Chapter 5
Hindi ako pumayag na manirahan kay Zach, because that was unnecessary. I mean, a girl and boy living together?! No way!
Over my dead rotten body!
Pero minsan nakakatakot din magsalita ng tapos, I mean...we don't know destiny yet and tomorrow's scenario can't predict by us.
Alam kong napaka arte ko pa! Pero ano nalang iisipin ng mga makakalaman, I don't wanna be judged by someone or even add some mistake.
Pwede naman kaso it's not that right. Baka left?
Ewan naguguluhan ako pramis! Ayokong mawala ang aking iniingatan na perlas ng silanganan and of course my dignity.
"Proxi p*kp*k na choosy" Sabat ng kaluluwa ko.
Epal.
Masaya naman ako na tumira kila mama and I do enjoy their accompany. Just don't involve my f**lush dad.
Beside, para naman matulungan ko syang ma overcome yung stress nya and maiwas sa streets. Which is my dad. Actually she's mom source of stress.
"Their is something on Zach" Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni amethyst because i am thinking same. Their is really something that Zach into it. I can't guess, because it's hard to read Zach's mind.
i know their it is.
But i shut it up, I don't want to ruin my ruined life again.
That was him so i don't want to force him to be somebody else.
And his moodswing. Wt*
Zach gotten intoy nerve, I mean Kalvin also. Pero meron kay Zach na talagang kakaiba.
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People always find you adorable when you give what they wanted from you that easily. But soon they will start to spread gossip about you, when you learn to say "NO". And be called"Madamot" without a reason.
Isn't ironic that, if you do good people still have something to say. But when you do bad, people still have lot something to say.
Moves, gestures, emotions. All of it.
Even your asleep, people have something to say.
People nature kungbaga. I learn lots of lesson into my life.
I learn that when you fall in love, you don't need to give it all. You also need to left something for you.
It's a give and take relationship. It's not your majority to change your whole damn self to be a better person for him/her.
Because me, as an target of that unfated love, I learn and experience alot.
I have best friend who betrayed me.
I have boy friend, who also betrayed me.
My life has alot of twist.
Dad left us and live together with my aunt.
My boyfriend left me and live together with my best friend.
Mom still forgive dad.
I still forgive Christian.
But you know what makes my mom and I, turned upside down?
When dad got my aunt pregnant and my boyfriend got my best friend pregnant.
So mom and I still working to let python my youngest sister, avoid that kind of situation. I can still managed for myself. Mom can still managed too.
But we can't manage it anymore, if python betrayed by someone other than dad.
Their would be a big war, between that person who hurt python against us.
I am just a simple person who's holding a big grudge from the past. I don't want people stepped on my foot.
But Christian did, he wasn't just stepped on my foot. He ruined me all over.
He can be happy, but please I don't want him to be happier.
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Matatawag na ba akong masamang anak, kung pilit kong nilalayo si mama kay papa?
I mean, I did that for the sake of my mom.
Matatawag na ba akong suwail na anak, pag sinasagot ko si papa?
I did that t-to let go my grudge.
Walang respecto na ba na sagutin si tita, para sa ikakabuti ni mama? M-masa na ba akong tao, kung lahat nang ginagawa ko ay para sa ikabubuti ng lahat?
Kasalan nabang ipaglaban yung pamilya, kaysa sa pagmamahal na hindi tama?
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Rumors spreading throught my mind, i still regret letting go of my father.
If i knew in the first place!? I will surely! Deeply! Stab him, till he ran out of blood. But i can't kill.
He is still my father.
Mom don't teach me how to kill, but I badly wanted to know how!
My mom said that people should forgive because God did. But I'm not God, I am just a daughter of unfated husband!
On my aunt and dad situation, all of the feelings that they have now is their all because of l*st not love.
Don't even dare to fool me again, I been fooled five times and that's enough for me to know how people fooled.
2 months had passed since that hospital thing happened. I can say that my mom is getting healthy and stronger.
I even told her to jog so she can feel relaxed and she didn't even decline in, not like old time na laging ayaw nya kasi madali syang hingalin.
I even dance yoga with her.
I know life isn't that easy and life is just like that. Their is ups and downs and believing in yourself can help you move into another steps of your life.
My mon even told me a lesson, she said, Even you get married and had a wife and stable job , it doesn't mean you're happy, becuse if dad's happy, he won't do that. So my mom guess, he didn't made dad happy in any ways.
I felt sory for my mom, she is really a kind woman, i did this too, being martir.
But i don't let Christian be happy just like that, so i kick his egg before he go. I thought it's impossible for him anymore to make one, how foolish I am na naunahan na pala.
But i'm late. He already got a baby.
While I was in Christians as, the baby in Aura's womb are developing, and me he foolish one still believing on Christian words.
I been so alone that day! I've never felt this pain before.
He lift feet on the ground, and drag me down.
Everything that i do, reminds me of him. Even I po*p.
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Nagising ako sa inggay na nanggagaling sa kabilang kwarto.
Na nana na nana eh! Light it up dynamite!
-Coz ugha ugh! Ugh! In  the starts tonight!
-So watch me bring the fire and set the night alight!
I walk towards the main door and slowly open the door. Didn't make any sound so whoever sing in this early won't get distracted. I take a pee and look inside of it.
Really? in this morning sumasayaw na sya? Ingay ah!
"Python!!!!" Dali-dali namang tumakbo si python para isara yung pinto. I saw how shocked she is and that makes me laugh so hard.
Naturingang "Most behave" yan sa school nila. Looks can be deceiving talaga. Tsk!
Iniisip ko kaya , kung anong gayuma ginamit nya sa teacher don.
Nagulat ako nang mag ring yung phone ko, that is so vague na mag ring ang cellphone ko at tunog ang ringtone ko.
Hindi ko pala pinalitan Yung ringtone ko, still 'Barbie in the dreamhouse' and ringtone ko.
"Hey!Roxi!!" ang aga-aga ang ingay ni Amethyst  sa telepono, nilayo ko pa sa tenga dahil ang tinis ng boses nya.
"Inhale.Exhale. Kalmahan mo lang " Caring ako, baka himatayin eh. Rinig ko na humahagikhik pa sya sa kabilang linya at hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko dito.
"So my boyfriend told me na balak nya daw mag pilot! Shit!" Good for them, atleast may Plano na sila for the better future.
Mukang pulang-pula na si Amethyst and I don't know why.
"Pero tinatamad daw syang pag aralan!" Porket mayaman ang mga p*ste tinatamad na kung anong ka echosan lang ang dahilan. Pero paano sya matututo if susundan nya ang katamaran?
"Sure kang pilot gusto nyan?" Feeling ko kase hindi pilot nababagay don sa boyfriend nya, suit sa boyfriend nya ang bouncer. Highly suggest!
Meron talagang something na parang pumipigil sakin eh.
"He can't fly daw! Kaya kinakabahan sya!" Ang aga-aga tumawag, tapos kabobohan lang pinagsasabi. What the, bakit ba ako nakikipag usap dito?
"Bobo ba sya!? Lilipad? Tan**nang pilot yan! Ano paano pag nag crashed yung eroplano sisigaw yung pilot na OPEN YOUR WINGS AND LET'S FLY TOGETHER!? WAG MONG PAG PILOTIN YAN! Tangi** BAKA MA SAKYAN KO EROPLANO NYAN MAPAAGA BUHAY KO!" sumasakit yung sentido ko dito sa mga hayu* na Ito. Saan ko na napulot itong mga taong to? Juicecolored, pray for my life.
"Hihi.. Ang sweet kaya non hihi lilibre kapa namin ng sakay, ayaw mo we will fly together hihi..." Bakit ko kaya naging kaibigan to si Amethyst ?
"Ha!? Salamat nalang sa lahat! Anong sweet don? Sweet bang mamatay while flying? Anong kala mo sa mga tao! Ibon? sarap mong tapyasan nang balat!" Nangangati yung kamay ko, parang gustong manakit ng b*bo.
"Hihi bye na muna! My honey bunch is waiting na bye labyuu"
Nagpaalam na si Amethyst , pero yung kab*b*han nila nandito pa.
Lipad? Together? What the hell?
Sweet? Jusko bahala sila sa buhay nila!
Isa pa yung Zach na dam*hong na yon! Kinulang yata sa n*pkin at paiba-iba nang mood swing!
Natapos ko na yung ritwal ko sa banyo, natawag ko na lahat ng santo at syempre! di mawawala ang session na habang may shampoo ay iba-iba ang style ng buhok.
Pwede ng tawaging makasalanan ang cr ko.  Pero hindi naman sobrang makasalanan medyo slight lang.
Sa sobrang tamad ng paa ko today, ay tinawagan ko nalang si Kalvin.
At kamalasan na ubos na ang aking load.
:Naubos mo na ang 200 MB ng iyong FB daily allowance.
So mali pala yung na registered ko?
B*bohan pa naten.
Nakakainis grabeh! Feeling ko ang malas-malas ko today!
"B*bo kalang talaga!" sabat nanaman nang pakielamera kong kaluluwa.
Nakakainis naman yung ganitong buhay!
Kung hindi load mawawala! Jowaa, sumpa ka christian.
I even blocked him na pala sa facebook.
Kung makapag post ng #ImSoBlessed kala mo talaga! Wag nya kong anuhin! Manloloko sya.
Blessed ba yung baby? Ina nila! Nakaw lang naman yon! Naawa na agad ako sa baby,
ninakaw na sandali, yung bagay na tawag sa bond nilang dalawa.
O kaya mag post sila #1yearCheated
O kaya baka nahiya pa sila! Dapat i post nila na niloko nila ako! pangalandakan nila! Mga hayup sila.
Mga kulang sila sa aruga!
"Urghh!!!! Kung libre lang mag club ginawa ko na ah!!! Kaso wala akong pera!!! Puro yakult pa nasa ref!."
Gusto ko sanang mag emote today, kaso hindi bagay saakin at mas mukang deserve ko masala.
Wala namang pasok, tapos wala pa akong pera. Galing.
Broken na walang pampuntang bar kasi lugmok pati wallet.
Pero bad habit naman and maging alcoholic.
My mother don't teach me to be rude. She don't teach me to drink.
That's also the reason why my itchy auntie get pregnant.
Siguro masaya sila sa ginagawa nila, naisip kaya nila kame? Kami na pamilyang naiwa dito?
Para kaming binasura ni papa, lalo na nuong nanganak si tita. Dad becomes a ride person and hindi na talaga sya yung tatay na kilala ko.
He's really different from what I know. His gestures and everything changes.
Pero hindi rin pala, baka kami may mali.
Naalala ko, dad and Christian have the same reason.
Dad said na akala nya si mmaat lasing sya.
Christian said na akala nya ako, at lasing sya.
How come that water can meks you drunk?!
They drink water,  those bastards, sinisi pa yung tubig sa kalandian nila.
Yakieee, so kaderder nakakainis!
ano kayang pwede kong gawin? yung makakapag pa saya sana saken, yung tipong mapapasigaw ako ng malakas.
Yung mapapakanta ako ng " it's so nice to be happY! Shalallaa" ganern.
Tapos mapapasayaw ako ng budots!
mababaliw yata ako kakaisip, gusto ko nang ganto, tapos maya-maya iba naman .
Mindset ko  talaga minsan bulok.
Parang hininga ng chismosa kong kapit bahay.
Bulok.
I wanted to be happy so bad, I want to released all my pain and grudge that I been holding for so long.
Gusto ko yung ako naman yung piliin, ako naman yung ipaglaban.
Hindi yung ako na nga yung niloko, hindi man lang nag sorry.
Alam mo yung masakit? Alam mo Christian ang issue kay papa, and he even promise me na hindi  nya ipapadama saakin yung sakit na naramdaman ni mama.
I trust him alot at ang sakit, kasi no one in his promise happened.
Everything becomes just a promise that meant to happened to broken.