“Doesn’t mean she’s in good hands ay sang-ayon na ako sa ginawa mo.” Narinig niyang sabi ng binata, karga nito si Jeanie.
“I am not asking for your approval. I know what I am doing.” Nakahalukipkip na tugon naman niya. “You should go, the mermaid might get mad again,” tukoy niya kay Pamela, girlfriend nito.
She calls her mermaid dahil sa common get up nito na halos wala ng takip ang malalaki nitong dibdib.
Pupusta siya na ‘yon ang weakness ng kuya ni Jeanie ‘coz she could swear, she was prettier than Pamela.
His girlfriend disliked her, and so she didn’t like her too. Wala siyang obligasyong i-friend ang sino mang malapit sa kanyang mga step brothers.
Hindi na sumagot si Kaiser. Sinakay na nito sa kotse nito ang bata then drove away.
She sighed a sign of relief. Hindi niya alam kung gaano katagal ang proseso ng pagpapaampon kay Jeanie.
She left the legal matter to Kaiser, after all lawyer ito, mapakinabangan naman.
She started fixing her house na ginulo ni Jeanie. Malungkot niyang dinampot ang mga basag na piraso ng mga angel figurines niya. Those were just a few of her hundreds of collections.
She started collecting when she was fifteen, the time she’d finally accepted that after five years, her mother was never coming back and her father had totally neglected her.
She would never forget the pain, the agony of growing up alone. She would wake up in the morning, fix herself ready for school, would eat breakfast from last night’s meal then the school service would pick her up, bid her father goodbye who would just blankly stare at her.
When she started high school, siya na lahat ang gumagawa sa bahay nila. By then after two years, mas naging responsable na ulit ang kanyang ama. But still he never talked to her about her mom, pormal ito lagi at lagi na lang mag-isa, nakatingin sa malayo at umiinom ng alak na para bang ang spiritung taglay no’n ang tanging kakampi nito.
Wala siyang makausap tungkol sa mga pinagdadaanan niya. She wasn’t friendly enough to gain a best friend.
Instead of talking to herself, she would talk to her guardian angel. Then the collection started.
When she started college and moved out from her father’s house, ang mga angel figurines niya ang naging kasama niya. That served as a wakeup call to her father though, nang umalis siya sa bahay nila. Tila ito natauhan mula sa matagal na pagkakalimot na may anak ito. He said he was sorry.
Akala niya babalik na sa dati ang lahat. Na kahit wala ang kanyang ina, makita lang niyang muli itong ngumiti ay okay na. But his words were “I’m sorry, lalayo muna si Papa. I need to find myself,” and so he did. He went to Hongkong.
That time para siyang naulila ulit. Pero sige, sanay naman siyang mag-isa. Ikinatuwa na lang niya ang constant communication nito sa kanya.
After college, she landed a job and slowly started to make a life of her own. Okay na siya. She thought she was. Until that day her mother knocked at her door.
Hindi ito mag-isa, dala nito ang bago nitong pamilya. That broke her again. She would never forgive her, never. But she kept coming back asking for her forgiveness, and to tell her that she loved her and that she missed her.
Princess ignored her. No words could ease her pain, hindi sapat iyon para maibalik sa dati ang lahat.
But her mother never gave up until that fateful day – the day of the car crash – na lalong gumulo sa buhay niya.
***
“Walang mag-aalaga kay Jeanie,” Kaiser said from the other line. “You should come over. I have a hearing.”
“It’s your schedule, make a way. Or tell the mermaid to come and take care of her future sister-in-law,” sagot niyang nakahilata pa rin sa kama niya.
“She will not like that idea. Look, I’m late, I need to be in the court in thirty minutes,” he may have sounded pleading but she didn’t care.
Why would she? Mabuti nga ‘yong mahirapan ito para asikasuhin nito agad ang mga papeles ng pagpapaampon sa bata.
“Why? Parang practice na rin naman niya ‘yon. Sooner or later you’ll get married. She must learn how to take care of a baby,” ayaw niyang paawat. Hindi niya maintindihan pero mula ng mag-krus ang landas nila ni Pamela, mabigat na ang loob niya sa babae.
“You don’t understand - ”
“I do. Bye, Atty. Choi.” She ended the call and closed her eyes to sleep again.
Nagresign siya sa trabaho niya dahil hindi pwedeng twice a week lang siyang papasok. She’ll get another job once things are okay. Kahit paano ay may naitabi naman siyang ipon, mag-isa lang siya sa buhay niya kaya wala siyang gaanong expenses.
In fact may sarili na siyang bahay, hulugan nga lang. Pero ‘di na masama ‘yon para sa katulad niyang mag-isa lang. Colleagues would always ask her kung kelan siya mag-aasawa. She’d tell them na wala siyang plano. She was traumatized with her experience.
Although sa nangyari sa kanya, nanay niya ang nang-iwan. But her father became irresponsible too. Ayaw niyang maulit ‘yon. Love is not enough to make a marriage work because eventually may magsasawa.
Masaya naman siyang mag-isa. She doesn’t need anyone to grow old with. Napatunayan na niya ‘yon, mamuhay mag-isa.
Napabalikwas siya sa pagkakatulog nang tila may nagwawala sa tapat ng bahay niya.
“Princess!” Kaiser shouted.
Hindi siya umimik. Akala ba nito mapipilit siya nitong alagaan na naman si Jeanie? Puwes, mali ito!
“Look, hindi ko siya pwedeng isama. Bahala ka na sa kanya,” sabi nito and she heard him talking to Jeanie. “Stay here, your ate will open this door and let you in. I’m sure of it, trust me,” then she heard his car drove away.
Saglit na tahimik ang paligid. Niloloko lang kaya siya nito na iniwanan nito si Jeanie? Dahan-dahan siyang bumangon at sumilip sa bintana. Nandoon nga ang bata. Nakaupo lang sa tapat ng pinto niya.
May dala 'tong stuff toy na halos kasing laki nito. Pero hindi pa rin niya nilabas ang bata. She would let her know na wala itong space sa buhay niya. That way ito na mismo ang magsasabi sa kuya nito na huwag siyang dalhin do’n.
Ilang sandali pa ang pinalipas niya bago ito sinilip ulit. She didn’t see her.
“Jeanie?” she panicked, where is the kid? “Jeanie?!” dali-dali siyang lumabas. “Jeanie, where are you?”
Totoong nagpapanic na siya nang ‘di ito makita sa paligid. She crossed the street and went to Annie’s house pero walang tao roon.
“Jeanie!” she asked her other neighbors pero wala raw nakita ang mga ito. Nanghina siya. Where was her sister?
Nanlulumong bumalik siya sa bahay niya. Should she call Kaiser? He would definitely get mad at her.
“Kuya is right, you’ll open the door!” mula sa likod niya ay yumakap si Jeanie sa kanya.
“Jeanie?” magkahalong relief at inis ang naramdaman niya. Humarap siya at yumuko para kargahin ito. “Saan ka nagpunta? Pinag-alala mo ako!” Nanaig ang relief niya, and for the first time, totoo ang pagyakap niya rito. She was really glad that she was safe. “Don’t do that again.”
“Do what? I was just playing at your backyard, for you.” Noon lang niya nakita ang bulaklak na nasa maliliit nitong mga kamay. It was her rose na pinakaaalagaan niya. But to her surprise, ‘di galit ang lumabas sa bibig niya nang iabot nito iyon sa kanya.
“That’s my rose! Hindi ka ba natinik? You are probably hurt!” Tiningnan niya ang mga kamay nito sa pag-aalala.
“No.” Inosenteng umiling si Jeanie.
“Thank goodness!” Ibinaba niya ito sa sofa. “Aren’t you hungry?”
Umiling ito, matamang nakatingin sa kanya, marahil nagtataka sa kinikilos niya.
“Ate – hindi ka na ba galit sa akin?” tanong nito, titig na titig sa kanya.
Hindi siya nakasagot agad. Hindi na nga ba siya galit? Agad-agad bang nagbago ang ihip ng hangin? No, baka nabibigla lang siya dahil natakot siyang may nangyaring masama sa bata.
“Kelan babalik si mommy at daddy?” Sunod na tanong nito. Sobrang lungkot ng mga mata nito, siguro ay dahil ‘di niya sinagot ang naunang tanong nito. “I miss them, ate.”
Bigla niyang nakita ang sarili rito, several years ago. And Jeanie was too young para pagdaanan nito ang kalagayang ‘yon. Wala na itong mga magulang, at least siya noon, nakikita niya ang ama niya. And there was hope in her heart na babalikan siya ng kanyang ina.
But in Jeanie’s case, kahit gaano pa ito maging kapositibo na babalik ang mga magulang nito, it will never happen. And Jeanie wasn’t aware of that.
“Come here,” tumalima naman ang bata, she hugged her tight. “I’m sorry.” She was still her sister, like Kaiser would always tell her.
“I’m sorry too, for being bad.” Gumanti ito nang mas mahigpit na yakap. “I love you, ate,” the kid whispered against her ear.
She just smiled. She couldn’t say she loves her too, not just yet. But perhaps, that could be a good beginning para magkakilala silang magkapatid.