hand. "I-I'm sorry! Are you okay?"
Natakot ako nang hindi siya nagsalita dahan-dahan akong lumapit sakanya at nang akmang hahawakan ang braso niya ay umayos siya ng tindig. "Uh, yeah. Let's go?"
Kumunot ang noo ko ng makita ang mga butil ng pawis niya. I think he's lying. "You don't look fine at all. Pinagpapawisan ka oh." Kinuha ko ang panyo saaking secret pocket ng aking dress. Lumapit ako sakanya at hindi ako mapakali dahil doon ko lang napansin na sobrang lapit pala ng mukha niya saakin. Tinuon ko na lamang ang sarili sa pagpupunas ng kanyang noo, leeg, at mukha. When I was wiping his face, we suddenly met each other's eye and suddenly he grabbed my wrist.
"Okay na ako. Halika na. Mas gagabihin tayo rito." Tumango na lamang ako.
Maybe he's worried that his family is finding him already? Kaya magmamadali na siyang umuwi?
Tahimik kami nang makarating sa bahay ko. He just nodded at me and walk away but before he disappeared in front of my eyes ay tumigil siya at humarap saakin. Hindi ko masyadong makita pero sigurado akong nagsalita siya with only a minimal sound. I wanted to ask him what he said pero tuluyan na siyang tumalikod and waved a goodbye.
"Take care." I said as I waved at him.
Too bad that he couldn't see that I am waving at him. That I can finally say that take care because I want to see you tomorrow. I want to make sure you're safe because... it's been a while since I've been comfortable by someone.
Nang pumasok ako sa loob nakitingin ang mga kasambahay.
I just ignored them. They've been doting on me after all these times.
If I'm not their bosses' daughter, they would probably disrespect me. I've never been close with our maids ever since that thing happened.  I think I'm lucky this day because I was with him earlier and my parents aren't here for now but they would know for sure dahil isusumbong ako ng mga 'yon.
Tsk. I don't want to think about them.
I was lying in my bed at nakita ang cellphone sa side table. I turned off my lights and just lit up my lamp shade. Hindi ko alam kung kukunin ko ba ang cellphone o hindi.
I want to move on. I want to know the world in a bigger space. I want to let go. I want to try. I want to... but I'm scared.
But... even though I'm scared I want to wander. Like what Mikee did... he just wandered the place. At dahil sa ginawa niyang 'yon he discovered a lot of prettier things that can't be seen if you're just going to stay in your comfort zone.
Huminga ako ng malalim at kinuha ang phone.
I was trembling when I clicked the messenger app. Nagulat ako ng makita ang bilang ng mga messages. I was actually surprised and scared because after that incident, the only message I've received meant all the same, all hates... at laging mga salitang hindi ko alam kung bakit nila ibinibigay saakin.
I scrolled until I saw a name that caught my attention.
Hindi ko alam kung bubuksan ko ang message but I did it anyway.
When I started reading her message ay hindi ko maiwasang malungkot. It talks about everything that happened in the past.
Azazel Keres Anderson (Akan):
Hey, Marie. I don't know if you will forgive me because I did something unforgivable to you. I've hurt you. Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ko noong panahon na 'yon but I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I was so jealous of you. You are pretty so you caught the boys' attention. You made them fall for you and break their heart.
No, I didn't! I properly rejected them. I didn't know that she was jealous of me. I thought we were loyal with each other pero mukhang ako lang pala.
Azazel Keres Anderson:
You are the definition of perfection. You're rich. Your face is perfect. You have the body. You have the wit. You have the talent. You have everything that I would never have. You are everything I couldn't be even if I tried hard. Walang mangyayari.
I was your perfection. Before that incident happen, Akan.
Azazel Keres Anderson:
After learning about the incident, I tried to stay away from you because that is what everyone's doing. That's what my parents told me but I stayed. Though, I was only there for a short amount of time. I didn't want to leave you but looking at you at that time... I felt scared. I felt disgusted. What if what happened to you will happen to me?
I know. I know.
Azazel Keres Anderson:
I pushed you away at sumama sa iba and I want to say sorry about it. I'm sorry for treating what happened to you as a joke. I'm sorry that I made fun of you when I shouldn't have. I'm sorry and please forgive me.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararapat na sabihin sakamya so I closed the message at nilayo ang cellphone.
I closed my eyes to forget what I just read. I don't know if I'm ready to forgive someone. I want to let them know how much it hurts to be made fun of because of something that happened. Something that you also actually don't want to happen.
-
"Wow, ang ganda nung dagat!" The full moon's light reflected on the sea.
The sea breeze was cold and calming. Ang paghampas ng dagat ay nagpagulat saakin. I sat on the sand. The fine white sand makes me feel safe.
I cupped some sand and throw it in the sea. "I've never been in this kind of place. Hindi naman saakin sinabi ni Mom na mayroon ganitong lugar na malapit saamin. Tss, I just need to pass that forest though pero worth it!"
I left our house about four hours ago. I started travelling at four o'clock pm and think it's already seven? Hindi ko alam but all I know it's already dark.
I am wearing my white lace off shoulder top and ripped jeans with a rubber shoes of course. Tumingin ako sa aking kaliwa at nakita na may lumiliwanag doon. I think that's fire? I heard that in our place may tinatawag na 'angkan' or I don't know what pero sa tingin ko ay sila ang mga  'yon.
Naramdaman ko ang paglapit ng liwanag na sigurado akong apoy and I think nakita nila ako. Should I go over and say my greetings?
Dahan-dahan silang lumapit at halos mapatalon ako nang marinig ang paglipad ng mga uwak.
Hawak ang dibdib ay agad akong napabangon. Naramdaman ko agad ang pawis na nanggagaling sa katawan.
-
Kumalabog ang puso ko ng marinig mang pagkatok but was relieved when I heard mom's voice. "Are you okay, anak?! I heard you screaming!"
"I'm okay, Mom! I just saw a lizard and I thought that..." Hindi ko alam kung kakagat na si Mom sa sinabi ko dahil tumahimik ang kabilang side ng door.
"Okay, fine. Just call me if you need something."
"Opo!"
Agad akong nag-ayos ng sarili. I wore a coolmax sleeveless shiet at jogger pants. I was shocked when I saw Mikee in our dining room. I saw her seating across to Mom.
"Marie, sit down. Mikee said that you're going out for jogging? That's good!" I saw how my Mom tried to smile at Mikee.
After we ate breakfast, we rested for a while then started our pace off. We jog lightly until we saw a playground.
"Magpahinga muna tayo?"
"Your mom is cool." Hindi ko maiwasang hindi magulat sa sinabi niya.
"Hm, really?"
"You know what, there's only a short amount of time before the school starts. Are you expecting a lot from your new school?" Napaisip ako bigla sa sinabi niya.
Actually I never thought about going in school again though narinig ko na siya kila Mom. Hindi ko lang iniintindi because the only thing I care about is the time I'm sharing with him. Hindi ko na nga pinapansin kung ilang araw na ang lumipas because I think that as long as I have him by my side someone will understand me and I will be a better person. Because of him, I think that I can be stronger.
"I don't expect a lot. Usual school?" Though I wanted to say that I'm afraid because what if they knew about the incident happened to me in the past? Surely, they will be afraid to me. They will be scared and the worst scenario is the school will expel me like the way my school did. That's the truth. I was forced out the school and not the other way round. Sinabi lang nila Mom na mas maganda kung sa Maynila ako magpagaling but I knew that I was expelled dahil nakita ko ang notice sa bag ni Mom.
"You know what? I'm afraid of going to school. Hindi ko alam kung kailan pa nagsimula pero noon pa man ay palaaway na ako. I promised myself that I won't do it again in high school. The sad thing is whenever I fight someone's always saying things about me. The thing is they didn't see the whole matter and at the end they're just gonna judge someone without know what really happened. I fight because I want to protect myself.
Tinuruan akong 'wag mag-paapi lalo na kung alam mo ikaw ang tama. I'm not good with words. My tongue is sharp and I can't help to hurt other people. Are you disappointed?"
Hindi ako agad nakaimik dahil hindi ko naintindihan ang tanong niya. Ngumiti siya saakin ng malungkot. "I don't understand."
He just smiled at me lightly again. "Yeah, no one seems to understand my point."
Agad kong natampal ang kanyang braso. "That's not what I mean! I understand what you said. The thing I can't understand is why you are bringing yourself down. Why do you think that you're inferior? You have greater things that you can't see because you only think about what you are bad at."
Nakaawang ang mapupula niyang labi and then he closed it and flashed me a smile. "Thank you." Tumango ako at nagyaya na siya muling mag-jogging. "Do you want to go to school?"
"Huh?"
He flashed his deadly smile and pulled me. Nakarating kami sa disenteng school. "Everyone will be having an entrance exam at mahirap daw makapasok sa school na 'to. Sabi nila this is the second school that is the best in our area. Yung una ay medyo malayo sa lugar natin kaya mas mabuting dito ka inenroll ng parents mo."
"Uhm, may kakilala ka na ba dito even before we'll take our entrance exam?"
"Hm, meron." Mas umaliwalas pa ang ngiti niya. Hmp! Akala ko pa naman ay ako lang ang kilala niya. So he knew someone else huh? Is it a girl?
Hindi ko alam pero bigla akong nawala sa mood. Habang pabalik kami ay napansin ko ang isang lugar kung saan kakaunti ang tao kahit pa na ang ganda nung mismong lugar. Bakit kaya? It's a bridge at sa ilalim no'n ay maliit na ilog na may mga nagkalat na dahon. Naramdaman ko ang pagsunod niya sa'kin. Nilingon ko siya. "Anong lugar 'to?"
"I don't know. This is the first time I've seen this place."
"Really?" Wow, did I discover a place for him? This is the first time. "Wow, this really looks good. Wala nga lang masyadong tao." Medyo nalungkot ako dahil kahit anong ganda ay hindi pa rin pinapansin. It's small but enough to feed my eyes. Dahil ba may pagkukulang hindi na sapat? Hindi na pwedeng makita bilang isang magandang tanawin? I sighed.
"Well, isn't it a good thing? Parang itong place na 'to ay para saating dalawa lang."
Dahil sa sinabi niya  na hindi ko talaga inaasahan ay wala talagang lumabas sa aking bibig ng tatlong minuto.
"Umuwi na tayo. Mainit na mamaya."
Doon lang ako natauhan. Habang naglalakad kami ay bigla akong may narealize. "Come to think of it, Mikee. I've never been in to your house. I've been wondering how it looks like. Do you think I can come over now?" He suddenly stood frozen. "Uh..." gusto ko sanang sabihin na ayos lang kahit hindi pa ngayon nang pinutol niya ako.
"I'm sorry but hindi pa pwede sa ngayon. Don't worry, ipapasyal kita doon. SOON." He patted my head like I'm some kind of a cat.
Hindi ko mapigilang hindi mapansin ang pagtalon ng aking puso. I smiled.
Tinignan niya ako sa mata. I was shocked when he smiled back at me.